The Senior
by MieLouLou88
Summary: Anastasia Davies seems to have it all. The perfect life, love and a shitload of money. But behind closed doors, her life is lonely, complicated, violent and sad. When she dares to chase her dream and manages to land a job as a math teacher at one of the best high schools in town, she finally has something for herself, something that she loves. But then she meets a certain student.
1. Prologue

Prologue.

**_MR. AND MRS. DAVIES OWN THE RED CARPET._**

_It is a party to be seen at, the annual charity auction ball organized by Steele Enterprises Holdings. As always, many well-known people were invited, among them famous actors and singers. When one attends, you are part of the elite and aren't we happy with the pictures to make it possible for normal citizens to swoon away at all the amazing glitter and glamour._

_Many of the elite looked pretty and handsome, but one couple stood out. Colton, 28, and Anastasia Davies, who got married just four months ago, were definitely the couple everybody's attention was focussed on. Anastasia, 26, sister of Luke and Taylor Steele, CEO's of Steele Enterprises Holdings, was particularly being watched since everybody is speculating about a baby bump ever since they have returned from their honeymoon._

_The couple, pictured below, looked flawless, both wearing Gucci. Completely matching, obviously. The tight, long black dress Anastasia was wearing, didn't leave anything to the imagination and we definitely didn't spot a baby bump which makes us wonder how much longer we have to wait for baby Davies. We definitely need a version of these two combined, ASAP._

_As always, we are making sure to keep them in our focus. As for now, we might as well enjoy the pictures of the lovely couple, because seriously ladies; who doesn't want to be Anastasia Davies?!_

* * *

I look at the picture that is showing underneath the ridiculous text and I fail to recognize myself. All I see is a young woman hiding under layers of too dark make-up, wearing a pretty dress and a fake smile to please her equally fake husband.

We smile into the camera like our life is indeed the perfect little fairy tale everybody describes. Colton Davies, successful business mogul and precious billionaire sister Anastasia Steele, a match made in heaven. Met in high school where he was the captain of the football team and she was the head cheerleader, both A-class students, of course. They have it all. The love, the money, the glitter, and glamour. Who wouldn't want to be me indeed?

If they only knew what my life really looks like.

* * *

**A/N: While I'm still lying in bed in a dark room most of my days, my mind starts to wander, and suddenly this story popped up. You know how it goes, I try to stuff it away until later, but it keeps bugging me. So, this is a little teaser, to see if you guys see this story going somewhere. I will not update this one again until Stronger is finished, because I just know focussing on two stories will be difficult and I want to keep my promise and update daily when my wrist is better, but I was curious as to what you guys think and I needed it out of my system for a while. Let me know! Xx**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: New story alert! And I'm very excited about it! Before you start reading, I would like to point out a few things.**

**As you might have noticed, I've changed the title of this story from Forbidden to The Senior. There is a reason for that. While I was writing and as the story developed, I realized that Forbidden was sounding way too negative. Once you read it, I know you will understand what I mean. ;)**

**As some of you already suspected, this story will be about a relationship between a teacher and a student. Although the student will be eighteen, I understand that it is a hard limit for some of you. So, if that's the case, don't start reading it and please don't post nasty reviews about it. I respect your choice for jot reading, so I hope you respect mine for writing as well.**

**For those of you who are intrigued; Enjoy and let me know what you think! xx Milou.**

One: Smile and nod.

Sweaty palms. A racing heart. Nausea. Shaking limbs. I have never been this nervous about anything in my life. I am choking on words and at the same time, I'm talking way too fast. I want to show him every single one of my good qualities, but I'm petrified. There is so much at stake for me.

I want this. I need this. If I manage to get this, it will change everything. If I manage to land this job, I am finally more than their sister and his wife. I'll no longer be the pretty, little housewife that doesn't do anything but look pretty and smile sweet.

If I get this, I have a reason to get out of that house.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Mrs. Davies." Mr. Brown looks up from the papers that are lying in front of him, his glasses on the tip of his nose while he looks over the rim. "You have your bachelor degree with the major that we are looking for. Semi-cum Laude in math, it's rare and I haven't seen them with better results. Based on just that, you would be on top of my list for the position."

I hear the but from miles away and I brace myself for the rejection. I know what he is going to say. He is reluctant because people know me. Just two weeks ago, my face covered the front page of every tabloid out there just because I attended some stupid event. They even speculated about a pregnancy which is probably not something someone wants to read about a potential employee. I honestly get it. Maybe it's stupid of me to think that working with teens, in my position, is a good idea.

"But the fact that you have no experience, outside the internships you've completed during your education, is holding me back."

I nod my head while I keep eye contact with him and wait for further explanation. The big why.

"Teaching teenagers at the age of fourteen to eighteen can be a challenge. Their behavior can be complicated, defiant even. We need someone that stands their ground. Especially since some of the seniors of this upcoming school year have quite the reputation already. I'm worried that you will encounter problems, given your age. I need someone who can force respect from them."

I'm pleasantly surprised that he isn't giving my so-called status as a reason. He sounds sincere, and I actually think that he is doubting if I can handle it because the age gap between me and the seniors is just eight, at most nine years. I just need to convince him now that I can handle it.

"With all due respect, Mr. Brown, I don't think that my age has anything to do with me being able to stand my ground. I'm confident I will earn their respect, and I think my age can even contribute to that. The fact that the age difference is smaller, can be a positive thing here. I might understand what they are going through better because it isn't that long ago since I was in their position."

I honestly am not afraid that they will disrespect me. I know how to be professional and strict. I can even be cold and hard if I need to be. Luke and Taylor made sure it was the first thing I learned after dad died; all business, no emotion. It's their mantra and I know how to work by it. I'm not the sweet, soft, little princess everybody thinks I am.

Except around my spouse. Around him, I suddenly turn into a little mouse.

I can see the conflict in Mr. Brown's eyes. While he looks down at my grade list and curriculum vitae one more time, he takes his glasses off his nose before he rubs his eyes. After a deep sigh has left his throat, he finally makes eye contact again.

"I think I know enough Mrs. Davies. I'll get back to you after I've talked to the board and reached a decision."

I nod and stand, trying hard to hide the surprise that is caused by the abrupt ending of this conversation while I grab Mr. Brown's outstretched hand.

"Thank you for your time."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day," he opens the door of his office and with a final nod, he leads me out before he closes the door behind me.

I follow the hallways. They are too dark for my liking. The building where Port Bellevue High School residence is modern, with a lot of windows and light. Yet the hallways don't feel like that at all and it is a missed opportunity if you ask me.

While I make my way to the exit, my mind starts to think over the whole conversation. I've shown him I am qualified, both on and off paper. I was nervous, but I think it didn't take the upper hand while I was talking and I feel like I've made it clear that I will stand my ground.

I did my best and now it's up to them.

In three weeks, it's September which means that the new school year will start. The fact that they have yet hired a math teacher, gives me hope. They haven't found the right person yet and the clock is ticking. And Mr. Brown said that I am on top of his list.

He just needs to look past everything that he already knows about me.

* * *

Salmon, medium baked with lime-dill sauce. Oven-fried sweet potatoes flavored with thyme, pepper, and salt. Green beans rolled in crispy bacon and of course, a Château D'Yquem 2014, chilled, opened and ready to serve.

He can come home now.

I haven't missed a thing. Everything is how he likes it, up to the white linen table cloth with matching linen napkins and me wearing six-inch heels and a tight, blue dress that ends above my knee.

If luck is on my side, and his mood is good as well, tonight might not end in a huge disaster.

Just as I look at my watch to check the time, I hear the front door open and close which lets me know that he is home. It's five minutes to seven, just like he promised. I can call him out on a lot of bad things, but I have to admit that he is always on time.

I straighten the skirt of my dress one final time and plaster a smile on my face in hopes it will set tonight of the right way. I really can't handle another discussion or fight, not after a day like this. I just need to eat, shower, and after that sleep.

"Something smells good."

He appears a moment after his sentence is finished, and luckily for me, his face looks relaxed, happy even. He is untying his tie as he walks into the dining room, his eyes fixated on the hot food that is waiting for him.

"I've made your favorite," I tell him while I desperately force myself to smile. I can feel the fear of failing wash over me the moment he is close to me. The fear of upsetting him is enormous, even more so now that his mood seems to be surprisingly good after a long day at the office.

He nods while he walks over to me, his eyes still cast on the filled table. "I appreciate the effort."

The kiss on my cheek feels distant and emotionless, but when he pulls back, he does make eye contact with me for the first time since he came home. His eyes almost instantly move from my face down to my body as he takes in every curve, literally censoring me. It makes me feel very aware of myself and it takes every control not to shield myself with my arms. It's uncomfortable and the way he looks like I am a piece of meat is just disrespectful, even considering the fact that I am his wife.

"Shall we?" I ask him when he keeps staring, not bothering to even comment on what he is staring at. He just nods again, his eyes only leaving me when he is forced to do so because he needs to see himself to his seat.

Silence fills the room while we both take our places across from each other. The single candle that I lit is standing in between us, making eye contact a little harder. I don't mind it and I doubt that he'll even notice the candle is there because unlike a few seconds ago, his gaze is now fully on his food again.

I grab the white wine out of the holder and pour a little in his glass. As expected, he grabs the glass immediately to start his ritual; smell, smell again, taking a little sip, letting the wine go through his mouth for twenty seconds before he swallows and sucks in a breath.

"It's good," he nods, giving me permission to pour him a whole glass. It's as if I'm his personal waitress which is, ironically, not far from the truth if you go by how he treats me on daily bases.

After I've poured myself a glass, I start eating as well. Salmon has always been my favorite, especially with the lemon-dill sauce which is why I'm happy Colton likes it as well. I've already given up ordering my favorite pizza because he doesn't like fast food.

"How was your day?" I ask when the silence is becoming unbearable for me. I know that he doesn't mind it, but I just can't stand the feeling of not talking while it's what we, as a married couple, supposed to be doing.

He swallows his food and washes the remainings away with a big sip of wine before his eyes find mine. "Fine. Busy actually. Rose, my new assistant, started today. I needed to give her the whole rundown. Thankfully, she caught on pretty fast. I think she might be a keeper."

I can't help but notice how his face brightens slightly while he talks about her and I'm instantly reminded about the very dark times we've experienced during our relationship.

Colton is a very handsome man. He is well built, has blue eyes that stand out even more because of his almost black hair and he can be very charming when he wants to be. He knows he can get every woman he wants just by looking at them, and sometimes, he, unfortunately, just can't resist.

The first time it happened, we were only together for four months. I was fifteen when I caught him in one of the restrooms with Lizzy. She was the head cheerleader at the time and always very nice to me, which is why I was shocked when I walked in on the two of them.

Looking back now, I realize that that should've been the right time to end it, but I didn't. I forgave him because he swore that he wouldn't ever do it again. That day, he told me he loved me for the first time, and even though I'd just caught him with his shorts on his ankles and his cock in Lizzy's mouth, I was ecstatic that he loved me.

The second time, I caught him with a black-haired girl in his dorm. I was in my senior year and I was supposed to visit him on Saturday, but since the school was out earlier than expected, I decided to surprise him. I showed up around four on Friday, and when I opened the door I found him pounding into her from behind.

For three weeks I was done with him, but then he proposed to me. He came to my house, knocked on the door and when I opened it, I found him on his bended knee. He was wearing a black tux and he was holding a red velvet box with a steel ring in it. While he asked me to marry him, he promised me that he would get me a real one when he had his own business. He told me that I was the woman he saw next to him in the future and that everybody else was not important.

Again, I completely forgot what I'd witnessed just three weeks ago.

The third time he did it, I wasn't even shocked or surprised. It was nine and a half months ago, and it was with his former assistant Valerie. I'd caught him while I saw that she was sending him nudes with a very graphic invitation for him to come over. I wasn't even checking his phone. He gave it to me because I needed to call Taylor and my battery had died.

He fired her the day after I'd find out, and again he swore that it was the last time. I don't think I believed him, but for some reason, we ended up in bed together after two months of no contact. Right after that, we finally started planning our wedding, and before I knew what was happening, I'd said I do.

"That's nice," I reply, hoping that he doesn't catch my tone, "how old is she?"

"Twenty-two. She is young and doesn't have experience but she is doing well so far. I wanted to give her a chance, she looked insecure and I think we can help her."

I know I am right to be suspicious about this. He normally would never hire a girl without any experience. Colton might be charming, but during business hours he is cold and professional. He doesn't give a shit about being compassionate.

"That's sweet of you. And at least she's got the name in her advantage."

The comment is out before I know it and even though it was meant as a joke and I didn't mean anything by it, I instantly know that he won't pick it up that way.

His piercing blue eyes move from his plate to me. "What's that supposed to mean?" His voice is suddenly hard and demanding as if the whole conversation of seconds ago never happened.

"Nothing," I whisper before my teeth find my lip to keep myself from talking more.

His nostrils flare and he sucks in a breath like he is trying to calm himself. "Nothing huh? I don't believe you. What is it? Is this your way of telling me that you still don't trust me? You think I hired her because she shares a name with you and that I, therefore, want to fuck her?"

While I did find it suspicious that he hired her, I didn't mean anything like that when I commented on her name. Not at all. Right now though, after hearing that he just said, it's exactly what I'm thinking.

"No, not at all. I just wanted to-"

He abruptly stands from his chair while he throws his napkin onto his half-empty plate. "How many fucking times do I need to tell you that I'm sorry? For fuck sakes, Anastasia, I made a mistake. How do I need to prove that I love you? You are wearing my ring, you're living in my house and you're sleeping in my bed every night. You need to stop this shit. You can't see a potential mistress in every woman that I talk with, not even when she shares your name."

I watch him with wide eyes as he starts pacing through the dining room, his hands in his hair while he tries to calm his breathing. He is so pissed, and for what? I didn't even mean anything by it.

"It was just something that popped into my mind," I lamely respond, cursing myself that I don't straighten my back to defend myself. I hate it that I let him talk to me like this.

"It wasn't and you know it. Rose is only my assistant and I will not tolerate shit like this." He walks over to me before he grabs my chin hard, making me look up at him. "I work my ass off every day so you can do whatever the fuck you want without making yourself useful. A little more respect would be suitable."

He releases my chin before I can even move and strides back to his side of the table to grab his wine which he drinks as if it's not the four hundred dollar bottle he always insists on drinking with care.

"I had my interview today, at Port Bellevue High," I mumble right before he can walk out of the dining room. As suspected, he turns around just as fast as he planned on leaving, his eyes wide.

"You went through with it?" His voice can cut glass. It's suddenly too calm and it scares me.

"I had to, Colton. It's my dream, you know that. I had to take this opportunity, else I would've regretted it for the rest of my life."

His eyes roll while he grabs the bottle of wine from the table to refill his glass. He does it with such force, that more than half spills over the rim of the glass and onto the tablecloth. He doesn't even notice it, he is too busy with controlling his anger.

"Just what I fucking need," he huffs after he downed the whole glass in one go, "my wife playing teacher at a fucking high school. You do know that the wage is minimal and that it won't make any difference right? We can probably only buy toilet paper of it."

Typically Colton. One second he is accusing me of not doing anything and just spending his money, the other second he acts as if it would be a disgrace if I work for a wage. It's decreasing and completely unnecessary since I'm not poor myself, but above all, it's hurtful and disrespectful.

"The money doesn't matter. I can teach people things, make myself useful. I like that idea. I want to work, Colton. I didn't work my ass off in school to be a housewife. I can do so much more," I tell him while finally having the courage to look at his face again.

He doesn't look impressed at all. He looks more annoyed and frustrated. I know it doesn't fit in the picture that he has for us. He wants Ana from the tabloids. The wife that joins him to dinners and says amen to everything he pleads. He doesn't want to take my job into account while he lives his life. It needs to be about him.

"You'll find out soon enough that staying home is what you do best."

His words cut through me while I watch him grab the bottle of wine and turn around to disappear out of my sight. He doesn't even take his food with him. He just leaves without looking back.

He leaves me, sitting at the perfect made table, all dressed up while I'm at home, with tears in my eyes and he doesn't even care. He never cares. It's all about him.

And I know that it needs to change. I can't let him treat me like this over and over. I need to show him what I am capable of. I need to prove him wrong, I want to prove him wrong. And I will.

I only need that job to do it.

**A/N: Originally my plan was to start posting when I had enough chapters written since I like to have a head start. That way I can update daily. I'm still writing but it's not going as fast since my son is now free from school for six weeks and as all the mommies out there will know, the need for attention is HUGE.**

**So, this chapter is to let you know that it's coming. I've had a lot of PM's that asked when this story would start and I promise it won't take too long but I do need a little more time! Xx**


	3. Chapter 2

Two: Gotcha!

"And then I had to wait for another forty-five minutes before Taylor finally got home. I swear those two work way too hard and I can't seem to plan around it. I can't remember the last time he was home for a full weekend."

On Thursday, Gail, Hannah and I always have lunch which is why I'm sitting in the backseat of Gail's Audi A6, listening to how she complains about never having my brother home. Hannah, who is sitting next to her, nods her head in agreement.

"They work way too hard. I've talked to Luke about it yesterday, and he assured me that it will wind down after they've finished the deal with Sonic Media. I really hope he is right though because he is starting to look exhausted."

Gail and Taylor are together for almost fourteen years. Just like Colton and I, they met in high school. I hardly can't remember what it was like without Gail. I was twelve when I met Gail for the first time, and it's like she is my sister.

Hannah and Luke are together for six months now. Before Luke met Hannah at the publishing company they bought, he was a real playboy. He didn't date and never took someone home to introduce to us. He claimed that he didn't have the time for love but when he met Hannah, that opinion changed immediately. Hannah is one year older than me, and she is the sweetest girl I've ever met.

The three of us get along great, even though Gail is five years older. Thursdays are always fun with them and quite frankly, I'm starting to need them more and more. It keeps my mind of Colton and all the trouble that we have going on.

"Honestly, Hannah, I doubt it. After Sonic, there will be another company. Taylor already has three others that he wants to visit before this month is over. I've told him that the last weekend of August will be ours and up until now, I actually am doing a pretty good job in keeping that weekend free."

Gail is Taylor's personal assistant. She has been since he and Luke started SEH. It's amazing to see how well they work together. They're completely professional and I truly believe that nobody will ever come between them. They just look like this power couple that can rule the world.

And it is annoying as fuck because it once again makes me realize how Colton and I are everything but that.

"Ana, you've been way too quiet. What's going on?" Gail's concerned voice pulls me out of my thoughts. She knows me too well.

I have no idea what to tell her. Over the last few weeks, I've always told her and Hannah a bullshit story about why I was feeling down. From being on a heavy period to not feeling good because I ruined clothes while washing, I've used every excuse possible and I know she won't buy it anymore.

I sigh and look out the window, thinking about what to tell her. Would it be bad if they knew that Colton and I are having trouble? If I ask them not to tell anything to Taylor and Luke, it might actually be a relief to tell them about it.

It's not that Gail likes Colton anyway. She's always suspicious when it comes to him. It's not a surprise since she is the only one that knows about how he cheated on me. The last time he did it, I stayed with her and Taylor for two months. I begged her not to tell Taylor about the reason, because I just know that he and Luke would murder him.

"Colton and I are going through a hard time," my voice is soft, ashamed even. I hate talking about my life with Colton because I just know that they wouldn't understand why I'm still with him.

I don't even understand that myself sometimes.

"Why? What did he do this time, Ana?" Gone is concerned Gail. Now it's like she is a tigress that's protecting her cub.

"I had a job interview yesterday," I begin. I know I have to tell them sometime, especially if I end up getting the job. "It was at Port Bellevue High School. They are looking for a math teacher and they invited me after they saw my papers. It was actually a good talk, not at all about my status. I have a bit of hope that I might get it, but Colton wasn't happy about it."

I can see Gail's eyes roll in the rearview mirror. She doesn't even try to hide it and it makes me chuckle even though I hate that she feels the need to do it. Hannah, who has now turned her head, looks at me confused.

"Why would he not be happy about that? That's weird. He knew you were looking for a job right?"

I feel my cheeks heat up and suddenly the guilt kicks in. Hannah notices it too because her eyes widen slightly. "You didn't tell him?"

"I did," I defend myself way too fast, "I did tell him, only not from the beginning. I told him when I got the invite and he then didn't want me to go because he doesn't think a job like that is suitable for someone like me. I went anyway, without telling him and that's why he is pissed."

I decide not to say anything about Rose the new assistant since that would be the gasoline Gail needs to go at Colton the next time she sees him and I know that he wouldn't appreciate that at all. Those two have only one thing in common; he doesn't like her all the same.

"What does he mean with 'someone like you?'" Hannah frowns. She really has no idea how everything works since Luke keeps her out of the public eye for now.

He is just a selfish fucker that wants to keep her for himself for as long as possible because he knows that she will be the talk of the town and loved by many guys when she would join him to an event. Hannah is stunning and I've never met anyone as possessive as Luke which is ironic since he always claimed he wouldn't be like that.

"Someone that is known by people, I guess. I mean, we are in the tabloids from time to time, especially since we got married and they now want us to have a baby as soon as possible. It doesn't matter what we do, the paps are always trying to snap photos. I think it also has something to do with the fact that Colton doesn't think being a teacher is anything to be proud of."

"It's your life, Ana. If YOU are proud of being a teacher, then that's all that matters. You should never worry about what others have to say. You are not happy being a housewife and you can do so much more, and if Colton doesn't support that, than he is a lousy husband," Gail doesn't even look up from the road. She is seething, I can tell by the way she is gripping the steering wheel.

"When will you hear from the school?" Hannah changes the subject, and I'm grateful she does. I don't want to talk about this now since I know it will be the main subject when Colton gets home tonight.

I shrug and bite my lip, ignoring the nerves that I feel when I think about that phone call. "I have no idea. I hope before the weekend starts."

"Well, they're crazy if they turn you down," Hannah smiles, her face full of encouragement. It makes me smile.

"Thanks."

"Alright, I'm starving," Gail shuts off the car and then places her sunglasses on her nose. "Unfortunately, we're not the only one."

I see her nod and when I look out the window as well, I feel irritation run through my body. Damn paps.

"Hannah, you might want to wear your sunglasses," I tell her while I grab mine out of my clutch as well, "the flashes will fuck up your vision."

"Try to look down, and don't comment on anything they ask you," Gail adds.

"How did they know that we would be here?" Hannah sounds a little nervous, and I just know that Luke will be fucking mad when he hears about this.

"Probably just luck. Let's just get this over with. I want to enjoy my day off without prying eyes." Gail doesn't waste time and opens her door, her face down as she marches to our favorite restaurant like she is wearing slippers instead of six-inch heels.

I place my hand on Hannah's shoulder and give it a soft squeeze before I open my door as well. "Let's go. It won't be that bad."

The moment I step out, I immediately feel at least two of them in my comfort zone. My sunglasses almost can't hold the flashes. Stupid, stupid paps.

"Anastasia, how is married life?!" One shouts in my ear.

"Any babies in the near future?!" Another one screams behind the car, making me roll my eyes.

As if I'm only married to him to give him babies. It's the twenty-first century, yet women still seem to have only one purpose: providing offspring.

Thank God, Colton isn't pushing me on that one. I'm not ready to be a mother at all. I doubt Colton ever wants to have children, to be honest. We've never even talked about it.

When I've walked around the car, I grab Hannah's hand and pull her behind me to the lunchroom where Gail is already waiting behind the door. Thankfully, they don't ask any questions to Hannah. Their focus is on me and for once I'm happy about that.

The moment we are inside, the flashes stop and the photographers leave as if they are not interested at all. They know they can't take photos through the window since this lunchroom is quite strict about that.

"You did good," I smile and squeeze Hannah's hand before letting go. She just nods with a small smile on her face. She is clearly a little bit taken by everything.

"Alright, food. I'm starving."

Leave it up to Gail to break the tension. God, she really is the best. I'm starving as well.

* * *

It's after four when Gail drops me off at home. After we had lunch, the coast was clear and we decided to go to a few stores to do some shopping. Gail bought a bag and Hannah bought shoes, but I didn't see anything I liked. I kept thinking about Colton's words and even though I know they are not true and I have enough money of my own, I'm still hesitant to buy something. I just know what kind of reaction Colton will give about it now that we are in this situation.

When I walk into the living room, I'm surprised to find Colton sitting on the couch. His laptop is resting on his knees and he looks at the screen intently, his long fingers stroking his lips. He looks handsome and for a brief moment, I think back about how in love I once was.

"Hi," I greet him. He abruptly looks up from the screen, obviously not aware that I came home.

"Hi," he smiles, "how was your day?"

While he looks at me, he places his laptop on the armrest of the couch before he walks over to me and placing a kiss on my lips. It's surprising me immensely, especially because we haven't talked since our discussion yesterday evening.

"It was nice. We had lunch and Gail and Hannah bought some things. Yours?"

His hand moves to my cheek, his thumb runs along my lower lip while a small smile plays around his. His eyes scan my face slowly. "Good, not too busy. I could leave a little earlier than expected."

Colton is CEO of Davies & sons Media. He took over the company from his dad, who retired when Colton was twenty-two. Originally, Colton wanted to start something of his own, but when he realized that it was harder than it looked, he agreed to take over.

"That's nice," I reply, not really sure why he is looking at me that intently.

"You look nice," he murmurs while his face moves closer and closer to mine. "Really, really nice."

Before I can even thank him for the compliment, his lips slam on mine. He is determined and even a little rough, but I do answer the kiss. For a moment, I just let it happen in hopes that maybe we just need this.

I know sex isn't the answer to our problems but I hate that the connection we once shared is gone. So, I just move my lips with his, letting every logical thought escape my brain while I try to keep up with him.

His move to my behind and pull me flush against him. He is quite some inches longer than me, and therefore I feel his erection pressing against my belly. As he squeezes my cheeks firmly, I can't help but moan and as a response, a low groan leaves his lips.

"I've missed you so much, Ana."

I don't respond. I can't because everything I will say will trigger him and I just want a quiet night for once. Instead, I grab his neck and move him to my mine, hinting that he needs to use his mouth on my pulse point. He does without questioning and I close my eyes as I try to only focus on the pleasure.

His hands move to my front and slowly reach the top buttons of my blouse. When he pulls away from my neck, his eyes meet mine. Without breaking eye contact, he starts to unbutton, his breathing heavy and his blue eyes a little darker than its normal shade.

When his fingers reach the button level with my navel, he breaks eye contact to kiss my neck. While moving lower and lower, he kisses the skin that he reveals and just as he kisses my lower belly, I feel a buzz in my pocket that sets me off completely.

"Leave it. It's not important. We are. This is," he mumbles against my skin, his hot breath sending shivers over my body. I'm not sure if it's from pleasure or something else but I don't have time to think about it because the buzz of my phone is too persistent.

"I'll be quick," I whisper as I push his head away from me before I take my phone out of the pocket of my jeans, earning a very frustrating growl from Colton.

"Anastasia Davies," my breathy voice answers. Screw me for not looking at the caller ID.

"Mrs. Davies, this is Jonathan Brown from Port Bellevue High School. I promised to call back when I knew more about the position you applied for. Do you have a minute?"

Instantly, I feel the nerves kick in. My eyes widen and when I look down at Colton, who is still on his knees in front of me, I can tell that he knows who is calling as well. His happy, sweet expression from seconds ago is gone and instead, there is a huge frown. His eyes are intimidating and I instantly know what his intentions are.

"Yes, of course. Thank you for calling back."

Colton's eyes are shooting daggers and I have to look away in order not to react to it. I need to focus on what Mr. Brown is telling me and therefore, I turn around and walk to the window that looks out over the garden.

"Perfect. I'm happy to inform you that the board and I agreed that you were the best candidate for the position. If you are still as enthusiastic about working in our team, I hereby welcome you. You've got the job, Mrs. Davies."

A shot of adrenaline moves through my body as I force myself not to scream out loud. I've got it. Oh my God. I did it. And I did it all on my own. Without Taylor or Luke. Without Colton.

"Thank you so much for the opportunity, Mr. Brown," I professionally respond, almost without a trace if the intense happiness that I'm feeling at this moment.  
"I'm definitely still very interested. You won't regret it."

"That's great," I hear him smile, "is it possible for you to come to Port Bellevue in the last week of August? We need to sign the contracts and I would like to give you a tour and introduce you to your colleagues."

It's really happening. I have a job. I really can't wrap my head around it.

"Of course. Which day?"

"Wednesday the 29th would be best. You can join the first team meeting of the year. We will also talk about the students then. Is ten a good time for you? We can discuss the contract and do the tour before you join the meeting at one."

Just like that, Mr. Brown is all business again. I can tell that he has a tight schedule which isn't a surprise since it's the beginning of the school year.

"Perfect. I'll see you on August 29 around ten," I beam. I have never felt prouder of myself than I do now. "Again, thank you so much. I look forward to working with you and your team."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day, Mrs. Davies."

After he hangs up the phone, I let out a huge sigh of relief before I turn around with a huge smile on my face. The moment I turn around, however, I find Colton's ice-cold stare and I immediately wipe the smile off.

He doesn't say anything, he just looks at me. His eyes are daring me to speak first, and even though I'm scarred for his reaction, I take a deep breath.

"I've got the job. I'm the new math teacher at Port Bellvue."

His hands turn into fists and his knuckles turn white as he stands in front of me. His breathing quickens just a bit, but other than that, he doesn't react at all.

"I'm so happy," I hesitantly whisper, hoping that he will be happy too, even if it's just because I am happy.

Call me stupid, but his behavior just minutes ago gave me hope that he had accepted the fact that I would go through with it. He was so sweet and for a moment, I thought that his actions were his way of giving me his blessing.

Now that I see him standing in front of me like this, I almost want to laugh at myself for thinking such a ridiculous thing.

"You're going to do it?" His voice is cold. It's a 180 compared to the sensual way he spoke to me when he kissed me.

I nod my head determined, "yes, of course. I want this Colton. I need this, I've told you that yesterday."

"And how exactly do you see that going, huh? The paparazzi are even haunting you when you go out for lunch. If the word gets out that you work at a high school, they will be all over the place."

Before I even have time to think over what he is saying, I straighten my back and look at him with wide eyes. How the hell does he know about the paps?

"I didn't tell you about the paparazzi," I state, my eyes never leaving his.

"What?"

"I never told you that there were photographers, Colton," I spit. He is faking his innocence, acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. But he knows and it makes me sick.

"What does that have to do with anything? It's about you and this school, Anastasia. Don't try to change the subject."

This is the reason we always fight. He never listens to me. It's always about what he thinks and what he says. He doesn't care about my opinion. He only seems to care about me when I'm ready to leave him.

"You told them where I was, didn't you? Did you tip them off?" I narrow my eyes as I take a step closer to him. I'm not stopping. He won't intimidate me this time. This is for me. For once, it is about me.

"I did. To show you that you are not like the others, Ana. You are not a working horse and certainly not one that works on a school. I thought you would realize that after what happened today."

Without any trace of shame, he talks. He truly thinks that he did the right thing here and even though I shouldn't be surprised, I find myself looking at him with open mouth. He really doesn't think about anything but himself.

I don't even have the energy to talk to him about this.

"It didn't work, Colton. I'm taking this job. The school board has faith that I can do it, even given my status and everything considered. I'm taking this job, so you can either be happy for me, or you can stop the fuck talking to me. I'm doing this for me, Colton. I'm done with sitting around the house doing nothing. So, you should just be the good husband you claim to be and support me in this."

Without waiting for any response, I turn around and march up the stairs. He doesn't call after me which is a relief. When I reach the first floor, I hear the front door slam shut and when I walk to the master bedroom and look out the window, I'm just in time to see him drive out of the gate.

I don't care though, it's better that he blows off steam anyway. And while he does that, I'm going to celebrate with my three best friends; wine, pizza, and a hot bath.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ah, what the hell. I'm just going to post this one too. I'll try to write faster when the kids are asleep. Hihi. Enjoy! X**

Three: First meetings.

"Oh my God, I'm so proud, Ana! Congratulations!"

While I'm waiting for my pepperoni pizza from Musica, I've decided to call Gail to tell her the news and as expected, she is thrilled. Even if I would decide to bungee jump off a cliff, she would still support me. She is truly the best sister anyone could have.

"Thanks," I giggle, "can you believe it? I'm getting out of this house."

She laughs and I swear I hear her snort as well. "Finally. How did Mr. Fuckhole take the news?"

I roll my eyes at the nickname. She has about seven nicknames for Colton and none of them are positive. Mr. Cheatballs, Mr. Grumpy, I can go on and on. Sometimes they make me laugh, but some are really harsh and they actually make me sad. Not because she calls him that, but because Gail and him will probably never get along.

Taylor and Luke seem to like Colton. They are not super close, but when we hang out they get along just fine. They mostly talk about business, but at least there isn't any tension. I know it's because they don't know about his history with the other women. When Colton showed up on the doorstep in a tux and got down on his knee to propose to me, they were impressed since they thought we broke up because he was in college. They were glad that Colton showed his devotion to me.

Of course, if they knew the real reason, Taylor and Luke wouldn't be happy with him either. They would probably destroy him.

They are very protective of me, even more so since dad died when I was sixteen. They are taking over his job and they take it seriously. I think it's sweet and all, but sometimes it's just a bit much. I am a grown woman and they tend to forget that sometimes.

"Not good," I sigh as I rub my eyes, "you know what he did? He was the one that told the paps where we were. He wanted to show me that they will follow me to my work. How crazy is that, Gail?"

She humorously chuckles, "god. He is pathetic. What did you say?"

"I told him that it didn't change my mind and that I will take the job. After that, I walked upstairs and he left. I don't know what he is doing, but I think it's best that he left for now."

For a moment silence takes over and I briefly wonder if the phone is still connected, but then she speaks again.

"Is this how you want your life to go, Ana? Do you really want to be with a guy like Colton? You deserve much better, you know that right? I just don't understand why you keep taking shit from him."

Her words are meant to be sweet and encouraging but they only make me feel worse about myself.

"Gail, it's not just him. I'm frustrated about a lot of things and I take that out on him. It'll be better when I work as well. Then I'm not as frustrated anymore. I really think it's good for us. We need to go back to how we were in high school."

Deep down I have doubts about Colton and I. They have been there since he cheated nine months ago but I just can't seem to let him go. I was always convinced that I would marry when I was absolutely sure about my love for the person, and I hate admitting that I might not did that when I married Colton.

I've always learned that marriage is hard work. My dad married my mom when they were just eighteen. They found out that she was pregnant with Taylor and before dad even knew what was happening, he was married.

They tried to make it work. Dad gave her everything and mom gave him two more healthy kids. They fought for it but in the end, it didn't work out. When they divorced, I was only six years old. I don't remember much, but when mom got a new boyfriend, we hardly ever saw her. Dad raised us, and he taught us that love isn't something that just happens. You have to work for it. Hard.

And that's what Colton and I need to do more. I need to work for it more, just like dad did.

"If you say so," Gail interrupts my thoughts. "What are you doing now? Do you want to go out to celebrate?"

"I've ordered a pizza and there is a bottle of wine waiting for me next to my bubble bath. Next time."

"Alright. Be careful and enjoy. I'm proud of you, Ana, and I am sure Taylor is too. He is still at the office, but I'll tell him when he comes home."

"Thanks, Gail," I smile, "I see you soon."

Just as I disconnect the call, the doorbell rings and on cue my stomach rumbles.

Just in time.

I tighten the knot of my robe to make sure I don't flash anything before I walk to the front door. When I open the door, I see a copper-haired guy standing in front of it. He is tall, has a playful smirk on his face the moment my eyes meet his and for some reason his piercing grey orbs make me check the knot of my robe once again to make sure everything is still in place.

"Evening," he nods, the smirk still present. His eyebrow raises a little as he takes in my bathrobe. His eyes moving up and down my body, desperately searching for anything more than just the fluffy material.

"Hello."

For a moment we just stand there, looking at each other. I have no idea why, but I can hardly move. His eyes actually freak me out a bit. I have never seen anyone with eyes this grey. They are light and it's almost as if he can see right through me. It's fucking weird.

He doesn't seem to find my reaction strange. He just stands there, almost as if he enjoys my reaction and it irritates me. He seems like the guy that is used to being looked at. He has way too much confidence for a pizza delivery guy and I want to punch that smirk off his face.

"How much?" I break the silence while nodding to the pizza box that he is still holding, my eyebrow raised. He needs to know his place.

"It's fifteen fifty." He is still smirking. Fucking annoying.

"Okay," I mumble while reaching for my purse that is hanging on the coat rack to my right. When I've found my wallet, I pick out a twenty-dollar bill and hand it over to him. "Keep the change."

I don't want to give him any tip, but I don't want to let him look me up and down any longer. It's choosing between two evils and right now, I just want him off my porch.

He nods and gives me my pizza, "thank you. Enjoy and have a very, very nice evening."

He has the fucking nerve to wink. He actually winks at me and it's making my blood boil. Before he can turn around, I slam the door in his face without saying anything. Fucking asshole. What the hell is this guy thinking? He can't just eye fuck me on my own porch. And why the fuck is this pissing me off so much?

I'm way too mad for my liking. Thankfully, the pepperoni and cheese smell fills the room very fast and my stomach rumbles again so I will to calm myself and just enjoy my night.

I've been angry enough for today.

* * *

"And this will be the classroom that you'll be using the most," Mr. Brown smiles while he walks into the classroom. It's a room with a lot of light, the wall opposite the door is from glass which surprises me since the hallways are very dark. I have enough space and thankfully, there is a digital board that I can use for instructions.

I nod and walk around the classroom to take everything in. It suddenly just seems months ago that I was sitting in one of those chairs while listening to the teacher. The memories that are attached to these days make me wish I could go back. Back to where everything was simple and Colton and I were happy and in love. Well, most of the time. Maybe even before I found him with Lizzy, so just those few months.

"Do you know how to work with the digital board?"

I turn back to Mr. Brown and nod my head. "Yes, I've worked with them during my internship. I'm actually relieved that you have them."

"Good. You might need to teach me some tricks. I'm kind of old fashioned and prefer the good old chalkboard, but we couldn't stay behind since this is the way of teaching nowadays. The students will be thrilled to see we upgraded," he chuckles, making me giggle.

Mr. Brown is in his sixties and I can tell he has a lot of experience. I can probably learn a lot from him. I'm curious to see how old the other members of the team are. I do hope that I'm not the only one in my twenties. It would be nice if I have some colleagues of my age as well.

"Well, there is one more section I need to show you. It's the teachers' section, and that's where we have the meeting as well. Follow me, please."

Suddenly, the nerves start to kick in. I hope that everyone will just treat me like any other college. I have no idea if Mr. Brown already told them that he hired me, but I kind of hope he wasn't so that they didn't have time to gossip.

I follow Mr. Brown through the dark hallways all the way to the other end of the building. The school is quite big but thankfully, the ground plan is easy. I just have to walk a few steps if I'm in my classroom and want a coffee.

"Here we go. I'll get you a key after the meeting. The doors to the teachers' section are locked since this is where we also keep the tests and test results."

I nod and watch how he opens the door with the key before I follow him inside. I instantly hear a lot of people talking, and I fear that we are one of the last to join the meeting which means I will have a full-on introduction.

"We have a kitchen and everything back here," he moves his hand to the left were I indeed see the kitchen. "And this where the team meets." We turn right and I'm met with a giant table that is standing in the middle of the room.

Again, the room is very light because of the windows, the walls are painted beige and as I suspected, the whole team is already here.

It's quite a big team, about thirty-five to forty teachers, teaching assistants, and janitors. Some of them are standing with their coffee while catching up, others are already seated at the table, waiting for the meeting to begin. So far, none of them has noticed me yet which is a relief since it gives me time to prepare.

"Grab tea or coffee if you like and take a seat. I'll introduce you when we start the meeting," Mr. Brown says before he walks away to someone else, leaving me alone.

I walk over to the coffee corner while taking everything in once again. Now that I'm here, it suddenly all seems to feel much more real. These people are my colleagues and I'm part of their team. It's making me nervous and excited at the same time.

After I've made myself a cup of tea, I look around once more. Thankfully, I see a bunch of other teachers that are around the same age as me. The team seems perfectly mixed with all ages.

"Alright, we are ready if you are," Mr. Brown says, getting the attention of everyone while the voices slowly wind down.

Everybody moves to the table, taking a seat and I end up sitting next to a woman with blonde hair. She looks like she is about my age and when she sees me next to her, she friendly smiles at me.

"New year, new energy and hopefully new ideas," Mr. Brown starts when everybody is paying attention. "And also new colleagues. As you all know, Mr. Howard retired last year, and we are confident that we have found a perfect replacement in Anastasia Davies. She will take over the math classes that were provided by Mr. Howard."

The whole team focusses on me, and I take a deep breath before I say a few words as Mr. Brown expects me to do.

"Thank you, Mr. Brown. I'm very excited to start here at Port Bellevue and I'm looking forward to working in this team."

Mr. Brown nods his head and then continues to introduce other teachers that are new this year and I'm happy that he accepts that I kept it short and simple since I have a feeling that everybody knows who I am already. I don't need any more attention. I want them to find out who I am by working with me.

"Hi, I'm Kate Kavanagh," the blonde woman next to me smiles as she offers me her hand. "I teach Economics. Your classroom is next to mine."

"Everybody calls me Ana," I smile.

"Ana," she nods, "if you have questions or if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. It's only my second year here, but I know enough to help you through it."

She smiles again before she turns her attention back to Mr. Brown, who has now taken place at the table as well. I'm happy that at least my direct neighbor isn't paying attention to anything she has read about me, for now at least.

"Alright, I want to take this opportunity to talk about a few students. We all know which students are now the seniors after all," Mr. Brown chuckles, making the majority of the team also laugh in response. "For those of you who don't know, let me clarify," he continues when the laughter has died.

'This year we have four twelfth grade classes. With three of those classes, I don't see any particular reason for extra attention. Those students have never caused any trouble and the majority of them are practically ready for college. Which brings us to the fourth class of twelfth graders."

"This year, we have placed the troublemakers in one group, in hopes that they don't take concentration away from students that do want to graduate at the end of the year. Last year we heard that a lot of students were distracted by a small group, we hope that this will be much less now."

"The group of troublemakers is with seventeen, and most of them have a reputation here at Port Bellevue. There are strict rules for this group which the students and their parents have been informed about. What I ask from you, is that you will be consistent, controlled and strict. It's what these kids need."

As I listen to Mr. Brown, I truly wonder what can be so bad about seventeen-year-old kids. He acts as if they are inmates and I have a hard time believing that it's really as bad as he says it is.

"It is as bad as he says," Kate smirks from next to me as if she can read my mind. When I look at her, I see her grin. "That group is complete terror. I don't think that this pilot of putting them together is going to work at all. It will only make it harder for us teachers."

"Why?" I frown, "what do they do?"

"The question is what they don't do, " she shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "At least three of them are eighteen and did eleventh-grade twice. Not because of a lack of intelligence since they are smart as hell, they just don't have the motivation. All of them have rich parents, and they simply don't see the use of studying. They are also quite popular, other students look up to them which gives them the feeling of power. Eight girls and nine guys. You'll know who they are the moment you see them. Last year, I always dreaded teaching them. At least now you only see them once a day instead of parts of them the whole day. It was exhausting."

"They can't all be that bad," I mumble, still not really buying it. How come they haven't kicked them off the school yet if they are really this out of control?

"There are leaders and followers but together they come pretty close to hell," she chuckles, "you'll see for yourself. It's a challenge."

I just nod my head and focus back on Mr. Brown, who is now talking about the targets. I shouldn't think about this terror class to long and just see for myself. I'm pretty sure I can handle them if I set my boundaries straight from the beginning.

Seriously, how bad can a couple of kids actually be?


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ready for Ana's first day at Port Bellevue?! Thank you all for the reviews! Keep them coming, then I'll do the same with the chapters ;) enjoy! X**

Four: Angels and demons.

"How do I look? Is this okay?"

While I'm standing in front of the mirror in our walk-in closet and doing the finish in touch of my mascara, my open eye looks at Colton who is standing directly behind me.

He is watching me, only wearing his dress pants and he looks like a little boy who isn't allowed to go on the swing. He is still not over the fact that I'm starting at Port Bellevue today.

We've talked about it almost constantly. He tried different approaches in hopes I would, in the end, tell him I wouldn't take the job, even though I'd already signed the contract. And now, as he realizes that I'm really going to do this, he looks lost.

"You look good," his eyes move over my body. "Which shoes are you going to wear?"

I'm wearing my black suit pants, that ends above my ankle, with a soft pink blouse. My hair is in a ponytail and I'm not wearing too much make-up. I want to be me and mostly, I want to blend in since I know that the students will know who I am.

I just want to show them I'm human, I guess.

"My white Adidas. I figured that heels aren't really working since I'll stand in front of the class a lot."

He nods his head in agreement, but his eyes don't meet mine. After I'm done with my mascara, he moves forward until his front is against my back.

"You should button one more," he mumbles while his hands move to the button of my blouse, fastening it. After that, he lets his hand move over my skin for just a second before he pulls back. "Now you're good to go."

I nod and give him a small smile. "Thank you."

I'm happy that he at least talks to me about this. It actually surprises me, to be honest. I thought that he would go to the office early this morning so he wouldn't have to talk to me.

Outside of the conversations about my job, we haven't really talked and therefore I feel more distant to him than ever. It's like we're roommates instead of husband and wife.

I've really tried these past days, but there is this huge crack in between us that I can't seem to fix. I've made him dinner, made sure everything was good at the house and I even tried to seduce him a few times by wearing his favorite lingerie, but he wasn't impressed. He is just so mad at me for doing this, and I have no idea why he doesn't just let it go.

Why can't he just be happy for me?

"Are you taking the car or am I allowed to drive you?" He sounds determined, almost as if I don't really have a choice. He is putting on his dress shirt while he asks me, and I honestly don't know what to say. I wouldn't mind if he would bring me, but I really hope he doesn't start a discussion in the car. I can't handle that right before I start my first day. It's a big enough deal as it is, I don't want to start it while I've cried my eyes out during the drive to there.

"Sure, that would be nice," I mumble, hoping and praying that he has now accepted the fact that I'll go, no matter what. He does seem different this morning, so maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

"Okay," a small smile plays around his lips.

I just smile back and grab my bag with notes for the first lessons that I packed yesterday. I've prepared the lessons for the whole week, and I plan on doing that every week. That way, I know exactly what the lessons are about which give me confidence.

I follow Colton until we are downstairs in the kitchen, where I make us both a breakfast shake. Since I want to be a little earlier today, I plan on drinking it in the car.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask Colton while I give him his shake.

He nods, "yeah. I'll just grab my laptop and we can go. Aren't you early if you go now? It's just a fifteen-minute drive."

He doesn't miss a thing. For someone who doesn't look interested in me and my life at all, he knows a lot. I guess it shows that deep down, he does care about what I'm doing.

"I just want to be a little earlier today, so I can prepare. Normally I need to be there at seven-thirty for the daily meeting."

Without saying anything, he nods his head and walks to the front door. His laptop in one hand and his breakfast shake in the other. He has put his sunglasses on and he looks completely in control.

He will make all the heads turn at Port Bellevue and I don't know what to think about that. I'm even starting to wonder why he wants to bring me there now.

"You coming then?"

I snap out of it and nod my head. I'll make sure to ask him about the reasons later. Now, I need my focus on my job.

* * *

Thankfully, the fifteen-minute drive wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Colton asked about the subjects of today's classes and he actually wished me luck when I stepped out of the car. After that, he drove away without making a big show of it, so I'm sure nobody has seen him.

We've just had the daily team meeting and there weren't any special things on the agenda today, outside of it being the first day of the new school year.

Today, I'm having five different groups. The first two are eleventh grade, after that the tenth grade and then two groups of seniors. The last one being the so-called troublemaker class.

At least I'm not starting with them.

A knock on my door pulls my nose out of my notes and when I look up, I see Kate standing in the opening. She is holding her tea in one hand and has a smile on her face.

"Ready for the first day?"

I stand and walk over to her, "yeah, I guess. I'm just going in blindly I think, no expectations. That way it can't be disappointing."

Kate giggles and nods her head, "a good way to begin your day. How many classes do you have today?"

"Five. I'm starting with eleventh grade."

"Oh, they are angels. You'll be fine with them." Her smile is encouraging and it takes away some of the nerves I'm feeling.

Before I can respond, the bell rings, indicating that the students can go to the classrooms.

"Well, good luck. If you hear any screams, it's from my classroom. I'm starting with the terror group. Three knocks on the wall mean that you need to call the police," she giggles before she walks to her class, making me giggle as well.

I like Kate. I think she can help me through this week. And she hasn't once commented on me being in the public eye which is refreshing as well.

With a lot of noise, the students are starting to make their way to their places. Some of them greet me, others are too busy with themselves or each other to even notice me standing at the door. When the second bell rings, I close the door.

As I walk to the front of the class, I notice that the students are already getting out their books, notebooks, and pens. A few are looking at me intently, others don't even seem to have any interest outside of their phones. When the most noise has winded down, I take a deep breath and straighten my back.

"Good morning class. My name is Anastasia Davies and I will be your math teacher this school year," I speak confidently while making sure I look at every student. "My rules are simple; no eating or drinking during class, no phones or any other material that you don't need and lastly, I ask for respect. Not just for me, but also for your fellow students. Are there any questions?"

I see three girls raise a hand, indicating that they have a question. I point to the girl with black hair and green eyes that's sitting on the second row.

"Yes, you. What's your name?"

"Mia Grey, ma'am," she smiles, "I was wondering, is it true that you own five houses and three private jets?"

Her big eyes look at me intently, and suddenly all students seem to be very interested in my answer. It actually makes me chuckle. What the hell are people writing about me?

"You really think I would be here if that's the case, Miss Grey?"

"I don't know, but if it's true, you might want to invite your favorite students on it sometime," she says, making everybody laugh, including myself.

"Then you first need to prove that you are worth such a treat," I chuckle, "are we ready to begin?"

I look around and see almost all of them nod their heads. I guess we've just broken the ice.

Kate was right, this will be easy. They are angels.

* * *

So far, so good. Four down, one to go. One class, and then my first day is over. I've just gotten myself another cup of tea, and I have five minutes until the troublemakers enter my classroom. Enough time to perfection my game plan.

During this day, I've seen that humor and honesty is a good combination. Every class made a comment or asked a question about my personal life, and I answered them. Not in great detail, and with humor. They seem to appreciate that.

All four classes went surprisingly good. The students seemed interested, were concentrated and I only had to correct someone once. I feel good about it and it has given me the confidence boost I need for the troublemakers.

I'm going to tell them who's boss.

The bell goes off and I stand from my chair before making my way to the door to open it and welcome the students. I have no idea what to expect, but I'm not going to show any uncertainty here. I'm in charge.

After five minutes, they finally starting to drop in. First, a group of three girls walks in, slowly, without any energy. They look like they are having the worst day possible. With their phone in their hands, they make their way to the chairs, not greeting me in the process. They look bored, but at least they aren't as loud ad I thought they would be.

Which can't be said for the next group that is approaching. Even while they are walking at the end of the hall, I can instantly tell that they are on their way to my classroom. They are yelling, pushing each other and they are laughing loudly, not caring about anyone around them.

I have to admit that they look intimidating.

To make sure they don't walk me over, I decide to walk into the classroom before them. I'm standing at the front of the classroom so I have a good view of the students that come in and the moment they do, it's complete chaos.

They are loud and I can tell that they didn't come here for instruction about math. They all huddle up in the back of my classroom, sitting on the tables as they do. When the second bell rings, they don't even look up. They are clearly planning on doing their own thing.

Not on my watch.

"If everybody can go to their places, we can start the show," I say, my voice loud and determined, not a single trace of the nerves that I'm feeling now that I'm standing in front of them.

Some of them look up for a moment, but most of them didn't even hear me and just continue with their tea party.

"Excuse me!" I slam my hand on one of the tables in front of me, this time successfully getting everyone attention. "I would like to start the class. So if you all move to your seats right now, we can begin."

I watch how they all move to their seats, some smirking, others looking at me without being impressed. They don't get to me though. In this room, what I say goes.

"So you are the famous Anastasia Davies," a girl on the first row states. Her brown long hair falls over her shoulders and her brown eyes look me up and down in a way that says that she isn't impressed. She even arches her eyebrow as if she wants to say something entirely different than what she actually said.

"And who are you?" I raise my eyebrow as well, my arms crossing in front of my chest while I lean on one hip, trying not to look surprised.

"Leila Williams."

I nod and take a few steps forward so I'm standing directly in front of her. "Mrs. Davies for you, Miss Williams. No need to point out the obvious."

I hear a few ooh's moves through the classroom and I swear I hear some snickers as well. Miss Williams doesn't seem to share their excitement at all, she actually looks pissed but she doesn't say anything else.

I move my eyes through the classroom once more, taking every student in now that they are all seated. When my eyes reach the last row, I feel my breathing hitch as I suddenly meet a pair of piercing grey eyes that look oddly familiar.

He is grinning, again. And he is also taking his time to look at me, again. His eyes roam my body, without trying to hide it, almost as if he wants me to know that he is looking.

His fingers move over his mouth and when his eyes finally meet mine again, he winks, a-fucking-gain. And I hate it. He has no respect, not even now that I'm his teacher instead of his customer. None at all and it annoys the fuck out of me.

Who the hell does he think he is?


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm enjoying all your questions about the story! You'll get answers in the coming chapters, don't worry. Thanks for letting me know what you think! Today, a look in Christian's head. Enjoy! Xx**

Five: Warm welcome.

"Christian. Fucking. Grey!"

I can't fight the grin as I turn around and look at the car that just parked next to mine. The windows are rolled down, and inside I find the fucker who has spent his whole summer in fucking Europe.

"John Flynn, my man! How's life?"

He steps out of his car, a huge smile on his face and eight shades darker than before he left seven weeks ago. That fucker had lots of sun and pussy, I can instantly tell.

"A-fucking-mazing," he stretches, "after the summer I've had, I can handle everything, even spending another fucking year in this shithole."

I chuckle and shake my head, wishing that I could say the same. I have no fucking clue how I will get through another year. Seriously, I'm fucking eighteen years old, I should've been in a dorm, fucking college chicks for Christ sake.

"So, Europe was good?"

"Great. I had no idea that working as a waiter at some beach club would get you chicks that easily. I'm going to miss it more than I thought I would. How was your summer?"

I roll my eyes as I review my summer. Dreadfull, loathsome and awful are the first words that pop in my mind. While John was fucking European chicks and serving drinks, I was here in Bellevue, delivering pizzas for a minimum paycheck that I have to give to Carrick and Grace at the end of the month.

Just like John's parents, and fifteen others, Carrick and Grace were summoned to school on the last school day. They were informed about our behavior and how things were going to change for seventeen of us. Strict rules were set, and if we break one of them, they will kick us off without even blinking.

Too fucking drastic if you ask me.

Granted, I'm not an angel. I'll even admit that I can be a huge pain in the ass, but it's not all to blame on us. The fact that the school hires teachers with no backbone is not my problem.

"Fucked," I reply while walking up to the entrance of the school, the irritation already building in my veins. I fucking hate this school. "My aunt and uncle have implemented a zero-tolerance policy since we had that talk with Brown. I couldn't go out after nine, wasn't allowed to celebrate my birthday properly and they made me look for a job. I've been delivering fucking pizzas for two months and yes, it's as bad as you think it is. I don't understand how your parents let you go to Europe after all the shit we've pulled last year."

"They're gullible, I guess," he shrugs, following me into the building. "Being a delivery guy can't be that bad. Aren't there hot housewives that want to pay you in a different way than with money?"

His eyebrows wiggle and I can't help but laugh. Poor John, watches way too much porn.

"That only happens in porn movies, mate," I help him out of his dream, "I have had some nice looking ladies but that doesn't make the job any better. Trust me, it is that bad. Be thankful that you went to Europe."

"Oi, I worked in Europe! Five days a week."

I roll my eyes and decide not to comment on that one. He clearly thinks that whatever the hell he did in Europe can be considered as work. He should do a shift with me. I'm sure he will find out that what he did there wasn't working at all, especially after a sweaty, hairy, fatass in his too-small boxers opens the door to accept his extra-large Quatro Fromage.

"Well, well, look who we have there."

I look in the direction of John's nod and I'm met with brown eyes that are practically undressing me while her tongue moves over her lower lip.

Leila Williams, one of the reasons I'm still in this shithole.

As I watch her make her way through the hallway, her hips swaying and her eyes looking me up and down, I try to remember what I found so attractive about her the previous school years.

She seems way too easy now, but that could be because I already had her. Multiple times.

"Hi," she purrs, her hand finding my chest when she is close enough, "ready for this last year? Are you excited?"

Her eyelashes flutter in a very obvious way, and it does nothing but make me chuckle. She really is laying it on thick. I know what she means by excited and it's not about the classes.

"Don't really care, as long as it's really the last year this time."

She nods her head in agreement, her hand still on my chest, her nails lightly scratching up and down. It seems innocent, but I know there is more to it. She is begging me to take her back to the third floor.

The teacher's restrooms on the third floor to be precise. Last year, I took the key from one of the janitors while John and Dave distracted him. Two hours later, Leila was bent over one of the toilets, ass in the air while I pounded into her from behind. It took the teachers ten days to find out who was shooting his load onto the toilet seat.

"What's the first class of today?" Sara asks from behind Leila.

Sara is one of the girls that joined our crew last year. She transferred from England and when she first came here, she was a prim and proper good girl. But then we got our hands on her, and now she is just as fucked up. A shame really, the boneless girl just says 'yes' to everything. She had potential.

"Economics at Kavanagh's," John immediately responds while rubbing his hands together. "If there's one thing I missed, it's definitely Kavanagh."

Leila grunts and rolls her eyes, her hand finally leaving my chest as she turns to John. "What's so special about that woman anyway?"

Even though she wants me, she also seems to want John. And Dave. Hell, sometimes it even looks like she wants Sara. She is a jealous little bitch.

"That ass. Those fuck me eyes. That blond hair that I can wrap around my wrist while she sucks me real good."

Leila's shoot daggers as she turns her whole body to me again. "Seriously?"

I nod my head, chuckling as I do. I don't mean it. I'm not into blondes but I like to piss Leila off. "Fuck yeah. I would do her. Maybe even take her up to the third."

"My man," John laughs as he slams my back, obviously thinking about he would do the same.

"Pigs," Leila mutters just before the bell goes off, making everybody around us suddenly run away like fucking sheep that are haunted by a dog.

"Let's go. At least we have something to look at during this one."

I nod my head and follow John up the stairs. He is right. Kavanagh is one of the few teachers that doesn't dress like a forty-year-old depressed Amish.

The moment I step into the classroom, I feel the huge need to jump out of the window. It's been going on for too long. Way too long and I'm fucking done.

I know I should've just worked for it two years ago instead of doing absolutely nothing. I know I can do it, I already know ninety percent of the shit they try to teach me. I'm just lazy and bored. In Economics the boredom is slightly less though.

Thank fuck for juicy ass Kavanagh.

* * *

"Jesus, Christian, first day and already fucking up with Rodriguez."

I slam my locker closed and run my hand through my hair in frustration as I try to calm myself. If I don't, I will run back to the gym to fucking kick Rodriquez ass.

"That fucker has too much confidence for a fucking gym teacher. Who the hell does he think he is?"

Another reason I'm still here.

Usually, it takes at least six classes, but Rodriguez managed to piss me off the first try. I've had trouble with him in the past two years. He can't stand me and I can't stand him. At first, there wasn't even a reason, I just didn't like him. But then he decided that I was his target.

I have no idea why, but it's his mission to make me lose my temper. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I worked him to the ground, twice, when he wanted to demonstrate a self-defense move in eleventh grade. I thought it was hilarious, he obviously didn't.

"He is just a chubby asshole that's upset because he is still a virgin, Grey. Don't let him get to you."

Good old Dave, always trying to keep the peace. From everyone in the crew, he is making the least of trouble. He just hangs with us and gets us into the best parties. He knows a lot of people outside of school.

"He's right," John agrees, "besides, we need to prepare for the next class."

I frown and look at him. He is wiggling his eyebrows and suddenly looks way more excited. What the hell have I missed?

When John doesn't explain himself, I have no choice but to ask, "because?"

Now both John and Dave are grinning like cats. What the actual fuck?

"Ever heard of Anastasia Davies?"

"Anastasia Davies?" I think for a moment. Is this some chick that we know? Transfer student maybe? Intern? "Doesn't ring a bell, man."

The grin on John's face is now a full smile and I swear his eyes shine. "Anastasia Davies, sister of Taylor and Luke Steele, wife of Colton Davies, fucking sex on legs and our new math teacher."

While Dave nods his head, almost drooling as he thinks about Anastasia Davies, I wonder why I've never heard of her. I'm never really busy with the 'who is hot and who is not', but I am surprised I haven't heard Mia talking about it. She usually knows everything and never hesitates to inform me, even when I'm not interested.

"Well, I'm intrigued," I grin as I hear the bell ring, "let's see what the fuss is about then."

Way too eager, almost in an exciting way, John and Dave start their way to the next classroom. I follow them timidly. It's not that I'm suddenly looking forward to math now that the teacher is a big deal. To me, they are all the same; a pain in my ass.

On our way, the others join us. Seventeen of us in total and the idiots thought that it would be best if they'd put us in one classroom altogether. They are really making it too easy for us by doing that.

"Fuck. Me."

Dave is the first one of us that walks into the classroom. The way he curses under his breath gets my attention and when I focus on the direction he is looking, I immediately understand his need to curse.

Fuck. Me. Indeed.

In the brief few minutes that I was informed about our new math teacher, I had absolutely no expectation of Anastasia Davies whatsoever. I hardly had time to develop one, but one look at her tells me that not one expectation would have come close.

She is fucking gorgeous.

Brunette hair that is bound in a high ponytail, some strings falling out of it around her face. Blue, big eyes that stare at the students in an authoritative way and full, soft pink lips. To top it off, the blouse she is wearing makes her skin look shiningly pale while her pants molds around her hips and ass as if it is glued onto her. She is sex on legs alright.

And I have seen her before.

While I follow John and Dave to the back of the classroom, my eyes stay focused on her. She looks determined, not impressed at all. Her gaze moves through the class to observe us, but her eyes haven't found me yet.

"Looks even better than on TV," John grins while he leans over to me.

I grin as well, "and I have seen her while she wore less than that."

The expression on both John and Dave's face after I said it, is priceless. They look at me, their faces showing a combination of awe, curiosity, and even shock. Just when I'm about to explain myself, I'm distracted by a hand that slams onto the table in combination with a voice that shouts 'excuse me'.

When I look up I see that our new math teacher has made the decision to play hard and shit, it suits her well.

"I would like to start the class. So if you all move to your seats right now, we can begin."

I chuckle as I watch my fellow students move to their seats. I have to admit that I'm impressed by her attitude. She is young, yet she acts as if she's got fifteen years on us. She doesn't look intimidated at all while I'm almost certain that she feels some kind of nerves now that she is standing in front of us.

When everybody has taken their seat, Leila is the first one to speak and judging her tone, she isn't happy with our new teacher at all.

This is going to be fun.

"So you are the famous Anastasia Davies," she states, arrogance dripping from her attitude. Leila isn't blind, she knows that all the guys suddenly like math a lot more now that they've seen who is teaching it.

"And who are you?" Anastasia doesn't flinch while she speaks. She arches her eyebrow right back and I just know that Leila is going to hate it.

"Leila Williams," she replies confidently, almost as if it is a disgrace that she had to ask.

Anastasia takes a few steps, towering over Leila as she looks almost entertained. "Mrs. Davies for you, Miss Williams. No need to point out the obvious."

Alright. The tone is set. Mrs. Davies got some balls.

Leila is looking back as soon as she hears the reaction from us. If eyes could kill, we would all be dead right now. It's hilarious.

I can't contain my smirk as I watch Mrs. Davies look around the room again, her eyes shooting daggers. She is challenging every single one of us to say something, almost as if she enjoys reacting to us.

And then her eyes land on mine for the first time. I can see her breathing hitch as her eyes widen slightly for just a nanosecond and like the good, confident student I am, I don't look away. Making a show out of it, I let my eyes roam her body just like last time I saw her.

This time, I can actually see her curves since they are not hidden under a huge robe. To let her know I appreciate the view, I let my fingers go over my lips while I wink as soon as my eyes are done fucking her delicious body.

And it pisses her off enormously which makes it even more entertaining for me.

Welcome to Port Bellevue Mrs. Davies, where I can look all I want without being worried about a door that slams in my face.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here we go. I think you are all going to like this one! Enjoy and let me know what you think! X Milou.**

Six: Timebomb.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this one?" I ask for the second time while trying really hard to be patient. Kate was absolutely right, they are hell.

We're thirty minutes into the lesson, and so far nobody has really shown interest which isn't surprising given how they walked in. What does surprise me is the attitude that almost all of them have. They act as if they rule the world.

They are looking at me with such arrogance, it makes it very hard for me not to return the favor and stay professional. I have tried to approach and correct them in a professional, positive way, but right now I'm beginning to understand what Mr. Brown meant with forcing respect.

Apparently, these kids need a bitch to teach them some manners.

I straighten my back and take a deep breath, ready to go all out in them. Here we go.

Just as I'm about to professionally flip out, however, the most annoying one of all speaks, the smirk that I've become to hate in this short time I've been looking at him still present on his face.

"One."

I'm taken aback by his tone. It's straight, almost authoritative and for a moment I don't know how to respond. It is not what I expected him to say at all. Not while he hasn't done anything but staring at me for the past thirty minutes.

"Excuse me?" While my blood is boiling, my voice suddenly sounds hesitant and I hate that that happens now that he speaks.

He raises his eyebrow and nods to the digital board behind me, "the answer to your question. B equals one." He looks entertained, "what did you think I was talking about? Your teaching skills?"

The whole class starts to laugh and I can feel my cheeks heat up. Not because I'm ashamed. Hell no, it's pure anger. What an asshole.

I can think of a million things to say to him right now. I want to tell him that I thought he was talking about the size of his dick or the rating of his IQ, but all of that would be highly inappropriate.

So, with all the power I can find, I straighten my back once more and look him directly in the eye. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

It's weak, I know, but I first need to calm down, else Mr. Brown will kick me out.

"Am I right?" He counters, now sitting up from his chair as if he's decided to give me his full attention.

"That wasn't what I asked," I snap, not able to hide the anger and irritation.

All the students are suddenly paying attention, looking expectantly from him to me, curious who will win this battle.

"I know. It's what I asked." He crosses his arms and leans back a little, almost as if he tells me that it's my turn again.

Again, some of the students laugh, including Leila Williams, who is looking at the copper-haired guy with adoration. Now that I look around the group once more, I see that she is not the only one. Apparently, the grey-eyed troublemaker is popular with the ladies.

"What's your name?" I decide to ask because I don't see the discussion go anywhere and because he will have a problem after the bell rings.

"Christian Grey," he proudly states, but also a little confused at my sudden change of subject.

I nod my head once, carefully choosing my next move. "Mr. Grey, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for giving me an answer, I do not accept the tone you used. You can stay behind when the bell rings, so we can discuss that subject further." I see him open his mouth to respond, but before he can, I cut him off. "And you were not right, it's three."

His eyes darken and his expression changes immediately into one that shows he is not happy with me. It's only making me smirk while the rest of the students actually look a little impressed.

Take that, ogling asshole.

* * *

Surprisingly enough, the rest of the lesson went better than before the discussion with Grey. I would like to think that I've shown them that you can't fuck with me but I doubt that they will even remember it the next time I try to teach them something. They were probably just tired from their first day and didn't have the energy after the discussion.

While the last students are walking out, nodding to Grey as they do, I stay seated behind my desk. I'm trying to think of a way to stay calm. I'm afraid that the moment I talk to him, I will call him every name in the book.

"Please, close the door," I tell John Flynn, who is the last to leave. In return, Grey wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at his friend, making him chuckle before he closes the door.

He looks bored but the anger that flashed over his face when I told him he needed to stay behind, seems to be gone. Now, his expression is back to amused. His fingers slide over his lower lip while he looks at me expectantly, leaning back on his chair.

I focus on him as well, not looking away like I did during class. I keep my expression serious and I also try to intimidate him a bit, even though I find it difficult. He has the strange power to get under my skin and piss me off like no one else I've ever met.

"Are we just going to stare at each other or are you going to say something?" He breaks the silence, "don't get me wrong, I like staring at those big, powder-blue eyes, but I do have people waiting for me."

I sigh and take a breath, not even surprised by what he says. Given the way he was looking at me the entire time, I should've seen this one coming. The fact that he doesn't know limits though, that concerns me.

"The reason why you're here is this exact attitude, yet you just keep going," I begin, my voice calm and collected. "Didn't you learn anything from your previous years here at Port Bellevue? It's the first day of the new school year, yet you seem to keep up with your old behavior. Don't you want to graduate?"

I might not know in detail what he did the previous years, but I can imagine his behavior was comparable with this. It amazes me that this one is still allowed to come here, to be honest.

"What do you know about last year? You weren't here. You were probably in college yourself," he says, his eyes boring into mine. His irritation suddenly grows, and I have a feeling that it is because the previous years are a sore subject to him.

I roll my eyes and his darken a little more. He is so annoying. "Why do you keep putting the attention on me while this is about you and your behavior during my class?"

"Because I heard that you like attention," he simply says, looking very proud of himself because he again wiped my question off the table.

Of course, I know why he says it. He is talking about the tabloids and red carpets. And for the first time today, I hear Colton's voice inside my head that tells me that this isn't going to work.

I try to fight it, but now that I see how Grey reacts, it's hard to look past it and it is only a matter of time before other students will think like this as well. Maybe Colton is right.

I stand from my chair, mostly because I feel like I need to stretch my limbs and shake off the thought, but I fail and I'm pretty sure that Grey sees it as well.

"You know what? It is your future, not mine. I'm already where I want to be. I have my degree, I have a job and a house. Keep doing what you do. You will see where it leads you."

"Is that a threat, Mrs. Davies?" He stands from his chair as well and in quite a determined tempo, he walks over to me. He only stops when he is standing in front of me, forcing me to look up.

He is standing too close to call it appropriate, yet I can't seem to find my voice to call him out in it. I'm distracted by his eyes. Now that I see them this close, they captivate me and along with his scent, I feel the nerves pipe up in tenfold.

My reaction to him is confusing and concerning, and it almost knocks me off my feet. I try not to show it to him but by the way his eyes soften slightly, I think he knows.

"Not a threat," I manage to say, still surprisingly composed without stepping back. I don't want him to know I'm really that intimidated by him. "It's a fact. I am your teacher Mr. Grey, I deserve your respect and I will get it. The easy way or the hard way."

For a moment he doesn't say anything. His face is ten inches from mine, his eyes move up and down my body again, very slowly this time. For a brief moment they stop when he looks at my lips before his eyes focus back to mine.

I'm not wearing anything revealing, yet I feel like I'm completely naked under his gaze. It's making me uncomfortable, but deep down I also feel it in my stomach. Nobody has ever looked at me the way that he does, not even Colton.

And I have no idea how to react to it or make it stop even though that is exactly what I should do. I should stop it right now.

A small smile appears on his face. It's a different smile than the smirk that previously played around his lips, this one actually seems genuine, dare I say softly. I don't know what he is thinking, but I do know that while he looks like this, it is hard to believe what kind of terror student he actually is.

"We'll see. A lot can happen in a school year, Mrs. Davies," the smile disappears and the smirk is back. Gone is the sweet-looking guy. "Can I go now?"

I just nod my head. It's been a long day and I need to think about how to approach him. I don't know what kind of way will work with him, but I will find out. I will talk to Kate about it as well, to see if she maybe has some tips and tricks.

I watch him walk to the door, his bag swung over his shoulder. He is wearing dark blue, faded jeans with a white fitted long-sleeved shirt and white Nikes. He is tall, and even though it's very inappropriate for me to go there, I notice that he is well built. Strong arms and a muscled back, he is the popular bad boy and every girl probably wants to be his Sandy.

How I wish I could warn them; guys like him will never change. I've figured it out first hand.

When he is about to open the door, he turns towards me one more time and I am just able to drag my eyes away from him in order not to let him know that I was looking at him.

"I liked that robe better on you," he winks and looks me up and down one last time before he turns around, opens  
The door and walks out of my classroom before I can respond.

I rub my eyes, count to ten and let out a deep sigh before I walk to the door as well. I want to know Kate's opinion on this one, so I'm happy when I find her in the classroom next to mine. She is scrolling on her phone, and the moment she is aware of my presence, she looks up with a smile on her face.

"You've survived your first day! And you actually still look good."

Her joke makes me giggle and I feel the build-up tension leave my body. I guess it's all the nerves about the first day that slide off me, in combination with the irritation and frustration about Grey.

"Yeah, you were right though, the twelve graders are hell," I say as I sit on one of the desks, suddenly aware of how sore my feet are after a whole day of standing.

"Told you," she smirks, "so, what's your conclusion on them?"

"They are not interested at all, they either look bored or suicidal and their attitude is concerning considering their current occupation."

Kate laughs and nods her head in agreement, "God, I know. Even I'm depressed after a day with them. And I don't get it, I loved High School. Fooling around, the parties, absolutely no worries outside of homework. Even my teachers where making classes bearable."

I smile and pretend to agree. I've never fooled around, and the parties I went to were usually with Colton as well, so they weren't super exciting for me as for others.

"Yeah, it was a good time," I smile. "Hey, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"What's up with that Christian Grey? Is he always so..," I wave my hand from left to right by lack if words, but fortunately, Kate seems to understand it immediately.

"Annoying? Intense? An asshole? Yes, yes and yes," she nods, her expression telling me that she means every bit of it. "What did he do?"

"He is so high handed and arrogant. He just stared at me the whole time, literally scanning me and when he decided to talk, he was a huge asshole. He rated my teaching skills a one, kept returning my questions and made sure the whole group was distracted. I told him he could stay behind after the bell, and he did. And let's just say that was a whole different thing."

"Let me guess," Kate rolls her eyes, "he was even more arrogant and tried to provoke a negative reaction out of you."

"Well," I frown, thinking over our brief conversation, "not only that, but he also looked at me as if I was his prey and when he left, he told me he liked me better in a robe."

Kate's eyes widen and immediately I realize that I've not told her about Christian Grey the delivery guy yet. Logically, her reaction is spot on and shocked.

"How does he know what you look like in a robe?!"

Her reaction actually is amusing. "God, nothing like what you're thinking. I'm a married woman, Miss Kavanagh," I smirk. "No, he delivered a pizza at my place a few days ago, and I was wearing a robe. Even then he was arrogant, he looked at me as if I was water in the desert, just like today."

"God, I'm so happy that I don't live in Bellevue. The thought of seeing these demons outside of work, I can't handle it," she shakes her head. "Anyway, it sounds like the notorious Christian Grey has a little crush on you, Mrs. Davies."

Right after she finished her sentence, we both erupt into laughter.

As if.

"Grey is complicated," she says after we both have stopped laughing. "His story is actually kind of sad. Have you read his file?"

I shake my head, " I haven't had the time to read any file. And I actually didn't because I wanted to find out who they were by myself, without having any information."

Kate nods her head, "okay. Do you want to know more now that you've met him or do you still want to find it out yourself?"

"You can tell me." I'm curious now, and I doubt he will ever tell me himself considering his reaction when I talked about the previous years.

"Did you have Mia Grey today?" She starts by asking while she leans back in her chair.

I nod my head, only now realizing that they have the same name. "Yes. Are they family?"

"Cousins," Kate nods. "He's been living with his aunt and uncle since he was four years old, they had custody until he turned eighteen this summer. As far as I know, his biological parents aren't in the picture. We don't know what happened exactly, but he has been through a lot."

I let what she is telling me to sink in for a moment, my mind running through every scenario as to why his biological parents aren't in the picture. My first thought is that they are dead which is also an explanation for the custody issue.

"I found that the more I let him be, the better he is to deal with. Last year I got into discussions with him a lot, and he seems to enjoy it. He is also annoyingly good at it, so I tend to avoid that," Kate interrupts my thoughts. "It's not like he needs a lot of teaching anyway, the kid is smart as hell. He had to do eleventh grade for a second time because he stole answers to a test and sold them."

She is actually grinning while she is saying that last part, and I wonder why.

"It's kind of funny," she continues, "he and a friend of his broke into the teacher's wing during the Christmas ball and just took the tests out of Brown's office. When Brown found out three weeks later, Grey proudly told him how he did it, while the whole team listened. He has got some balls."

"The only reason why he is still here is that thankfully, the exams weren't taken yet, so they were able to provide different ones. But Grey and John Flynn couldn't go to twelveth as a consequence of their action."

"Wow," I say, actually a little bit shocked. The lengths students go to these days, it's insane.

"Yeah," Kate agrees. "You want to know what he did last year?"

Her eyes twinkle now and I have a feeling that what she is about to yell me, isn't as bad as stealing answers out of an office, so I nod my head.

"He stole the key of the teacher's restrooms from Barney, the janitor, and took Leila Williams up there multiple times. And not to do homework."

"Oh my God," my eyes widen, "that's disgusting."

"Yeah, I know," she laughs. "He did other things too, with the group. If I would tell you we would be here all night. I'd really recommend it to you to read the files of that group though, it might help you."

She is right. If I read them, I know exactly what kind of stunts they pulled, and that might work in my advantage.

"I will," I tell her, standing from the desk. "I'm heading home, you too?"

"Yeah," she nods, "go grab your stuff, we'll walk out together."


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: So, I had some very sad news the other day. Due to reorganization, my colleague and I heard that we are no longer needed at our work. I've worked there for five years and I didn't see it coming at all so it was a big shock. Also, my mind wasn't really into the whole writing because of it. Along with my son who still has a vacation, it's a little hectic, so I'm sorry for not posting like you are used to. I have definitely not forgotten about this one, and I will continue posting but it might take a little longer. Enjoy this one and thank you all or the reviews. Xx Milou.**

Seven: Household Grey.

The moment I walk out of the classroom, I see John waiting for me. His phone in his hand and his head bowed, he is scrolling to kill the time.

"Yo, ready to go?" I get his attention away from his phone, his head shooting up while he smirks.

"What did you two talk about?" He asks as we walk through the hallway in high tempo. I need to get out of this building and breath in some fresh air.

I don't know what it is about her but she's got me all worked up. She is sex on legs, gorgeous with an attitude and strong personality yet when I talked to her just now I saw insecurity as well. I feel the huge need to provoke her because I enjoy the way she reacts to me. I'm already dreading the next time I see her since I will probably earn detention, but at the same time, a part of me can't wait.

"She called me out on what I said," I simply shrug, showing him that it isn't a big deal and that I'm not impressed.

"What do you think about her? Nice right?" He wiggles his eyebrows as we walk out of the building to our cars, the fresh September breeze immediately making me feel better.

I've survived the first day.

"Yeah," I nod, not really feeling the need to elaborate. I don't even know what I truly think about her.

"Do you know her?" He asks when he realizes I'm not going to say anything else.

I raise my eyebrow while I look at him interrogatively. I've already told him that I'd never heard of her before he told me about her. "No, I told you that."

"I know," he frowns, "but you also said that you've seen her in less than what she wore today."

Oh right, I forgot about that.

"I delivered a pizza at her house. She opened the door and was wearing a robe. I didn't really see anything, but technically she did wear less since it was only one clothing item," I smirk as John rolls his eyes. He actually looks disappointed. "What? Not as juicy as you hoped?"

He shrugs, "well, it's disappointing considering your reputation, Grey."

I roll my eyes and start walking a little faster, somehow annoyed by his judgemental comment. That whole reputation is bullshit, even though I act as if I had loads. I don't do just everyone because I feel like I need to come. I'm picky. Before Leila, there were only two others.

When we reach the cars, I'm greeted by Mia. She asked me this morning if she could drive home with me, and I agreed. She normally goes with her friends, but for some reason, she wanted to drive home with me. I don't mind it though, we get along. Almost as if we are brother and sister.

"Christian!" Mia happily greets me once she spots me, "did you survive the first day? Hi John."

John nods his head in greeting and I nod my head, "it was okay. You?"

"Great!" She claps, "I'm actually being taught by Anastasia Davies, can you believe it? I've seen her in magazines and on tv once, and today she was standing right in front of me. It was so cool. Do you have a class from her as well?"

I roll my eyes and say goodbye to John before I push Mia towards the car. It's as if the only subject everyone can talk about now is the new math teacher and it's starting to annoy me immensely.

"The last class I had was from her," I mumble as I open the door of the passenger's seat for her, "I wasn't impressed."

It's a lie. I'm kind of impressed by the way she stood in front of us before I started talking to her. And I'm definitely impressed by how she looks, but I won't tell Mia that.

"Liar," she giggles just before I close the door, making me grin.

While we drive away, we just listen to the radio. It's a comfortable ride. The windows are rolled down, the radio softly playing and the wind is running through our hair, it's the best way to end the first school day. Even with Mia sitting next to me while chatting my ears off about everything that her friends did during summer break.

"Do you have plans for tomorrow?" Mia suddenly asks when she is done talking about her friends.

"Uhm, school?"

She rolls her eyes, "you know what I mean. Do you want to go to your mom?"

I sigh and rub my eyes with my right hand for a brief moment. It's sweet of Mia to ask but I honestly don't feel like going.

"Mia, my mom is dead and tomorrow is just the day that will remind me of that a little more than usual. To me, her grave isn't more than a place where people lay flowers."

She grabs my hand and squeezes it softly, "I know. I just asked to be sure. It's been fourteen years tomorrow and I wanted to check if you still feel the same."

"I still feel the same," I confirm, not wanting to talk about it further.

It's not that tomorrow is easy for me. Far from it actually, but going to her grave won't make me feel any closer to her. I've only been there once when she was laid to rest, and I hardly remember it. The only thing I see when I think about that day are yellow flowers. I remember how confused I was that day. It all looked too happy.

"I'm sure mom and dad will go, so I'll join them. I can bring some flowers from you if you want me to?" She tries again, her expression hopeful.

"Mia," I start, trying very hard not to sound angry since I know she means well. "You know how I feel about it."

"I do, but I just wish you would forgive her. It wasn't her fault, Christian. She was sick," she sighs, her thumb still stroking my hand.

"She was an addict, that's something else. She felt the need to use that shit while she had me right there with her. She couldn't resist it and she dragged me into it. You have no idea what it was like, Mia."

I know she is trying to understand. They all try. Carrick, Grace, and Elliot as well, but they will never know what it was like.

"Okay," Mia whispers, understanding that I won't change my mind. I feel bad that I snapped at her, but when it comes to this, I just can't control myself.

I know that she was young. Being a mom of a newborn at eighteen can't be easy, especially when you are alone, but it isn't an excuse to isolate yourself and start drinking and using. She should have known better. Her love for me should've been stronger.

Carrick was the only one that tried to look after his younger sister, but she didn't let him in. By the time she overdosed, he already had informed youth services about the situation and he was waiting for the green light to get me out of there. Unfortunately, it took too long and I found my mom on the bathroom floor with a needle sticking out of her arm, eyes rolled away, lips blue and skin white as a sheet.

It is not something a four-year-old child should see, ever.

"I hope mom made meatballs," Mia pulls me out of my thoughts when we drive onto the porch, "I'm starving."

I smile and nod my head in agreement, happy with the distraction. It's just for a while because I know Carrick and Grace will ask me about tomorrow as well, so I just enjoy it while it lasts.

* * *

During dinner, the conversation briefly shifted to the subject, but fortunately, Carrick and Grace understood that I don't feel the need to go with them to the cemetery tomorrow. They didn't push me, they didn't try to talk to me about it. They just accepted it and it shows me once again that they are really patient with me.

Patience. It seems to be the second name of Carrick and Grace Grey. It can't be easy to take in your traumatized four-year-old nephew because your sister couldn't stay off the drugs, yet they did it without thinking. They didn't care how it would change their life or the life of Mia, who was two, and Elliot, who was my age. They just wanted me safe.

They've helped me with the process of grief. They talked and listened, they went with me to a psychiatrist and they made sure I felt the safety I'd missed so much during my first years. They managed to get me back on my feet, saved my life, and I will be in their debt forever for that.

Even when I had to do eleventh grade again en now that I am in the so-called 'problem students class', they still help me. Yes, they have rules now and I need to live by them strictly, but they never once made me feel as if they made a mistake to take me in. They treat me like their own, and I love them for it.

"Do you want coffee, Christian?"

Grace is walking with the last remainings of dinner from the dinner table to the open kitchen, Mia helping her too. Carrick and I are sitting on the couch, watching the news like we always do after dinner. It's a ritual; after they've cleaned up, we all drink coffee together before Mia and I go upstairs to do our own thing.

It's quieter now that Elliot is in college and living in a dorm. He graduated last year and has moved to Seattle with two friends. I miss him around the house. Out of everyone, Elliot is my best friend even though we are total opposites. He is serious and I am more relaxed, but together we can talk for hours without disagreeing once. It's great and I can't wait until he comes to visit this weekend.

"Yeah, I'll make it. You want one too, Carrick?" After Carrick has nod his head, I stand and walk into the kitchen.

Another thing that is chill about them, is that they never expected me to call them mom and dad. From the beginning, it has been Carrick and Grace, even though I think that deep down I consider them as my mom and dad. Carrick for sure.

I have never met my biological dad. What I know about him, is what Carrick has told me and he'd only met him a couple of times. When my mom found out she was pregnant, he broke up with her and made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with her and the baby. According to Carrick, he and his family moved out of the state soon after that.

"Can you make me and Mia one as well?" Grace smiles while she puts the last things in the dishwasher, thankfully not a trace of disappointment because I won't join them tomorrow.

"Sure."

"Oh, I want a latte, Christian. With the foamy milk and cocoa on top," Mia pipes up from behind me.

I chuckle, "what the hell am I? A barista?

Now Mia snorts, "please, you don't come close. But, you are a nice person who likes to make his favorite cousins a latte macchiato because you love her so much."

I roll my eyes and decide to just nod my head and get on with it. And while I'm at it, I'll make Grace one of those latte macchiatos as well, because I know she likes them too.

When I have all of them done, I walk back to the sitting area where Mia is talking once again about her first day at school. During dinner, we've talked about it briefly, but other than a short nod and a 'good', I haven't really told them more about my first schoolday.

"And Christian's got a class from her as well and even he was impressed," Mia claps excitedly.

Jesus Christ, again back on that Davies.

"Really?" Grace asks surprised, her eyebrow raised. It's the first time she hears this kind of information, so I don't blame her for looking as hopeful as she does now.

"I never said that," I shrug. I really don't want to talk about Anastasia Davies. I already keep thinking about what happened in class for reasons that I don't understand, talking about her would make it even more irritating.

"You didn't have to," Mia giggles, "I heard you and John talking about how you delivered a pizza at her place, among other things."

I look at her for a second before I click my tongue, "that just tells that I'm devoted to my work and remember customers."

"Why is a woman like that even teaching at a high school if she has fame and fortune already?" Grace frowns, obviously confused. Mia, who is sitting next to her, seems to have thought about this as well.

That's the million-dollar question.

"Maybe she is not as shallow as you ladies think," Carrick pipes up without looking up from the tv. I knew he was listening, he was just waiting for the right time to join the conversation. He is patient as fuck and I admire that about him.

"I'm not saying she is shallow. It just seems a little odd, that's all."

Mia again nods her head, agreeing with her mother. "And she is way too pretty to teach."

I roll my eyes. Talking about shallow.

"Oh, wait," Grace suddenly claps her hands, "let's Google her. I'm curious now."

Mia is definitely a clone of her mother. Elliot is more like Carrick, easy-going and serious. Sometimes, Grace and Mia are a bit too much.

"Anastasia Davies Steele, born on September 11th, 1993, is mostly known as the sister of Taylor and Luke Steele, owners of Steele Enterprises Holdings. She is married to Colton Davies. They actually tied the knot just nine months ago," Mia starts the moment she has found the Wikipedia page of her new math teacher. "God, he is handsome."

When I look at the screen of her phone, I see a picture of Anastasia with what I assume is Colton Davies. The fucker is handsome, I'll give him that, but for some reason, I hate the sight of him. The woman next to him doesn't look like the Anastasia I met today. She is wearing heavy make-up and her smile seems forced, almost as if she hates to be there.

"They look like the ultimate power couple," Mia swoons, clearly not seeing what I'm seeing.

For someone who's just married her soulmate, she definitely doesn't look happy at all. She looks fake and small while the teacher I met today looked fierce and gorgeous.

"Is she just twenty-six? Isn't that a bit young to be teaching at a high school?" Grace frowns after she has done the math.

Again Carrick mixes into the conversation, now turning his attention fully on the two gossiping ladies. "She's got the job, so the board thinks she can handle it. Never judge a book by its cover."

He is right; I feel like that is the best way to describe Anastasia Davies.

"You're right, dear," Grace smiles before she turns her attention to me. "I hope she will be able to keep your class straight. You should go easy on her, Christian, you are eighteen now after all. You know better now, right?"

She is looking at me hopefully, and I wish I could promise her that I will behave. After everything they did for me, it's the least I can do. They have put up with all my shit. Sure, they were mad and disappointed sometimes, but they never made me feel less than Elliot and Mia. They always treated me as one of their own.

And still, I can't promise them I don't get into trouble, simply because trouble always seems to find its way to me.

I shrug, stand from the couch and walk to the door while trying to joke my way out of it, "you know me, Grace. I can't be tamed."

I can see her and Mia roll their eyes before I close the door behind me. I don't care if they don't believe me, I know deep down it's the truth. This is who I am, fucked up and all, and I'll not change it until I am free from school.

Not even for a math teacher.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you for your patience! In this one, I hope to give you some more information on Ana and her brothers, as well as on why Taylor and Luke don't seem to hate Colton that much. The next one will be a huge one though. Enjoy and let me know what you think! Xx Milou.**

Eight: Dinner for the working girl.

"How was it?" Colton asks the moment I step into the car. His voice sounds curious and when I look at him, I find him already looking at me with big eyes.

I look back out the window and wave to Kate who has just reached her car. Then I turn back to Colton. "It was busy. A lot happened, and I still need to process everything, but overall I'm positive."

While he drives away, he nods his head, his eyes on the road. "It's always busy on the first day. It'll get less when you've got the hang of it. How where the students? Did they recognize you?"

His voice sounds a little hopeful, but he tries to hide it. I guess deep down he still hopes that I will quit and precisely for that reason I won't tell him about what happened with Leila Williams and Christian Grey.

"Some of them did, but not in a negative way. I actually was able to use it to break the ice," I smile.

For a brief moment, he looks at me, a small smile on his face. "That's good," he nods and then turns his attention back to the road again.

After a short silence, I decide to return his question. I'm curious how it's going with his new assistant Rose.

"How was your day?"

"Busy as well," he starts, his voice sounding tired, "we almost have an agreement with that production company I told you about, but it has been a struggle. On top of it, Rose seems to have trouble with the computer program we use so nine out of ten times, I need to help her."

I'm not sure how to react to that since the last time I said something about Rose didn't end well, so I just nod my head.

After five minutes of listening to Colton talking about his deal, I notice that we aren't driving to our house. As far as I know, we don't have any plans, and Colton isn't the type of guy that just surprises me out of nowhere.

"Where are we going?"

A small smile plays around his lips, "your brother invited us over for dinner, to celebrate your first day. I thought you might like to see them."

Immediately, I feel a little less tense, knowing that Colton and I won't be alone for dinner. It gives me the feeling that I can talk about work a little more without worrying it ends up in a discussion.

"Which one?"

Coltons snorts, "Taylor. But Luke and Hannah will be there too."

"That's great," I excitedly say, "I've missed Taylor and Luke. They are always busy. Who's idea was this?"

"Taylor called me this afternoon, but I honestly think it was Gail that organized it. I heard her talking about the time in the distance. Of course, she didn't call me herself," he rolls his eyes.

Because I don't want the night to start like this, I grab his hand and squeeze it once. "Don't be like that. She was probably busy preparing dinner."

I know it's not true, and Colton probably knows that too, but I want to keep the peace during this evening. It's time both Colton and Gail stop behaving like kids.

"Whatever you say," Colton mumbles while we drive onto the porch of Taylor and Gail's house. Thankfully, they live close to our house. Luke has an apartment in Seattle, so that is a little further away. I'm actually curious if Hannah has moved in with him already. I will ask them during dinner.

"Hey," I get Colton's attention before he leaves the car, "thank you for doing this. It's going to be fun."

He smiles and nods, "sure. I know you miss them. It's not punishment for me either, you know. I'm okay with your brothers."

He is out of the car before I can respond. I honestly don't know if he really means it, but I have to admit that he's never given me a reason to doubt what he just said, and it always seems like my brothers are okay with him as well.

I get out of the car as well and while we walk up to the front door, with Colton's arm around my waist, I once again admire the house. Taylor and Gail's house is very imposing. They've been living here for a few years now and when they bought it, I actually thought that kids would come soon after considering the family status this huge house has.

But a year ago, Taylor and Gail told us that after trying for a long time, they found out that having a baby isn't as simple for them as it is for others. They even tried IVF three times, but when the third try also failed, Gail didn't want to do it anymore.

The hormones and disappointment were too much for her, and so she tried to accept that kids aren't in store for her and Taylor. At least, not in the way of her carrying one of her own. I know Taylor opted adoption a couple of times, but for now, Gail can't seem to be excited about that.

"There she is," Gail grins as she opens the door with Taylor standing right behind her. "Our working girl. Oh, Ana, you have to tell us everything!"

She pulls me in a hug that intensifies her words even more. When she has let me go, Taylor does the same, topping it off with a kiss on top of my head.

"I'm proud of you, rabbit," he mumbles into my hair. The mention of the nickname that Luke and he gave me years ago making me smile.

I hated that nickname when I was growing up. They gave it to me because my two front teeth were not really in proportion with the rest of my teeth, hence the name rabbit. Countless of times I went to dad when they called me that, and he always told them to stop but of course, they never did.

Now, that I have had bracelets and the two big teeth aren't as obvious anymore, the nickname reminds me of our childhood and surprisingly, I find it cute that they still call me that.

"Thanks," I smile, "thank you for inviting us. I've missed you."

A guilty expression covers his face, "I know, I'm sorry about that. I've been so caught up at work, I'm hardly home. I promise it will be better soon."

I nod and follow him into the living room, where Luke and Hannah are already drinking a glass of wine. Just like Taylor, Luke is on his feet and I'm in his arms in no time.

"Did you show those whining kids whos boss, little sister?" He immediately asks, making me chuckle.

Taylor and Luke couldn't be more different. Taylor is always a serious one. Realistic and almost like the dad figure. Luke is anything but that. He is the goofy brother that would get me alcohol and weed if I wasn't old enough to get it myself.

It's a miracle that they run a successful business together without disagreeing on everything.

"A little," I smile while moving to greet Hannah, who is standing next to Luke. "Hi, Hannah."

"Alright, dinner is ready, so let's move to the dining table and then we can hear all about your first day."

We all follow Gail to the dining area, where we find a beautiful table set up. It isn't set up in a fancy way though, it's cozier and even a little messy but I love it. It is real, unlike the dinner table I always set for Colton. That one feels forced and fake.

By the look on Colton's face, I can see he is thinking about the same thing, only not in a positive way. I'm really not sure why he is so strict with this kind of things anyway, he doesn't come from a family that is over the top. His parents are normal people.

"Wine?" Taylor asks when we are all seated.

Colton and I nod our heads and a few moments later, we are all into the delicious dinner Gail has made. After all the compliments directed to Gail about all the food, the attention shifts to me and my first day at Port Bellevue.

Taylor is the first one to start. "So, tell us about it. Do you have nice colleagues?"

"Yes, I mean, the ones I have met are nice. The woman next to my classroom is great. She is a year older than me, and it is her second year at Port Bellevue. She is nice and very welcoming, we've talked about some students. Mr. Brown is also very nice. He really has faith in me that I can do it."

Everyone is looking at me with interest, even Colton. He is looking at me intently and he has moved his arm over my shoulders while he strokes my arm. It are the touches that I'm used to when we are around our family. He always acts as if it's something natural for him to do.

"Of course you can do it, Ana. You've worked your ass off in school for this," Luke says, looking sincere, "how were the students?"

I take a sip of my wine and debate on telling them about the terror class. It might be good to talk to them about it. Everyone on this table has experience in working with people. They might know a few tricks as well.

"The students are okay. I've taught some of the tenth, eleventh and twelveth classes today. The first four went fine, I broke the ice and after that, they seemed interested in the things I was saying. The last class was a different story."

The curious eyes make me giggle before I continue. "During my first day, Mr. Brown had informed the team about one group of seniors. He called them troublemakers. Those students terrorized the whole school in the previous years. Some of them even needed to do eleventh grade twice. They are under strict surveillance now and have rules that they need to follow. If they misbehave, they are out without a warning. And they were my last class of the day."

"Damn, that sounds like a group that Luke would've liked," Taylor jokes, making me giggle.

He is right, Luke was horrible in high school. It must come with the popularity, just like the whole Grey situation.

"How did it go?" Hannah asks, completely ignoring Taylor's statement. I've noticed that she doesn't like to hear stories about Luke and his life before her, and I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to know that either if I were her.

"They are horrible. They seem depressed and they have a huge attitude. One girl asked me if I was the famous Anastasia Davies while she looked at me as if I was trash. I did set her straight though, but the others weren't impressed at all."

I stop for a moment and then take a deep breath, "and there is this guy, he is just an asshole. He's one of the students that did eleventh grade twice, and he seems like the popular one. He has no respect for me at all and I have no idea how to handle it."

I decide to leave it at that since the three guys around this table would lose their shit if I tell them how Grey was looking at me and what he said to me. Unfortunately, Gail is too curious.

"Really? What does he do?"

I roll my eyes and wave my hand, acting not impressed. "Oh you know, typical adolescent stuff. He does everything to get attention from  
his fellow students, and by that, he just messes with my lesson. When I call him out on it, he just laughs. He seems to enjoy provoking me."

"Fuck. You would really be like a fish in the water around them, Luke," Taylor laughs again, slamming his hand on the table.

Luke snorts and then leans over his plate a little like he is going to tell me a little secret, "listen, rabbit. You know what you need to do with that guy?"

I shake my head, eyes wide as I curiously wait for him to continue. "What?"

"You need to ignore him. Trust me, I know. I used to provoke the fuck out of my teachers and they would always bite which made it way more enjoyable for me. It gave me power because other students saw that I could drive the teachers insane. I could get reactions out of them that nobody had ever seen. And you don't want to be that kind of teacher."

"You want to show those other kids that he doesn't get to you," he continues, looking very serious all of the sudden. "If you ignore his behavior and don't react to anything he says, it won't be fun for him, it will be humiliating. I bet he is doing it to impress the chicks, and when said chicks see that a woman like Anastasia Davies isn't impressed by his behavior at all, they will just pity him."

I think about what he is saying. I honestly don't think it is that simple with Grey, but it's worth giving it a try. God knows that what happened today wasn't good for my credibility.

"I'm so happy I wasn't in high school with you," Hannah mumbles, looking a little shocked about how much Luke knows about the behavior of the troublemakers. It makes me giggle.

"Me too, baby," Luke smirks while he moves his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer. "I would've fought everyone who even looked at you and I would've been kicked off after a day."

Hannah rolls her eyes as if she isn't impressed, but I can see a blush creeping up her cheeks that confirms that she does like what he says. It makes me smile, seeing Luke like this. He is so different around Hannah. She really brings out the best in him and he wants to be good for her.

I still feel Colton's fingertips running over my upper arm, and for a moment I just let myself believe that we are just like my brother and Hannah. Happy, in love and the best for each other.

"Colton, how's business?" Taylor gets the attention of my husband, who has been quietly looking at me. I felt his eyes on me the moment I started talking about my first day and they haven't left me since. I don't know what he is thinking, it honestly could go either way.

"Good. Busy as always, but that's a good sign," he nods while his gaze finally leaves me and turns to Taylor, who is sitting opposite him.

Taylor, Luke, and Colton soon are deep into a conversation about work, and while Hannah and Gail talk about their work as well, I once again drift away and think about everything that happened today.

While it was a very positive dag considering the first four classes went fine, I keep thinking about Grey. The way he acted really affected me and the reason behind it concerns me.

Deep down I know it isn't just because he disrespected me or because he made fun of me. It's not only because he looks at me like I am a piece of meat that he wants to devour. It's not even about that annoying smirk that never seems to leave his face.

It's because deep down, I felt something when he looked at me with those grey eyes. I've never felt it before and I wish I could say it is something that comes close to hate, but it isn't.

What I do know, is that it's something that I am not allowed to feel.

* * *

After dinner, Colton soon wanted to leave and now we are sitting in the car while he is driving us home. He is silent, his hand is resting in my upper leg and while I'm trying to focus on the song that's playing on the radio, I feel like he is seconds away from breaking the silence.

"You didn't tell me about that terror class when I picked you up," he breaks the silence not two seconds later, sounding indignant.

I tear my gaze from the window and look at him. His eyes are focused on the road, but his whole attention is at me. I can feel it. The hand that is holding my leg tightens in grip and he has turned the sound of the radio on mute.

"I guess I was more impressed about all the good things that happened," I mumble, not really sure what he wants to hear.

His eyes turn to me for a moment before they turn back to the road. It was so brief, that I didn't really have the change to read his expression but I do know that he doesn't look mad.

"That guy from the terror class, what else did he do?" He asks after a few minutes of silence. He still doesn't sound mad, but he doesn't sound interested either. It's more a demanding tone as if he already knows the answer.

"He was just provoking me, Colton. Nothing big. I think that the real problem was that I underestimated the group. I wasn't prepared and they felt that. And maybe that guy just felt that a little more. I don't know. Tomorrow I'll try to do it the way Luke said."

I hope he stops talking about it now since I really don't want to tell him what Grey said to me. Colton isn't particularly jealous, but I bet he is when it's about an eighteen-year-old who is eye-fucking me on the school where he didn't want me to work in the first place.

"If you say so," he skeptically says, obviously not impressed by Luke's advice. "What's his name?"

My eyes widen and before I think over my answer, I defensively fold my arms together. "Why?"

When his eyes meet mine, I can see he is surprised by my sudden snap. "Just out of interest. Why are you reacting like that?"

"Because you know I can't talk about the students like that. It's confidential, Colton."

He rolls his eyes, "that's bullshit, Ana. You can tell your husband about it. What the hell do you think I'm going to do with that information anyway? Do a background check? Go to his house and tell him not to be so hard on my wife? Come on."

The tone he uses once again makes me feel like what I do isn't anything special, but I choose to ignore it for now. Instead, I go back to the subject.

"His name is Christian. The name of the girl that gave me an attitude is Leila."

Colton just nods his head and doesn't react any further. It makes me wonder why he asked once again, especially now that he doesn't seem to do anything with the information I just told him.

"Can I bring you again tomorrow?" He asks the moment we arrive at our house. It's almost as if he is going to say goodbye to me before he drops me off and the thought makes me frown. It's so abrupt.

"Sure," I nod, "are you going to say goodnight to me too?"

He turns off the engine and then turns his whole body toward me while his hand found my cheek, his thumb stroking me just under my eye while a smile creeps onto his face.

It reminds me of high school and how we were back then. How he used to drop me off and kiss me for minutes before he was willing to let me go.

"Goodnight baby," he whispers as he leans closer, his lips only millimeters from mine. It's unexpected that he plays along and completely not like the Colton I married, but it's nice for a change.

"Goodnight," I giggle before he presses his lips against mine.

It's a short, sweet but intense kiss, and when we break apart, his eyes are dark and his breathing shallow. I know what he is thinking, and without thinking it over too much, I just follow him when he opens the car door, letting him lead, in hopes the grey eyes will be replaced by blue ones.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, I'm posting two shorter ones today. Originally, it was meant to be one chapter, but while I was writing, I suddenly wanted to switch pov's. Haha. So, two today! Thank you for all the reviews. Enjoy! Xx**

Nine: While I look at you.

"Why the fuck did I need to meet you two here forty-five minutes early, John? This isn't the day to fuck me up, trust me."

I'm cold, I'm still not fully awake and I feel like I haven't slept the whole night which is also the truth since I kept thinking about what happened exactly fourteen years ago. To top it off, John called me around six to ask me if I could meet him and Dave early behind the school. He didn't want to tell me why, but he promised it would be worth it.

Of course, I couldn't say no, even though I should have. Curiosity is a son of a bitch.

"We want to give the teachers a warm welcome," John grins while wiggling his eyebrows. Dave, who is standing next to him is nodding in agreement. "Don't you think they deserve that?"

This is going to be fucked up, but I would be lying if I say I'm not intrigued.

"What did you two have in mind then?"

Dave slides his backpack off his shoulder and after he opens it, he gets out a package which he presents to me with pride.

I roll my eyes, "seriously? A fucking stink bomb? What are we? Seven?"

Un-fucking-believable. Did I get out of bed way too early, for this?

"Not just a stink bomb, man," John pipes up while also opening his bag. "Forty stink bombs. And they will go off the moment the first bell rings. It will be epic."

"And it will also get us kicked off, idiot. You know we have no leash at all. Are you fucking stupid?"

I seriously can't believe they are willing to risk getting kicked off for something as stupid as this. It's not even a good prank. It's childish.

"That's why we're here early. We are going to install a trigger on these two bags, so they'll go off without us needing to activate them. They'll never know who did it."

Dave and John look proud as fuck and sure of their case, but I'm not feeling it. I just want everything to go quiet and fast, especially today.

"Well, good luck. I'm sitting this one out," I tell them.

"Suit yourself, but not a word to anyone, mate," John shrugs before he and Dave get their attention on their little science project.

I turn and decide to walk to the entrance of the school. It's still thirty-five minutes until the first bell rings, so I plan on sitting in my car and listening to some music before another day in hell starts.

I walk determined, head down and a hoody over my head as I do, completely isolating myself from everything around me. But the moment I reach the front of the school, a matt black BMW X6 that stops a few feet away from me gets my attention.

It's a nice car, but it's not what makes it hard to look away. It's who is sitting in the passenger's seat that makes it impossible for me to tear my eyes away or even walk along.

Why the hell is she this early? And for what fucking reason is that dickhead sitting next to her? Can't she drive her own car?

I watch her open the door and give a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes to the black-haired man in a suit. She voices a soft 'bye' before the door closes and the car drives off. She doesn't even have time to turn around and it all looks quite abrupt.

As if she feels my eyes on her, she turns into my direction just a second later and for some reason, I'm still standing there, unable to move.

Her powder blue eyes look wet and red, and the dark circles under her eyes tell me that she hasn't slept. Before I know what I'm doing, I feel my legs move, bringing me closer to her.

She rolls her eyes as she turns away from me to make her way to the entrance of the school, but somehow I'm quicker. It takes three more steps before I'm next to her, and without even trying or doing it on purpose, I manage to play the role of irritating asshole student to perfection.

"I like the car. Its got a nice ass."

I expect her to roll her eyes again before she calls me out on what I said, but to my surprise, she just keeps walking without even looking at me. Not even a sigh. Nothing.

"Cranky today?" I try again, walking a little faster now so I can walk in front of her, forcing her to slow her tempo.

Again, nothing. Silence. The only thing I hear are the taps of her heels on the stones. Nice heels by the way. Very nice heels.

"Are you ignoring me, Mrs. Davies?" I smirk, standing still now which makes her bump into me.

I really can't help it. I need a reaction out of her.

She moves her head up and her blue eyes meet mine. She looks like she is on the edge of crying, her eyes begging me to just stop whatever it is that I'm doing. I'm taken aback by her gaze and for some reason, I instantly feel guilty for crowding her like this.

She looks small. Not just her height, but her whole demeanor. She looks fragile and weak, even though her outfit screams confidence and toughness.

"Just get out of my way, please," her soft voice pleads, almost breaking.

"Are you okay?" I ask. I have no idea why I'm even asking, but it was out before I could think and I feel the need to know why she is suddenly acting like this.

"I'm fine."

Before I can even step aside or respond, she walks past me, bumping her shoulder against my chest as she does. And I'm stunned.

This can't be a reaction to what I did, not after how she called me out just yesterday.

I don't even know why I care, but I find myself curious to what made her react like this and I'm pretty fucking sure it has something to do with that matt black BMW and the asshole who drove it away that abruptly.

* * *

"Everybody gather in the gym! Stay calm and gather in the gym!"

Everywhere I look, there are students running with their hands or shirts in front of their faces in an attempt to not get a sniff of the horrendous smell that's currently hanging in the hallways of Port Bellevue.

Mr. Brown and several other teachers are trying to get all of us out of the hallways, without making it huge chaos. So far, it isn't working at all.

The reaction of the girls is hysterical. They are screaming and crying as if it's world war three. The guys are all cursing in disgust, but are also entertained and see this as an opportunity to not go to classes for the rest of the day.

I have to admit, John and Dave outdid themselves. As far as I have seen, they weren't anywhere near the backpacks when the bombs went off, and the impact is huge.

The stink bombs went off just a second after the first bell, which means that all the hallways were already full of students. The timing was absolutely spot on and I'm actually a little disappointed for not being able to take any credit.

"To the gym!" A teacher right next to me screams, obviously not as calm as Mr. Brown instructed us to be just seconds ago. It's hilarious.

I follow the group of students to the gym, my sweater covering my nose and mouth. The smell is so bad, that I can even taste it. It's impossible not to gag.

"How about that?" John bumps my shoulder while he walks next to me, a huge satisfying smirk on his face.

I can't fight the smile and when we finally reach the gym, I let my sweater fall from my face. "Yeah, pretty epic. I'll give you that one. Good job."

Dave and John both look proud as fuck. They should be, the whole fucking school is in hysterics and I doubt the lessons will continue as scheduled after this. It will take at least three hours for the smell to become less.

I look around and roll my eyes as I see Leila and Sara walk over to us. Both still hold their hand in front of their mouth and nose, and they look pissed.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Leila barks at me the moment she reaches me, her chest almost against mine and her face in my zone.

I raise my eyebrow, "excuse me?"

"You couldn't give us the heads up? I won't ever get this smell out of my clothes and this is fucking Louis Vuitton. You better pay for it."

"I don't give a flying fuck if it's Louis, Carl or Victor. I didn't do this so quit the attitude," I hiss, moving further into her face to intimidate her.

Thankfully it works, and I see her move back a little bit. "Please, this screams Christian Grey," she rolls her eyes.

"Ouch," Dave says while moving his hand to his chest, faking hurt. "I would say it's a little of all of us."

Before Leila can come back with a smart remark, I see Mr. Brown approach, and by the looks of it, he is thinking what Dave just said.

When he is standing in front of our group, he folds his arms and lets his glasses slide off his nose a little so he can look over the rim. "Care to explain what happened just now?"

He sounds steady, but I know there is burning rage inside. He is mad as fuck, and he is trying to keep his composure because he knows what happens if he shows the anger. We will get angry too.

"I have no idea, Sir, but it smells fishy," John answers while fighting the smirk just like Dave and I are trying to do.

He is looking at the three of us, his eyes dark and expression strong. I can tell he is choosing his next words carefully.

"If I find out that this was your doing, it's the end. You three realize that, don't you? I will kick you out within a heartbeat, without a single trace of regret."

I shrug, "thank the Gods that it wasn't our doing then."

With a knowing, intense look, Mr. Brown turns around and moves through the students and teachers to make his way back to the front.

"Fucking asshole," John curses under his breath, voicing what everybody thinks.

I nod my head and look around the gym. All these people are here, completely disoriented because John and Dave pulled a stupid prank. Unbelievable. What the fuck happens when there is a fire?

My eyes go from the left side of the gym to the right, and stop immediately when they spot the powder blue eyes that seem to haunt me since I first saw them when I delivered a pizza.

She is leaning against the wall, her arms crossed and her focus is on me. One eyebrow is raised, her expression serious. She is not planning on looking away any time soon and I like that idea.

It surprises me that she looks like this, considering how she looked when I greeted her this morning. The dark circles under her eyes seem gone, and her eyes aren't red anymore either. It seems like Anastasia Davies has pulled herself together again.

And she gets fucking sexier every time I look at her.

I can't seem to look away and raise my eyebrow as well, silently asking her what the hell she is looking at. Or for, I'm not sure. She doesn't react though, she just keeps her gaze on me, steady and controlled.

Her eyes are burning, and everything around me seems to fade the more I focus on her. She is one of those people that can get a giant gym like this quiet with just her presence. It's just something about her, and I know it's dangerous territory.

For me and for her.

We are well into our staring contest when Mr. Brown breaks our eye contact by raising his voice to instruct us on what to do next.

"Attention everyone! We will go to the classrooms in groups of twenty. You will follow your schedule, and take the classes like you were supposed to do today. We'll work on the smell in the hallway. From what I've heard, the classes aren't as bad."

All the students protest loudly, obviously not happy about the decision of Brown, but I have to say I don't mind it as much as the others. I'm actually happy because the first class of our day happens to be one of Mrs. Davies.

And fuck, do I want to win our little staring contest today.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Number two! And things will get a little more dangerous. Enjoy! X**

Ten: Spectacular.

Today couldn't be more horrible and it isn't even nine yet. The idea of having to give four classes today is almost as depressing as the fact that I haven't slept last night and it's not working in my advantage.

For a moment, yesterday seemed to end positively. We had a nice dinner at Taylor and Gail's place, I got some advice that I can use and Colton seemed to be his rare playful self.

Everything was fine until we closed the front door, and it is all my fault.

He was into me. Very into me. Kissing and groping me like we really were those two teenagers in the first few weeks of our relationship. And if it had happened a few days ago, I would have been just as into it as he was.

But I wasn't.

I was distracted by those damn grey eyes and awful smirk. I tried to push them out if my thought and focus on the man who was kissing me, on my husband, but the harder I tried, the more lost I felt.

And Colton felt it too.

Of course, after he tried to get my attention a few times by gently talking to me and touching me, he forcefully demanded the reason why. I lied to him because I obviously couldn't tell him what occupied my mind, and I feel guilty as hell.

In the end, after a discussion that seemed to last for hours, he was so mad that he couldn't even sleep in the same bed as me. And for some very fucked up reason, I felt relieved by that.

This morning I found him on the couch in the living room, a bottle of whiskey next to him and still in his dress shirt and pants. When I woke him up, he had a horrible hangover and he was still very angry at me.

He gave me a ride, but he didn't talk to me at all. The only sound that was heard was the engine. When we arrived at school, I barely was out of the car before Colton hit the gas and drove away without as much as a goodbye or a wave.

And to make it even better, the one guy that had caused everything was standing right there, ready to start his torture. And even though I know that this is all in my head and I'm the only one to blame, I find myself blaming Grey even more.

He followed me to the school, picking up where he left off yesterday. He threw a few commends at me and I tried my best to ignore him, just like Luke said.

But it's not easy when the tears are fighting to come out.

And so I broke, right in front of him. I practically begged him to stop while on the edge of crying. It was embarrassing and I just know he will use it against me.

I know it for sure, given the way he looked at me just moments ago.

I watch several groups of students make their way out of the gym while they complain loudly about the smell. I have to agree with them, it is disgusting and I highly doubt that it will be better in the classrooms, but I do have hope that mine isn't as bad because I'm at the end.

When I look back at the group of trouble makers, I see that Grey his eyes have now turned to his friends and it gives me another chance to observe them. I did it before he caught my eyes, and I'm sure that they have something to do with the horrible smell that's hanging around the school.

It was the whole reason I looked at them. To see if they behaved suspiciously. The fact that of all eyes, the grey ones caught me, is just something that confirms that this will be the most horrible day in my life.

Literally, because while I make my way to my classroom, my hands covering my mouth and nose because the smell really isn't any less than before we went to the gym, I already hear them behind me.

I just hope that I can keep it together and that the advice that Luke gave me will actually help me.

I'm just in time to open the door before the whole group storms in. They are even louder than normal, and it only makes me more suspicious. I feel that they are responsible for what happened with the stink bombs, and I just hate that I'm the first one to teach them today because I feel the need to get the truth out of them.

To my surprise, they all take their seats without taking to much time, even though the loud talking continues. I notice that they all take the same places as last time. Including Grey, who has taken on his signature position as well; leaned back, hand under his chin with one finger stroking his lower lip, his eyes on me.

Since half of the time is already gone because of the incident, I make no hurry in starting. I can't give my prepared lesson anyway, so I need to improvise.

I'm standing in front of them, arms crossed, waiting for the laughter and talking to wind down. After five minutes, it actually seems to work, and all the heads slowly but curiously turn in my direction, probably all wondering why the hell I'm staring at them while not talking or moving at all.

After a few minutes of silence, I start talking while choosing my words carefully in order to keep their attention on me.

"Since we don't have time to start the math lesson I prepared, I would like to do something different today."

My voice is steady as I make sure I look at everyone, walking from left to right slowly to give everyone the same attention. "I would like to know more about you. About what motivates you to come here every day. Is it the things we teach you or is it because you have to be here? Because of your friends or because of your parents?"

They all look at me as if I'm crazy for even asking it, and at this point, I actually feel like it. But I order myself to keep my head high. For some reason, I want to try it this way.

"Where do you see yourself after this year? What are your ambitions? Do you have a plan for when you leave this school?" I continue, ignoring the looks of disbelieving of their faces.

"What is it to you?" A guy on the second row asks, his eyebrow raised. I think his name is Dave.

"I'm curious. I just find it hard to believe that all of you really want to be such fuck-ups," I snap without thinking and I immediately regret it. So unprofessional.

"The fuck?!" Dave snorts, more amused than mad. All the other students smirk and laugh as well.

I really need to calm down. I can't let what happened with Colton and the whole Grey thing affect me this much.

"I'm going to give every one of you a paper," I continue as if I didn't just go out of line, "and you will have the remaining of this lesson to put down where you see yourself after this school year. You can write or draw, it doesn't really matter, as long as it's about you and who you want to be."

I grab the pile of papers that are laying on my desk and start walking through the classroom, giving everybody one, starting at the first row. I'm getting a few reactions on how stupid this is, but they do start with the assignment. They probably think it's better than math and just go with it.

I had expected their reactions to be worse, so for them to start is a big achievement for me. Even Grey, who has been weirdly quiet, just takes the paper I give him and starts writing. He doesn't say anything, and even his gaze isn't as intense as normal.

Luke was probably right. Now that I did my best to ignore him this morning, he is losing interest in provoking me. I hope he is because I feel a lot more confident without his eyes constantly on me.

While the group is focussing on the papers in front of them, I decided to read through the next lesson I've prepared. There isn't really anything else I can do now anyway, and since I didn't have time to do it yesterday, this is the perfect way to get through time.

For twenty minutes, everything seems to go fine. The students are talking now and then, but I don't mind since it's not distracting them from their job. I'm actually beginning to think that my little snap from earlier helped. Maybe they've realized that what I said is true and are now thinking about what the hell they want to do with their lives.

But when I look up from my notes, I once again find his grey eyes focussed on me, telling me that he isn't thinking about his future at all. I'm glad that I can't read minds because I'm sure that what he is thinking is something that I don't want to know.

His eyes are a little darker than normal and his tongue moves over his lower lip a few times to make it wet, all the while his eyes are holding mine hostage. I can't look away from him, even though my brain is trying so hard.

I feel things when he looks at me like this. My stomach tightens and my palms are sweaty. I feel my cheeks become a little red, and I swear that my breathing changes as well which is insane. All because of how his eyes move over me in a way that I haven't seen anyone do. Ever.

While our staring contest continues, I'm vaguely aware of the bell that's going off and when all the students suddenly stand from their seats, I'm finally able to tear my eyes away from his.

I stand and watch the students drop the papers on my desk without saying anything, already too busy with each other. I'm happy they are, it gives me time to pull myself together.

"I actually liked this one," a blonde girl with a British accent smiles while she hands me her paper, on which she has drawn something with a lot of colors.

"I'm glad you did. It looks good," I smile back.

When everyone is out of the classroom, I find Grey still sitting on his seat. He hasn't moved and it looks like he isn't planning on moving either.

And I need to ignore his behavior. Fucking great.

"You can go," I say without looking at him. Instead, I'm focussing on putting the papers in front of me in a pile.

He doesn't respond but in the corner of my eye, I do see him move. He stands, grabs his backpack from the floor and then makes his way over to my desk, in his hand the paper on which he wrote something.

"I wish I was good at drawing. It would've made mine more spectacular," he says when he has reached my desk.

I grab the paper without looking at it and put it on top of the pile. "I'm sure it's fine," I curtly respond, hoping that he will just get out and moves on to his next class.

"But you see, I don't do just fine."

When I look at him, I see that he has placed his hands on my desk, and he is leaning towards me just a little, his grey eyes shining.

"And neither should you," he seriously says.

"What does that even mean?" I blurt out, not being able to hide my annoyance and frustration any longer. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know more than you think," he states confidently, "when I first saw you in that robe, you looked sad. Your eyes didn't shine and you looked defeated. Just like this morning when you got out of that car."

I'm shocked by how accurate his observations are and I almost feel the need to shield myself from his gaze now that he saw all this.

"You shouldn't do just fine, Miss Steele. You should go for spectacular."

"It's Mrs. Davies," I lamely respond, my mind still busy  
on other things he just said.

"I know, but I like Steele better on you."

And just like that, he is back to his annoying self. And I want to kick him out, right now.

Luckily, I don't have to, because the students of my next class are slowly starting to walk in and Grey takes it as his cue to leave.

I greet a couple of students and then look down at the papers in my hand with the intention to put them in my bag, but I'm stopped in my tracks when my eyes fall on the single sentence that Grey has written down.

_Before the end of this school year, I have your naked body underneath me with your legs around my neck and your nails clawed in my skin while __you're biting my lip instead of your own, and it will be fucking spectacular._


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: I sooo like all the reviews you're leaving. It's so much fun to see you speculate and I can't wait to hear what you think of this one. The title might shock you at first, but I promise it's not what you think. (I think ;)) anyway, enjoy! X Milou.**

Eleven: Smack that.

As I look at the paper in front of me, I try to focus on my breathing in order not to hyperventilate. My hands are shaking and steam is practically coming from my ears.

How fucking dare he.

For a split second, when he looked at me seriously and told me what he saw that evening when he delivered a pizza, I thought that he was done with the intense looks and smart remarks. For just a moment, he seemed genuine and honest, as if he understood.

And then he does this, and it's making me see red.

"Please, take your seats and grab your books, I'll be right back," I tell the students while I walk to the door, paper still in my hand. I have to take a quick break to cool off.

I walk into the hallway and take a deep breath, forcing myself to not let the anger take the upper hand. This whole situation is getting more and more out of hand and I know that the right thing to do is tell Mr. Brown about Grey's behavior.

But I can't.

Not just because I have absolutely no evidence that confirms his inappropriate behavior, not even the stupid thing he has written down because it wasn't addressed directly to me, it's also because a very, very tiny part of me, feels flattered.

Flattered, as sick as it is. It feels good to know that at least Grey feels something too when we look at each other. It confirms that this is not all in my head, even though it would've made things so much easier is it was.

But it doesn't take away the anger that I'm feeling. Not at all. If anything, it makes me angrier. I've worked so hard for this job, not just at school and during the intake, but also with Colton, and it will all be ruined if Grey keeps this shit up.

If I keep feeling like this.

After another deep breath, I lift my head and look around the hallway. A few students are running into their classrooms last minute before the second bell goes off, and it reminds me of the tenth graders that are currently waiting for me to start my lesson.

I turn around to walk back into my classroom and will myself to focus on the task ahead, but when I do, I feel someone's eyes on me. When I turn left to see who is watching, all the anger and frustration that I'd tried to stuff away just seconds ago, is back.

At the end of the hallway, next to the restrooms, grey eyes are watching me intently and before I can even think about my next move, the anger takes over and I feel my feet move towards him.

I march to him, determined, my eyes shooting daggers at him. And he just smirks before he moves into the restroom, probably thinking that I won't follow him in there.

He couldn't be more wrong.

The moment it is within reach, I push the door open with force and I find Grey leaning against the tiles. His arms folded, the smirk still presents and not looking shocked at all. If anything, he looks more arrogant, as if he knew that I would come after him.

And I immediately realize that I made a huge mistake for doing so.

"How can I help you, Miss Steele?" He grins, moving from the wall to walk a little closer to me.

The moment he is close enough to touch, I press the paper against his chest with force to hold him back. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

I don't recognize my own voice as I speak, the sentence is out in something that sounds like a hiss and a growl at the same time. I don't think I have ever been this angry or frustrated.

"A student that did what his teacher asked?" He raises his eyebrow while he nods at the paper that I'm still pressing against his chest. He doesn't make any attempt of grabbing the paper from me. He just stands calm, waiting for me to speak again.

"I did not ask you this and you know it," I hiss, my cheeks red. "Do you not realize that with this little stunt I can get you kicked off?"

It's not true, but I'm trying to intimidate him. I also hope that by saying this, he finally will realize that I am the teacher and therefore, have more power than him. But given his expression, I'm failing miserably.

"Really? And how will you do that?"

"I will show this little piece of paper to Mr. Brown and I will tell him about your inappropriate behavior during my class. Sexual intimidation is something that he won't tolerate and you will be out before you can blink."

I'm out of breath by the time I'm done. The thought of telling Mr. Brown all this on the second day of the school year makes me nauseous, but I have to show Grey that I'm done with his stunts.

"No, you won't," he says, his voice soft and calm.

"Yes, I will. Don't test me."

"You won't and we both know it," he says while he moves his hand over mine that is still pressing the paper against his chest. "You know that this piece of paper doesn't prove anything. I didn't sign it with my name, and it can be about anyone. Secondly, I'm not sexually intimidating you. I'm just looking at you with interest, curious as to what you will teach me about math that I don't already know."

My hand is tingling because of his touch, and it makes it hard for me to focus. I try to move my hand away from his chest but for some reason, I can't move. And as I feel his thumb slowly move up and down my hand, I try to find words that will prove that he is wrong.

"This is all a game to you, isn't it?" I ask, my voice still far away.

His eyes soften slightly and the grip on my hand becomes a little tighter. "No. It's not. I'm deadly serious."

I know he is talking about what he has written down, and even though I should be repulsed, I feel my heartbeat quicken. This is such a mess.

"I think you kinda like my behavior," he mumbles, sensing my shift. "And I also think that what's on that paper, is something that you have been thinking about as well."

He moves my hand with the paper still clutched in it from his chest and then he pulls me forward. His face is inches from mine, his eyes moving from my eyes to my lips, and all I do is stand there.

"I'm married, Grey. And you are my student," I seriously say. If I didn't know that was a fact, I would doubt it.

He chuckles, "I'm aware of both Miss Steele, but that doesn't say anything about what you're thinking or about what you feel when I look at you while you talk about math."

His face moves even closer to mine until I can feel his breath on my lips. "I have been wondering how your lips taste from the moment I gave you your pizza, Anastasia," he whispers.

And just like that, I'm reminded of how all of this started on my porch. He was such an asshole, and everything I felt back then is back in a flash.

I see him look at my lips again, his almost in contact with mine. And just before I feel them, the hand that he isn't holding has moved across his face, the smacking sound that is heard when it makes contact with his cheek satisfying as hell.

In shock, he takes a step back, eyes wide and one hand on his cheek to soothe the burn.

"It's Mrs. Davies," I growl, "and if you'll ever touch me again, I will make sure you bleed. You are right, I won't go to Brown. It would be to easy for you to just get kicked off. Instead, I will make your last year at Port Bellevue a living nightmare."

I throw the paper on the floor before I turn around and walk out the restrooms. I feel shaky and I'm not sure if I still look okay, but I have no time to overthink everything. I need to get back to my classroom.

Just three more classes, and then I can think about what actually happened just now.

* * *

Thankfully the other three classes went without too much trouble. The students were all a bit off because of the stink bombs that went off this morning, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

I'm going over all the papers that the seniors turned in while I'm sitting at my desk. Since Colton and I haven't had contact today, I have no idea if he will pick me up. If he is, he will be here in forty minutes, so I have plenty of time to look over what the terrors have written.

It's a good way to keep my mind occupied. The whole day I have stuffed the incident with Grey away, and now that I have time to think about it, the thoughts can't seem to come.

The anger has whined down a bit, and instead, there is just disbelief. Disbelief that this is happening to me. It's almost as if this whole thing was too good to be true.

My whole life, I've never had much attention from guys. Colton was always with me, so the others probably didn't dare to give me attention, but still. And now that I'm getting it, it's from this fucking eighteen-year-old that is also my student.

It sounds dramatic, but I can't help but feel like that. It's because I know that no matter what happens between Grey and me, I have a feeling that eventually, it will cost me my job.

He almost kissed me. Almost. And I most definitely almost let it happen. The only thing that stopped me was what he said about how we first met. For a split second, the annoyance I felt that evening was back, and thankfully it was enough for me to realize that what was about to happen, could not happen at all.

But that doesn't mean that I didn't want to and that is probably the most fucked up part of this whole thing.

I wanted him to kiss me, just to know if what I feel is real. I have never felt the way I do when he looks at me. Nobody has ever looked at me like that, and it makes me want to know what it is like.

The thought truly sickens me.

A knock on my door gets my attention away from my very disturbing thoughts, and when I look up I see Kate standing in the doorway.

"Hi, how was your second day?"

"The first class was hectic, because of the smell and because of the seniors, the other ones were fine," I smile, happy that she came in to have a little talk.

"God, I know," she sighs while she sits on one of the student's desks, "that smell is horrible. You can still smell it in the hallway. Do you have any idea how they did it?"

I shake my head, "no, no idea. But I'm almost a hundred percent sure that the terrors did it. They looked too proud when we were in the gym."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. We all know it was them. I'm just curious about how they did it. I was standing a few feet away from the bags when they went off, and nobody was near them."

She frowns while she thinks about it again, and it makes me think it over as well. Kate wasn't kidding when she said they were smart as hell. They thought this through and they are actually getting away with it.

"I have no idea how they did it," I tell her while putting all the papers into my bag.

I feel her looking at me intently, following my every move. When I look up, her eyes look curious and even a little concerned.

"What?" I ask when she just keeps looking without saying anything.

"You look like you could use someone to talk to," she says, her voice confirming that she is a little bit concerned.

God, she is right. I need someone to talk to about Grey, but who will listen without judging? Probably nobody, but Kate would be the best chance I got. She knows him, even better than me. Maybe he did this with her as well.

"Do you want to grab some dinner? We can order wine and you can tell me all about what's bothering you," she says after a few seconds of silence.

The idea of going out to dinner is making me happier than I expected. I can get to know Kate better, and I don't have to eat with Colton, who is probably still very mad at me.

"I would like that," I smile, "are we taking your car?"

"Of course! I just need to grab my stuff," she smiles.

I nod my head and grab my phone from my desk. "Okay, I'll call my husband to tell him that he doesn't need to pick me up. I meet you next door in a few."

Kate nods and walks out of my classroom while I dial Colton. As the tones go by, I briefly wonder if he'll even pick up the phone. It would be typically Colton to just ignore me and show up to pick me up.

"Yeah?" His hoarse voice picks up just seconds before it goes to voicemail, and I immediately wish that he hadn't since he still sounds very angry.

"Hi, it's me," I begin, suddenly not knowing what to say. I feel like I have to lie to him for some reason.

"Yeah, I know. What do you need? I'm busy," he says, obviously busy with something else. His focus is not on me at all.

"I just wanted to say that you don't have to pick me up. I'm going out to dinner with my colleague, Kate. She invited me."

For a moment he doesn't respond. On the background, I hear him typing on his laptop, and I hear a female voice talking softly. I don't think she is talking to him, but she is in the same room as him.

"Okay. How are you getting home after?" His voice sounds relieved, and it confirms that he wasn't looking forward to dinner with me either. I'm happy that he doesn't make a scene over this. We need some space.

"I'll ask Kate to drop me off."

"Okay. I'm not sure if I'm coming home tonight. It's chaos here," he says, again sounding distracted. "Can you drive to work for yourself tomorrow?"

I want to ask him why he can't come home. Normally when he is busy, he will always come home late. He never spends a whole night at the office. But since we are not in a good place right now, I decide to let it go. It will only make things worse if we'll discuss it.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll text you when I'm home."

"Yeah, good. See you tomorrow," he snaps before he disconnects the call without further warning. It's not surprising, but it does frustrate me. He can be such an asshole.

"Ready to go?" Kate moves her head through the door.

I nod and grab my stuff. Maybe I have to stop caring as much as I do since Colton sure as hell doesn't care at all. I can actually look forward to a quiet night now that he is not coming home.

But first, dinner and wine with Kate!

Lots, lots of wine.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm sorry for not letting you know what's going on. A lot of things happened in the short time I was away. You all know about the accident I had and how I lost my job, and I seem to have more trouble than I thought I would with accepting it and giving it a place. As a result, I'm not really nice at home. I hate to think of it as depressed, but it's close to it. It sucks, and I needed some time.**

**Fortunately, my husband and I are strong. He puts me in place when I need it and give me love and comfort when I feel low. My two children are beautiful distractions, even though they sometimes are a hand full. Hilariously enough, these past weeks actually gave me new plots for stories, but that's a whole other thing.**

**Let's first focus on this one!**

**The Student is a story that I'm determined to finish and during these past weeks, I did get a little writing done. Not as much as I wanted to because I sometimes just didn't feel like it, but enough to give you a few chapters now.**

**I hope you'll all stay with me, even though it might sometimes take a little longer. Writing here on Fanfiction helped me to overcome a lot of things, also with help from all of you, which is why I know that I will get through this as well.**

**I hope you enjoy these chapters. Let me know what you think and thank you for your time. Hugs, Milou.**

Twelve: Wine and dine.

"And then I moved back, leaving everything that had hurt me behind. I was back for a week when I had my interview at Port Bellevue and two days later they called me to tell me I got the job. It couldn't come at a better time," Kate finishes her life story before taking a huge sip of her Merlot.

We've arrived at the small, lowkey restaurant Seven an hour ago and after some small talk, the conversation went deep very quickly. Kate told me that she moved to Seattle when she was twenty because she thought that she had met the woman she wanted to grow old with. She was ten years older and her parents didn't approve at all, but she didn't care. She moved in with her and thought she was happy, but after six years, she found out that the woman in question was living a double life.

Turned out, she had a family in New York, wive and two kids, and when she told Kate she had business out of town, she actually visited them. It broke her heart and went back to her mom and dad, with her tail in between her legs.

"It almost sounds like a movie," I mutter before taking a sip as well.

Kate nods her head, " I know, but you know what? I'm grateful that I found out then. I mean, I know those years were a lie and I have hated myself for not figuring it out sooner, but it was just me. We didn't have kids, we weren't married. If I had found out two years later, I'm not sure if it would've been just me."

"You wanted to have kids with her?"

She nods her head again, her eyes a little sadder than a moment ago. "I wanted that, yes. We had talked about it a few times, but she always told me that she wasn't ready. Of course, now it all makes sense since she already had two, but back then I thought that she wanted to give me time to have a career and stuff, you know because I was younger. I was so naive."

The moment Kate stops talking, flashes of Colton and his assistant Rose run through my head. Naive. It's exactly what I am. What I have been since Colton cheated on me the first time. Why can't I be as strong as Kate and just leave?

What is holding me back? Dad would've understood me if I told him what our marriage is like and I'm sure Taylor and Gail would offer me a room the moment I tell them I left. Luke would probably kill Colton if he knew the reasons I left, so that might be a reason not to.

"Ana?" Kate interrupts my thoughts while looking at me puzzled.

"Sorry, what?" I respond, assuming that she asked me a question that I missed.

"Nothing, you just looked so far away for a second. Are you okay?" Her worried expression reminds me of the whole reason Kate asked me to dinner. Colton, Grey. It's all such a huge mess.

I shrug and down the last of my wine before grabbing the bottle to refill. "I guess it could be better."

She looks at me intently for a few seconds. "Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"It's just everything that goes with starting with a new job, I guess. It's hectic, and I really need to acclimatize more than I thought. And the students are a hand full sometimes, and earning respect is also harder than I anticipated. And at home things could be better as well," I ramble, feeling relieved that I can talk about it with an outsider.

Kate frowns, obviously not expecting the outburst about my whole life, but she recovers quickly and waves her hand in the air to get the attention of the waiter. "We need another bottle," she says when he reaches our table.

When the waiter is gone again, Kate smiles and nods reassuringly, "alright. What's bothering you the most?"

I think about her question. What is bothering me the most? Colton? The fact that he doesn't support me? Our marriage? Grey? Or the terror group as a whole?

"I don't even know," I sigh.

"You know, when I saw you were our new colleague, I didn't completely understand why Brown had hired you. I didn't see you in front of a group of teenagers, simply because I only I'd seen you in pretty dresses while holding the arm of your successful husband, but you surprised me," she smiles while grabbing my hand. "I'm sure that the students are thinking the same as me, and because they haven't had many classes with you yet, they just need a little more time to figure out that you are good at what you do."

I squeeze her hand as a thank you, not completely convinced that she is right. "Did you have trouble with that when you first started at Port Bellevue?"

"A little, mostly with the eleventh and twelfth graders and probably because I'm younger than the average teacher at Bellevue. Along with Jose Rodriguez, who is the gym teacher, we are the youngest," Kate answers. "Have you met him?"

I shake my head, "no. I saw him in the gym this morning after the stink bombs went off, but I haven't talked to him yet."

"He is okay. A little weird sometimes, and he always seems to have trouble with the guys of the terror group, but he is nice to talk to when you're on your break."

"I'll keep that in mind," I smile. "Speaking of the terrors," I start after a short silence, "did you have them today?"

She shakes her head, "no, I had a mini-vacation from them. Tomorrow it starts again. Why? Did they give you a hard time again?"

"Well, I had to improvise since I didn't have time to give the class I prepared, so I asked them to write down what motivates them and how they see themselves in the future. When one of them asked why, I lost it and said that it was because I couldn't believe that they wanted to be such fuck-ups."

Kate almost chokes on the sip of wine she just took before she bursts into giggles. "Oh my God, hilarious. What did they say to that?"

"Surprisingly, it kind of broke the ice," I reply. "They all started the assignment, some of them took it very seriously and used images or drawings. It was actually a good one, now that I think about it."

Kate raises her eyebrow. "And why do you not look happy about that?"

The big one. I know it is. When we drove to the restaurant, I convinced myself not to talk about Grey with Kate. I don't know her, so I don't know if I can trust her. But now that I'm sitting across from her, I can't seem to shut up.

"Grey wrote something as well," I say while reaching for the new bottle of wine that the waiter placed on our table just seconds ago.

"And?" Kate asks, still not sure why I'm even talking about this.

"And he gave it to me after class, when all the other students were already gone."

"What did he wrote?" She is impatient now.

"It was about me and how his goal was to have me. As in, really have me," I look at her knowingly, my voice just above a whisper.

"Holy shit," Kate mumbles, eyes wide. "What did you do?"

"He was gone before I had the change to read it. I needed a moment to cool off since I was very mad, so I went to the hallway. And then I saw him walking into the restroom with that annoying smirk on his face and I just couldn't stand there doing nothing."

"And..."

"I went after him. We had a huge discussion there and then he almost kissed me. And to stop him I slapped him in his face," I say as fast as I can, hoping that she missed half of it. Unfortunately, I can tell that she heard everything loud and clear.

"Holy shit," she mumbles, obviously at loss of words.

I nod my head in agreement before I start at my refilled glass. After three sips, I lean over the table. "Did he do things like this when you first started?"

"No," Kate immediately answers, without even thinking it over. "No, he didn't, else I would've reported him. You need to report this, Ana. This is sexual assault, you had to hit him so he would stop."

I wish it was as simple as Kate says. I wish I could just go to Brown and tell him what Grey did. I wish I could tell Colton about it. Fuck, most of all I wish I could just forget it all.

"Ana," Kate starts, "you're going to Brown, right?"

Her eyes widen as I stutter, "I mean, I don't know... I..."

"You what?" Kate snaps, successfully ending my weak attempt to answer her.

"I can't go to Brown, Kate. He didn't sign that piece of paper with his name and it could be about anyone. Besides, I was wrong to follow him into the restroom, not to mention that I hit him while being there. If anyone was assaulting anyone, it was definitely me."

Now that I hear myself say it, I almost believe it. I've hit a student, and I'm sure that said student is not going to leave that under the radar if I go to Brown.

While we both sit in silence, I see Kate looking at me intently. Her eyes go over my face before she takes a huge sip of wine, almost as if she needs to think about what she sees.

"Did you hit him to stop him or did you hit him for another reason?"

Oh, she is good. Too good.

"He frustrates me from the moment I met him, Kate. The way he looks at me, how he talks to me. It frustrates me so much, but at the same time I think I don't want it to stop because in a way he gives me the attention that I desperately seem to need without even realizing it and yes, I know how fucked up that is."

Again, silence consumes our table for a few moments. Kate looks a little lost and I actually feel guilty for telling her all this. Now she is dragged into my mess, probably asking herself what the hell she should do with all this information.

"And what's wrong at home?" She asks out of the blue, surprising me. Although I'm relieved that she isn't going on about the Grey subject, I have a feeling that her question about home will lead back to it eventually.

"Colton and I are not in a good place," I simply state, not sure how much to say about this to Kate.

I know I've already told her way too much, which is probably due to her nice face, a lot of wine and desperation. I also know that what's going on between Colton and me, is something that a lot of people would like to know.

But somehow it won't stop me from telling Kate what's going on. I've started now, and it feels too good to stop.

"You two looked pretty happy on the last cover," she raises her eyebrow while leaning over the table a little. Her voice is softer than before so that other people can't overhear.

I roll my eyes, "well, that's what you are supposed to see. You need to think that we are happy. Everybody always thinks that we have this amazing life full of love and success and money, but there is so much more underneath it all. It would shock you if you knew." I hold up my glass and take another sip.

"You see, Colton is not that guy. Like not at all. And I'm not that woman. We just pretend to be like that. In real life, Colton is still a little too interested in other women, and I'm still the stupid girl that allows it."

"Why?" Kate asks confused.

I shrug and stay silent, not even knowing the answer to that question. If I knew, I would probably not even be with him anymore.

"Ana," Kate starts, again reaching for my hand. "I know it's none of my business but do you like the attention that Grey gives you because of the situation you are in with Colton? Or is it the other way around?"

I shake my head, "It's definitely the first one. It's been like this since Colton and I started dating. We have good months and bad ones. He cheats, I'm mad and eventually, we get back together. Grey doesn't have anything to do with that."

I know it's not completely true, but I won't tell her that I've been thinking about Grey while Colton tried to seduce me. I can't tell her that because I refuse to ever think about that again myself. I've banned the thought.

"Okay," she nods, "then you need to focus on that. Maybe if things were good at home, you didn't feel that way about Grey."

I love how she is rational. She makes it sound so easy, and I wish it was just like that. And even though I doubt that it will help, I still nod my head.

"I'm sorry for telling you all this. I understand that it isn't something that you want to know about your new colleague and a student," I tell her, partly to change the subject from Colton and me to something else and partly because I mean it.

"You're right, I didn't," Kate agrees immediately. "And I honestly don't know what to do with it."

My eyes widen in alarm, fearing that Kate will tell Brown about it. "Please, Kate. I know it's horrible of me to even ask, but don't tell anyone about this. I will fix it, I promise. It won't happen again."

I can see the doubt in her eyes even before I have finished my sentence and it doesn't surprise me. I don't sound convincing at all.

"I won't tell Brown. It's not my thing to tell," she says after a short silence. "But you need to be careful, Ana. You are the adult in all this and therefore you are putting way more at risk than him."

I nod my head again. She is right. She is so right about everything. It's ridiculous.

"Thank you for listening."

"You're welcome," she nods. "I need a huge dessert after all this, what about you?"

It's exactly what I need right now. A huge dessert with lots of chocolate as if I'm mending a broken heart. Talking to Kate really did help me through. Everything she said I already know, but to hear it out loud makes it more powerful.

I just hope I didn't make a huge mistake when I told her and read about it in tabloids as well tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 13

Thirteen: Sweet adoration.

She hit me.

I move my hand over my cheek and watch her leave the restroom at high speed, not once looking back at me. Her hips are swaying with force as the click of her heels fades away. The piece of paper with my goal for this school year is laying at my feet and I can't help but feel impressed.

She actually hit me and I'm standing here, hand on my cheek and an adoring smile on my face. It's pathetic.

I knew that what I'd written down would get a reaction out of her, it's why I stayed behind in the first place. I expected her to read the paper as soon as I gave it to her and when she didn't, I was actually a little disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing her reaction but when the other students came in, I knew it was best if I left.

I was already thinking about how she would react to me when I have math the next time when she walked out of her classroom. She looked angry, the piece of paper clutched into her hand while her knuckles were white. She was breathing heavily, and she looked even hotter than normal. I couldn't look away.

When she spotted me, I had to think fast. Desperate for her attention I wanted her anger aimed at me, so I walked into the restrooms, hoping and praying that she would follow me. And she did, just like I secretly knew she would.

I was so close. So fucking close to kissing her. Even almost kissing her was more erotic than any other sexual experience I've ever had, and the best part was that she wanted it too. I felt it. I felt the heat radiating from her body, her breath heavy on my lips. She was so close, but then she snapped out of it and realized that it couldn't happen.

It's fucking insane, but the burn that her hand left on my cheek turns me on even more. It makes the need to tease her even stronger. It makes the will to touch her more powerful. It makes me even more determined to make what I wrote on that fucking, stupid paper reality.

I didn't even write it to make it a reality in the first place. I just wanted to mess with her, even though I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about her since our little banter yesterday after class. She is gorgeous and I'm an eighteen-year-old with raging hormones. Fuck yes, I thought about her.

About how her eyes shoot fire when she tries to set me straight and how she bites her lip in frustration when I challenge her. About how it would feel if those teeth would let all the build-up frustration out on me or how she would hiss my name in a mix of adoration and hate when I'd make her come with my fingers and tongue.

Jesus, yes. I thought about all that.

But provoking her was the main goal. Now that I know she wants it too, provoking her is the last thing that I want to achieve with it.

She is the goal now. Her, spread out for me while she is the forbidden fruit. Anastasia, moaning my name while she is wearing someone else's ring.

"Yo, are you coming or what? Mr. Lorents is asking where you are. He sends me out to search for you," Dave says as he walks into the restroom, his eyes immediately curious when he sees me standing there with my hand still on my cheek and probably looking like a lovesick puppy. "What happened to you?"

I shrug and snap out of my thoughts, bending so I can get the piece of paper before he sees what's on it. "Nothing man, just lost in thoughts."

He frowns, "what happened to your cheek?"

Fucking fuck, he really doesn't miss anything. He even sounds worried now. Fucking great.

"What? What's wrong with my cheek?" I ask while turning to the mirror to look at it as if I have no idea what he is talking about. Thankfully, the redness is not as bad as I thought it would be.

"I don't know, you were holding it kind of weird when I came in," Dave responds, now sounding annoyed and impatient. "Anyway, you coming?"

I nod my head, grab my bag from the floor and as I follow Dave through the door, I stuff the piece of paper in it.

"That Davies is something, isn't she?" Dave grins while we make our way to the third floor where Lorents' classroom is located.

My head snaps up and for a moment I'm thinking that he knows what went down in that restroom just minutes ago. "What do you mean?"

"I mean how she snapped when I asked her why she wanted to know all that shit about us. Nobody ever had the guts to call us fuck-ups. It actually made me like her more," he smiles, obviously impressed and for some reason, I want to wipe the smile off his face.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"What's wrong, man? You seem off," he asks when we are standing in front of the door that leads to the classroom where a lesson of English is waiting for us.

I raise my eyebrow and snort, "Jesus, Dave, who are you? Dr. Fucking Phil? I'm just having a fucked up day alright? No big deal."

I open the door of the classroom and walk-in, aware of how Dave flips me the finger while I walk away. It's not fair of me to react like that but fuck it. I need to sort out my thoughts before I can talk about Anastasia Davies again. I can't say anything that will reveal what happened in that restroom and if I talk now, I definitely will.

"Mr. Grey, how nice of you to join us," Mr. Lorents sarcastically says while he takes his glasses off his nose. He is about Carrick's age, and like every other teacher here, he is counting the days until his retirement.

"Nice is my second name, Lorents. Get on with the show," I tell him while taking my seat in the back of the classroom.

Thankfully, Lorents decides to ignore my remark and continues with his lesson, letting me be. He knows that I don't need his class to pass English, I'm getting straight A's without even trying.

Which I'm thankful for now since I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway. I keep seeing her flushed cheeks. Keep feeling her warm breath. Her powder blue eyes that look at me as if she wants to kill me.

Fuck, I love looking at her while she is mad and fierce. It's without a doubt her best look. And for the remaining of this lesson, it's definitely all I'm going to think about.

* * *

"The grave looked good. I took the old flowers away and we've replaced them with new ones. The sun came through a couple of times as well. It was kind of peaceful," Grace smiles.

We've been sitting at the table for fifteen minutes now, and even though they know how I feel about it, they haven't stopped talking about what day it is today and what they did to remember it.

To my surprise, this day had flown by. Normally it always seems to last three times longer than the average day, but this time, I didn't even have time to think about what happened fourteen years ago. Until now that is.

"It was peaceful. I know you didn't want me to, Christian, but I did leave fourteen white roses on your behalf. It seemed fitting," Mia almost excuses herself while looking at me with a guilty expression.

"Alright," I mumble, not sure what else to say. A part of me is pissed off that she did it, another part of me thinks it's sweet of her. She cares about me and that's why she does it. She really thinks that deep down it's something I would do if I went to the grave myself.

"How was your day, sweetheart? Did you get through it without thinking about it too much?" Grace her hand finds mine and squeezes it gently, a sweet smile forming her lips.

I shrug, "I was doing okay. It wasn't really on my mind up until now."

I won't tell them that I hardly slept last night. It would only worry them and Grace would probably encourage me to talk to her about the whole thing even more, which is something that I really don't want. It's bad enough that I'm getting a detailed review of what they did on the graveyard.

"That's good, dear," Grace nods, her smile fading as she realizes what I actually mean to say with my comment.

Carrick, who is sitting across from me, is silent. He is the only one who never talks about my mom to me unless I have questions. He knows how hard it is for me. I sometimes think that he feels the same on some level, even though he does go to her grave every year.

He tried to help her, and when he realized that his sister didn't want help, he put all his effort into getting me out of that house. I know that he blames himself for not getting me out there on time which is obviously insane. He did what he could. He did what his sister should have done for me.

"How was school?" Carrick's short question comes out determined, letting all of us know that he is changing the subject.

"Horrible," Mia speaks immediately. "Some idiot placed stink bombs in the school and just after the first bell rang, they went off. The smell was horrible and everybody had to go to the gym. My jacket still smells like rotten eggs and I think it won't ever go away."

Right after Mia is done with her dramatic story, two pairs of eyes turn to me. Carrick's are staring at me interrogatively with an eyebrow raised while Grace's eyes ooze fear. Mia's eyes meet mine as well, only hers tell me she is sorry for bringing it up. I don't blame her though, it's not her fault that Carrick and Grace are this suspicious when it comes to things that happen at Port Bellevue.

It's all the things I've done before that makes them extremely observant.

"It wasn't me this time," I hold my hands up defensively.

Carrick leans over the table, his hands folded in front of him. "Are you sure about that?"

I nod my head seriously.

"And do the teachers know this as well?" Grace asks, still afraid for my answer.

"I've told Brown that I didn't know about it after he asked," I nod.

Carrick responds immediately. "And you really did not know about it?"

I shrug and take a sip of my water which apparently is enough answer for both Carrick and Grace.

"Christian, if you get into trouble, it will be over. I will not go to Brown to save your ass this time. Are we clear?" Carrick states while his finger points at me to make himself extra clear.

"You need to focus on finishing this school year without any trouble, Christian. You need to grow up and be responsible right now," Grace agrees.

I nod my head. "I know, I know. I won't get into trouble."

Not for putting stink bombs all over the school at least. Almost kissing a teacher? That's another story entirely.

"Good," Carrick nods, still not completely convinced.

The rest of the dinner it's mostly Mia that talks. Occasionally Grace tries to get me into the conversation, but I'm honestly not up for it and just eat my food. After dinner, I went to my room pretty quickly.

I've just unpacked my bag, and with the written paper in my hand, I'm now laying on my bed. One sentence. It's just one sentence, that I wrote down without thinking about it too much. Who could've known that it would consume my mind the moment she walked out of the restroom.

I need a plan. A plan to make this stupid sentence reality. What I'm doing now obviously doesn't work, not enough at least. I know she is affected by me, and I also know that I won't give up the teasing because I like it too much but I feel like I need to meet in the middle to get her to act on it.

But before I can even make a gameplan, I need to know more about her. I need to know her story. I want to know who she is and I'm pretty sure I can find a lot of answers on the internet.

Typing her name on Google on my phone is all I need to do. Thousands of hits on just the name Anastasia Davies. From fan pages to news articles and fanfictions, everything is there. And it's all my new homework.

Thank fuck people like to write about her.


	15. Chapter 14

Fourteen: That one like.

"Thanks for dropping me off, and thank you for listening. I had fun."

"Me too," Kate smiles. "And Ana, if you need to talk, you know where to find me, okay?"

I nod my head and slam the passenger door shut before I wave her goodbye and watch her drive away. It's after eleven already. After we'd closed the subject of Grey and Colton, we'd talked about our teenage years and our hobbies.

Kate is great. We have a lot in common, even though her life is completely different from mine. She is into girls, lives in a small apartment just outside of Bellevue, with her Cats Bean and Melon and has a lot of friends. She is still going out and she seems completely over her mistake.

She is strong and happy with herself. I find it admirable.

I make my way up to the front door, our house completely dark which means that Colton isn't home. It's still possible that he does come home a little while later, but I think that tonight will be the first time he will stay at the office.

A part of me wants to call him and ask him if everything is okay. Not to actually know if he is okay, but to figure out if Rose is also there with him. If she is with him, I'm almost sure that part of all the things he needs to do is her, and the thought makes me furious.

I know that he will not appreciate it if I call him. Based on how he spoke to me when I called him earlier, it's probably best to talk to him tomorrow when he comes home.

It's not the worst thing to have the whole house for myself right now. I will just take a warm shower and have an early night. I'm tired and since I don't have to wait for Colton to come home, I will spend the rest of the evening in bed with a glass of tea.

* * *

It all sounded so good when I thought about it, but now, forty minutes later, I can't seem to enjoy the quiet night. I'm twisting and turning, my pillow feels hard and every time I close my eyes, I relive what happened in the restroom all over again.

His grey eyes haunt me, and the thought of his lips just inches from my own is doing more to me than I'll ever admit. And while I try my hardest to ban all the thoughts of what happened and just think about my husband, one question keeps popping back in my mind.

What if I'd let him kiss me?

Would he have been surprised or did he expect me to let him do it? Would it have been a slow kiss? Or would it have been rough? And who would've stopped? Would I've pulled back or would he?

All these questions are ridiculous and inappropriate, especially because I've told Kate not two hours ago that I would stop it and that it wouldn't happen again.

To take my mind off Grey, I grab my phone from the nightstand. First, I look if Colton has sent me a message but as suspected he didn't. I did send him a text when came home as promised, but he didn't reply to it yet.

After I've checked my texts, I go through the newsfeed. Unfortunately, outside of the normal world problems and idiotic things our president does, there isn't any news that succeeds in keeping my mind off the terror student with grey eyes.

Lastly, I open my Instagram. I'm not active on it, but I do have a profile. Mostly to prevent people from making a fake account on my behalf. I have the famous blue check behind my name, but other than a profile picture from a couple of years ago, I haven't posted any pictures.

I scroll through the list of new followers out of boredom in hopes that my eyes will get heavy eventually and that falling asleep will be easy, but then my eyes fall on the name that I'm desperately trying to get out of my head.

Christian Grey has started following me, just twenty minutes ago.

I should be pissed. Hell, I should be fucking mad. He has the guts to look for me on Instagram after what happened and shamelessly follow me as well. But as I stare at his name on my screen, the urge to click on it builds with the second and before I know it, I'm on his profile.

Luckily for me, it isn't private which means I don't have to follow him to see his pictures. With shaky hands and hot cheeks, I scroll down until I'm met with his posts. And I immediately regret clicking on his name in the first place.

His pictures aren't the typical ones you would expect from an eighteen-year-old guy that seems to be popular. A lot of the images are objects and middle fingers. Trees, shoes, cars, and bottles of liqueur, mostly in black and white or sepia. The longer I look at them, the more artistic they become. The light that is used is actually impressive.

The pictures he has posted of himself are not bad either. In most of the shots, he is wearing his hoody or a cap, and his face is never completely shown, but the angles and lighting that's used makes up for it.

I click on a picture of him wearing his hoody. He is looking down at his phone which he holds in his hands. You can see he is smiling even though his mouth isn't shown that well. His long lashes seem to rest on his cheeks while the hoody stops just above his eyebrows. The image is in black and white, and for some reason it's captivating.

It makes me wonder what the reason for his smile is. Is he texting with his girlfriend? Or did he see something funny on Facebook? The smile that is showing is so different his usual smirk and it suits him way better.

I go back to his page and scroll down again. Not one of his pictures is in color. It's either black and white, sepia or some other weird filter that looks dark and depressing. It's logical now that I think about it, even his pictures scream rebel.

I let my finger move down further and suddenly my heart seems to stop when I see a clear picture of him. A very clear picture of him looking at his right bicep, his eyelashes again on his cheeks. He is not wearing a shirt and he is lifting dumbbells.

This was such a bad idea.

Without hesitation, I click on the picture and it seems even more impressive when it's filling my screen. His abs and chest seem hard and a little wet with sweat while his arms look like they can easily lift twice as much as the dumbbells he is holding. The shot is in black and white but it doesn't irritate me as much as the other ones do. It actually makes the shot more alive.

I move my fingers over the screen to zoom in, and I instantly feel the need to throw the blanket off me.

Those veins, Jesus Christ. They lay perfectly under his skin, and if I use a little imagination, I can actually envision them throbbing.

This is not the body of a hormonal adolescent. This is the body of a man.

I have no idea how long I'm drooling over his picture while I move from left to right to see every angle from up close. How the hell am I supposed to look at him in class now that I know what he looks like without a shirt on and covered in sweat? It's going to be torture.

I zoom out again with the intention to take the whole image in one more time before I close Instagram, but then I'm again almost suffering a heart attack.

While scanning every inch of the stupid picture, I've accidentally liked the picture. Right under the image, above the caption 'daily routine' that Grey left, the heart that you can click on is red.

Fuck my life. Now I can add stalking to the list as well. Fucking great.

I unlike it fast, hoping that he hasn't got a notification yet, but I think it's too late. I was looking at that picture for a good ten minutes, and if he's still on Instagram, he's probably already seen that I've liked it.

Without thinking about it much further because I can't change it, and while my heart is beating too fast for it to be healthy, I close Instagram and lay my head on the pillow again. I can only pray that he didn't see it.

If he did, I'm sure he will let me know tomorrow at school and thinking about that actually makes me sick because I know I don't have any excuse.

I try to focus on something invisible in the darkness that's surrounding me, forcing myself to get to sleep. I know that it will only make sleeping harder, but if I don't do it, my mind will wander back to grey eyes and glistening abs.

For a while, I try as hard as I can, and when I'm almost sleeping, frustration hits me as I'm woken by someone who walks into the bedroom.

"Are you sleeping?"

I roll my eyes and turn away from him. "Not anymore," I groan.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbles, obviously sensing my annoyed tone.

I hear him take off his clothes which he doesn't even try to do silently. It actually surprises me that he hasn't switched on a light by now.

"I thought that you weren't coming home?"

"I thought that everything at work would take longer than it actually did," he shrugs before he joins me in bed, on his side.

"Were you alone at the office?" I try to sound neutral, even though I'm definitely asking it because I want to know if Rose was there.

"No, almost the whole team was there," he curtly responds, sounding tired.

"Okay," I mumble, still not having an answer to my question. I won't ask about it though, because he is in a shit mood and I'm tired.

It stays silent after that. He is moving on the bed a little before he seems to have found a good position to sleep in. After that, I soon hear his steady breathing and soft snores fill the room.

He didn't ask how my evening was and for that reason, I'm yet again disappointed by him. It's not that I expected him to ask about it but it still hurts every time he lives up to what I think he's going to do.

I check the time on my phone and see that its already five in the morning, which means my alarm will go off way too soon. I feel like I haven't slept at all, and the fact that I have to be up again so soon just makes me feel depressed.

It's because I know what is waiting for me at Port Bellevue as well. It's only the third day I will be teaching, and I already feel like calling in sick.

What a fucking great first week.


	16. Chapter 15

Fifteen: Pictures of you.

Eventually, after a lot of twisting, turning, and opening and closing my eyes to get rid of the grey ones that I kept seeing, I managed to fall asleep again, only to be woken forty minutes later by my alarm.

Colton was still asleep when I left, and I have no idea what his plans for today are. He's probably going to the office a little later than normal since he and his team were up almost the whole night.

I'm relieved that he didn't wake up when my alarm went off. It meant that I could get ready without talking to him. The fear of him seeing that my mind is with someone else, a student none the less, seems to get bigger by the minute.

And to make everything even more difficult than it already is, I find myself in a building with the source yet again and it is starting to become as annoying and frustrating as it is forbidden. Even though I don't have the troublemakers on my schedule today, the thought that he is here is enough to awaken feelings inside me that I can't describe.

It's a mix of shame, irritation, fear and somewhere deep down, excitement, how sick that might be. What happened yesterday seems like a very intense form of teasing and the fact that I don't know if he is aware of the like I gave his picture, makes it even more interesting than it already was.

I keep telling myself that it needs to stop. That everything that I'm thinking is highly inappropriate and that it will cost me my job if someone ever finds out. I keep thinking about the consequences this will have, not only for me but for a lot of people around me, if this ever comes out, even though at this point it isn't really something yet.

But after a whole night twisting and turning, after Colton and how he came home and reacted to me, the attention that Grey gives me is something that I grave more than ever. And at the same time, I want to kick his ass for making me feel this way after just two fucking days.

As I said; fuck my life.

The second group of tenth graders leaves my classroom after the bell loudly ended the hour and a half, and I have to say that it all went surprisingly easy. They listened when I talked, and the last forty minutes they worked on their own which gave me the time to go over some of the drawings and writings the troublemakers made yesterday.

I have to say that some of them really took it seriously. There are a few that are downright ridiculous, but a good sixty percent of them actually wrote something realistic. It a relief to see that as individuals, they do have some sense.

"How's it going?" Kate walks at the moment the last student has left my classroom, looking slightly bewildered.

"Good, you?" I smirk while nodding at her.

She lets out a frustrating sound before she takes her seat on one of the chairs. "Jesus, I think I just had the worst hour and a half of my life."

"Why?"

"I had the terrors and it was even more hell than it usually is. I actually kicked out three of them because I was afraid I would seriously harm them and they just laughed. It's nothing new really, but for some reason, they just seemed more aggressive."

I take a seat behind my desk and fight the urge to ask her if Grey was one of the students she kicked out. Instead, I say, "I'm glad I don't have them today then."

"You should," she growls. "I am starting to seriously doubt the whole 'put them in one classroom together so they can't distract the other students' method. What about us? What if they distract us from doing our job?"

The moment she says it, her eyes widen. "Fuck, sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It wasn't about you and-"

I hold up a hand to stop her from finishing that sentence. "Don't Kate. I know you didn't."

"I really hate that you told me," she sighs after a moment of silence.

"I know. I'm sorry I did."

"I don't know how to act now that I know what's going on. Every time I see him smirk or whisper to his friends, I suspect something. I'm torn between going to Brown and tell him everything and being a loyal colleague to you," she honestly says. It's obvious that it's really doing something to her and it makes me regret that I told her immensely.

"There is nothing going on," I start, hoping that I can convince her to not go to Brown. "I've set him straight, and I told you it won't happen again. Please, Kate, don't make this any bigger than it is."

I'm horrible. Not only have I told her what happened and by that pushed her in a very uncomfortable position, but now I'm also lying to her in hopes I convince myself that it is really nothing even though just fifteen hours ago, I liked a picture of him shirtless after I drooled over it for almost half an hour.

"I bet he isn't in the same headspace, Ana," she mumbles sarcastically.

"Please, let me just figure it out. I need this job Kate, more than you'll ever understand."

She looks at me, her face not readable. I'm trying to put the desperation feel for this job into my eyes, showing her how much this means to me. After a few seconds, she seems to get the message as she slowly nods her head, giving me a reason to let out a relieved breath.

"Only because it's not my thing to tell, Ana, not because it shouldn't be told," she warns while she points her finger to me seriously, trying to talk some sense into me no doubt.

"I have to go," she says right after, not giving me time to answer. "Who do you have?"

"I'm free for now. I think I'm going to the teacher's wing. Have a tea and look at some work the students brought in,'' I tell her, feeling like I need to get out of this classroom for a bit to escape the whole thing Kate just said.

In return, she nods and gives me a small wave before she walks out of my classroom, not saying anything else. She is pissed at me and she is right to be so. What the hell was I thinking asking her to keep this a secret?

After the second bell went off and I'm sure all the students are in their classes so I don't come across anyone in the hallway, I grab my bag and make my way to the other end of the building.

The moment I open the doors, I'm welcomed by the sound of mumbling colleagues and the smell of coffee, making me wonder if it is a good idea to switch drinks for energy. Only because I hate the taste of it, I decide against it, knowing that being tired is far better than feeling sick for the rest of the day.

I take a seat by the window and get out of the papers I need to look over. The sun is shining a little, and behind the glass, it spreads a warm glow over my face. It's nice to be out of my classroom for a bit, and I should definitely show my face more.

I'm well into the papers of the third student when I hear someone greet me. The person is standing behind me, and as far as his voice goes, I don't think I've met him before. When I turn around, I see that it's José Rodriguez.

"How is the first week going? As bad as you thought it would be, I bet?" He smirks, his eyes playfull and his hand on the back of my chair, casually leaning against it.

"It's actually going pretty good," I smile. "It's José, right?"

I hold out my hand which he takes with the hand that isn't leaning on my chair. "The one and only."

He grins and leans into me a little, almost as if he's lost his balance. When he sees me raise my eyebrow, he moves back again.

"I'm Anastasia. Nice to meet you," I smile before letting go of his hand.

"Likewise. So," he starts while taking a seat on the chair next to me. "No class right now, I see."

I shake my head. "No. Luckily I have a free hour. Gives me time to get some work done." I nod my head to the papers in front of me.

"Right. One of the best things about being a gym teacher is that I don't have to read often about what the shitheads write." He lets out a full belly laughs, obviously finding himself hilarious. I find it more inappropriate than funny and when he sees I'm not laughing, he quickly stops as well.

We sit next to each other awkwardly, him watching me. To ignore his gaze, I look back down on the papers in front of me, hoping that he gets the message.

"Anyway, how do you find the students? Easy to handle?" He asks after a minute, really trying to get into a conversation with me.

"Yeah, it's going pretty good. Some of them needed a little icebreaker, but it is not as bad as I thought it would be. You know, with my age and given what is known about me," I tell him, knowing that he knows who I am as well.

He nods his head, a small smile on his lips that tells me that he indeed has seen articles about me. "Yeah. I heard a few girls talk about you during my class. They were very impressed."

I smile and nod before I again focus on the papers. It's just thirty minutes until I have my next class, and I really want to get at least half of the pile done so I don't have to do it at home.

"What about the terror class? Do they treat you alright?"

His question takes me by surprise and when I look up at him, I see that he has a curious expression on his face. I'm not sure what his motives are for asking this question, although it's probably just out of interest.

"They are okay. I mean, they are called the terror class for a reason, but so far they didn't do anything very unusual. I bet you have been through more shocking things with them."

I look at him, hoping that he will just nod his head and turns the attention on him. I'm so uncomfortable talking about the terror class.

"I've had quite a few shockers with them, yes," he agrees. "But I show them who's boss. Especially those guys. Flynn, Grey, you know, the ones that think they rule the school. They need a firm hand sometimes."

Just hearing his name is giving me goosebumps. Fucking. Great.

"Apparently," I mumble as I look back down. "Listen, I'm a bit busy, so if you don't mind? I really want to get this done before my next class starts."

José holds up his hands while he stands from his chair. "Sure, no problem. It was nice talking to you," he smiles and moves his hand to my shoulder for just a second. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

He turns around and walks out the door before I have the change to thank him. Kate was right about him, he is alright even though he seems a bit awkward. I should sit here a little more often, maybe during breaks. It gives me the change to mingle with the team a little bit more.

The next twenty minutes I spent going through the papers, and when I need to get back to my classroom, I'm almost done with all of them. For the first time today, I actually feel productive.

But as soon as I walk into the hallway that leads to my classroom, my thoughts busy on how I can rub this productive feeling onto my next group of students, I feel someone close behind me.

I don't have to turn around to know who it is. I don't even have to wait until he speaks to make himself known. His presence is enough. I fear that even from miles away and in a room with hundreds of people, I could find him in one second.

"It's a shame that I don't have a class from you today, Mrs. Davies. I would've_ liked_ that." He picks up speed and in two seconds he is walking next to me, his bag swung nonchalantly over his shoulder and his hand lightly rubbing across mine as he follows where I go.

"Funny, I was just thinking the exact opposite," I snap, picking up speed, hoping that he'll give up and give me my day of peace.

Mentally I kick myself for giving him exactly what he wants and not following Luke's advise about ignoring him. It's like the moment he is near me, all sense flies out the window and I just have to respond to what he says. It makes me feel too weak.

"Ouch, so aggressive," he clicks his tongue, never leaving my side as I walk into my classroom.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" I ask, not gazing at him as I make my way over to my desk.

"Yeah, but I _like_ it better here."

I turn around to look at him and find him standing in the doorway. He is leaning against the door casually, the ever so annoying smirk present and his grey eyes as usual fixated on my body.

"I have a class in ten minutes, so if you don't mind? " I cross my arms and look at him, not showing him the effect his gaze has on me.

He walks over to me and stops just inside my personal space, then he reaches into his bag and gets out a paper. "I don't mind at all," he says before handing me the paper. "I'm just here to give this to you. It was an assignment after all and I'd hate it if you don't give it the same attention as you gave everybody else's just moments ago."

I look down and instantly know what he is talking about.

"I've given it too much attention already. Now out," I hiss, pushing the paper away from me.

"I've edited it," he grins. "You'd _like_ it, even more, this time."

"I won't. Get. Out."

He folds the paper open and then holds it up for me to see. I try to walk past him but he takes a step aside just as fast, holding the paper a little higher so it's right before my face.

The moment I see what he has done, my cheeks heat up and everything he just said replays in my head. I didn't even notice what he's said until now. Until I see what he has done.

On the paper, underneath the sentence he wrote yesterday, is the picture that I've looked at way too long. The picture that I'd seen from up close.

"I told you you'd_ like_ it," he whispers while he lowers the paper, his face suddenly way too close.

I have no idea what to say to him. I can't deny, can't act like I have no idea what he is talking about. He saw it.

"It's okay," he mumbles while I feel his tumb move over my heated cheek. "I looked at yours too and I would've liked all of them if they were on Instagram."

His thumb strokes my cheekbone, the gesture sweet even though I know that there is nothing sweet about his intentions. And I try to fight it, but the harder I do so, the more I seem to give in.

"It's not okay. I'm married, Christian. I'm your teacher. I need you to stop doing this. I need this job." My voice almost breaks as I literally beg him to stop, using all the strength I can find. It's the weakest attempt and it's not who I am, but I'm on the edge and I need it to stop.

Before he can answer, the bell rings, literally saving me.

"I have a class," I mumble, pushing him away from me and successfully ending all physical contact.

He nods once, folds the paper and puts it back in his bag before he turns on his heels and walks away, his expression not readable, but the smirk that was there just minutes ago, faded.

Not thirty seconds after he is out the door, the students of my next class are starting to come in, and I force myself to take a deep breath and calm down. My cheeks are still bright red and my breathing is different than normal. Faster or shorter, I don't know but I'm having a hard time calming down.

And as I watch the students take their place, some of them watching me curiously, others talking to each other about something completely different than school, I begin to seriously wonder how long I will be able to hold back.


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! The next one is kind of a big one, and I'm curious if you guys can guess what will happen. Enjoy and let me know! X Milou. **

Sixteen: The final straw.

When I come home around five-thirty, the house is still empty, indicating that Colton went to his work indeed. I haven't heard from him the whole day, and I didn't make any attempt to contact him myself either. I have no idea what to say to him, no idea where to start, so letting it be and postponing it seems the best option I have right now.

After a day like this, in which Grey once again found me even though I didn't have his class, I'm done. I just want to be alone and think about anything but men.

Just as I'm about to walk upstairs to change into something a little more comfortable, I hear the front door open, followed by voices that enter the house. One of the voices I recognize as Colton's, but the other one doesn't sound familiar.

When I walk in the direction of the voices, Colton walks into the living room, followed by a caramel brown-haired woman. They are laughing about something, her hand on his shoulder because it's apparently that funny, and they haven't noticed me yet.

"Oh God, I can't believe I did that. I have no idea how cars work," she giggles, her voice sounding annoyingly high.

"That's okay. You're lucky I was still around to save the day," Colton beams just before his eyes catch mine. "Hi, you're home already?"

I nod my head. Obviously. "Yes, it's five-thirty. Of course, I'm home."

"Right," he mumbles while suddenly looking uncomfortable, almost as if he really thought I wouldn't be at home. Beside him, the woman is looking at her hands, fidging with her nails.

"This is Rose, my assistant. Rose, this is my wife Ana," Colton introduces after a short silence. "Rose's car wouldn't start, so I offered her a ride."

"To our house?" I raise my eyebrow, not even attempting to shake the hand Rose is holding out for me.

"Well, no," Colton begins, sounding annoyed. "To her house. But during our drive, I remembered a planned meeting for tomorrow where Rose needs to be present, and I haven't given her the background information yet. So, I figured we could discuss it over dinner."

"At our house?" I ask again. I feel like I'm the only one in this room that finds that weird, inappropriate and wrong.

He doesn't seem to see how inappropriate this actually is or how he failed to give me a heads up is just disrespectful. Is it really that hard to understand that you don't take your new assistant back to your house?

Colton just rolls his eyes and shrugs, indeed not seeing the whole problem here. "Rose, can you give my wife and me a moment?"

Rose nods her head and almost sprints out of the living room, her cheeks red. When she is out of sight and not able to hear us anymore, Colton turns back to me, his expression murderous.

"What the hell, Ana?" He hisses, teeth clenched.

"Excuse me? What the hell, Ana?! What the hell where are you thinking?"

His hands go to his hair, where he pulls it almost out of his head. "I'm the CEO of my company twenty-four-seven, Ana, not just from nine to five. And you should behave like the wife of one, especially when I take someone from the company home," he seethes.

"To work," he adds when he sees my expression.

I'm stunned by what he says and I don't know how to answer to it. Should I react to the whole 'you are the wife of a CEO' thing, or to the fact that he takes someone home without even informing me? Should I just ignore the fact that his whole excuse as to why he ended up here with her seemed like the biggest bullshit I've ever heard?

"Why didn't you let me know? Why the hell didn't you take her to a restaurant if this is a 'work thing'?" I air quote, almost not able to control the anger. "This is our home, Colton. You don't take people you hardly know back here. And certainly not some stupid assistant you've known for two seconds. Not after everything you did to me."

"When the fuck are you going to let that go?! I have told you I was sorry thousands of times!" He screams, suddenly not caring about his assistant Rose, who must have heard this as well. "I'm not fucking her, Ana. I haven't fucked anyone in a long ass time, including my own damned wife."

What. The. Fuck.

"Get. Out," I growl, my throat hurting as I do so. I have never been this angry. How dare he.

"Can't handle the truth now, Ana? We both know how fucking long it has been." His expression matches my own, our noses just inches apart. His hands are clenched to fists, knuckles white, and his nostrils flare. He looks like a raging bull and I can't help but wonder why he is so angry while I didn't do anything wrong here.

Surely it's not just because of what I said to him. Call me paranoid, but for me, it only confirms that something is definitely not okay here. Why would he be this mad if he did only bring her here for a work dinner?

"Don't you dare make this about me."

"I'm not even trying to. You are." He runs his hands over his face in frustration. "You really think that I would bring her to my home so I can fuck her, knowing that you'd be here as well? Jesus Ana, how fucking stupid do you think I am?"

I can only look at him. Disbelieve and frustration radiating from my body. What is the point of discussing all this with him if he gives me answers like that? He will always think he is right, and maybe I'm just like that. Maybe we will never figure this out and everything will only get worse between us.

"You should go," I sigh, defeated by my own thoughts.

"Not before you apologize to Rose. The poor girl is here on my invitation and has done absolutely nothing wrong." His demanding tone cuts through me, oiling the fire that's just calmed down.

"You can apologize for me, all-mighty husband. Buy her an eight-course meal at Alessandro's and while you're at it, you can explain my reaction towards her. You can tell her that I reacted like this because you never seemed to care that we were in a relationship in the first place. If she still wants to finish dinner after all that, you should book a room at some fancy hotel and take her up to it as well, because you sure as hell don't have to come back home tonight."

He grabs my upper arm, his fingers digging in my skin while he roughly pulls me closer to him. "Think about what you are saying very carefully now, Anastasia. I'm sick of you holding that against me every step I take."

"I'm holding it against you because it still hurts me every step I take. Now let go of me and get. The fuck. Out." I yank my arm back, hissing as he lets me go just a little too late, bruising my arm even more.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Seriously, Ana. This is MY house. You live here because I LET you. Because I married you. You think you can suddenly talk like this because you have a job now? We are not equals here, sweetheart."

"I don't need your money," I hiss.

"I'm not talking about that and you know it," he growls, not missing a beat.

Before I think it over, my hand has made contact with his right cheek. It doesn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would, and Colton hardly looks impressed, but I do know that it is what he needed to get out because he turns and walks to the hallway without saying a word. And I'm glad he does because even with Rose here, it would've gone completely out of hand.

I try to catch my breath as I listened to Colton, who's muffled voice is apologizing to Rose for what just happened. She reassures him twice that it's okay before I hear the door slam shut with force. Not a minute later, Colton's car leaves the porch with both him and Rose in it.

And for the first time since I'm with him, I actually hope he will do exactly what I expect to do.

* * *

"Gail."

"Hi, it's Ana. Are you busy?" I ask, surprisingly able to steady my voice.

"A little. Still at the office. Taylor and Luke are still in a conference call and I'm behind on a ton of things. It's as hectic as it is fulfilling," she sarcastically replies.

I can hear that she is busy with papers and her laptop while she is talking to me, and I immediately know that I can't tell her what happened just now. Not while she is working and not while Taylor and Luke are just a few feet away from her. If she hears what happened, she will probably get Taylor and Luke out of there and come straight to me. It's the last thing I need right now.

"Are you okay?" She asks after a short silence, obviously waiting for me to tell her the reason for my call.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. "I just wanted to talk and catch up. You know, since tomorrow is the first time in a long time I won't be able to meet for our Thursday lunch."

"I know, it sucks. But we can always pick another day for lunch. Maybe on Saturday? I can ask Hannah if she is able to make it as well."

"That would be nice. I don't want to see you any less just because I have a job now," I tell her, my voice trembling. God, talking to Gail always feels so good and the thought of not having that anymore feels horrible.

Gail is silent for a short moment, by the sounds of it she has stopped whatever she was doing as well. "Are you really okay, Ana? You sound weird."

"I'm okay. It's just that now that we are all busy. I just don't want anything to change."

I can practically hear her frowning. "Why would it change because you have a job? We're family."

"I know," I sigh, already regretting that I called her. I need to think about the whole situation first before I tell anyone. I don't even know where to begin.

"Are you really good? Do you need me to come over? Where is Colton? Is he with you?"

Great. Now she is worried because I'm acting all emotional and weird.

"Colton is still at work. He is busy as well. I'm okay, Gail. I just wanted to have a chat, don't worry. I'll speak to you soon, okay? Let me know if you can make it for lunch on Saturday."

"I will," she says, again busy with some papers. "I'll text you, okay?"

"Okay. Talk soon."

"Bye, babe," Gail greets before the line goes silent.

I look at the screen of my phone, which I expect to be black, but instead, I find an alert from a text message from Colton.

_We will talk about this further when you have calmed down. Take this time without me to think everything over carefully, Anastasia,_ it reads.

He didn't sign it with his name or give any other explanation as to where he will be until then but it's obvious that he isn't coming home tonight.

It's for the best, and I know that I have said so myself that he needed to leave, but once again it hurts. Maybe it hurts a little more now because I feel as if this is truly the end of Colton and I. As if this was the final straw.

Colton must feel this as well. I can't imagine that he doesn't. Now that I think about it, alongside the hurt I'm feeling there is also a relief. Relief that my eyes have finally opened for real. The realization that Colton and I will never work because I will never be able to forget what he has done to me in the past.

The realization that I'm not afraid of leaving him anymore feels so liberating. A huge weight has lifted from my shoulders.

I know this is only the beginning, and maybe I feel too positive about it at this moment, but I am determined to not let Colton do this anymore. We can't ruin each other's life like this.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone once again, this time because Hannah is calling. It surprises me since Hannah is always more of a texter.

"Hi, Hannah."

"Hi, babe. How are you?" She asks, as always her happy, bubbly self. In the background, I can hear her car, so I think she is driving.

"I'm fine, you?"

"Yeah, fine too," she agrees. "Listen, Gail called. She said that you weren't acting like yourself when she spoke to you and she is worried. She asked me if I wanted to check on you, without you knowing that it came from her. But since I find that stupid, I'm just giving you a heads up; I'm on my way to you, I'm wearing my pajamas, I've just ordered a large pepperoni with extra cheese and I have stolen two bottles of very expensive red wine out of Luke's cabinet."

"Okay," I mumble, a bit overwhelmed. What the hell did Gail make of our little chat?

"Yeah, so put on some comfy clothes and find some stupid chick flick on Netflix with a good looking guy we can drool over. I'm hanging up now because I'm not on Bluetooth. I will be with you in an hour."

Without waiting for my response, she hangs up, leaving me speechless but with a small, endeared smile on my face. I'm not even going to pretend that Hannah's surprise visit throws me off.

I have the best sisters in law in the world.


	18. Chapter 17

**Okay, after sixteen chapters, we are finally getting somewhere. Not going to hold you up any longer because I'm dying to know what you guys think. Enjoy, and let me know. Love xx Milou.**

Seventeen: Something extra.

"You're late, Grey," Tony grumbles, his red, sweaty head peeking out of the pizza oven.

I roll my eyes and try my best to not give him an attitude since I've indeed just walked in twenty minutes late. "Yeah, sorry. Lost track of time. It won't happen again, man."

I'm not completely lying; I did lose track of time. About the part where it won't happen again though, I can't make any promises. If my head keeps fucking up my thoughts, then it will definitely happen again.

Ever since I walked out of her classroom, I'm confused. Fucking confused. Before I walked in there, I had everything figured out. My goal was simple, and I was determined to achieve it before Christmas break.

But then she looked at me. Really looked at me. And ever since I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel lost and it pisses me the fuck off.

When I saw her walking out of that car a few days back, I'd figured that the Anastasia Davies I'd seen on Wikipedia wasn't the real deal. I knew there was way more to her and her life than anyone had ever written about.

But I had no idea how deep it went until I saw her from up close while she begged me to stop.

I thought I felt her shiver when I touched her cheek, but the more I replay the moment in my head, the more I think that she was trembling. She was fighting against her breaking point and the thought of me driving her that insane makes me sick.

I know it's not just because of me. It can't be just because of me. There is way more going on with her. I suspect that it has a lot to do with her life outside of school. With her husband possibly.

I've never been one who is interested in anybody's life, I do my own thing and mostly stay out if anyone's business, but her life intrigues me more by the minute.

It could be because I want her. Because I've set her as my goal and I've never failed in getting what I want. But as I walked out of her classroom I realized that it goes deeper than that.

I want to see her fierce and confident like she was the first day she had our group, and seeing her weak and vulnerable makes me furious. Furious at the reason or the person that makes her feel like that mousy, broken girl I saw today.

I know I don't make her feel like that. I push her buttons and make her mad. The way I act makes her angry, dominant and strong. It makes her fucking sexy as hell.

But what about her husband? I've caught her crying when she came out of his car the other day, and every time I come close she says we can't because she is married and because she is my teacher. Granted, both are valid reasons, but shouldn't he be the reason she can't?

She keeps telling me she 'can't', but shouldn't he be the reason she doesn't WANT to?

"GREY!" Tony's firm hand slams onto the counter in front of me, making me jump out of my heavy thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You're here to work or what?" He nods to the pizza box that is in front of me. "Large pepperoni with extra cheese, the address is on the receipt."

I look down and grab the pizza box while looking at the address. I'm pretty sure I've been there before since it looks familiar and it doesn't surprise me. I've been working here for way too fucking long and recognizing addresses only confirms it.

"Today, Grey. Think you can manage?" Tony rolls his eyes, obviously losing his patience with me.

I nod and turn around, moving my hoody over my head as I walk out of the small, empty restaurant. Nobody ever comes over to eat. They either order from home or come by to take away and I'm fucking thankful for that. At least the contact with costumers is very minimal this way.

Once I'm in the car, I type the address into my phone before starting the engine and driving away. With music loudly blasting through the speakers and the heater turned on a little higher than necessary for the current weather, it probably isn't the worst job an eighteen-year-old highschooler could have.

After a ten minute drive, I turn left and immediately recognize the street. My hands start to sweat and I feel my heartbeat pick up speed. No fucking wonder I recognized the address.

And what a fucking shit timing for her to order a pizza today.

I check the number on the receipt one more time to make sure I'm not mistaken, even though I know that within minutes, I will be ringing the bell of her house.

I'm not wrong. Number 48. Her house.

As soon as I turn off the engine, my mind goes crazy. What will she wear this time? Will she be surprised to see that I'm the one who is delivering her pizza? Will she greet me differently now that she knows me and we are not in school?

Fuck. What if her husband opens the door?

Deciding not to dwell on that one for too long because it makes me feel all kinds of weird things, I open the door, grab the pizza and make my way to her front door. The porch is long, with white stones which makes my footsteps audible.

When I'm standing in front of her door, I ring the bell. With my breath stuck somewhere between my chest and throat, I wait for the door to open, suddenly feeling horribly out of place and even a little nervous.

What the hell is Anastasia Davies doing to me?

It takes a few seconds more before the door opens and when it does, the breath that I was holding in leaves my mouth in a heavy sigh.

Unlike last time, she isn't wearing the thick robe that hides her almost from head to toe. Today, she is wearing green pajama pants with a black tank top and a big cardigan, her hands hidden in the sleeves.

When I look at her make-up free face, I see that she is already looking at me. Her eyes are wide and surprised, her lower lip is pulled in between her teeth and her cheeks are red while she mutters a soft "shit".

I'm stupidly standing in front of her, at loss of words now that we meet again outside of school. It's fucking awkward, even more so because of how we parted just hours ago.

"Hi," Anastasia breaks the silence after she can't bear it anymore.

"Hi," I nod. "Large pepperoni with extra cheese. It's eighteen fifty."

"Okay," she nods, visibly feeling just as awkward as me. She grabs the pizza from me with shaking hands, her hand brushing mine just for a second which causes her to yank back as if she's just gotten a shock from me.

"I'll just get some money, one second," she says before she turns and places the pizza on a small table to her right.

She then nervously reaches into the pocket of her pajamas, avoiding eye contact while she searches for her cash. I can't help but notice that she looks tired, and her eyes look a little red as well. Now that I look at her a little longer, I swear her lips are red and puffy also. Has she been crying?

"Here," she says while she hands me a twenty. "You can keep the rest."

"Thanks," I nod, not sure what to do next. There is this insane pull between us, one that she must feel as well, and because of it I'm unable to turn around and walk away.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, unable not to after what happened at school.

She looks surprised by my question, and she doesn't really answer until I take a step closer. "I'm fine."

She always says she is fine and it frustrates the living shit out of me.

"Why do I get the feeling that that is not true?"

The question is out before I know it, and I'm not sure why but I really want her to answer.

For the first time since she has opened the door, her red eyes hold mine for longer than a few seconds, and I can see that she is fighting against the tears, just like this afternoon. Her lip starts to tremble a little, but she tries to hide it by capturing it with her teeth again.

"You should go," she says, her voice soft and her hand already pushing the door shut.

I'm just in time to put my foot in front of it, preventing it from closing fully. I don't even think it over. The only thing I know is that I can't let her throw that door in my face again.

"Christian, you need to leave," she tries again, not sounding as convincing as she did a moment ago.

"Wait," I say, pushing the door open all the way. "Is this because of what happened at school?"

I watch her shake her head, looking at the ground to avoid any contact. "No. It's not."

"Then what's wrong?"

Her head snaps up, her expression finally something a little closer to how she always is when I'm around. Annoyance, anger or irritation, I'm not sure yet, but it's not as sad anymore. And I'm relieved to see it.

"Why can't you just leave when I ask you to?"

Her attitude pisses me off, especially because this time I actually mean my concern. "Why the fuck can't you just answer the goddamned question?"

"Because it's not your fucking business, Grey" she growls back, her nose just inches from mine, no doubt to impress me.

When I don't move, I see that she raises her hand, purposely moving towards my chest to push me back. Before she can though, I grab her wrist and pull her against me, sensing that if I don't she will lose it completely. She just seems so tense and worked up.

The moment she is close enough, my thoughts are confirmed when she starts to hit her fists on my chest, cursing while she does, the tears falling from her eyes.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" The question comes out in an angry sob while she slowly stops hitting me, almost as if she is too tired to lift her hands.

"I think you know why," I mumble while I move my arms around her, pulling her tighter against me now that she isn't fighting me anymore.

We stand like that for I don't know how long. She is crying, her face against my chest while her whole body is tense, and I do my best to comfort her.

"The way I act around you scares me," she confesses while the tears still fall down her cheeks. "I don't feel in control and I hate it. I hate you. Jesus, I hate you so much."

I grab her chin and make her look at me, graving to see the fire in her eyes while she says it. I let my thumb run over her cheek, catching the tears before they fall from her face.

"The closer you come, the more trouble I have to hold back," she whispers, her eyes now glued to mine.

The insane pull that I've felt since she opened the door seems to take over. I just have to kiss her. I have to know what her lips taste like, even if it's only for a second and even if she kills me afterward.

So, without thinking it over any further, I determinedly move forward and capture her lips with mine. Actually, I slam them on hers, making her gasp in shock. And then I wait. Wait for her to push me away and curse me for what I'm worth.

I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

But she doesn't. She doesn't push me away, and neither does she pull back. After a moment, I feel her lips move against mine, carefully nipping, hesitantly exploring. They're soft and warm, and ever so often, a small sob escapes from between them.

Her hands are clenched into fists, gripping the fabric of my sweater. She is shaking and out of fear that she is cold, I pull her even closer. My arms are wrapped tightly around the small of her back, the ends of her hair moving over my arms.

While her mouth still nips, my tongue isn't as patient. Now that she isn't pulling back, I need to take that extra step. I have to now that I have the change.

I let my tongue make contact with her upper lip, and for a moment, her movements still. When I open my eyes, I find hers already watching me, our mouths still touching. It's, without doubt, one of the weirdest things I've ever done.

We are not moving, her breath against my mouth while her eyes search for something in mine. She is thinking everything over, I feel it.

After a short moment, she seems to give in and closes her eyes again, her lips slightly parting to give my tongue the excess it asks. Without trouble, mine finds hers, and the moment they touch, a shiver runs through her body.

It's unlike anything I've ever felt before. Where she was hesitant a moment ago, she is now determined, showing me how she likes it without giving me much room to improvise. She leads, and I feel that what she said about hating me just now might be really true.

Her left-hand moves from my sweater to my chin, her nails in my skin before she abruptly stops our kiss, almost as if she is reminded of all the reasons why she shouldn't. Her breathing is heavy, her lips are even puffier than before and her eyes are darker. She looks just as good as she tastes.

I expect her to tell me that it was a mistake, that it can never happen again and that she'll maybe hit me again to make her point extra clear, but she doesn't. She just looks at me with hooded eyes that show shock, disbelief, confusion, and, in the far distance, lust.

I take a step back, hoping that it will make her a little more comfortable. I have no idea how to act now. The kiss was amazing, even better than I imagined it would be, but now, after, I feel a bit lost as well.

Because where the hell is this whole thing going?! And what the fuck am I feeling?

"Hannah will be here in a few minutes." Her voice is soft and I feel her move away from me even more until we are not touching anymore. My hands, that were resting on her hips, are now hanging beside me, almost defeated.

"Hannah?" I ask, confused. I was still thinking about everything that just happened, and she starts talking about someone named Hannah?

She nods. "Hannah. She is my brother's girlfriend. We are having a girls' night. She ordered the pizza and I needed to pick the movie. She wants something with a good looking guy so we can drool over him.''

She is rambling, her cheeks red, avoiding the subject that we actually need to discuss. She acts as if the whole kiss never happened.

"Okay," I mumble.

I hate this. I want her to talk about it. I want her to tell me what she felt when she kissed me. I want her to tell me that what we did felt as good for her as it did for me. Fucking Christ, I want her to be mad at me for kissing her. I want her to curse or hit me.

I need a reaction. I don't care what kind. But instead of all that, I'm getting bullshit.

"Thank you for the pizza," she says, obviously working towards a goodbye.

"Sure. It's my job."

She is really going to ignore it, and I can't stand it. I want to throw her inside, close the door and push her against the nearest wall before I kiss her again. Harder and longer, so she can't ignore it anymore no matter how hard she tries.

But I can't because someone named Hannah, who is apparently her brother's girlfriend, will be here soon.

Like I said; her timing really is fucked up.

"Bye, Christian," Anastasia says. I can't read her, she looks just about the same as when she opened the door. The only thing that looks different, is her mouth. Her lips are more swollen and redder as well.

If it wasn't for those sweet as fuck lips, I would think it never happened, given her behavior right now.

"Anastasia," I nod as a goodbye, not able to say anything else. Everything I can think of saying right now will cause a huge fight, I just know it.

She starts to close the door and without waiting for it to be completely shut, I turn around and make my way to the car. The stones underneath my feet sound different than when I walked over them a few minutes ago. They sound far away as if I'm wearing a headphone or something.

As if I'm in a bubble.

Once I'm in my car, I notice that my hands are shaking and that my breathing is still heavy. This kiss has a huge impact on me for all different kinds of reasons, and I already know that everything will change because of it.

I am royally fucked. Or better yet, we are royally fucked. Literally.


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: While reading the Fifty Shades trilogy, I always thought how cool it would be if Ana and Hannah would be friends as well. I don't know why, but I just liked Hannah. So, in this one, I finally get to make them friends and sisters-in-law. How great is that?! Enjoy. I'm curious what you guys think of my Hannah. X Milou.**

Eighteen: The sissy and the perv.

I close the door before he reaches his car, unable to act any longer as if I'm not affected by what happened just moments ago. My lips still tingle, my heart is still beating way too fast and I swear I'm shaking. I've never felt like this after kissing someone.

I feel hot and cold at the same time. While I think about his soft mouth on mine, a shiver runs through my body and I know I won't ever be able to look at him in a normal way again.

And what the hell is with the timing?!

It's not a huge surprise that Hannah called this pizzeria to place her order since it's the one closest to our house and it has the best reviews as well. But the fact that he not only had to work but also delivered the pizza at my place just makes me hate the Gods above.

I secretly think that Grey demanded to order the pizza when he saw the address. I wouldn't be surprised if he did since he's been practically stalking me anyway. The fact that it happens at my house now though, makes it a little too real.

As I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water in hopes it will cool me down, I can't seem to get rid of the feeling in my lower stomach. It's something between nerves and nausea, and it gets worse the moment I see a flash of grey eyes appear.

Even though the feeling is uncomfortable, I'm unable not to think about him. About how his arms held me around my waist as he let me lead the kiss. About how his chest felt underneath my hands while I hit him multiple times, and how his hot breath felt against my face when he tried to calm me down.

I'm never as dominant as I was when I kissed Grey. Normally Colton sets the pace and decides the path, and I just follow. But with Grey, I feel completely different. With him, I want to let him feel how much he frustrates me. I wasn't lying when I said that I hated him, I really do, and I wanted him to feel it.

Obviously, kissing him back was about the most stupid way to show him that, and I have a feeling that he didn't get the message at all.

I take a few huge gulps of cold water, enjoying the way I feel it move down all the way to my stomach. My cheeks are still red and they feel hot, and in an attempt to cool them down I bring my cold hands up and against them.

What the hell was I thinking? Hannah is on her way over here. She could have easily walked in on me kissing a fucking delivery guy as if I'm starring in a porn movie. What a disaster.

I walk to the restroom where I look in the mirror to see if there are any traces shown on my face. My eyes are a little hooded, but I can blame the tears for that. My lips are a whole other story though; they are bright red and swollen. My cheeks are back to its normal color due to my cold hands, so that makes the whole picture a little less flushed.

While I move my fingers over my lips in hopes it will help, I think back on how the kiss started in the first place. As always, we were bickering, which started because he saw that I'd been crying. He even asked if it was because of what happened between us in school, and the concern was audible in his voice.

I snapped, which frustrated him. And then he said that I know why he doesn't leave me alone. What does he even mean with that? After what happened, I can't deny that there is a weird, inappropriate pull between us, but I can hardly believe that an eighteen-year-old feels it just intense as I do. I'm his teacher for Christ's sake.

But, eighteen-year-olds aren't supposed to kiss like that either, so what the hell do I know.

My thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell that is ringing once again, and for a short second my heart stops, thinking that it might be Christian again. But when I walk to the door and look through the small peephole, I see it's Hannah and relief washes over me.

I take a deep breath and will myself to act normal before I open the door. Hannah is indeed in pajamas; baggy bright pink pants are stuffed into some uggs, and she is wearing one of Luke's way too big sweaters. In her hands, she is holding two bottles of red wine, and her hair is on top of her head in a messy bun.

"A listening ear has arrived," she laughs while she steps inside, pushing the bottles in my hands before closing the door and kicks off her shoes.

"Great," I giggle.

"Oh, the pizza is already here," she claps when she spots the box on the side table. "Perfect timing."

I roll my eyes at her statement. Perfect timing my ass. How the hell am I going to eat that pizza without replaying the moment it was delivered? And without fucking blushing?

"Did you pick a movie?" Hannah asks while she walks into the living room and jumps on the couch, the pizza box on her lap.

"Not yet. I was about to but then the pizza was delivered." I grab two wine glasses out of the cabinet before I walk to the couch as well, taking place next to her.

"Okay. Do we want a movie or a series?" She asks while she scrolls through Netflix, completely at home even though she's been here just a few times. It makes me smile, at least this place feels inviting.

"A movie, I think?"

She nods and then moves to the search button, typing 'safe haven'. I've seen it already, but I don't mind. The lead guy is hopefully hot enough to occupy my mind for an hour or two.

"Gotta love Josh Duhamel," Hannah swoons, making me giggle.

I open one of the bottles and pour us both a glass while Hannah presses play and opens the pizza box, the delicious smell of cheese and pepperoni filling my nostrils.

"Cheers," I nod while giving Hannah a glass. She clinks it with mine before taking a huge sip. She then leans back into the couch, making herself comfortable while taking a bite of her pizza.

I do the same, laying against the other side of the couch. Without wanting to, the smell of the pizza brings me back to the kiss, and I wonder if that's how it will be from now on. What if, every time I smell a pepperoni pizza, I think of him and how he kisses? That would be awkward.

"You know, when Gail called me and asked me to check on you, I thought that she was probably overreacting. But now that I see you sitting here, I'm starting to think she was right," Hannah says when we are about seven minutes into the movie.

My head snaps to her a little too fast, and even though I try to look at her as if I'm all good, I know that she sees that the wheels inside my head are turning on full force.

"What do you mean?" I ask her anyway, hoping that I can do something with what she is about to tell me.

"You look absent and I could tell that you've been crying the moment you opened the door. On top of it, Colton isn't home, even though it's already after seven." She looks at me intently, the movie completely forgotten. "What's wrong?"

I sigh and rub my eyes before taking a sip of my wine. It's delicious and I'm not sure if Luke is happy that Hannah stole two bottles, but I'm going to enjoy the hell out of both of them.

"Colton and I had a huge clash," I start, thinking about where to begin. As far as I know, Hannah isn't informed about Colton's behavior with other women, which means that I might have to explain that to her as well.

"Why?"

"I'd just come home when I heard him come home as well, with his assistant. They were happily talking and laughing about something stupid she did when her car broke down. When he walked into the living room and saw me, he looked busted, as if he was surprised that I was there. His assistant, who's name is Rose, by the way, also looked very uncomfortable."

"He introduced me to her, and then told me that he was about to have dinner with her, here, in our house. Without informing me. I mean, is it just me or is that highly inappropriate?"

A small voice in my head scolds at me, saying that what I did just an hour after that was even more inappropriate, but I take a huge gulp of my wine to ignore it.

"It's weird, yes. But do you really think he would bring her home to cheat on you while he knew that you would be here as well?" She frowns.

"I don't know. But it wouldn't be the first time."

Hannah's eyes widen in shock and I decide to tell her more about the relationship that Colton and I have.

"Colton cheated on me before, Hannah. The last time was just a few months before we got married. He just can't seem to get enough of all the girls that find him amazing, even though we are in a relationship. And every time I take him back. I don't even know why. I guess it's the fear of being alone. I've been with Colton for so long, I wouldn't know what to do on my own."

"Anyway, I practically accused him of cheating while she was just a few feet away, waiting in the hallway. He got pissed and then he took off, on my request. Rose went with him."

To my surprise, I realize that what I'm saying is actually true. It's not the entire reason for taking him back, but it's definitely one of them. I don't even know who I am without Colton.

"And you think he is cheating on you now? With Rose?"

I shrug. "I wouldn't be surprised. He has sent me a text about how I had to think about everything very carefully. And he isn't coming home tonight. I have no idea where he will stay."

"God," Hannah sighs. "I had no idea Colton was that kind of guy. I mean, he is always kind of grumpy when he is around, especially when Gail is there too, but I didn't expect this."

"Yeah, well, he hates Gail and Gail hates him. She is the only one who knows about his cheating. Taylor and Luke don't know, and I'd like to keep it that way. We both know what happens if they know." I look at her knowingly, and she immediately nods her head.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that. Not until you leave him anyway," she snorts, making me giggle as well.

"That's it though? That's why you cried and look like this?" She waves over my form, and it makes me feel very aware of myself. Does she see anything?

"That's all. I mean, I'm busy at work and I'm still fighting for respect, but other than that I'm fine," I lie, knowing that I can't tell Hannah about this. She is too involved, too close to me.

She nods and then takes another piece of pizza, seemingly happy with my answer. "Do you want to spread a rumor about Colton in the media, anonymous?"

I laugh. "About what?"

"About how he has a tiny cock."

"Hannah!" I laugh while kicking her hip with my foot, making her laugh as well. "He is still my husband. What would that say about me?"

She giggles and shakes her head. "You're right, bad idea."

We both settle into the movie again, which already is to the point of the two leads meeting each other. I'm happy that Hannah is here. Thinking about being alone right now doesn't feel right. At least now my mind is occupied with something other than the fight with Colton or the kiss with Grey.

"How are you and Luke doing?" I ask after a few minutes of watching the movie. The pizza is almost gone, and we're already on our second glass of wine.

I smile as I see a blush spread over Hannah's face, a sweet smile forming her lips. I can tell she is completely head over heels and it makes me happy. I'd never thought that Luke would find someone like Hannah, let alone introduce us to her. I know he feels the same about her, he is completely smitten as well.

"We are good," she smiles. "He asked me to move in with him."

My eyes widen. "Really?"

She nods and takes a sip of wine. "Yeah, it was very unexpected. I told him I would think about it."

"What's holding you back?"

She looks at me for a moment, as if she is debating something in her mind. Then she sits up a little while looking at me intently.

"What do you know about Luke his exes?"

Her question surprises me since I didn't really know he had any exes in the first place. "Uhm, not much. I know he screwed around a lot, but he never introduced anyone to us. Why?"

She nods her head again, processing what I just said. "I'm not sure if I can tell you this, but I kind of need someone's opinion, so I'm just going to say it."

"When Luke and I met, he wasn't really interested in a normal relationship," she says, watching my reaction carefully. When she sees I'm completely lost on what she is saying, she continues.

"He wanted me as his submissive, Ana. All the girls he 'screwed around with', were actually submissives."

"What?!" I shout, shocked. What the hell? Do I even want to know this?

"Yeah, that was my reaction as well," she chuckles. "I signed an NDA and after that he gave me a contract and asked me to look it over. I won't go into detail because I know he is your brother, but it basically said that he wanted complete control over me and my body. Because I was really attracted to him, I promised to think about it. He first said that he wouldn't touch me before I'd signed the contract, but he kept contacting me and eventually, one thing led to another and I let him show me some of the things he does as a Dominant. And I just got addicted to him."

"The more time I spend with him, the more I started to feel. He saw it, and at first, he told me that it wasn't mutual. So I left. I couldn't do all the things he wanted to do without the feelings. A month later, he contacted me again, telling me that he missed me and that he wanted to try. For me."

Her cheeks turn even pinker as she says the last part, almost as if she still can't believe it. And even though the information that she's just given me is shocking and awkward, I find myself smiling.

"I told him that I didn't want the contract or the rules and that I wanted to date him. Like normal people. It scared the shit out of him, but he agreed. He shattered the NDA and the contract and the next day he brought me along for dinner at Gail's where he introduced me to all of you. He did a full 180 in just twenty-four hours. It made my head spin."

"Is he treating you good, Hannah? Does he hurt you?" It's the first thing that comes to my mind after hearing the terms Dominant and submissive and contract, and I can't help but check if she is okay.

She nods her head. "He is, Ana. He is sweet and careful, even though it's sometimes a chalange for him because he is not used to anyone talking back and taking matters in their own hands. He is a huge control freak. But I think I love him."

"You think?" I ask.

"Yeah. I haven't said it to him yet, but he has said it to me when he asked me to move in. It's all just going really fast."

I understand what she is saying. Luke has always been very controlled and selfish. It's one of the reasons I never thought he would settle down with someone.

"What's stopping you from moving in with him?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "A crazy-ass ex submissive. She found out that he is having more than a contract with me, and now she is jealous. She showed up at my work, drunk as hell, armed with a knife while mumbling about what I have that she hasn't. It was weird. And Luke is going insane over it, and frankly, she just scares me."

Jesus. And I thought that my life was a disaster.

"Does she know where you live?"

She shakes her head. "No, but Luke thinks it's only a matter of time. I think it's even one of the reasons he wants me to move in with him. So he knows I'm safe. I'm staying with him now until the whole situation is solved. After that, we'll see."

I don't say anything to her. I have no idea what to say. I feel bad for her that she ended up in this situation, and I blame Luke for it. What the hell was he thinking? Contracting submissives? Being a Dominant? Fucking hell.

"Anyway, you can understand that I need this pizza and wine just as much as you do," she holds up her class and nods, before downing the last of her wine.

"What a mess, huh," I chuckle.

"A little. But your story actually surprises me, Ana. You Steeles all look so controlled and tough. You look fierce when you are attending an event or when you're handling the paparazzi. Why the hell do you act like a sissy housewife when it comes to Colton? You should kick his ass and show him who's boss," she states, completely convinced and even a little angry.

And she is right.

"I know. It's what I did just now. I told him to fuck off."

I think.

"Good for you," she nods. "I'm going to open the other one as well because I think we deserve it."

I giggle in agreement, enjoying how the wine tastes. I'm probably completely hungover tomorrow morning since I never drink a whole bottle, but I don't care. It's just one day before the weekend starts, and I have a feeling I'm going to need the numb feeling tomorrow since I'm having the terrors again. Including the student, I exchanged saliva with.

"Does Luke do those things in his penthouse?" I suddenly ask, realizing that I've never noticed anything about him being in that lifestyle.

Her cheeks turn pink again and I'm just too late to tell her that I don't want to know. "He has a room upstairs. He calls it the red room of pleasure. "

"Oh, God. My brother is a huge perv," I say, falling backward onto the couch for drama, making Hannah giggle.

"Just like your sister in law, then. I kind of like that room. Especially when we're there and he is using-"

"STOP! I really don't want you to finish that sentence," I giggle. The thought of Luke and Hannah in some torture room together is just disturbing.

"It's not as taboo as you think, Ana," Hannah laughs, thankfully honoring my request and not telling me more.

The word taboo instantly takes me back to the kiss with Christian. It really is a taboo. I should really end if all. It's a very wrong fantasy that can have huge consequences if I don't stop it now. It already has gone way too far.

"I know. It's just weird talking about this with you because it's about my brother," I tell her, jumping out of my thoughts. I feel the effects of the wine settle in as I take another sip from my refilled glass.

"What's the craziest thing you've done?" She looks at me curiously, her eyes dancing, indicating that she is probably going to crash here since she can't drive home.

I think about it for a moment. Colton and I have always been very decent. Almost always in a bed, outside the few times that we did it in the shower or in his car before he dropped me home. A little experimenting with positions, but mostly just missionary or good old doggy.

I actually realize just now, that the most erotic experience I've had is probably the banter with Christian and the kiss we shared.

Jesus, I need more wine. I'm pathetic.

"Probably in Colton's car around the corner of our house, just before he dropped me off. That's years ago, though," I tell her, almost ashamed.

"How high would you rate your sex life at this moment?" She asks after she's looked at me for a few seconds, her head tilted to the right as if she is seeing something for the first time.

I'm not sure since when Hannah and I are close enough to discuss these things, but since she has told me about hers a little, I guess I should give her an honest answer as well.

"Right now there really isn't much left of our sex life," I mumble before I continue with my wine which by this tempo, will be gone way too fast.

"That sucks," she answers, also sipping her wine. Silence fills the living room for a moment, the only sound coming from the tv, where ironically, the two leads are just about to have sex.

"You should really think about what it is you want, Ana. Are you happy? Do you think you ever will be happy with Colton? Don't stay with him out of fear that you won't do good on your own. You're never alone. We're here. And you will find love again, even though it feels as if you won't." She smiles reassuringly and grabs my hand, squeezing it a couple of times.

"Thanks, Hannah. You are sweet."

And I mean it. I hope she and Luke work everything out because I want to keep her as my sister-in-law, even though she is a huge perve too.


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Tension is building guys. I repeat, tension is building. And we are getting closer and closer to the steamy stuff. Just a little longer! Enjoy. X Milou.**

Nineteen: Her plan.

As expected, I wake up with a huge headache, thick eyes and a horrible morning breath. It's no surprise since both bottles of red wine, along with two glasses of expensive whiskey that Hannah thought we should take to fuck up Colton, but I still hoped that the painkillers I took right before I went to bed would at least took off the edge.

Needless to say that Hannah did stay over and crashed into the guestroom. I don't know if she is already awake, but I do know that she will feel just like me. Alcohol, fighting with your husband and kissing your student is definitely not a great combination.

As I stand from the bed, my eyes still half shut due to the light that I'd just turned on, I'm seriously starting to wonder how I'm going to survive this day. The thought of seeing Christian again popped into my mind all night, but now that I'm feeling like this I dread it even more.

What am I going to say to him? Or worse, what is he going to say to me? Did he tell his fellow terror students about what happened last night, or is he waiting to see how far I let him go? Will he give me an attitude or will he for once just sit back and do as he is told?

I hear stumbling in the hallway and a second later the door of the bedroom swings open, revealing Hannah. Just like I thought, she looks horrible and it actually makes me laugh.

"Jesus, good to know that someone is happy," she groans before she let herself fall on the bed, face down.

"This is your fault. That whiskey was not a good idea," I tell her while I grab my brush and try to make something of my hair. Soon I fear that it will just be a messy bun since it doesn't do what I want it to do at all.

Hannah turns her head so she is facing me, her cheek still pressed in the sheets. "Last night you thought it was a brilliant idea," she argues, her voice hoarse.

"I did a lot of stupid things last night," I mutter, more to myself than to Hannah. Thankfully, she is busy dragging herself up again, so she doesn't ask further.

"About what I said last night, by the way," she begins. "I'm telling Luke that I've talked with you about everything, but maybe you shouldn't bring it up next time you see him. Unless he does it first. He says he's not ashamed, but at the same time, he is moving heaven and earth to make sure it doesn't leak."

I scrunch my nose. "God, Hannah. I'm not going to talk to my brother about how he likes to spank your ass and tie you up while he fucks you. I've heard way too much last night already."

She giggles and drags herself off the bed, a few low groans leaving her mouth as she does.

"I have to go. I need to go to Luke's to change and then I have a meeting with him at SEH. The whole company is summoned," she rolls her eyes. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that is dreading work today.

"Do you need some aspirins?"

She shakes her head. "No, I'm just taking a shower at Luke's and I'll be fine. Besides my voice and throat, I'm actually doing pretty good."

"I walk you out," I tell her while I follow her downstairs. With every step I take, I feel my head drum, reminding me that I really need two more painkillers before I do anything else.

"Thanks for coming over, Hannah. I had fun." I give her a hug.

"Me too," she smiles. "And remember what I said. You're never alone."

I nod and watch her walk to her car, giving her a small wave as she steps in before I close the door. The cold air is not making things any easier and I wish I could just crawl back into bed and hide between the sheets.

* * *

It's seven twenty-five when I arrive at the teacher's wing, and I immediately notice that it's busier than normal. Today of all days, there is even a line in front of the coffee machine, as if the Gods know that I need it more then ever this morning.

As I stand in line, I look around to see what the fuzz is about. I've attended every morning this week because I thought that it was expected of me, but I've realized that not all teachers are this loyal. Today though, I can tell everybody is here and it makes me wonder what's so special about this Friday.

"Morning neighbor," someone says from behind me. When I turn around, I see that it's Kate.

"Morning," I say, my throat sore and the evidence audible in my voice.

Kate chuckles, "you look like an angel but you sound like a hobbit."

I laugh and shake my head. "I know, it's horrible."

"Good thing there is something like coffee, huh?"

I nod my head as it's finally my turn to make coffee. "Yeah, on days like this I appreciate it more than normal."

After my coffee is done, I wait for dor Kate before we both make our way to the big table in the middle of the room. There are only a few seats left, and we take two chairs at the end of the table, right were José and two other gym teachers are sitting.

"Why is it so busy today? Am I missing something?" I ask Kate.

"It's because Mr. Brown will give us the first information about the excursion trip of the seniors. Every year, at the start of the school year, the seniors go on a three-day excursion. It's mostly for historical purposes, but as always he needs invigilators that join to make sure the students don't misbehave. Normally, teachers are practically fighting over it, but I think Brown is going to have a tough one with that this year since the terrors will be joining," Kate explains.

"Where are they going this year?"

Kate takes a sip of her coffee before she nods to Brown, who's just walked in the room. "We are about to find out. But it's usually a place that has something to do with the subjects that will be used on the exams. And with this being one of the most prestigious high schools in Washington, costs will not be saved."

"Last year we went to Berlin," José pipes up, obviously following our conversation. "We went to the Berlin wall and such. It was very impressive. It's a shame that the students mostly see it as a vacation."

Jesus, they went to Europe? I definitely went to the wrong school. I can't blame the students though, it's probably the first time away without their parents. I would be thrilled too.

"Thank you all for coming this morning," Mr. Brown gets our attention, the room falling silent as he speaks. "As promised I have the first information about the excursion of the seniors, including our destination of this year."

I hear a few excited voices go through the room before Brown continues.

"This year, the main subject in the history exams will be World War II. The destination of this year is a place were a lot of Jews lived and were transported during the holocaust. There are a lot of impressive museums, the most known one the Anne Frank House. This year, we'll be going to Amsterdam."

The excitement is audible in Mr. Brown's voice, as is in the reaction of the teachers. I'm impressed as well. I've never been to Europe, and going to Amsterdam sounds like a dream. I've heard that the canals are amazing.

"I thought you all might like that," Mr. Brown chuckles. "As always, we need volunteers who will join the students and make sure they don't get into any trouble. Which will be a challenge this year since the troublemakers will join as well. For that reason, I need four more teachers than normally would go, so we can make smaller groups during activities."

It all sounds very strict and even a little childish, which makes me wonder if that is the right thing to do. If teachers are on their backs all the time, they'll probably be even harder to handle.

"If you are interested in joining the excursion, you can sign in at HR. We will pick the most qualified group in two weeks, and the trip will take place in the last week of October. Until we have the final group of teachers that will join us, I trust that this information stays in this room," he says before he lets us know that this was all.

The last week of October, that's sooner than I thought. It's less than six weeks away.

"Are you going to sign in?" Kate bumps her arm against mine, getting my attention.

"I don't know. I'm sure there are way more qualified teachers who work here longer that want to go. It's my first year," I tell her. I would want to go. Of course, who wouldn't want to go to Amsterdam? But I doubt it's a good idea now that Colton and I are on the edge of a divorce, not to mention the whole situation with Christian Grey.

Damn it, there he is again.

"I went to Berlin last year, and that was my first year as well. It's also about who is good with the students. It has to be fun for everyone, you know."

"So you are going to sign in?" I ask, already knowing her answer. Kate's eyes lit up like Christmas lights when she heard about the destination.

She nods her head fast. "Of course. I've always wanted to go to the Anne Frank House. I've read her diary and I was taken by it for months."

I smile and stand. Since the meeting is over, I'm going to my class to make sure everything is ready for my first group of students. "Well, I hope you get it. I'm sitting this one out."

"See you at lunch?" She asks excitedly before I walk away.

I nod and smile. "Lunch."

* * *

For the last hour, I've been looking at the clock every other minute. The more time passes, the more nerves I seem to get. I'm not sure if I'm wishing the time would go slower or if I'm counting down the minutes. Fact remains that in just five minutes, the bell rings and with that, Christian Grey will walk through the door of my classroom.

The last hour and a half I've been focussing on the group tenth graders that are sitting in front of me. I did the whole lessons with the digital board so that I would be busy and not thinking about anything but math, in which I didn't succeed.

These last few minutes I've lost their attention also, and now they are talking to each other about their plans for the weekend while they make sure they have everything packed and can run out the door the moment the bell saves them.

I've thought about how I will behave when the terrors come in. I'm going to give them a short rundown before they can work on their own. Three students that seem to have trouble with math, can come to me for more information if they feel de need. That way, I'm hoping that Grey and I have minimal contact.

I doubt he will think the same though, so I'm preparing myself for the worst, most uncomfortable and nerve-racking hour and a half of my life.

Way too soon, the bell goes off, and within seconds I'm sitting alone in my classroom. I'm not even going to stand at the door to welcome them since I never get a proper hello back anyway. I'm just going to sit behind my desk, watch them come in, and wait until they are silent so I can begin.

It sounds simple in my head, and if the terrors are not at their worst today, I think I'm actually able to manage that part of my plan. But the plan where I'm not going to even look at Christian is going to be a challenge.

He normally sits in the back of the class, but his eyes are always on me. I can feel it the moment he starts watching me and where it always pisses me off, it now also does something else.

Because now know what his thoughts feel like.

I know how he tastes. I know how his mouth feels. I know how it feels to have his hands on my body.

I now know what it means to want something that is completely forbidden, and in a way, it seems to make me want him more.

But I also hate him more than I did the last time he sat in my classroom. And above everything that I'm feeling, common sense is winning from the desire. It has to stop. And it will stop.

Stumbling and shouting in the hallway brings me back, and when I look at my door, the first terrors are starting to walk in. As always they look like they are about to drop dead on the ground, and I fight the urge to kick their asses, literally.

Even though I tell myself not to, I keep looking out for the copper hairs and the annoying smirk. My mind is playing sick games with me and it's exhausting, but fighting it is even more tiring.

I force myself to look at the papers in front of me, focussing on what subjects I want to cover today. He doesn't need to know that I'm secretly looking out for him. He just needs to come in, take the seat as far away as possible and shut up. He doesn't even have to participate, he just needs to stay away and stay quiet.

Sure enough, the hairs on my neck stand the moment I hear his voice, and I mentally roll my eyes at the reaction of my body. He isn't even in my classroom yet, but it's like I'm the piranha and he is blood. I sense him from miles away.

The second bell rings the moment he, John and Dave step into the room. They are talking animatedly, and surprisingly, Christian doesn't even look at me while he walks to his seat.

Relief washes over me that he doesn't, but somewhere deep down, it disappoints me as well.

"Good morning, class," I begin when most of the noise has winded down.

Motivating as always, I only get a few curt nods and mumbles. I let my gaze move through the group as I speak about what we are going to do today, trying really hard to avoid the piercing grey eyes that have been staring at me since the moment I started talking.

I can feel them, and my cheeks heat up because of it. I try to stay controlled and focussed on what I'm telling them, but his eyes affect me way too much. My breathing starts to change, and my hands start to sweat, just like yesterday when he kissed me.

I manage to stumble through the information I wanted to give them, stopping a few times to take a sip of water to smoothen my throat. Luckily for me, nobody is really looking at me. Some are looking at the digital board, others look in their books, but most of them seem bored and look everywhere but at me or what I'm doing.

Except for him.

Just before I want to tell them to work on what I've just explained on their own, Leila Williams raises her hand, her eyebrow arched as if she is challenging me.

"Yes?" I ask her, trying to look at her with a relaxed expression, even though I know that she will give me shit.

"Are we going to get feedback on the assignment you let us do the other day? About what we want in the future?"

The whole group is suddenly looking at me with interest, and I'm not sure why. I didn't tell them that I would give feedback, and only half of them actually took it seriously. What is she playing at?

"Well, Miss Williams, let's start with you then shall we?" I tell her while standing in front of her table. "Can you tell your classmates what you wrote down? It's only fair if they know what my feedback is based on."

I remember what Leila wrote on her paper. Hers was about how she wanted to own her own beauty salon. She actually surprised me in how detailed she described what kind of salon she wants.

Maybe she is genuinely interested in my feedback.

Just like her assignment, Leila tells passionately and confidently about her plans for the future. When she is done, she looks at me expectantly, her expression still challenging.

"I think your ideas are very good," I tell her honestly. "But I also think you need help with your business plan. How the salon looks and what treatments you offer is not as important as how you're going to finance it in the first place. You need a place and certificates. You need to make sure everything is good with the insurance. You'll be working with people, so you need to think about every detail."

She snorts and rolls her eyes, obviously not happy with my feedback. "Says the math teacher who lived of her husband's cash just a few weeks ago."

I instantly realize that she didn't even care about what I was going to say. She just wants to provoke me and show her classmates how tough she is. I fucking hate adolescents.

"If you can't handle criticism, then why did you ask for my feedback?" I ask her, ignoring what she said about me. I'm not going to talk about my private life in front of a whole group, even though what she's saying is complete bullshit.

Her eyes turn darker and her expression changes from challenging to angry in a nanosecond. She sits up from her chair and her hands are in fists on the table. She seriously has some anger issues.

"I only take criticism from someone who's actually made something of his life," she hisses.

What the actual fuck is her problem? She is purposely doing this so I lose my shit, and she is succeeding which makes me even more furious.

"Shut the fuck up, Leila." The deep growl comes from the back of the class, and without looking up, I know it came from Christian.

He hasn't spoken since he walked into the classroom but his tone tells me that he has been paying attention to everything that's been said.

"Excuse me?!" Leila gasps while she turns her head towards Christian, her eyes wide.

"Just shut the fuck up," he sighs again, annoyed now. "What you're saying really doesn't make any sense. If you want to insult her, you at least need to do research. Now you're just making a fool out of yourself."

The whole class erupts into laughter, while Leila's cheeks turn red in embarrassment and anger. I'm not sure how to react, so I keep my eyes on Leila.

"Oh, like you did when you rated her teaching skills?" Leila counters, her body completely turned to Christian now.

"Okay, enough." I attempt to make an end to their discussion, but it seems that Christian is triggered now.

"At least that was funny. What you're saying is pathetic. Do you even know who she is? She has more goddamn money than that fucker she married."

"I said enough!" I raise my voice. I'm shocked by what he says, but I'm trying my best not to let it show.

Leila stands from her chair, obviously not planning on stopping and once again ignoring me. "Oh, so you're the expert now? Do you run her fan club or something?"

Christian stands as well, his hands squeezed into fists. He is about to say something but I beat him to it, raising my voice even louder so everybody hears me.

"Stop it! Both of you." When I have both if their attention, I continue. "Outside of the fact that this is hugely inappropriate, it's also disrespectful towards me and your classmates. Both of you can leave, and come back after your last class to explain this behavior."

My voice is full of anger, yet I manage to stay professional. I keep my gaze strong, altering between the two of them as I watch them grab their stuff and walk to the door. Leila still looks angry, Christian's expression is unreadable.

Surprisingly enough, they go without making a huge scene and I'm glad. My head is already killing me, and I can't handle much more of this shit.

When both of them have left, I encourage the rest of the students to work for themselves. They mumble and whine a little bit, but eventually, they do what I say.

And as I take a seat behind my desk again, I think about what just happened. And more precisely, how I am going to talk to them at the end of the day.

Because fucking hell, my plan was to not talk to Christian Grey at all.


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: So, a few guest reviewers are complaining that nothing happened in the last twenty chapters, and even though I don't really understand it, I'm posting another chapter today because I'm excited about this one. I hope that this one meets up with what you guys want to read a little bit more. From this chapter on, it will get heavier, steamier and a little darker, so buckle up. Thank you for reading! X Milou.**

Twenty: Crossing that line.

"What the actual fuck, Christian?!" Leila hisses the moment the door slams shut behind us.

I'm fuming. I'm so fucking angry and irritated and I have no idea why. Normally, Leila isn't able to get me this seething, simply because I don't give a shit about what she does. But she has done it now.

"What?" I growl while I make my way through the hallway, purposely walking to the doors so I can get some fresh air outside.

"What?!" Leila repeats in a high pitched voice as if I've lost my mind. "You seriously don't know?"

She follows me through the hall, her heels clicking on the floor, indicating that she is barely keeping up with my high pace. I wish she would just fall.

"The only thing I know is that you are fucking pathetic," I hiss while slamming the swinging doors open and walking outside, almost knocking some tenth grader on the floor as I do so.

Leila follows me, and when we are both outside, she grabs my sleeve and pulls me to her, successfully stopping me from walking.

"Seriously? Because I pulled some shit on Davies? That's why you're behaving like this?"

I yank my arm away from her and take a step back to get some space in between us. I know that look on her face; her eyes are dark and her tongue peeps through her lips, she is thinking that this whole fight will eventually lead us up to the third floor again as if it's some sick form of foreplay. Fucking crazy chick.

"I'm all for pulling shit, but what you just did was stupid. It didn't make any sense," I tell her, moving my hand over my face out of frustration.

"Why do you even care if what I say is right? That's not even the point. I just wanted to mess with her," she counters as she looks at me confused.

I think about it for a moment, pretending to be annoyed that she even has to ask. The truth is that I don't know why I care. I just felt the need to take the attention off Anastasia when Leila went against her like that.

"I care because what you say, affects all of us," I say eventually, pushing the thought away. "We have a name to keep up, Leila. They don't call us terrors just for fun. And when you start doing stupid shit like this, they will fucking laugh at us."

It's the best I can come up with and luckily for me, Leila isn't the brightest. She starts to frown while she thinks about what I've just said, and if I wasn't relieved that she buys it, I would actually laugh at her. So fucking simple.

"But how did you know all that about her? I just don't understand what's so special about that bitch. She is just a math teacher for Christ's sake. And she isn't even that hot," she bitches, her arms crossed over her chest and pouting like a spoiled, jealous little bitch.

"It's called research, Leila. One fucking minute on Google and you have it," I tell her, wisely ignoring the rest she's said. If I answer to all that, she will be even more pissed.

Because what isn't special about Anastasia Davies? She drives all the guys at this school crazy. I know so because of what they've written about her on the walls in the restrooms. She is a walking fantasy.

And I am that fucker that actually knows what her mouth tastes like. She is THAT fucking hot.

"I don't even want to give her a second of my time," she says, thankfully her attitude tuned down a bit. I wouldn't be able to control my temper if she continued.

"Whatever," I mumble.

"I'm sorry," she purrs after a moment while she leans closer again, her hand on my chest. "Let me make it up to you." She bates her eyelashes and sets her teeth in her lip, her hand moving down to my belt.

Before she can go any further, I grab her wrist and yank it away from me, the anger again right on the service. "Fucking don't."

"Why not? Jesus, what happened to go you this summer? You aren't the Christian I know." She crosses her arms again while she looks at me, waiting for me to answer her questions.

"I'm not in the mood. Because of you, I have to go to Davies after school, in my free time. I'm fucking pissed at you."

Secretly, I'm glad that I have to go to Anastasia after school. I'm hoping that Leila and I will go in separately as well. And that she is before me. That way, it's just me and Ana for as long as we want.

I'm not making any illusions here, I know that Anastasia regrets what happened last night. I saw it in her eyes when she closed the door. But I also know that she wanted it, and I hope that I can work with that later on.

But mostly, I hope that she will talk to me. Really talk to me, without fighting me. I want to know why she was upset last night. I want to know why she isn't always as fierce as when I mess with her. I want to know more and I'm determined to find it out today.

"You'll be out before you know it. She'll just tell us that we can't do it again. And we nod our heads before we'll walk out and forget all about it. Besides, you're not alone, I'm there as well." The smile she is giving me is suggestive, and it actually makes me more aggressive than I already am at this point.

You would think she gets the fucking message.

"For fuck sakes, Leila. Let me spell it out for you. We. Will. Never. Happen. Again. I've had you, and now I'm done with you. So just cut the fucking shit and move on to the next one," I tell her while I grab her shoulders and shake her with every word.

Her eyes widen and I can tell that she didn't expect me to react this way. I can even see a few tears coming up. Before I know what's happening, her hand has slapped against my cheek.

She wants to show me that she isn't okay with me treating her like that. She wants to make a point. But the only point that is made in my head, is that Ana hit me way better.

"You are a pig," Leila hisses before she turns around and marches back into the school, finally giving me some space to enjoy the fresh air I craved.

* * *

The rest of the day, Leila avoided me without saying a single word. She kept looking at me as if she wanted to kill me and kept whispering things to Sara, who on her turn just rolled her eyes. It's quite funny to see that I'm obviously not the only one that thought that Leila's behavior during Anastasia's class pathetic.

I'm glad that she is keeping her distance, even though I doubt that it will last. Right now, while we are both waiting outside of Anastasia's classroom, she is coming a little closer already, even though she still hasn't said anything.

I really hope that Leila goes in first. I don't feel like talking to Leila at all, let alone about what happened during math. How do I explain something if I don't even know why I did it in the first place?

I want to talk to Ana alone, without prying ears. I want to ask her what she thought of the kiss. I want to hear her say that she enjoyed it just as much as I did. But mostly, I just want to talk to her for once, without all the shit and without both our egos that clash every damn time.

I want to know if she is okay. If she is really as fine as she always says she is.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when she opens the door, and I immediately notice how tired she looks. Her eyes lost the sparkle they usually have, and the faint circles under her eyes that definitely weren't there this morning.

"Who is going first?" She asks, looking from Leila to me.

I stay silent, just like Leila. I'm not going in first unless Ana forces me to. After a few seconds, Leila sighs and moves from the wall, giving me an ice-cold look before she walks into the classroom.

"Delightful," Ana mumbles before she closes the door, not giving me another glance.

I can't stop the small smile that fights to come through. This is just what I wanted, and now I have to think about how I'm going to handle it.

If there is one thing I've learned about Anastasia Davies, is that just about anything I do is triggering her. In this situation, that's not ideal. So, I probably have to step outside of my normal way of behaving.

I have to apologize for what happened, and slowly move from there. I'm not sorry for what I did, but until I've figured out why I did it in the first place, I will lie about it. The truth is simply one I haven't discovered yet.

When the formality is out of the way, I can bring up yesterday. I will do it straight to the point since my smart remarks haven't really given me anything else than hate and anger.

I like Ana angry and I also seem to have something with her telling me she hates me, but I need it to be different today because I want answers.

Way sooner than I thought, the door of the classroom opens again. Leila walks out, murmuring a 'bye' to Ana before she walks through the hallway and out of sight without saying anything to me.

I look at Ana, who is already looking at me. One hand holds the door, the other one motioning for me to come in. She doesn't say anything and her expression is unreadable.

In the classroom, I take the seat closest to her desk, assuming that she will sit behind it. I stay silent as I let my eyes follow her, and she surprises me by leaning against her desk, her arms crossed and her eyes in contact with mine.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?" She asks after a moment, one eyebrow raised.

She is talking to me in a different way than before. More familiar, less professional. It's a change that I can work with.

"I'm not really sure," I tell her honestly, completely ignoring my original plan. It's the fucking effect she has on me.

"Really?" She chuckles, humorlessly. "So you don't know why you called my husband a fucker in front of the entire class? You don't know why you were making a scene over my back?"

Jesus, that's the only thing she heard? She didn't see that I was trying to help her? At least, I think I was.

"I didn't like the way she talked to you," I tell her, trying to voice what I felt the moment it happened.

"Me neither. And I was about to tell her that when you suddenly opened your mouth and went all caveman."

Her term surprises me just as much as it surprises her. I can tell that she wants to stuff the words back into her mouth, and if I wasn't trying to not piss her off, I would laugh.

She thinks I went all caveman. But why would she think that?

"It wasn't my intention to give you that feeling,' I tell her, remorse in my tone.

"I don't need your help, Christian. I'm perfectly able to handle girls like Leila Williams myself," she states, sounding determined as if she is convincing herself as well.

"Understood," I nod. Back to the original plan.

"Monday, you have to sign in at Barney at seven-thirty. You and Leila will help him with cleaning the school a bit before the other students are here."

My head snaps up in disbelief. What the actual fuck?

"What?" She chuckles, again without humor. "You really think you can do things like this without facing the consequences?"

"I fucking waited an hour to meet you here, isn't that enough?" I growl, unable to control it.

"It's not," she hisses, still surprisingly relaxed.

I move my hands to my hair and pull, swallowing the things I want to say right now. Stick to the fucking plan, Grey.

"You can go," she says after a short silence, making me pull at my hair even harder. She is still planning to ignore it. I fucking can't believe her.

"What happened yesterday evening?" I ask her straight to the point, not making any attempt to move unless it's towards her.

As soon as the words have left my mouth, her cheeks turn pink. She doesn't look at me, but I bet her eyes have turned darker as well, and it pleases me immensely.

"You delivered a pizza at my house because my sister in law ordered one," she simply says, her voice suddenly unsteady.

"And after that, your tongue was busy playing with mine. Cut the shit, Ana. What happened?"

She gasps at my words and her eyes finally find mine again. I was right; her blue eyes are dark and her pupils are dilated. It affects her just as much.

"You kissed me!" She whisper-shouts, taking a step forward in the process.

"But you didn't push me away," I counter, my voice lower as well.

"Please, like you would've accepted that," she shrugs. It actually shocks me a little. What the fuck is she playing at? She is going to act as if I forced her now?

By lack of words, I stand and take two steps so I'm standing right in front of her. The moment I'm close, I notice her breathing change. Her hands grip the desk behind her, knuckles white as if she is fighting against herself.

I move forward and run my nose around hers. "Stop me then," I whisper, using all my power not to touch her with anything but my nose. "Stop me, Ana."

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't move, except for the slight movement her head makes, leaning back just a little so my nose makes contact with her lower lip. Her breathing against the tip, warm and hard.

"Stop. Me," I mumble again, running my nose from left to right, her lips parting while I do so.

"I can't," she sighs frustrated before her arms fly around my neck and her mouth slams on mine. Immediately after, her tongue pushes through my lips, aggressively forcing it to play with hers.

I gladly do so, but this time I don't let her win. I fight her, showing her that she has found her match. My hands move to her ass, where I pull her against me roughly, letting her feel how much she frustrates me. In response, her hands fly to my hair, where she pulls hard.

A low moan escapes my mouth and moves into hers, making her gasp as well. I came here to talk to her, but if she keeps this up, we will end on her desk and I don't give a flying fuck if that will cost me my graduation.

But as I think about that, I realize that it will make her look much worse, and I immediately pull back because of it.

She looks surprised, her hands still in my hair and her mouth slightly open, lips wet from both of us. Her eyes are hooded and her breathing is fast, and it takes everything in me to hold back from kissing her again.

Not here, where she will be the bad guy.

"Stop looking at me like that. It's dangerous," I whisper, my thumb moving over her lower lip once before I step back, bringing proper distance between us.

Her arms fall to her sides, her teeth biting the lip I just touched. She is thinking it over again, and I can practically see the panic rise.

"Oh, God," she mumbles, just before I can say anything to prevent her from panicking. "This is awful. I'm married. I'm your teacher," she rambles, more to herself than to me.

"But you want to, right?" I interrupt.

She looks at me for a moment, thinking it over before she slowly nods her head and for some reason, huge relief washes over me.

"What happened last night, Ana? Why were you crying?" I ask her again, still determined to have my answers.

"Because of Colton," she whispers. "We had a huge fight and in the end, I kind of kicked him out."

"Did he hurt you?" I ask immediately, anger already pumping through my veins. I knew it was about him. I fucking knew it.

"He didn't touch me if that's what you mean," she replies fast.

I nod and calm down a bit, needing all the attention since we are finally talking. "What was the fight about?"

"He brought his assistant home and I accused him of cheating since he has done that many times before." Her eyes keep holding mine hostage as the sentence leaves her lips and I'm stunned.

Why the hell would you cheat when your wife is Anastasia Steele. Jesus Christ, what a fucking idiot.

"And you're still with him?" It's the second thing that pops into my mind, and I ask it without thinking it over.

"It's complicated," she answers, obviously not wanting to go that deep right now.

"Is that why you kissed me? Or did you kiss me because you really wanted to?" I already know the answer. For sure after what happened just now, but I want to hear her say it.

"I've been fighting against it since the first school day," she tells me honestly, her cheeks starting to get pink again.

I sigh and lean back against one of the tables and run my hand over my face. What the hell do we do now?

I can tell she doesn't know what to do either. She is fumbling with her blouse, her eyes watching her fingers fiddle intently. She is again biting her lip, and I think she is fighting against the tears.

"Come here," I mumble, unable to let her stand there like that.

Without saying anything, she hesitantly walks to me and lays her head against my shoulder, her arms folded in front of her.

"I'm sorry he does that to you," I tell her, realizing that I haven't reacted to what she's told me.

She doesn't respond. She just nods her head and then leans into me more, her front touching mine even though her arms are still folded in between us.

I don't know how long we're going to stand like this, but I know that she needs it, and therefore, I'm not the one who's pulling away first.

Thank fuck her classroom is at the end of the hallway.


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: So, the end in this one might surprise or shock you. It surprised me when I wrote it. Sometimes I have this idea, and then I start writing it out and suddenly the characters just seem to do something completely different, without me thinking it over. It's hard to explain, but it really happened with this one. Let me know what it did for you. X**

Twenty-one: Explosion.

Thank fuck my classroom is at the end of the hallway. And thank fuck it's the end of the day at a Friday, which means that most of the teachers are already on their way home.

What the hell do we do now?

My head still lays against his shoulder, my cheeks hot and breathing heavy. I've let a few tears slip, but I'm trying to pull myself together again since I don't want him to see me cry.

Christian is standing still. He seems calm and collected, but his fast, hard heartbeat is giving him away and for some reason, it reassures me. It tells me that he feels it, just like me.

I've told him about Colton, shared something with him that is very private. And I did it without even thinking about it. Besides him, only Gail and Hannah know, and they are practically family. What does that make him?

I still hate him, and not ten minutes ago, he frustrated the fuck out of me. I was angry and fighting against hitting him again. But now that my head lays on his shoulder, he calms me. It's a type of calm that I haven't felt in a long time.

It's confusing how feelings as far apart as anger and calmed, can come together as quick as they do now. Common sense is fighting against the fantasy, but at the same time, I'm wondering if they can go hand in hand when it's meant to be.

It's stupid since this whole thing clearly doesn't have a future. Whatever this is, it can't continue. We need to go back to the teacher-student relationship, even though I'm not sure if we ever were like that.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for telling him exactly that, but when I pull away and find his grey eyes, I'm suddenly thinking about what it would be like if I stopped working here.

The idea is crazy. Insane. But what if Colton and I get a divorce? What if I leave Port Bellevue? What would be in store for Christian and me then?

I shake off the thought and lean against my desk again, needing the distance between us to think. I'm having crazy thoughts when he is close to me, that much is proven.

"What do we do now?"

He is the first one to break the silence, his piercing grey eyes almost pulling an answer out of me. I have no idea what answer to give him. We need to be realistic here, but the fantasy seems too appealing.

"I don't know. I'm confused," I tell him honestly.

He nods and leans back as well, his arms crossing over his chest. As he stands like this, I'm reminded of the picture that I studied on his Instagram and before I can stop myself, I take three steps towards him and grab his bicep, giving it a squeeze.

Just as fast as I did it, I pull back. The surprised look on Christian's face asks for an explanation, and with blushing cheeks, I give him one.

"I just realized that I hadn't felt your bicep properly, while I promised myself that it would be the first thing I'd do if we ever..." I wave my hand to cover the rest of that sentence, hoping that he knows what I mean.

He chuckles and nods his head, obviously understanding it. "I had the same thing with your ass."

A nervous giggle escapes. "And?"

"Spectacular," he mumbles while his eyes move over my body again.

This time, I let him watch without thinking it over. We've crossed the line already, and denying that I enjoy it seems pointless right now. For once, only once, I just stop fighting.

"Are you leaving him?" He asks when his eyes have traveled up again. His question sounds neutral, but deep down I know it isn't how he feels about the subject.

"It's complicated," I repeat.

"Why would you stay with a man that doesn't give you all his time and attention?"

I roll my eyes while I feel the guilt kick in. "It's not like I'm giving him my full attention either."

"Wait a minute," he says, his voice a little harder than before. "Are we doing this because he is cheating on you, or is it the other way around?"

It's the exact thing that Kate asked me, and I'm stunned by how serious Christian is talking about this. In class, he acts like a stupid, stubborn adolescent, but right now he is an adult.

"He's cheated on me from very early on. You have nothing to do with it."

"Then why the hell do you compare yourself with him?" He frowns.

"Because I've just kissed you. For the second time in twenty-four hours. Kissing is cheating as well, Christian," I say, much harsher than I intended.

Silence is filling the room as we both think everything over. We aren't getting anywhere which isn't surprising since there isn't one good destination for this shit.

"Do you want us to stop?" He finally asks.

Common sense is screaming yes on top of her lungs, but it does nothing for my answer. "No," I whisper.

I feel that this little two-letter word is going to change everything. Because if I don't want it to stop, there are drastic decisions made as well.

Colton and I will have a divorce.

I will have to leave Port Bellevue.

"But I can't just run away from everything because we've kissed twice," I rush to say, making the two-letter word a little less heavy.

"So, that means we'll just continue like this," he concludes, his hands now in his pockets.

I don't think he fully understands what he is saying. How can he? He is eighteen years old. He has no idea what it's like to be married or to have a house with somebody. What responsibilities feel like and how you can't turn your back on them.

He is suggesting to have an affair, I think, and it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. How will that even play out? How will we be able to hide it? How much time do I even get to spend with him if I'm still living with Colton and he is living with his uncle and aunt?

Why the fuck am I even thinking about this?!

"We'll figure it out. We'll see how it goes," he says as if he knows what's going on inside my head.

"This is insane. I need to think. I can't think with you this close." Because then the thoughts are getting too much.

He nods. "Then I'll leave now."

He steps forward again, and I think he is going to kiss me, but then he surprises me by grabbing a pen and a post-it from my desk. He writes something down and then gives the paper to me.

"For when you need it," he says.

I look down and see that he has written his number down. I can't think of any situation in which I would need his phone number, but I just nod my head. I suddenly feel exhausted.

He doesn't ask for my number in return. He just moves his thumb over my cheek once before kissing my forehead. Then he walks to the door and disappears, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

For the first time, he actually does what I've asked him to do.

* * *

As I drive onto the porch of our home, I realize that I have no idea how I actually made it here. From the moment I stepped into the car until now, my thoughts were with Christian and what happened in my classroom.

After he walked out, I've sat behind my desk for at least fifteen minutes, maybe even longer, staring at the little note with his number written on it.

Hundreds of thoughts went through my mind. From how the hell did I get in this situation to what if I do feel the need to call or text him. When he gave his number to me, I really had no idea what to do with it, but the more I looked at the numbers, the more tempting the idea of sending him a text or calling him when I'm alone got.

When I finally was able to push the thoughts aside, I hid the note behind my phone, in its case, with the promise to only remove it when I really, desperately needed to talk to him and discuss something that I can't do when I see him in person.

As I get out of the car, I see Colton's car also parked on the porch, and I mentally prepare myself for yet another deep conversation. One that, without doubt, will be with a much harder outcome than the one I just had with Grey.

Of course, I'm not at all looking forward to talking to Colton. Discussions with him are physically and mentally exhausting, and certainly, on days like today, I'd rather avoid them. But at the same time, what happened today between Grey and me, made me realize even more how Colton and I don't work.

I can say with certainty that I've never felt the way I do when Christian kissed me. I didn't know that just kissing, can be as consuming. Colton never gave me that feeling.

Outside of the fact that what is happening with Christian is as wrong as it gets, it doesn't change the fact that I keep thinking that how he makes me feel, is how it's supposed to be.

You should feel your heartbeat fasten when he is close, and your breathing should change as well. Your hands start to sweat and your cheeks should heat up. You should feel somewhere between nausea and nervousness because it's all that intense and new.

And you should even hate him at times because that makes it real.

I have never felt this thing with Colton, not even in the beginning. Not as intense as I do now. But I do deserve something like that, just like Colton does.

I want something like that.

So, I'm determined to tell him that I can't be with him anymore. I will walk into our house and tell him that we both deserve better than what we have. We deserve better than what we give each other.

It will be hard, and I'm almost certain that Colton won't agree without a lot of arguing, but I have to push this. I need to feel happy, alive and real again, and I've come to the conclusion that I can only feel like that when we are not together anymore.

When I open the door and walk into the hallway, Colton is already waiting for me. He is leaning against the doorpost that's leading to the living room. He is still wearing his work clothes, minus the suit jacket and tie, and his hands are in his pockets.

He looks tired. Dark circles contour his eyes, and the look he is giving me tells me that he hasn't had a good night. His hair is messy, not styled with gel like it normally is, and the color has left his face.

"Hi," he greets me, his voice hoarse as if he, just like me, drank his anger away last night.

"Hi," I return the favor while I hang up my coat and take off my shoes. "Were you waiting for me?"

He nods his head. "I was. I want to talk."

"Me too," I answer. The nerves are building in my stomach but I ignore them. This needs to be done.

"Follow me," he says curtly while turning and walking into the living room. I do what he says, and take the first seat on the couch that I reach. I want to get this over with.

"Do we need alcohol for this?" He asks. Without even waiting for my response, he opens the cabinet and grabs the bottle of whiskey and two glasses. Just the sight of that bottle makes my stomach turn, so I shake my head.

"I pass, but don't let it stop you."

He nods and takes place in the chair across from the couch I'm sitting on before he pours the whiskey in his glass. He doesn't close the bottle, but immediately reaches for the liqueur and takes a big gulp.

"I want to talk about what happened yesterday, although I know that the subject will probably lead to a lot more," he says when the burn of the whiskey has left his throat.

"It will," I confirm, happy that he knows it as well. It means that he knows that we are a huge mess.

"Yesterday when I left, I was fucking angry at you, Ana," he begins. He is leaning back in the chair, his arms resting on the armrests, in his left hand his glass. "I felt embarrassed and for the first time, I was actually ashamed of your behavior. The way you talked to me in front of Rose was just not done."

The anger is building inside of me, but I hold my breath and try to listen before I respond. Thankfully, he isn't planning on giving me time to respond to what he is saying, as he starts to talk just a second after.

"I had dinner with Rose, but I couldn't even focus on what we needed to talk about because my thoughts were occupied with how you practically accused me of cheating in front of someone we both hardly know."

I open my mouth to tell him that it was all his fault, but when he sees it he holds up his hand, continuing with his talk.

"I know that what I did in the past is the reason for your outburst, and I'm not crazy. I can see why you do not completely trust me since I've betrayed your trust before. But when I married you, I vowed to be faithful, and up until today, I've honored that vow."

I look at him intently and try to search for signs that tell me that he isn't telling the truth, but to my shock, he actually seems genuine.

"Where did you stay last night?" The question comes out harder than I intended, but I can't help it. He didn't come home last night after I saw him leave with his assistant a few hours prior to that. Every normal person would think something about that, especially given Colton's history.

"After dinner, I dropped Rose off and then went to the W. I drank all the alcohol in the minibar before I passed out on the floor. I woke up past eleven this morning and with that, I missed the meeting over which all this shit started in the first place."

"It didn't start because of that meeting, Colton. It started when you decided it was a good idea to take your assistant to our home," I bite back, feeling all the anger from the previous night return. He really had no idea what it's like for me.

He sighs and takes another sip, his hand moving through his hair in frustration at the same time. "Fine, that was a mistake, I'll admit that, but you still acted like a child."

"A child?!" I shriek. "I acted like the insecure and broken wife that has been hurt too many times to count, Colton. I acted like that because of what you did to me."

"But when are you fucking going to let that go, Ana? How long will it fucking take for you to trust me again? I married you," he says, his voice raised as well.

"Trust is something that needs to be earned. You marrying me didn't give me that trust, other actions do. And you haven't really done that. We are distant, you practically hate me for having a job and just last night, you take some random woman home. Those things don't work in your favor," I tell him, fighting with everything I have not to cry.

I hate it when I cry, yet every time Colton and I have a discussion, I end up crying. I just can't do it anymore.

"Why the hell did you marry me if you don't trust me?! I thought that it was a fresh start?" He actually sounds confused now, and it surprises me.

"I don't know. I don't know why I married you. I don't even know why I went back to you every time," I sigh, the tears breaking though.

He takes a sip again, his eyes slightly wide. "Jesus, Ana," he mumbles, probably because he has no idea what to say further.

Silence fills the room. He stares at something behind me, not making any eye contact. My vision is blurred because of the tears, and my head is drumming synchronously with my heart.

"I deserve more, Colton. And so do you. We are destroying each other," I whisper. I'm afraid of his reaction, but I can't hold it in any longer.

His eyes snap to mine in alarm, the knuckles around his glass turning white. "So, what do you suggest then?" He growls. I think he already knows, and he isn't happy about it.

"I want a divorce," I say while straightening my back, trying to look confident.

For a short moment, he looks at me stunned, as if I'm suddenly talking fluent Chinese, but then he starts to laugh. Hard.

I'm surprised by his reaction. I'd taken into account almost every possible reaction, from screaming to an aggressive outburst and even crying, but not laughing, and it's actually offending.

"A divorce?" He chuckles when his laughter has winded down. "And how do you see that going?"

I frown and look at him questioningly. What does he mean?

"Ana, Ana, Ana," he chuckles while clicking his tongue. "You know as well as I do that divorce isn't an option here, especially not after just nine months of marriage." He wipes his eyes, which were tearing up as a result of laughter.

"And why not?" I bite back, my arms crossing in front of my chest.

His expression changes from amused fo deadly serious when he hears my bark. "There are too many reasons to count. For example, I am not going to be portrayed as the fucking joke in the papers, being someone like those fuckers in Hollywood who divorce after just a few days. Secondly, you are mine since you were fifteen. You married me with your eyes wide open, and I will hold you to the promises you made that day. It's hilarious that you're even suggesting a divorce."

"I don't want to be yours anymore, Colton!" I yell, anger taking over. How dare he not take me seriously. He acts as if I don't have a choice.

"Well, too fucking bad, because you are mine," he screams back, the volume of his voice actually scaring me. "You are my perfect little wife, and you will act just like that. Until death do us part."

I jump from the couch, my hands in fists beside my body, fighting not to lash out to him. "I won't! I have a choice here too."

He laughs again, shaking his head as he does. He really thinks that he is going to win this. What an asshole.

"No, Ana. You don't. I'm your husband, and in this matter, it's what I say goes."

"I'm leaving," I tell him, turning away from him and making my way to the door. I need to get away. If he won't listen, I'll just have to show him. He can't treat me like this.

Before I reach the door, however, I feel a strong grip on my upper arm yanking me around again. "You're not going anywhere,'' Colton growls in my ear, the alcohol smell on his breath telling me that the whiskey he just has wasn't his first one.

I ignore the sharp pain his grip gives me and try to pull out of it, but he is too strong. "Let me go," I tell him forcefully, trying not to show that how he is holding me, in combination with the alcohol on his breath and the way his eyes shoot daggers, scares me.

"And where the hell do you think you're going then?" He hisses, his face just inches from mine.

Before I can answer, he's pushed me hard against the wall before his mouth slams on mine, forcefully demanding excess with his tongue. He presses his whole body against mine to hold me in place, his erection pressing against my belly. Is he seriously thinking that this is foreplay? Is he crazy?

I try to push him away, but every time I do so, his grip on me gets stronger. One hand is flying to my chin to keep me still, as the other hand roughly grabs my behind. It hurts, and anger is slowly replaced by fear. I have never seen him like this.

"If you don't want to listen, I'll just have to show you who you belong to," he growls against my mouth, completely ignoring my pleas for him to stop.

Without giving me any warning, he grabs my upper arms and throws me back on the couch, my head hitting the armrest in the process. A short, sharp pain runs through me, but before I have time to even feel it properly, I'm startled by Colton who is jumping on top of me.

"Colton, stop!" I scream, panic really starting to get the upper hand.

I'm laying on my front, trying to fight against him while he is sitting on my upper legs, his hands holding my wrists on my back.

"You will give me what I want. What I've wanted for months. What you denied me every fucking time," he slurs, suddenly sounding drunk. He is aggressively trying to keep me still, and it's only making me want to fight more.

"No! Let me go!" I scream again, tears wetting my whole face.

He doesn't listen. He just tries to get control over my movements. And because I'm losing strength, he gets closer to succeeding rapidly.

But then I feel one hand loosen its grip, and I take my chance. I yank my hand out of his, and with all the strength I turn around, rolling both of us off the couch.

He is laying next to me, trying to get a hold of me again, but I just have time to jump up. Without thinking, I grab the first thing within reach, which happens to be the bottle of whiskey, and hold it in front of me as a weapon.

I step back as far as I can until my back hits the wall. Colton has moved from the ground as well, his expression bewildered, eyes red from anger.

"I will hit you if you touch me again." My voice is shaky and soft, and my head is pounding. I feel something warm leaking just aside my eyebrow, and my wrists burn.

I need to get out if here.

Without saying anything, he jumps forward again, ignoring my treat. And in a reflex, I wave the bottle forward, eyes closed. I feel that I strike him, and when I open my eyes, I find him on his knees in front of me.

He doesn't say anything, but he is holding his hand on top of his head. His head is bowed, and I think he is dizzy because he is swaying a little.

Taking advantage of his current state, I move towards the door, not turning away from him until I've reaches the hallway. There, I do turn and make my way to the front door as fast as possible.

I don't look back as I run down the porch, ignoring the stones that dig into my feet and turn left onto the street. The cold air hits me through my blouse, but I ignore it. I just keep moving, without knowing my destination.

It must look insane. I'm still holding the bottle of whiskey, my whole face is covered in tears and I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding. On top of it, I'm not wearing any shoes or coat, while the September evening temperature isn't above ten degrees right now.

I'm taking turns into smaller streets every time I get the change, creating a mace inside my head in which Colton's car can't come close. I'm hoping that I'm fast enough, but I have no idea if he followed me.

I keep running for another fifteen or twenty minutes until I reach a neighborhood I don't really know. There, in a small dark alley, I stop and practically crash against the stone wall, completely out of breath.

My sides hurt and my throat is dry. I'm almost hyperventilating, but I will myself to take deep, steady breaths. I can't panic. I need to be calm.

After a few minutes, I manage to get myself together. I'm sitting on the stone ground, my legs spread out in front of me while I stare into the dark.

What the hell just happened?

Did I hurt him badly?

What do I do now?

I move up a little and grab my phone out of my back pocket. Thank God I have it with me, else I really didn't know what to do.

I debate on who to call for a moment. I know I should call Gail or Hannah. Luke or Taylor. I should call people that I know and trust because they love me and they will help me no matter what.

But, as happened more today, something wins from common sense, and before I know it, I'm dialing the number that's written down on the post-it which was hidden in the case of my phone.


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I love hearing your thoughts on the story. Enjoy this one. X**

Twenty-two: Lake Washington.

"Can you drop me off at Rita's, Christian?" Mia asks while she walks into my room without knocking. It's one of the things that annoys me, but calling her out on it doesn't seem to work. She just keeps barging in, almost as if she really forgets to knock due to excitement or something.

I chuckle and shake my head. "Rita's house is literally five minutes from ours, Mia. What's wrong with your legs?"

"Nothing, but I have a bag with clothes and my pillow and also a bag with my waxing machine and stuff. You really want me to carry all of that while walking in the cold? I'm also already wearing my fluffy pajamas," she pouts, knowing that I've already decided to drop her off when she first asked me to.

She is having one of her monthly get-togethers with her friends, and frankly, I'm just happy that tonight isn't at our place. Mia's bedroom is on the same floor as mine and I hear fucking everything they talk about.

"Fine," I mumble while I check my reflection one more time before putting my hoody over my head.

"Thank you. I love you."

I roll my eyes and walk out of my room before I bump into two huge bags. "Jesus Christ, how long are you going? Three months?" I ask while picking both of them up, surprised by their weight.

"Just two nights. The first night is waxing night, second is movie night. First pain, then pleasures," she states like it's the most known thing in the world.

"Of course," I mumble while walking down the stairs with Mia on my heels. She is excitedly blabbing about what else she is going to do this weekend and I just nod my head every few seconds as if I'm listening.

The truth is that from the moment I came home, I only have thought about one thing. The talk with Anastasia and what it led up to. And for some reason, I'm feeling on the edge ever since.

It's a mix of excitement and fear which isn't a complete surprise considering what I've proposed to her. I've told her that we can continue like this, as in having an affair. I have no idea what I thought while I said it, I only know that I want her.

Of course, Ana didn't react to what I said. She didn't say yes or no, she just stayed silent. I know that this whole situation is ten times worse for her. She is married, older than me and she is my teacher. Whatever we decide to do, she will be the one that everybody else will blame.

"Ready to go?" Mia pulls me out of my thoughts. She is already wearing her coat and she can't wait to get out of here.

"Yeah," I nod before I walk to the living room, where Carrick and Grace are watching tv. "I'm bringing Mia to Rita before I go to John. I'm not sure how late it will get."

I've promised John that I would come to the party he is hosting. His parents are away for the weekend, and he jumped at the opportunity to give a welcome back to school party. Ironically, only our group is invited, the rest of the guests are all from outside of our school.

"Okay, have fun," Carrick nods. "And think about what is considered a decent time in this household, Christian."

I nod and wave before I walk out of the house with Mia. It's a fifteen-minute drive to John's house, so I'll probably be there around eight to help him with all the shit. I know Dave was planning on coming early as well.

Just when Mia and I are in the car, and I'm starting the engine, my phone goes off. I first think it's one of the guys to ask me if I'm almost there, but when I look at the screen, I see an unknown number.

"One sec,' I tell Mia before I step out of the car again. I'm not really sure why I do it, but something tells me I need to.

"Hello?" I answer the phone, immediately hearing heavy sobs on the other end.

"Christian?" I hear her soft voice whisper in between the sobs that still overrule, and I know without asking who is calling me. And it's a huge surprise.

"Yeah?"

"It's Ana," she answers. I can tell that she is crying, and I'm immediately thinking the worst.

"What's going on? Are you okay? Where are you? Is this about that fucker?" Hundreds of questions are running through my head but only a few come out.

What if he knows about what happened between Ana and me? What if she is crying because he found out?

"I'm not really okay," she sobs. She doesn't explain further and starts crying a little harder.

"Where are you?" I ask, knowing that talking to her over the phone won't give me any information. She is too upset. If she is calling me, it means that her husband isn't near her, so I'll be able to go to her.

"Somewhere in an alley, I don't really know."

What the fuck?!

"Go look for a street sign," I tell her, trying to hide the frustration I feel at the moment. For God's sake, you'd think that the adult of us would know where she is and think straight.

"SE 24th PI," I hear her say after a moment. I know where that is. She is also in West Bellevue.

"Wait for me there. I'll drop my sister off and then I'm coming for you."

For a moment she doesn't say anything. I think she is a bit stunned that I'm coming to get her. I'm not really sure what she expected when she'd call me, but clearly not this.

"Okay," she hesitantly says. "But I'm not sure if I can wait that long?"

Jesus. Christ. Why so fucking vague?

"You'll have to. I'll be quick. I'm going now, else it will take even longer."

I hang up without waiting for her reply since I just want to get going. I'm not sure what's going on with her, but she sounds nervous and scared, and she seems to need me else she wouldn't have called me.

I step into the car again, where Mia immediately looks at me curiously. She's probably heard what I said, and of course, the wants answers.

"Who was that?" She bumps her shoulder against mine while she grins, and I already know what she is thinking.

"Just a friend," I tell her, not having any intention to tell her more.

I start to drive to Rita's house fast, but thankfully, Mia doesn't notice. She is too busy looking at me and finding out more about my phonecall.

"A lady friend?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

I can't help but chuckle as well. Her eyes are wide and she is so excited, almost like a little puppy. I'm not giving anything away though, because that would be a disaster.

"We're here," I tell her after another minute of driving. Rita literally lives behind us, so it was just hitting the gas once.

"Thanks," Mia smiles before she gets out of the car. I help her with her stuff and lead her to the front door before I hug her and sprint back to my car. Once I'm inside, I wait for Mia to get in before I drive away.

* * *

I've broken every speed limit on my way, or at least I tried to when I drove through all the streets. The more I replayed Ana's call inside my head, the more worried I got. When I gave her my number, I saw the look on her face. She thought I was insane, but she still called me which can only mean one thing. Something's wrong.

It takes me exactly 8 minutes to get to the street where Ana told me she was, but there isn't any sign of her. I grab my phone with the intention to call her again, but just before I can press the green button, I see movement to my right.

What the fuck happened to her?!

I move over the console and open the passenger door for her. She gets in, and before she has time to say anything, I beat her to it.

"What the fuck happened to you?!"

The side of her forehead is covered in dried blood, her eyes are red and her makeup is all over her face, she is shivering because she isn't wearing a coat and her face is as white as a sheet.

She looks at me with a pleading look. "Please, drive. I'll tell you while you drive."

She sounds afraid, so without pushing I slowly drive away. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," she sighs, her hand moving to her head as if she's only now realizing it's covered in blood.

I think about where I can go with her. Obviously, nobody can see us together, so it needs to be a discreet place. I know the one that looks over Washington Lake, but it's a place where the guys and I sometimes chill. Since John is having a party at his house, I hope we can be alone there.

With a destination in mind, I start driving a little faster. The silence in the car feels awkward, and when I look at Ana again, I see that she feels it as well.

"Shouldn't you let someone look at your head?" I ask. I just can't handle silences like these.

She shakes her head and drops her hand to her lap as if she is trying to show me it doesn't bother her. "Not now. I don't want to see anyone now."

Her answer surprises me but also gives me a strange feeling of pride. She doesn't want to see anyone, yet she called me to help her out.

"I know a place where we can go for a bit. It's about a twenty-minute drive," I tell her, hoping that she takes the opportunity to talk to me about what happened during those twenty minutes.

She nods her head but stays silent while she nibbles on her lower lip. I want to pull the words out of her, but I know how that will backfire on me, so I just stay quiet, patiently waiting when she will open her mouth.

After five minutes, she finally starts talking. I was about to pull over and demand answers, but thankfully it wasn't needed.

"When I came home, Colton was already waiting for me. He wanted to talk about what happened and since I wanted to talk to him as well, we went to the living room," she starts, her voice soft but steady as if she has pushed the emotions aside. It's both impressive and shocking how she does it.

She keeps her voice low while she tells me about how Colton while drinking whiskey like lemonade, told her that he was angry and ashamed of her when she accused him of cheating with his assistant. She tells me that she told him that she wasn't happy and that she feels broken around him. She opted for a divorce, which made him jump out of his skin.

She tells me that when she tried to leave, he attacked her and threw her on the couch. How he tried to force himself on her.

She tells me how she managed to push him off, grab the bottle of whiskey and hit him on his head when he jumped towards her again.

She tells me everything, and I let her talk without interrupting her. By the time she is done, I'm holding the steering wheel so tight, my fingers are numb.

I can't describe what I'm feeling. It's rage, no doubt, but also something else. Aggression, tension? Irritation that she is dragging me into this while I can't do anything in my position? I have no idea, but all I can think about is going to that house and give that asshole just a little bit more than Ana already did.

"Please say something," her voice breaks my disturbing thoughts. Just like that, the emotion is audible again, and when I look at her, I see that she is crying.

"I'm not sure what you want to hear," I tell her honestly. I'm trying to hide every emotion I'm feeling right now, but I know I'm failing. I sound irritated, and although the irritation isn't as much aimed at her as it is against her husband, I know that she feels it.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles, her head down.

I sigh and take the exit that leads to the place we often hang out. It's between a few large trees, and it has a great view over Washington Lake. Especially during summer evenings, this place is amazing. We drink some beers and sometimes make a fire. It reminds me of good times.

But right now, it feels like we are hiding. We're not even able to get out of the car because I'm afraid someone will see us. It's fucking annoying.

When I've reached a good spot, I turn off the engine while leaving the lights on. When I turn to look at her, she is still fiddling with her hands.

"Look," I start, not even sure where to begin. "Why did you call me? I can't help you, Ana. That whole situation with you and him, I can't do anything about that. Why didn't you call your family? Or the fucking police? He attacked you."

She shrugs and brings her hands to the sides of her head, rubbing small circles there while she closes her eyes for a brief moment. "I don't know. I felt that I needed to call you."

Jesus Christ. She felt that she needed to call me. What the hell gave her that idea? She says hates me.

Silence fills the car as we both look straight ahead. The view is amazing and being here with her seems unreal. It's a place where a guy would take his girl, to impress her, to kiss her and maybe even more. It has a romantic vibe, but at the same time, it feels as if you can hide here for good.

I steal a glance at Ana again and see that she is shivering even though I've put the heater on. It's probably because of all the adrenaline that's coming out, and maybe also because of her head that is injured.

I move my sweater over my head and give it to her. "Here, put this on."

She gives me a small smile and then puts the hoody on as fast as she can, obviously happy that I offered. She is about to say something, but the moment is interrupted because my phone goes off.

When I look at the screen, I see it's John, and I hit ignore. He'll probably call again anyway. I need my attention in this situation right now.

"How do you feel?" I ask her, realizing that I haven't even asked her that question even though I should've done that way sooner.

I have no idea what to do. I'd never thought that she would be in my car with me, and having her so close in this small space is intense and it makes it hard for me to think.

"My head hurts a bit and I'm still a little shaky," she admits.

She is hiding in my sweater as much as she can. Her hands are tucked into the sleeves and she's also wearing the hoody in a way that only her face is showing.

"You need to get that head wound checked, Ana. And we also need to make sure that you didn't kill that asshole you married." It's out before I know it and I can't help it. Thankfully, I hear Ana softly chuckle, so I guess she isn't as pissed as when I called him a fucker.

"He's not dead."

"You know what I mean," I tell her. "You need to talk to someone who can really help you. I can't be that one. I want to, but you know I can't.

She nods, her cheeks turning a little pink which I'm happy about since she looked very pale.

"I guess I called you because of how you made me feel this afternoon," she says after she has taken a few deep breaths.

I raise my eyebrow and look at her, begging her to explain further with my eyes.

"I felt calm when I was that close to you," she continues, her cheeks even pinker. "And I wanted to feel that because my whole body felt rushed. I couldn't think properly. I needed to calm down." Her voice breaks at the last sentence, obviously recalling everything that happened today.

"Come here," I tell her again. Just like this afternoon, I can't let her cry on her own and if I can help her with calming down, then that's what I'll do.

She awkwardly moves over the console and straddles me, immediately after that her arms go around my neck and her head hides in the crook.

It surprises me that she moves this close. I thought she would just move towards me, maybe lay her head on my shoulder in the process but this is a whole other level.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess," she whispers against my skin, making me shiver.

Until now, I was able to hold back and think about the situation in a realistic, sensible way. But now that I have her this close, my body finally reacts to her. Her breath against my skin combined by the way she is sitting in my lap, I just can't help it.

"It's only fair. I'm part of the reason you're in a mess," I tell her softly while my hands move to her back on their own accord.

She moves her head back so she can look at me. "Not really. I'm starting to think that you are the reason I'm finally getting out of it."

I immediately shake my head. "I'm not. Fuck, I'm not Ana. You need to do this on your own. If people find out that you're here with me while you've just hit your husband on his head, it won't do any good."

"I know," she agrees.

"Good. Then tell me where I can drop you off."

She thinks about it for a moment, her teeth biting that plump, red from crying lip, and I start biting my own in order to keep my shit in check.

"I'll call Hannah and ask her to come and get me. Can you drop me off at the OMC?"

I nod my head, happy that she at least agrees that she needs to get herself checked.

"Thanks," she whispers, her arms still around my neck and her breathing on my face. She is so close, and my will power is slowly losing it from the lust I feel. I'm about to give in, when my phone goes off again, making me curse.

It's John, and I ignore it. Again.

"Fuck, I really need to go. I promised to help out a friend," I tell her while I help her onto the passenger's seat once more, needing the space to live up to what I'm telling her.

"Okay," she mumbles, obviously disappointed.

I start the car and drive away from the serenity that the spot offers. "You should talk to the police as well," I tell her while I focus on the road ahead. Something tells me that she won't do this, but at least I told her.

She stays silent for a moment, not responding which confirms my thoughts. I doubt if she'll even tell the truth to this Hannah, to be honest. This whole thing has a huge impact on her, and if she didn't call anyone after it happened while she was afraid, I doubt if she will tell them now that she's calmed down.

"Did you mean it when you said that we can continue like this?" She breaks the silence after a good ten minutes, and it surprises me.

I slowly nod my head. "I did. But it was before this happened. Now, I just want you to talk to people who can help you," I repeat again, hoping that it comes through.

She sighs and wipes her cheeks. "I know that," she bites, irritated.

"He attacked you, what the hell did you expect me to say? What if he got his way, Ana?"

"He didn't," she answers.

"But he could have. And you can't let him get away with that. You want to divorce him anyway."

"Oh, it's that easy, huh?" She sarcastically replies, a humorless chuckle leaving her throat. "What the hell do you know? You're eighteen."

For fuck sakes. Here we go.

"You called me," I tell her, irritation coming up now that she tries to fight me for no reason at all.

"Huge mistake," she mumbles.

I stop the car on the corner where I meant to drop her off anyway so we don't take a risk of being seen by people from the hospital, but now that she is giving me this attitude I won't tell her that.

"Get out then," I hiss while leaning over her to open the door.

For a moment I think that she is going to apologize. She is thinking about it, I can see it in her eyes. But then suddenly they turn cold, like the fierce Anastasia I met the first day of this school year, and without saying a word, she gets out of the car before she slams the door shut with force.

I drive away without looking back, only looking into my rear window three times to make sure she heads in the right direction.

Frustrating, fierce and still fucking sexy. And it makes me want her even more than before. What the hell am I going to do with her?


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: Some of you might find that it's taking to long for Christian and Ana to finally get it on, but I can promise that it will happen very, very, very soon. This just needed to happen first. Thank you for your patience. Enjoy! X Milou. **

_Twenty-three: Doctors and Officers._

"Jesus Rabbit, what happened?" Luke asks just before he wraps me in his arms and crushes me against his chest. His warmth is finally making the shivers stop for a moment.

I've called Hannah as soon as Christian practically kicked me out of his car, and it's now seventy minutes later and she's finally here. Of course, she brought Luke along which means that it's only a matter of time before Taylor is going to find everything out as well, and I just don't want to think about the consequences.

I've been waiting on the corner for them because I didn't want to go in alone. I know what will happen once a doctor has seen me. They will ask me what happened and I'll have to tell them, and once they know, they will inform the police.

I've debated in going in alone but decided against it. For some reason, Christian's words kept coming back to me, and so I called Hannah. I didn't want to call Gail because she has been dragged into the trouble of me and Colton way too many times already.

Colton has been calling me non-stop. He started calling me when I was still in Christian's car and he hasn't stopped since. I keep ignoring him, but the fact that he keeps trying at least tells me that he isn't suffering serious head injury because of the bottle of whiskey. It's something that will work to my advantage when I talk to the police.

"It's a long story," I mumble, not sure where to begin. I haven't told Hannah anything over the phone besides that I needed help and that I was waiting at the hospital. I didn't want to tell her over the phone.

"Then you better start fucking talking, Ana," Luke growls, and I immediately know that I can't get out of it.

Luke has always been harder than Taylor. Where Taylor always talks and thinks before he takes action, Luke usually just needs seconds to lose his shit. On top of that, I know that in this situation, the protective brother takes the upper hand as well.

"Maybe we should go inside first, so we can let someone check her head," Hannah nods towards me, also sensing that whatever it is I'm going to tell them, will not go well with Luke.

I nod my head rapidly, desperately hoping that Luke agrees and gives me a few more minutes to clear my thoughts. I really don't know where to begin, and if I do start, it won't only be about Colton. I think I'll have to tell them about Christian as well.

"You know that they will ask you the same right?"

I nod my head again. "I know."

Luke motions his hand towards the entrance, obviously annoyed and frustrated that I don't tell him what happened now and because of it I just give over and walk to the doors without any protest.

When we come in, I check in at the desk. The woman lets me fill in a form before she tells me to wait in the waiting area. There are just two other people waiting, so I have hope that we won't be here all night.

We wait in silence. Hannah is sitting in between Luke and me, and we don't speak. I have a feeling that both of them already know who is responsible for my head injury, and Luke is probably trying really hard to keep it in check until I confirm his thoughts.

And even though I should be thinking about that whole situation, I find my thoughts drifting to Christian and how I actually wish that he was here with me. The more I think about it, the more I regret our goodbye. My feelings are all over the place and as a result, my mood seems to flip at the smallest irritation.

I want to tell him that he was right. I know he was right. I need to tell someone about what happened with Colton and I also know that he isn't the one that can help me with this. He was right about everything and I think I reacted the way I did because he suddenly behaves like the adult.

I grab my phone out of my pocket and am immediately confronted with all the missed calls of Colton. In the twenty minutes that have oast since I last checked my phone, he has called thirty-three times. Even this shows how pissed and drunk he actually is.

There are also thirteen texts. Without looking at them I can guess what they entail, so I choose to ignore them. Instead, I open a new text sheet.

_I'm waiting for a doctor right now, and Hannah and my brother are with me. I just wanted to thank you for coming to me and for calling me out on my behavior. You were right and I needed it. A._

"Mrs. Davies?" Someone calls from the door opening just as I hit send. When I look up, I see a middle-aged woman in a white coat waiting for me.

I nod my head and walk to her with Luke and Hannah right behind me. I knew they would come in with me, and I'm honestly glad. With a little luck, I only have to tell everything once.

"Please, take a seat on the exam table, I'd like to check your head right away," Dr. Hallow says the moment we walk into the room.

As I sit, Hannah and Luke stand as close as possible. Dr. Hallow puts on gloves before she touches the side of my forehead, and I hiss in reaction. It doesn't really hurt, but it is sensitive.

"The cut isn't as deep as I originally thought," she says while she grabs a few things out of a cabinet to her right. "I'll clean it up and then we can see if you need stitches."

The eyes of both Hannah and Luke are almost burning holes in my face. They are waiting for either the doctor to ask what happened or for me to tell her myself. Luke is even biting his lip hard to make sure he doesn't ask again himself. Luckily for them, Dr. Hallow breaks the silence.

"Can you tell me how this wound got on your head?"

I sigh and close my eyes for a brief moment. When I open them again, Luke is standing right next to me. His hand is grabbing mine and he squeezes reassuringly.

"I hit my head against the armrest of the couch."

The moment I say it, Dr. Hallow's expression changes. I don't know if it is because my voice is soft and doubtfull, or because Luke and Hannah are frowning while Luke orders me to tell the whole goddamn story, but what I do know is that Dr. Hallow feels that I'm uncomfortable.

"Do you want them to go?" She nods her head towards Luke and Hannah, thinking that they are the reason I uncomfortable.

"No, it's okay. They can stay," I tell her.

There is no use in sending them away. The moment I step out of the room, Luke will demand answers anyway, and it's their right. I've called them to come and get me and just an hour later they find me without shoes or a coat, and with blood covering my face while I'm crying my eyes out.

"Rabbit, be honest. What the hell happened?" The pressure of Luke's hand becomes a little stronger as if he is trying to squeeze out the answer.

I feel tears forming in my eyes, and I try to fight it but I can't hold in the sob that leaves my throat. "It's such a mess, Luke."

"What is, Ana?" He pushes while he takes a seat next to me on the bed, his arm finding its way around me to pull me against him.

"Colton and I," I sob against his chest, unable to look at him. "We had a huge fight the day that Hannah came over and when I came from work today, he wanted to talk about that. I told him that I want a divorce, and he didn't take it well. We got into a discussion and when I told him that I was going to leave, he grabbed me and held me against the wall. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and I realized that he must've had been drinking before I came home because he suddenly looked drunk."

For a moment I move my head from Luke's chest to see his reaction, but when I do, I dive right back into his chest. His face is tensed and his eyes are burning. The grip of his arm around me is getting stronger as well. He is radiating anger and I haven't even told him the worst yet.

"He tried to touch me, and I told him to stop because I wanted to leave. He didn't stop and threw me onto the couch. That's when my head bumped against the armrest. After that, he climbed onto my back, and we fought a little more before I could roll him off of me. To defend myself, I grabbed the first thing that I could find, which was the bottle of whiskey. When he reached for me again, I hit him on his head with it. After that, I ran. I was so scared, Luke."

"Fucking Christ," Luke curses while he wraps his other arm around me as well and pulls me onto his lap. It's welcoming and I actually feel relieved that he isn't immediately jumping up to go to Colton.

"Mrs. Davies?" Dr. Hallow gets my attention after a short silence. Her expression is worried. "Do you know if your husband is injured?"

"Who the fuck cares?! He assaulted her!" Luke roars while he pushes me away and jumps from the bed.

There it is. This is what I was afraid of. Angry Luke. Angry and protective big brother Luke. This is a disaster.

"Luke, calm down for a second." Hannah grabs Luke's arm and yanks him towards her, but he isn't having any of it.

"Calm down?! What the fuck, Hannah. He tried to rape my little sister!"

"Enough!" Dr. Hallow comes between them, making all three of us jump in surprise. When she is certain that Luke is going to shut up for a moment, she turns back to me. "Mrs. Davies, I need to know if your husband is okay, else I need to send an ambulance for him."

"I think he is okay. He's been trying to call me and he didn't pass out after I hit him," I tell her.

She nods her head. "When did this all happen?"

Without thinking about the consequences I respond, "about two, two and a half hours ago."

I can practically hear the frowns forming on their faces and Luke, of course, is the first one to respond.

"What the hell? Why didn't you call us right away, Ana? Where the hell were you?"

Even though I'm still shaking a bit, I can feel my cheeks heat up. Shit.

"I just walked around to calm myself down," I lamely respond, hoping that Luke will just let it go for now. I'm not telling them anything about where I've been here, in a room with a doctor present.

"Without a coat or shoes on?! With blood all over your face? Are you fucking kidding me?!"

While Luke starts to curse and pace, Hannah just looks at me. Her eyes move over my frame as if she is looking for signs, and when her eyes meet mine, I get the awful feeling that she's found the signs she was looking for.

"I'm sorry, okay. I just needed to think for a moment. I panicked," I tell him, trying to calm him down.

"Did you seriously walk all the way to the hospital before you decided to call us? Ana, why would you do that? It's freezing, you were injured and God knows what could've happened if someone with the wrong intentions would've crossed paths with you."

Luke is fuming. He is pulling his hair while he still walks from left to right through the small room, trying really hard to keep it in check. And I feel horrible for lying.

"And why the fuck do we not know anything about you wanting a divorce? That's not something you just decide after one fight, Anastasia, let alone just months after you married him. What more has he done to you?" Luke continues, completely ignoring the attempts of Dr. Hallow to throw him out of the room.

"Can we talk about this when we are done here?" I ask him while I nod towards Dr. Hallow, who is waiting for Luke to sit down or go away so she can get back to my head wound.

"Come on, we'll wait outside for a second. You can talk about this later." Hannah grabs Luke's arm again, and this time he lets her lead him out of the room. I can tell he is pissed at me as well, so it's for the best that Hannah just takes him out for a moment.

"Do you understand that we need to inform the police about what happened?" Dr. Hallow asks when the rest has returned into the room.

I move my hands over my face as I nod my head. "I figured," I mumble.

"I'm going to make sure that your wound will heal properly, and after that, I will call the police department. They'll probably want to talk with your husband as well."

I let Dr. Hallow take care of my head while the wheels in my head work on overdrive. I'll have to talk to the police, and I will have to lie about where I was before I called Luke and Hannah.

Just. Fucking. Great. What a fucking mess.

* * *

"Do you have a place to stay, Mrs. Davies?" Officer Ander Pendill asks after he has written down my version of what happened a few hours ago. He hasn't shown any emotion during our talk, he just wrote, nothing else.

He told me that there are two other officers at Colton as we speak, to take on his side of the story. They also were there to make sure he wasn't injured.

After I told him what happened, he asked a few questions, one of them being where I went before I got to the hospital. I told him that I ran for a few minutes before I decided to make my way to the hospital and call Luke and Hannah. Since the distance between our house and the hospital is about a sixty-minute walk, I was lucky and he didn't ask further.

He also asked me if I want to press charges again Colton, and I told him that I don't know yet. I need to process everything before I can decide that. I just want to get the divorce in motion, make sure this doesn't leak to the press and forget that this ever happened, but I know that people around me will not accept that as easily.

"I think I can stay with one of my brothers for the time being," I answer his question.

"That's good. I will call my colleagues to see how it went with your husband. Please, excuse me."

I nod my head and watch him leave the room. I wish I could leave as well. I'm tired and cold, my head hurts and I just want to sleep and forget about tonight.

To pass time, I decide to check my phone and I'm instantly relieved when I see that Colton has stopped calling me. I'm also relieved because I see a text message of a number that isn't saved in my phone, knowing that it's from Christian.

_I'm glad that you listened and that you're not alone. How is your head? Where are you staying tonight? You aren't going back to your house, right? You're welcome. C._

All the questions bring a smile to my face because they mean that I can respond to him again. I was scared that after our goodbye, he didn't want to speak with me again, but given his text, I think he wants answers.

_Head is okay, no stitches, just some glue. It'll probably not even leave a scar. I've just talked to the police and I think I can go soon. I'm probably staying with one of my brothers. How's your night?_

I hit send and notice that Christian is online, and just a few moments later, I see that he is typing. With my lip trapped between my teeth, I wait, curiously and nervously. I feel I'm suddenly reliving my teens.

_Good. Please don't go back to your house without your brothers. Be safe. Happy to hear you won't have a scar, that would be a shame. What did you tell the police?_

His concern about my safety touches me. He seems genuinely concerned about me, even though it didn't feel like that when he kicked me out of his car.

_Everything that happened up until I called you. I told them I walked to the hospital myself. I didn't mention you, don't worry. Are you going to answer my question?_

I pull my legs under me and lean against the bed, a smile playing around my lips. I haven't felt like this in a long time and it's stupid considering we're just talking, but it feels good.

_Not as interesting as spending time with my math teacher in my car. Kind of liked having you in my lap. But then you turned into a bitch again._

God, it sounds so wrong. But somehow it is exciting as well. His comment about me being a bitch actually makes me giggle.

_No interesting girls out there that want to entertain you? I see the way the girls at school look at you, even though you're a huge and annoying asshole._

I have no idea what's wrong with me, but I just have to keep this texting going.

_Have you still not figured out that I'm not going for interesting? I want spectacular._

I grin and already type a reply, but I'm stopped by another message of him.

_Someone with brown hair, blue eyes, and an attitude that drives me insane._

I hold my breath as I stare at the screen, where he is again typing something.

_Someone who fights me and kisses me as if she hates me. _

It stays quiet after that, but before I have time to reply, the door opens again to reveal Hannah, who is holding a plastic cup with something warm in it. I put my phone in my pocket while I give her a small smile

"Tea," she answers my unspoken question before she hands it over.

"Thanks," I mumble before I take a small sip. The tea is still too hot, but the need to warm up is bigger than the pain of the burn on my tongue.

"How do you feel?" She asks while she sits next to me.

"Tired and cold. I just want to go to bed," I tell her before I turn towards her a little bit. "I've told the police that I can stay with Luke or Taylor. Can I stay with you and Luke though? I don't feel like talking to Taylor and Gail about everything right now."

"Yeah, well, you're going to have to. Luke called them and they are already here. Luke has filled them in though, so you can imagine the atmosphere in the hallway."

I roll my eyes and take another sip. "Fucking fantastic."

"At least it's all out now, right? Everything can only go up from here."

Hannah eyes me suspiciously for a moment as if she is waiting for me to tell that there is another thing that needs outing. When I only nod my head and don't make any attempt to talk, she begins again.

"Whos sweater are you wearing?"

Her voice is soft while her question is absolutely clear. I can't hear any emotion in her voice, but she doesn't seem mad. She's curiously looking at my reaction, and again I can feel my cheeks heat up.

"Colton's?" I ask rather than answer, and as a reaction, she lets out a soft chuckle while she shakes her head.

"Right. So just before you panicked and ran out because he attacked you, you found the time to search for his sweater, but you didn't put on some shoes? And then you decided to walk all the way to here?"

"Maybe I already wore the sweater," I counter, desperately searching for a way out.

"To work? You said you came home and started talking with Colton right after. Come on, Ana. Where did you go after you left the house?"

I sigh and take a few huge gulps of my tea until the plastic cup is empty. I fell the burn go through my throat and all the way down, and for a short moment, I just concentrate on that.

"I called someone," I softly whisper after the burn has faded. I feel like I'm confessing my sins here. It feels awful.

To my surprise, Hannah doesn't even flinch. She just keeps looking at me, her expression not any different from before I told her.

"So, you're the one that is having an affair?"

I shake my head. "Oh, no, Hannah. It's not like that. I don't even know him that well. I've just kissed him, twice. And I called him because I needed to calm down before I could take to anyone else."

Hannah frowns. She obviously wants to know more about this mysterious guy that apparently can calm me down better than my own family, but before she can ask anymore, I hold up my hand. "Not here, okay. I'll tell you everything, but not now and not here. And not with Taylor and Luke just a wall away."

Before she can respond, the door opens again and officer Pendill walks back in, the phone still in his hand.

"I've just spoken to my colleague, and your husband isn't seriously injured. He has a small cut on top of his head, but other than that he is fine. Intoxicated, but fine."

"Where is he now?" I ask. I'm wondering if they took him to the station.

"At home. He claims that you attacked him."

It's not even a surprise. Of course, Colton wouldn't just admit what he did, and because I hit him too, he has something against me as well.

"What happens now?" I ask when Pendill doesn't elaborate.

"Since both of you aren't pressing charges at this point, there isn't much we can do."

"So we can go?" I ask, ignoring the protest that's coming from Hannah, who is obviously shocked that they aren't doing anything at this point.

"You can go. If you change your mind about pressing charges, you can call this number."

He hands me a card with what I assume is his number, and then he offers me his hand in goodbye. I take it, shake it and nod my head before I turn to Hannah.

"You can go, I just need to go to the toilet for a second."

Hannah nods her head and leaves the room with officer Pendill, leaving me alone again. I know I just have a short moment for myself. If I take too long, Luke and Taylor will come and get me.

I grab my phone again and type a response to Christian before I stand from the bed and make my way to the small restroom that is attached to the room where I give myself a short moment to prepare for my talk with Taylor and Luke.

_Right now I don't hate you as much as I did yesterday._


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Thanks again for your patience! To make it up to you and because I understand that you're probably getting a little bit impatient now, three chapters today! The next time I post, it will be THE one. Enjoy and don't forget to let me know what you think! X Milou.**

Twenty-four: Safe Haven.

"We are going to that fucker right now, Ana," Taylor growls while he stomps to the exit of the hospital with Luke, who is equally mad and also happy that he has found a partner in crime, on his heels.

I've just told Taylor and Gail what happened, and of course, Taylor didn't take it well. The moment he heard about Colton and how he tried to force himself on me, he lost all comen sense. He is furious and it feeds Luke's anger as well, which means that there are now two bulls marching through the hospital with three women behind them to hold them back.

They want to go to Colton, and even though I know that Colton will deserve everything that they want to do to him, I can't let it happen. Colton is drunk, and both Luke and Taylor aren't thinking straight. I honestly think that it's best if we all just sleep a night and then think it over once more.

It will only get out of hand if we don't.

I'm about to tell them exactly that when I bump into Luke, who suddenly has stopped walking while he curses under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Gail asks when she sees that Taylor has stopped walking as well. He is standing right in front of the door, his hand ready to open it. "Fucking paps," he answers while he nods to something outside.

Tears fill my eyes as I look through the window, where a few feet away I indeed see about five men with cameras around their necks. Someone must have tipped them off, and now they are about to have the shot of the month.

We all back away from the doors, in hopes they haven't notice us already. Luckily, it seems like they haven't; they are talking to each other and one of them is lighting a cigarette as we speak.

"What now?" Hannah's voice is the first one I hear. She sounds unsure and when I look at her, I see that she is almost hiding behind Luke.

"I'll ask if we can use another exit," Taylor, rational as he is, says. Right after he marches back to the check-in desk, where he starts talking to one of the receptionists.

"Fucking fantastic," Luke mumbles while he moves his arm around Hannah and pulls her closer. "I swear I will lose my patience with them someday."

"As if that will help," Gail snorts as she rolls her eyes. "It would make their day if you do that. Frontpage material right there."

I can tell everybody feels even more irritated now that the paps have shown up here. I can tell Luke is counting to ten in his head, Gail looks tired and pissed, Taylor's voice keeps getting louder at the desk, and Hannah and I are just ready to go to bed and sleep.

"Which is why we need to get out of here and go home as quiet and unseen as possible," I start again, hoping that now that this situation occurs, the idea of going to Colton is officially off the record.

Luke raises his eyebrow while I still see the anger in his eyes. "If you think that I'm going to let him get away with what he did, you are insane Rabbit."

"I know you won't, trust me," I tell him, completely aware that I can't change his mind. "But please, not tonight. My head hurts, I'm cold and tired and I just want to sleep. It won't do any good if you go to him now. He is drunk and you are angry. On top of that, the paps will follow us, and then everybody knows about this while I really just want to keep things quiet. I don't want people to know this, Luke. It's a huge mess already, I don't need an audience."

I look at Luke, my eyes begging him to just listen to me. After a few seconds, he sighs and rubs his eyes. "Fine. We'll go home, but I will go to him tomorrow."

I nod my head. Even though I'm dreading tomorrow, I am happy that he agreed to not going there tonight.

We all stand in silence while we watch Taylor, whose voice seems to have calmed down. He nods his head a few times before he thanks the receptionist and then walks back to us, his expression relieved.

"They'll send two guards here to get our cars and drive them to the exit at the B wing. There are no paps there."

Luke nods his head. "Good. Ana doesn't want us to go to her house tonight, so we'll go tomorrow. She needs to sleep first," he tells Taylor, who is nodding his head in agreement while he looks at me to make sure I'm still hanging in there.

"You two are doing the right thing," Gail says before she turns to me. "Ana, are you coming with us or are you staying with Luke and Hannah?"

I first wanted to go with Hannah and Luke because I didn't want to talk to Gail and Taylor about what happened, but now that they are here already, it really doesn't matter where I'm staying tonight. And Colton will probably know that I'm staying with one of them since I'm not really having anyone else I can go to, so there is no reason to make a fuss.

"I really don't care," I tell her while I rub the sides of my head. The throbbing starts to hurt more which is probably because I'm suddenly feeling exhausted. "Can I stay with you and Taylor?"

If I go with them, I will be able to sleep faster since they live closer than Luke. Right now, that's what I need the most.

Gail nods her head. "You can stay as long as you need." She wraps her arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "It'll be okay. We'll help you get through this. This won't break you, Ana. You finally were brave and choose for yourself and it will make you stronger even though you feel very small right now."

I just give her a small smile and a nod, fearing that if I say anything I will break. She is right; I feel small and stupid. I'm ashamed of everything as well. How did I let it get this far? Why didn't I just get away when everything was still simple and innocent the first time he cheated? Why am I so afraid to be alone?

I wonder if she would still say all those things if she knew everything. Would she be as understanding if she knew I was with Christian right before I went to the hospital? Would she have my back if she knew that this time, I'm the one who has been unfaithful? With my student nonetheless?

All these thoughts make my head hurt even more but it doesn't stop me from thinking how much I actually wish that Christian was the one that went with me to the doctor because then I wouldn't have to come clean to Luke, Taylor, Gaila and Hannah.

Then it would still be the fantasy that made me feel alive and frustrated the hell out of me.

Two guards interrupt my thoughts which I'm thankful for. This really isn't the time to be this deep in thoughts. I need to focus on getting out of here without being noticed by the paparazzi.

"Let's get you safe, Rabbit," Taylor says while he grabs my hand and gives his car keys to the guard. "It's the blue Audi Q7."

The guard nods and waits for his colleague who is getting the keys of Luke's car. "You better start walking now, so they won't notice you when we walk out those doors."

"Let's go home," Taylor nods before he starts walking, pulling me with him.

Finally, home. It has never sounded as good now that I'm going with Taylor and Gail.

* * *

After we said goodbye to Hannah and Luke and agreed to meet again tomorrow at Gail and Taylor's place, we were able to get to the cars without getting the attention of the paparazzi.

The drive was quiet, and if it wasn't for the wheels that constantly turned in my head, I would've probably slept until we drove onto the porch.

Thankfully, Taylor understood why I didn't want him and Luke to go to Colton tonight. He even agreed that it was best to confront him tomorrow when everything has winded down a bit. He didn't promise me that he wouldn't hurt him though, I guess it is still too early for that.

When we got home, I excused myself immediately to take a shower and then go to bed. Gail and Taylor let me go. I think they sense that my feelings are all over the place and that I need a little time for myself right now.

I took a hot shower, put on some comfy clothes that Gail laid on the bed in the guestroom and I'm now laying under the sheets in a dark room. I've taken painkillers in hopes it will calm my head a bit.

My eyes are heavy, but my mind is too busy to give me the rest my body needs. I keep thinking about the whole situation, and how I will ever get out of this mess. Right now, I really don't see any light in the darkness.

I know that Colton won't give me a divorce without a huge fight. He is too proud for that. The world sees him as a successful, handsome businessman with the perfect marriage with his highschool sweetheart. He won't give that up without a struggle. He needs to keep that image of him as high as possible.

He will drag the divorce out as long as possible. He will hire the best lawyers available, and he will make sure that I'll come out just as bad as he will. He will dig until he has found something on me, and just two weeks ago I wouldn't have given a damn thing about that.

But now it's a whole other story.

Because I know that if he digs deep enough now, he will find something that will ruin me, and the thought alone makes me sick.

A loud buzz pulls me out of my thoughts and for a moment I think that it's Colton who wants to know where I am. I hold my breath and grab my phone, and then let out a sigh of relief when I see that it's once again Christian.

_Have you left the OMC already? Are you feeling okay? I just wanted to check one last time before I call it a night. C._

And I curse myself for smiling at the screen while just seconds ago I got sick while thinking about what Colton would find if he really wants something against me. I'm pathetic.

_We have and I'm already in bed at my brother's place. My head feels horrible, but that's probably because I'm exhausted. I hope I didn't ruin your night with all my chaos._

Once again he is online, and almost instantly after I've sent him my response, he is already typing again.

_You didn't. Did they kick his ass?_

Without mentioning any names I know what he means, and I let out a soft chuckle.

_No. I begged my brothers to leave it for now since I just wanted to go to sleep. They agreed, but they will probably kick his ass tomorrow._

_Good, make sure they don't hold back. That asshole deserves it. I'll let you sleep then. Be safe._

I smile and am about to shut my phone off when I remind myself of what I was thinking about before Christian texted me. I need to make sure Colton doesn't find anything when he starts his investigation.

_Thanks. Can you do one more thing for me? I really need you to delete all these messages. I'll do the same. We can't keep having contact like this. I have a feeling that Colton will make the divorce as difficult as possible, and I don't want to give him anything that'll lead to you._

_Consider them gone, we'll talk face to face then. I like that better anyway. Sweet dreams. See you at math. X._

I let my finger trace the X. Tonight I saw a whole different side of Christian Grey and even though this should be the perfect time not just to delete the texts but also everything else, his behavior tonight truly makes the hate that I felt a little less. He intrigues me even more now, and that means torture when I will return to Port Bellevue on Monday.

I go through our conversation one more time before I delete it and turn my phone off, once again letting the darkness consume the room.

And as I lay in this bed, in the guestroom of my older brother and his wife, I let all the emotions leave my body properly for the first time this night. I cry until my eyes burn so much, I have to close them, and after what has been one of the most chaotic days of my life, the darkness finally takes over and helps me forget for just a few hours.


	26. Chapter 25

Twenty-five: Ana's little bitch.

"Promise me we won't barge in as if we are the FBI," I beg my brothers for the fifth time. We are five minutes on our way to my house, and we have five more minutes to go until we arrive. I feel sick.

This morning Gail woke me up to tell me that Hannah and Luke were already downstairs. It was ten in the morning, and even though I knew that Luke couldn't wait to get his hands on Colton, I was surprised that he didn't sleep a little longer on his free Saturday.

I took a quick shower and wore my jeans from yesterday with a baggy sweater of Taylor before I went down where I found my family waiting for me at the dining table. It looked like they were waiting for a meeting to begin, and when I took place as well, Luke and Taylor indeed started off as if it was about their biggest business deals in years.

They first let me explain everything. And by everything, I really mean everything. I've told them about how Colton cheated on me and how he reacted when I told him about my job. I've told them how lonely and miserable I felt in that house. I've told them everything they need to know.

And they listen with their hands clenched into fists. They asked me why I stayed with him all this time. They asked why I didn't tell them. When they saw that I didn't have answers, they just grabbed my hands and squeezed them reassuringly.

It tells me that everything eventually will be okay.

When my information had settled a bit, they informed us about their plan, which was simple. They'll take care of Colton while Hannah and I go straight to the bedroom to grab my belongings. Gail stays with Luke and Taylor, to make sure things don't get out of hand.

I wanted to protest, but there wasn't any room for that. Their decision was made, and I could either stay at Taylor's house and wait or join them and pick up my own stuff.

"We won't. Jesus, Rabbit, relax. We're just going to have a talk with him and make sure he doesn't do anything else to you ever again while you grab the things you need," Taylor, who is driving, sighs. Luke, who is sitting next to him, is awfully quiet.

A night of sleep did Taylor well. He isn't as determined to kick Colton's ass as yesterday. He just wants to make sure that I can grab my things without being bothered by Colton, and he wants to talk to Colton about what to do now. He also thinks I should press charges, and after a night of sleep, I think I will since it can maybe help me during the divorce process.

Luke, on the other hand, is still just as furious as yesterday. He isn't thinking about talking like adults. He wants to fight it out like the old Greeks. Despite the pleas of both Hannah and me, he is determined, and I know him long enough to know that he won't change his mind.

"Luke, If I'm going to press charges against him, you can't attack him. We need to be able to show the police that he is the one that is violent, not the other way around," I tell Luke while laying my hand on his shoulder to make sure he hears and feels that I really mean it.

In response, he gives a small nod and a barely-there grunt. Even Hannah can't say anything that will make his anger subside, and it concerns me.

The rest of the drive is silent, and way too soon we park on the porch of the house where Colton and I were meant to live happily ever after. I don't think it ever felt like home, but maybe that just feels like that now because of what happened yesterday.

We all get out of the car and I manage to get to the front door first in line, before Luke and Taylor. I take a deep breath before I ring the bell. I wonder if Colton is even awake already. It wouldn't surprise me if he is still sleeping.

After a few moments, I hear stumbling on the other side of the door, and the nerves I felt in the car seem to be nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now. Right now I feel miserable.

When Colton opens the door, I see that he looks as miserable as I feel. He is still wearing the clothes he wore yesterday, his hair is a mess with some dried blood in it, and his eyes are blood red.

The moment he sees us though, he straightens his back and his eyes zoom in on me. He doesn't even give my two brothers, who are standing behind me as if they are the world's best bodyguards, a glance. His focus is entirely on me.

"I'm here to pick up my things," I tell him. I try to sound confident and unaffected, but my shaky hands and the light shudder in my voice give me away.

A soft, humorless chuckle leaves Colton's throat. "And where the hell are you staying after you've grabbed your shit?"

I can feel Taylor tense behind me, and Luke is already moving forward to set him straight. I'm just in time to hold my arm in front of him, preventing him from going to Colton for a few seconds longer.

"I'm staying with my brother until we've set the divorce in motion. After that, we'll see what happens," I tell him and immediately see his eyes catch fire.

"I've already told you that divorce isn't an option," he growls.

This time, I'm not in time to hold Luke back. He lunges for Colton and grabs him by the collar of his blue dress shirt, pulling him nose to nose. "It certainly is after the stunt you pulled last night."

Colton isn't impressed at all. He just shrugs and has the nerve to chuckle. "Says the one who beats and tortures women before he fucks them."

Without saying anything else and as fast as a reflex, Luke's fist makes contact with Colton's jaw. Colton stumbles back a bit but doesn't fall. He doesn't have the chance anyway, because before he knows it, Luke has grabbed his collar again.

In the meantime, Gail and Taylor are looking at the whole scene utterly confused and shocked since they have no idea about Luke's preferences. Hannah is white as a sheet and almost immediately turns to me, her eyes wide. I know what she is asking me with her eyes. She wants to know if I said anything about what she's told me, and I don't blame her.

Because how else does Colton know this?

"You've put your hands on my sister without her consent, and you will regret that for the rest of your life," Luke hisses before he pushes him back roughly. While he still holds him by his collar, he turns his head to me. "Get your stuff," he commands.

I nod my head rapidly and sprint up the stairs, Hannah on my heels just like we planned. Just before I reach the second floor, I hear Taylor talking to Colton as well. I can't exactly make out what he is saying, but the tone he uses is sharp as a knife which means he is showing Colton that he is just as pissed as Luke.

When I reach the first floor, I almost sprint to the bedroom. I want to grab my stuff as fast as possible because Colton's mood is worrying me and I fear that Taylor and Luke will really harm him if we stay here too long.

In the bedroom, I grab the suitcase from under the bed and then move to the walk-in closet, where I start packing all the clothes I need.

"Can you get that big, brown bag behind you and throw in clothes as well?" I ask Hannah, who is still standing at the entrance of the closet, looking a bit lost.

For a moment I watch her as she does what I say. "I didn't tell Colton anything, Hannah. I have no idea how he knows about what Luke does."

She gives me a small smile and a nod. "I know. I'm just a bit shocked. Luke is so private about the lifestyle and he reassured me that nobody knows."

"I know. I really don't know how he found out," I tell her honestly.

The only thing I can think of is that Colton maybe did something that involved that lifestyle as well, but I don't want to dwell on that thought too long because it means that he's been cheating on me many times more.

"I just hope he doesn't leak it to the press or something," Hannah mumbles while she starts to pack the clothes that hang on the other side of the closet.

I continue as well, while I try to reassure her that that won't happen. "You shouldn't think about that. I have many things to say about him as well. And trust me, he won't take the risk."

We continue to pack in silence. When I have a suitcase full of clothes, I move to the bathroom to pack all the things I need from there. Just twenty minutes later I have everything I need, and Hannah and I head back down again.

As I walk on the stairs, I hear the voices get louder with every step I take, and where Taylor was using his CEO tone just twenty minutes ago, he is now mad as hell. He is talking forcefully and it sounds very intimidating.

I can't hear Luke or Colton, and when I walk into the living room, I see the reason for it. Luke isn't with them, and Taylor is towering over Colton who is sitting on the couch. His demeanor has done a full one-eighty; he almost looks scared now that Taylor is telling him what is going to happen from now on.

He is also holding a white towel against his eyebrow. The towel is covered in blood, and because Luke isn't anywhere to be seen, I think that he is the reason for the injury.

"So, let me make everything clear one more time," Taylor continues without giving me or Hannah a glance. "You will agree with a divorce on Ana's terms and you will not have contact with her. Any contact that is necessary, will go through both your lawyers, and you will drop your pathetic story about how Ana attacked you. If you do this, we will make sure the press doesn't find out about how you treated my sister, last night and every day before that."

Gail is sitting in one of the chairs opposite Taylor and Colton, and when I look at her she is giving me a small, reassuring nod which can only mean that they've got it under control.

"I'm going to look for Luke," Hannah whispers before she walks away.

"What makes you think that I give a shit about what people think of me?" Colton's growls. He doesn't sound as sure of himself as he normally does, but I can tell he is still not giving up easily.

Taylor just chuckles and leans down a bit. "It's written all over your fucking face, Davies. I can break you, your company, your career and your reputation with a snap of my fingers, don't test me. You will give Ana what she wants, and you will do it as her little bitch."

My eyes widen a bit at the last part, and I can tell that Gail is trying very hard not to let out a chuckle. I really want to know what Taylor said while I was upstairs because it all feels a bit sudden.

"We'll see about that," Colton says while his head turns towards me. Now that he is looking at me I see that his eye is also swollen. Luke got him pretty good.

"I'm ready," I tell Taylor, who seems to be done for now.

Taylor nods and straightens himself. "We'll leave you now. I urgently advise you to think everything over carefully before you make any decisions," he tells Colton before he holds out his hand for Gail to take and then walks to me.

I turn around without looking back at Colton. I grab the brown bag that Hannah packed for me, while Taylor grabs the suitcase. When I walk out of the door, I see that Hannah and Luke are already waiting in Taylor's car.

Hannah has her arm wrapped around Luke's shoulder, and Luke is holding a white towel against the knuckles on his right hand. It confirms that it was indeed Luke who hit Colton in his face.

We load my stuff and then get in the car. I immediately feel relieved when we drive off the porch. I'm happy that things didn't get completely out of hand. I got all the stuff I need and thankfully, Colton didn't have a chance to get to me.

"You will call officer Pendill the moment we are home, and you will tell him that you want to press charges against him, Rabbit," Taylor states, and I know that there is no room for arguing.

Since I already figured out that I want to press charges against him, I don't say anything. I just nod my head, look out the window, and wait until we are back at Taylor and Gail's house.

After a few moments of silence, Gail is the one that dares to ask the question that both she and Taylor desperately want the answer to.

"Why did he say those things about you, Luke?"

I can feel Hannah shift beside me, and the atmosphere in the car immediately changes as well. It's so awkward and I wish I could jump out of the car so I didn't have to hear all this again. The fact that Luke will probably explain things right now, makes it even worse.

"Do we have to do this now?" Luke sighs.

"I don't see why not. Ana came clean about what Colton did, so why not you too?" Gail counters. To my surprise, Taylor just looks straight ahead while he stays quiet. I'm sure that he wants an explanation as well, but I also think that he is a bit afraid of what Luke will tell.

Luke groans and moves his left hand over his face. "Jesus, that's something completely different, Gail. He attacked her."

"And that's different from what you do? Beating and torturing women isn't a form of attack?"

'No, it's fucking not," Luke answers forcefully. "I've never touched a woman without her consent. Don't you dare compare me with him, Gail."

Gail is about to respond when Taylor comes between both of them. "Stop. There is only one thing that is important right now. How does Colton know?"

Luke sighs again. "Fuck, I have no idea, Tay. I've always been extremely private about that part of my life."

"What about one of your exes?" Hannah's soft voice asks. I can tell that she hates to bring up the subject and I understand. First, a crazy ex that is stalking her and now this.

Luke shakes his head while his arm goes around Hannah. "I don't know, baby. But I will find out and I will make sure no one else knows. I promise."

"Maybe Colton cheated on me way more than I thought," I begin. "Maybe he is also into all that and maybe that's the way he found out. It wouldn't surprise me."

As the others talk more about what I've just said, I find that my thoughts wander off.

What if Colton really has done way more than I know about?


	27. Chapter 26

Twenty-six: Just another Monday.

It's funny how just two days can feel like three months when a lot happens.

Taylor has just dropped me off at Port Bellevue and even though I was here last Friday, I feel like I haven't been here in weeks.

The last two days where a whirlwind of emotions and events, and I'm happy that it's now Monday and I can get to work again. It's a very welcomed distraction, and funny enough it's the only thing in my life that's normal right now.

Well, normal apart from that one student.

I haven't spoken to Christian since I asked him to remove all the messages, and to say it's hard is an understatement. I can't count the times that I had my phone in my hands this weekend ready to text him and ask him to take my mind off everything.

I fought it because I know it's too dangerous for both of us, but I would be lying if I said that I'm only happy to be back at work because it offers me normality. I'm also happy because I get to see him at the end of the day, and I hate to admit it, but I need it.

I hope he will be able to give me that feeling of calm, even though we are surrounded by his classmates. The calm feeling that I felt when I was close to him is something that I have craved throughout the entire weekend.

After we came home from the confrontation with Colton, the rush began. I called Pendill and told him that I wanted to press charges and as a response, he immediately got into his car and drove to Taylor and Gail's place. When he arrived, I had to tell him about what had happened all over again, naming every little detail that I could remember.

It was exhausting and by the time he had everything he needed, I was ready to go to bed. Unfortunately, I couldn't because I had to unpack everything, and after that, I got the whole rundown about what happened while Hannah and I were upstairs.

Just a few minutes after Hannah and I went upstairs, Luke had lost his patience with Colton and knocked him right on his eye. Due to the force that Luke used, Colton had fallen on the ground, and Taylor had to keep Luke from taking advantage of that.

It took a couple of seconds before Colton reacted again, and he remained groggy for the rest of the talk which explains why he was sitting on the couch like a sick puppy when Taylor towered over him. He simply was dizzy as fuck.

Taylor basically threatened him that he would ruin him if he didn't do exactly what I want. Colton knows that both Taylor and Luke have the power to do it, but I wonder if it will stop him now that I've pressed charges against him.

I've told Pendill that I want this case to be as quiet and out of the public eye as possible, and he promised me that they'll be discreet. They've paid Colton a visit right after my testimony, and they took him to the station.

Of course, his bail was paid right after his family got word of his arrestation, so he is now waiting for the trial at home. He can't come near me until the trial is finished though, so at least that's something.

I have no idea what Colton has told his family. We didn't have much contact with them, only on the days that are expected like Christmas and Thanksgiving. What I do know is that they'll have Colton's back, no matter what he has done.

Taylor and Luke both have trouble understanding why I stayed with Colten this long, and because it's the one thing that I can't explain to them, it is starting to become a loaded subject.

Taylor asked about it the whole day yesterday, by the end, he was pulling his hair in frustration because of my lack of explanation. I think it's even something that he is holding against me a little, and I hate it.

The more I think about it, the less I understand it myself, to be honest. I didn't want to leave him and tell my brothers because of this exact reason. They would never understand why I didn't leave him the first time he cheated and I get that.

I'm ashamed that I did stay, over and over again.

"How was your weekend, neighbor?" Kate pulls me out of my thoughts. As always, she is standing in the door opening with a coffee in her hand. She looks well-rested, which isn't a surprise since it's Monday morning. I wish I looked the same.

"Could be better," I mumble. I'm not planning on telling Kate what happened. Not now at least. In five minutes, my first class will barge into my classroom, and I need way more time if I want to explain everything properly.

I think it's good to talk about what happened to Kate. She is the only one that knows about Christian, and even though I promised her that I wouldn't let it get further than it already had, I have a feeling that she won't hold it against me if I tell her why I called him.

"You look like it," she honestly says. "Do you need coffee?"

I shake my head. "No, my head is killing me."

"Do you want to talk during lunch? We can just stay here so we have privacy."

I smile and nod my head. She can tell that I'm struggling with something. It's nice to know that she has gotten to know me good enough to know that something is bothering me. It feels nice to know that she cares as well.

"Just four hours. Hang in there," she winks before the bell rings. "Let's get this show on the road." She rolls her eyes and she raises her cup of coffee and disappears to her own classroom. It makes me giggle. I know why she is dreading her first class; she's always having the terrors on Monday morning.

It would be hell for me too, although right now it would be for entirely different reasons than hers.

* * *

"I've got a salad and two sandwiches with mozzarella cheese," Kate says as she walks in. "I've sent my students away ten minutes early so I could get us something at the cafeteria. As for dessert, I got chocolate."

I giggle and clap my hands. "Just what I need. I might start with the chocolate though."

She throws the chocolate bar on my desk before she grabs a chair and puts it across from mine. "Knock yourself out, but remember to eat your vegetables."

"Do you want anything to drink?" I ask her while I stand from my chair. "I'm going to the vending machine across the hall to get water."

She shakes her head while she gets out of her sandwich. "Nah, I'm just hungry for now. Had tea just two minutes ago."

I nod and make my way to the hall. Thankfully, there is a machine with drinks close to our classrooms, which means that I don't have to go to the teacher's wing. What's also nice, is that during the breaks, students aren't allowed in our wing. Right now, it's only Kate and me, since the other two teachers we share our wing with are eating with their colleagues. It's quiet for once.

I reach the machine and am about to throw in some money when I feel a hand on my arm. Before I know what's happening, I'm yanked into the corner beside the machine, and when I look up, I find intense grey eyes looking at me.

"Hi," he whispers, his nose just inches from mine. He is pulling my whole body flush against his, no doubt to make sure nobody will see us.

"Hi," I breathe, my heart suddenly going crazy in my chest. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here."

"I sneaked upstairs. I just wanted to see how you were doing," he answers while his fingers trace my rapidly healing wound. It's barely visible without make-up on, and now that I've covered it up, nobody can see it.

"I'm okay," I tell him as I lean into his hand without even realizing it.

"Good. No pain?"

I shake my head. I feel a lot of things right now, but pain isn't any of them.

"And you're safe?"

His question makes me smile. "Yes. I'm staying with my brother Taylor and his wife Gail. I'm safe."

He nods his head, his eyes focused on mine. I can feel him move closer while his eyes flicker from my mouth back to my eyes as if he asks for permission. It's new since he normally just does what he wants.

Without saying anything, I move forward and close the little distance that was left. The moment my lips make contact with his, his arms move around me, his hands on my behind where he squeezes gently.

A growl escapes his mouth when he opens it to give my tongue excess. We're both holding back, I feel it. I want to jump on him and feel him everywhere, but we can't. Not here.

His tongue moves circles around mine, determined but sweet. It's as if he really wants to make sure I'm okay, and that thought sends a shiver right through me.

"I've been waiting for this the whole weekend," he groans against my mouth, his wet lips still in contact with mine.

"I wanted to kiss you Friday, but you pushed me back to my own seat," I admit. I was disappointed when he just asked me where he could drop me off. I wanted to stay there longer, in his lap.

"I know. I regretted it when I drove away," he says before his tongue is in my mouth again, this time forcefully moving around mine.

I push my body even harder against him and because he is standing against the wall, I feel everything of him. It's thrilling to feel what I do to him and to know that he feels the same when we kiss.

Way too soon, he pulls away, his hands moving to my cheeks to make it seem a little less abrupt. "I need to go back. John is waiting for me. He thinks I'm in the restroom."

My eyes widen as I realize that Kate is also waiting for me just a couple of classrooms down the hall. "Me too. Kate is waiting in my classroom."

He nods and steps around me after he's adjusted himself. The simple act makes me blush and when he sees it, he grins. "I see you later," he promises before he turns around and jogs away, looking around to make sure nobody catches him.

I take a deep breath and press the button for water. It takes a short moment in which I will myself to calm down with my hands on my cheeks in hopes they'll turn it's normal shade again before I return to my classroom.

What the hell am I doing?

When I walk into the classroom as calm as possible considering my still rapidly beating heart, Kate has already eaten half of her sandwich.

"Did you tap the water yourself?"

I let out a giggle as I walk to my chair. I'd expected this kind of question, so I'm prepared. "My water bottle got stuck in the machine."

"Ugh. I have that sometimes too. They need to replace that machine or put in smaller bottles."

I nod my head in agreement and then grab my sandwich. I'm starving which isn't surprising since I haven't eaten anything today. I didn't have an appetite this morning. Now though, my stomach is suddenly screaming for food.

"So, what's up, buttercup?" Kate asks while she leans back in the chair, obviously ready for the story I'm about to tell.

"Colton and I had a huge fight when I came back from work on Friday. He'd brought his assistant home for dinner the day before, without informing me, and I lost it. He left and didn't sleep at home that night. Our talk Friday was supposed to be about that, but when I told him that I want to divorce him, he flipped. It got a little violent."

I take a bite of my sandwich and watch Kate's reaction. Her eyes are wide and her sandwich is hanging in the air, ready for a bite which she doesn't take. "Violent how?"

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. After spending the whole weekend talking about this, it still isn't easy to tell. I feel like every time I'm talking about it, the shame gets bigger.

"He tried to force himself on me. He threw me on the couch and in the process, I hit my head against the armrest. He sat on my legs but I was able to roll him off, and out of self-defense I hit him on his head with the bottle of whiskey of which he first drank half. He was drunk. After I'd hit him, I ran away."

"Where to?" She immediately asks, almost as if she already knows what I'm about to tell her next.

"I first ran for twenty minutes because I was scared that he'd followed me. I hid somewhere in an alley, and then I called the first person that came to mind," I tell her while I look at her.

"Grey," she says without looking surprised.

"Grey," I confirm.

"How did you get his number?"

"He gave it to me Friday afternoon," I tell her. I'm not going to tell her about the kiss we shared right before he gave me his number because that isn't something that she needs to know to understand the story.

"And what did he say when you called him?"

Surprisingly enough, her voice is neutral and curious. She isn't judging yet. I'm sure she will though, once she knows what happened after.

"He told me to give him my location and to wait for him. He came to me."

"And?"

"We drove around for a while and then he forced me to go see a doctor, call my brother and talk to the police. He threw me out at the OMC and then left. We texted for a bit after that because he wanted to know if I was okay."

I'm almost afraid to look at her since I promised her not to let it get further than it already did, but it feels good to finally tell somebody the whole story. I haven't had the chance to speak to Hannah about it, even though I promised her I would tell her.

"Ana," Kate sighs as she moves one hand to her nose where she pinches the bridge. "If this comes out, you'll lose way more than just your job, do you realize that? You will never be able to work on a school again and I bet that in any other sector they will also think twice before they hire you. On top of that, your husband will ruin you if he finds out about this while you're still married to him. And what about your family? What about Christian's family? It's not just you and him, you know?"

Everything that Kate says is true, and I already thought about all of that. I know that if I stop working at Port Bellevue, it will all be easier. But for some reason, I don't want to give this job up. It's my first real job, one that I've earned completely by myself. How can I give that up when I don't know what Christian and I will become? What if Christian and I don't even work? Or worse, what if the thing that Christian makes so interesting for me, is the fact that he is my student?

My thoughts are running away with me again, and I need to put a stop to it now before I'm once again a mess.

"I know, Kate. Everything you've just said, I've already thought bout a hundred times. There is just something about the whole situation that calls me."

She grabs my hand and squeezes it once. "I know what you're feeling. When I met my ex, everyone around me was against it because of the age difference and because we were moving too fast. They hated the fact that I was willing to leave everything behind for her. That I was willing to let friendships die and contacts fade just for her. I didn't listen because I thought that I knew what I was doing and most of all, I really thought that she was the one. But in the end, my parents and my friends were right, and I got hurt even more than I thought was possible."

"No offense, Kate, but that's completely different," I frown, not sure what she is trying to say. I'm not thinking that Christian is the one, nor will I leave everything behind for him.

"It is though, Ana. We both want something that is only good when it is a fantasy."

Right after she says it, the bell rings, as if it's a sign that suddenly everything will fall into place because of the sentence that Kate said. Funny enough, it only leaves me more confused than I already was.

* * *

I think the terrors have decided that they will take it easy on me this Monday because since they walked in, they're mostly paying attention. I didn't get a smart remark and they all are pretty silent. Even ten minutes ago when I told them that they needed to work on a few pages from their book, they did it without too much trouble.

It helps that Leila Williams called in sick today since she is always the leader when it comes to misbehaving. Another reason is that maybe it doesn't bother me as much as is did before, because I'm focussing more on one student rather than the entire group.

Who am I kidding? I've been eye-fucking Grey as much as possible without getting caught.

He is aware of it. He is doing the same. He is watching me with the smirk that I suddenly don't find as annoying anymore. He follows me with his eyes, and sometimes when he is sure that nobody is looking, he gives me a smile or a wink.

For some reason, it gives me confidence. I feel like I'm not alone in my battle against the terrors. It feels as if someone's got my back, even though I hope and pray that the reason for their lack of bad behavior isn't Christian.

I don't think that Christian has told anyone about what's going on. I have absolutely nothing to base that on, but it's just a feeling. I don't think he would tell anyone since he is on pins and needles when it comes to this school. One bad thing and he is out. I don't think he finds a little bragging worth it.

Before I know it, the bell rings again, letting me know that it is the end of my workday. As always, the terrors jump from their chairs and almost sprint through the door. Some of them are giving me a short greeting, and Sara, one of the girls that actually seems to like my class, gives me a small smile and wave before she heads out.

John, Christian, and Dave are the last ones to walk to the door. All three of them have to pass me on their way out, and when Christian passes me, I feel his hand briefly touching mine. He then moves a little closer to my desk and places a small note there.

All the while, he talks to John and Dave as if nothing is going on. It's actually impressive how he manages to do it and I suddenly am not surprised by everything he pulled at this school.

When they leave my classroom, I grab the note that he left on my desk. When I fold it open and read what he has written for me, my cheeks instantly start to burn.

_I'll be at that spot at Lake Washinton tonight, around eight. I'm waiting for you there until nine. Meet me if you are able to. X_

_Ps. I didn't tell you during lunch break, but you look sexy as fuck._

Jesus Christ. I'm in so much trouble.


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N: Are you ready?! It's all I can ask really. Enjoy! X**

Twenty-seven: Sneaking away.

Ever since I read his note, my heart is beating twice as fast. I feel like I'm in a constant rush, knowing that if I play my cards right, I will be alone with him again in a few hours.

And this time we would be on the same page.

I know what will happen when I go to that spot that overlooks the lake. Christian doesn't want to meet me there to talk, I could see it in the way he looked at me during class. The same way I was looking at him; as if he was water in the desert.

Taylor picked me up from work since I don't have my car. We'd left in such a rush Saturday, that I didn't think about taking my car with me. I curse myself because of it now since I'm definitely going to need one tonight.

"How was your day?" Taylor asks while he cruises to his house. He looks relaxed, and I guess it's because he is finally home on time. I bet it's one of the reasons why he doesn't mind getting me from work.

A small smile plays on my lips as I think about today. "Good. It was nice to be at work again. Took my mind of all the chaos outside of it."

Taylor nods his head. "I can imagine. I'm happy that you like working that much, I never thought that you were content with playing housewife. You can do so much more."

For a brief moment, he looks at me and gives me an encouraging smile. It's sweet of him to say things like this, but at the same time, I wish he didn't because it makes me feel guilty is hell. If he'd only knew why my day at work was as good as I tell him.

And with the next question he asks, he only makes it worse.

"How are things going with that class of troublemakers? Did you find a way to crack them yet?"

I feel my cheeks heat up a little, but I will myself to not be too obvious. I can just be honest about this since today really was a good day with the terrors.

"It's going better. Some of them seem to enjoy my lessons. Others just seem too depressed or stubborn to give any attention to anyone or anything outside themselves."

"Typical adolescents. And what about the two students that you mentioned? Are they more respectful now?"

Oh, Jesus. If he only knew.

"The girl is still a pain in the ass. I think she is kind of jealous at me and that's why she is provoking me. The guy has found something else that interests him I suppose because he isn't an issue anymore," I lie surprisingly steady. It's sickening. "How was your work?"

"Busy," he answers. "Had four meetings and two conference calls. Gail has been running around as well. It's good chaos. I did find some time to arrange two lawyers for you though. Benson and Fordham. Benson has been one of my lawyers since the start of SEH and Fordham is a colleague of him, who is specialized in divorce. They are coming over around eight tonight, to hear you out and make a plan."

Out of all the days of the week, they have to come tonight. I know that Taylor means well, and I know that he arranged this because he knows that if it's up to me, I'll leave it for a while just to escape, but I hate that he didn't talk to me before he made the appointment. It's not like I'm a child.

"That's good, Tay, but I kind of have plans for tonight."

He raises his eyebrow and looks at me surprised. "Really? With who?"

I mentally roll my eyes at the way he is saying it. As if I don't have a life outside of Colton, work and them. Granted, I really don't have a very exciting social network, but still.

"With my colleague Kate," I lie. It's horrible, but I need to see the Christian tonight. I just want to escape everything for a few hours. For once, I just want to do what I want. "I've told her about what happened this weekend, and she invited me over to have some wine. I really want to go."

"I understand that you want to go, Rabbit, but don't you think that setting the divorce in motion is a priority right now?"

I roll my eyes and fight the urge to snap at him. He acts as if he is my dad and I really don't appreciate it. I know he feels protective and I know he wants to help me, but Jesus. Give me a break.

"It is a priority, but I just need to have fun for a night. I feel like I've been living and breathing Colton and this whole situation for ages. I already made the plans and you didn't even let me know that you were doing all these things. I'm grateful you did, but can't they meet us tomorrow night?"

Taylor sighs and rubs his face briefly before he looks at me. He looks guilty. "I'm sorry. I should've called you before I made the appointment, you're right. I'll ask them if they can make it tomorrow. I can bring you to your colleague. You deserve a fun night."

Alarm bells immediately go off. What the hell do I say now?

"If I can borrow a car then I can go. You and Gail deserve a night together after all the chaos at work. You should take advantage of the fact that you finally had the change to leave the office early," I tell him smoothly. I hope this will work, and it's not a lie. He and Gail should enjoy this night together, without me in their house.

Taylor's smile tells me he agrees. "You're right. You can take my car. Does she live far from our house?"

I shake my head. "No, just a thirty-minute drive. I'll be fine."

"I know you will, Rabbit," he smiles. "Everything will be just fine."

* * *

It's twenty past eight when I turn onto the small road that leads to the spot were Christian took me Friday night. There are no lights, and it makes everything seem even more forbidden than it already is.

I'm nervous, even though I'm sure that I want to meet him. It's weird because I've already been here with him, and back then I didn't feel nervous at all. The situation was completely different, but still.

I think it's because I know that this night will change everything. If we go through with this, then it will be much more tomorrow.

Now, we've only kissed. It would even be considered innocent if he wasn't my student and if he was a few years older.

But tonight, I know it won't stay with only kissing. Honestly, I hope that it doesn't stay with only kissing.

The thought of doing more with Christian really hasn't been on my mind that much. When we kissed, I did feel that spark what could eventually lead to arousal, but it wasn't as persistent as it is since he kissed me behind the vending machine during lunch break.

It's like I can only think of one thing since that moment, and the looks we gave each other during class might as well be called foreplay now.

I'm curious about him. About everything of him.

When I arrive at the spot, I see that his car is indeed waiting for me. The lights of his car are off, and he is leaning against the hood, overlooking Lake Washington. He is wearing a black sweater and the hoody is hanging over his head. It's something he seems to do a lot, and I find it sexier than I'll ever admit.

It's playful yet tough, even though that doesn't make sense at all.

He looks relaxed while he is sipping from a bottle. He doesn't give me any attention, but I know that he knows I'm here. Since he isn't making any attempt to come to me, I turn off the engine and lights and then get out of the car and make my way over to him.

"Hi," I say when I'm close enough for him to hear me without raising my voice. I've clutched my jacket tightly against myself because I'm shivering, but it isn't really cold. I thought that the nerves would wind down once I saw him, but they are becoming worse the closer I get to him.

"You came." He turns his head towards me and smiles, but he doesn't walk to me. He keeps leaning against the hood of his car.

I'm not sure what to do, so I just stand next to his car. It feels a little awkward from my part, although I think that Christian doesn't feel it at all.

"I came," I confirm by lack of other interesting things to say.

"I hoped you would," he says while he beckons me to stand with him.

I walk toward him and lean against the hood as well. We are standing next to each other, the distance just enough to not feel each other, but too close for it to be appropriate, and my heart is racing because of it.

"Why?" I whisper. My voice has suddenly lost its ability to speak in higher volumes. Now that we are alone in this setting, Christian has a huge effect on me.

It's surprising because I don't think I've ever felt like this around anyone. Sometimes I felt nervous, out of place or even slightly impressed when I met people, but not like this. Not as if it's one of the most unique and important things in my life.

Christian chuckles, "why? Do you really have to ask that?"

I shake my head, my eyes still focussed on the beautiful view of the lake. "Not really. I guess I just want to hear you say it out loud."

"Do you now?" He smirks while he moves to stand in front of me, blocking the view and making me look at those intense grey eyes, who are now a few shades darker than normal. He has placed his bottle on the hood of the car, and I can tell that his hands almost can't wait to touch me.

I can only nod my head. His eyes are almost hypnotizing. I can't look away even if I wanted to.

"I hoped you would come because that kiss you gave me wasn't enough," his soft voice says while his fingers travel to my cheek where they lightly follow my cheekbone. "I want more of what you have to offer, Ana Steele."

The goosebumps rise over my entire body, and I try to hide the shiver that runs through me. It's the second time that he calls me that, and this time I wish that it was just Steele, because it would make all of this a little easier. "It's Davie-"

"Not when you're with me," he interrupts, his fingers suddenly on my mouth to prevent me from finishing that name. "When you're with me it's just Ana Steele."

The possessiveness in his voice takes me by surprise, and for a moment I don't know how to respond. He is so different from when I first met him. The contrast is almost too big.

While his fingers keep tracing my lips, he moves closer as well, until his whole body is pressing against mine. His face is so close to mine, that his hoody is creating a sort of tent that's shielding us from around us.

"Your lip is trembling," he notices while be moves his thumb over my lower lip. His breath is hot on my face, and it makes me realize that I'm a little cold.

"I'm nervous," I tell him honestly. There is no reason to deny it; I'm shaking like a leaf.

''Let me ease you," he mumbles, his dark grey eyes already focussed on my mouth, telling me exactly how he is planning on easing my nerves.

I give him a barely-there nod, but he catches on immediately and without doubt, he presses his mouth against mine. His lips feel hot against my cold ones, and at the same time, I feel like I'm getting an electric shock.

He begins to nip and tease, and his hands move down to my hips where he grabs them firmly. Even his hands feel hot. He is just so hot.

"Kiss me, Steele," he mumbles against my lips, and I realize that I haven't moved my mouth since his lips found mine.

I slowly start to move my lips as well, and after just seconds we find a rhythm. The kiss is slow, even a little hesitant, but at the same time, I feel a sort of desperation in the way he moves his mouth over mine. His hands squeeze me harder as well, and his hips begin to push forward against mine, searching for friction.

I move my arms around his neck and let my hands go through his hair as I open my mouth to deepen the kiss. The moment I do so, his mouth takes complete control over mine. His tongue roughly enters my mouth where he steadily demands my tongue to move along. His arms go around my lower back and he pulls me hard against him while a growl that almost sounds aggressive leaves his throat.

I nestle my fingers in his hair and lightly pull while I try to get some of the control back. This kiss resembles the way he and I act towards each other; we're constantly fighting over dominance, and we're both determined to get it.

"You know why we're here, right?" He asks breathlessly when he pulls back a little. My hands in his hair tried to prevent him from stopping the kiss, but he was too strong.

With my mouth open and breathing heavy I ask, "why are we here?"

I know why we're here, but I want to hear it from him. I can feel why we're here as well; he is pressing himself again me so hard, I feel everything.

His eyelids close a little and his dark grey eyes look at me intensely. "I want to fuck you."

A soft gasp leaves my throat even though I'm not at all surprised by what he says. He never pays attention to how he says things, he just says them. And right now, he sounds determined and ready.

"Will you let me?" He asks when I don't respond. I'm too busy keeping my body under control. If I don't, I'm sure the shivers will take over.

"Yes," I breathe without thinking about it twice. Right now, he wants me and I want him, and that's enough. Tomorrow I'll think about everything, but right now I just want to give over to the feeling that I've had since he walked into my classroom.

Without saying anything, he grabs my hand and pulls me with him to Taylor's car. "Open the doors," he commands, and my eyes widen instantly.

"I'm not fucking you in my brother's car, you idiot. Are you insane?"

"Why not? We'd have way more room to use than in mine," he grins and gives me a wink.

That wink is driving me crazy. Every time he does it, my feelings are all over the place. Frustration, need, anger, desire, and even aggression because it reminds me of what an asshole he was the first few classes.

With both hands, I grab his hoody and yank him forward until our noses touch. "Your car or you won't get to fuck me at all," I tell him with hot cheeks.

I just see his smirk get bigger before he slams his mouth on mine again. His hands go to my ass and he lifts me up, forcing me to move my legs around his waist. He then walks to his car, all the while kissing me roughly.

When he reaches the black Toyota Prius, he opens the door of the backseat and puts me down. His teeth find my lower lip and he bites before he slowly, teasingly, pulls away, my lip still trapped between his teeth until the distance gets too big and he is forced to let go.

"Get in," he nods and smacks my ass once, making me jump.

Without saying anything, I get in. And once again I find myself asking; what the hell are we doing? And maybe even more importantly; are we really going to do it?!


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: KIDDING! Of course, I won't leave you hanging like that. Haha. Part two and from the POV of our sexy student, because I missed his thoughts. It's intense. X Milou.**

Twenty-eight: Sexy as Fuck.

I watch her as she crawls onto the backseat of my car, her ass tight and round in her jeans, and I almost can't control myself. She looks fucking amazing, she feels even better than a few hours ago and she tastes like every sin.

And I'm almost bursting out of my pants from misery.

I'd hoped that she would come here, and to be honest, I was also quite sure she would show up. The looks she gave me during class when nobody was looking told me she is just as ready for me as I am for her.

We've been teasing each other since the day we met, even though the style of teasing has changed. I've been jacking off with her in my mind since she opened that door in her robe to grab her pizza from me, even though I had no clue who she was back then.

And now, I finally have her here. She is laying on her back on the backseat of my car. She has moved herself up on her elbows, and her powder blue eyes are looking at me curiously while her teeth find her lower lip.

Her chest is moving up and down fast. She is wearing a leather jacket which she hasn't closed and underneath she is wearing the dark green blouse she wore to school today, the two top buttons hanging open but not showing me nearly enough.

It makes it even better that she is still wearing the clothes that she wore to school today. During her class, I kept thinking about what it would be like to get her out of them, and now I can actually do all the things I thought about.

Because she is laying in front of me, waiting for me to take her.

"Are you just going to gawk?" She asks when I indeed just gawk. It almost comes out as a hiss, and it makes the grin on my face even bigger. I like her like this. Bitchy, fierce and impatient.

I crawl onto the backseat as well, moving my body over her. It's a bit of a struggle since my car isn't that big, and eventually, I end up sitting with her in my lap. When a shiver runs through her, I pull her closer against me in hopes she will be less cold this way and I also close the door to keep the cold air outside.

I'm determined to see her naked today and nothing will stop me from achieving that. I want to see, touch and kiss her tits. I want to feel her soft curves under my hands and I want to see if her pussy is bare. I want to see it all.

"Are we really going to do it?" She softly asks, her voice suddenly nervous again.

I nod my head determined. "We are."

Without giving her time to think it over, I capture her mouth with mine again. Her soft, full lips mold against mine and I can tell that we are getting more used to each other every time we kiss. She seems to have figured out how I like it a bit, just like me.

I grab the leather jacket and move it off of her, throwing it to the front of my car. Then I move my mouth down her chin to her neck to make sure I don't miss a single spot. She throws her head back to make it easier for me while her hands nestle in my hair and a soft, sexy as fuck moan leaves her lips.

I move from left to right, biting, sucking and soothing the skin without leaving a mark even though I really want to. When I have covered every spot, I move down to her cleavage until I'm stopped by the first closed button.

"Show me," my raspy voice demands while I nod to her blouse, indicating that she needs to take it off.

Her eyes narrow and she shakes her head. "No. Ask me nicely."

The small smile on her lips shows me that she is enjoying this just as much as I do. Her smart mouth does things to me.

Without asking her nicely, and while I keep my eyes steady on her, I move my hands to the front of her blouse and rip it open, making her gasp in horror.

"What the fuck?!" She shrieks. I'm sure she is pissed at me, but I'm not paying attention to her face so I don't know for sure.

Because fuck, all my attention goes to her dark, red lace bra and the beautiful tits that it holds.

"Tell me you wore this for me," I growl.

I don't wait for her answer though. I move forward and bury my face in between her tits while I move my tongue over her skin.

"I didn't," she moans as her hands again move to my hair where she pushes me into her even more.

I ignore her and bite and soothe my way to her nipple. When I reach it, I yank the cup of her bra down and roughly suck her pink, hard peak into my mouth. I've officially lost all control. I need to taste all of her.

"Oh, God," she whimpers. "Be careful."

When I don't listen, her hand pulls my hair hard, making me release her nipple with a pop. "I said be careful," she says before she leans forward and attacks my neck. She bites me so hard, I'm sure that she leaves a mark, and it drives me insane.

Her hands go to the hem of my sweater before she pulls it over my head as fast as she can. Her hands roam my chest and abs after that while her mouth stays busy on my neck. She is roughly handling my skin and that, in combination with her cold hands, almost is enough to make me blow.

My hands get busy with her blouse and bra. Because we are both too stubborn to stop, it is a bit of a challenge, but I somehow manage to get her out of them.

I move my arm around her waist and roughly throw her on the backseat, so she is on her back again. She giggles and stops the assault on my neck which gives me the opportunity to let my mouth work on her now fully naked breasts again.

I lick her left nipple while I roll the right one in between my thumb and finger, making her arch her back. She moans my name, and her hands once again find my hair, where she pushes me to let me know I can't stop.

While I keep my mouth busy on her tits, my hands move to her jeans. When I've opened the button and zipper, I give her nipple one last bite before I move up and pull her jeans down.

She helps me with her hands and by raising her hips. Her breath is heavy and her lips are red and swollen, no doubt matching my own.

"Hurry," she breathes when I struggle to get her jeans off her legs. It's really too fucking small in here.

"Fuck, Ana," I moan when I manage to get her jeans out of the way. She is wearing a matching red lace thong which stands out gloriously against her pale skin.

I bend forward and start to kiss her soft belly. Her smell is invading my nostrils and it's making me even harder than I already was. To spare myself the uncomfortable feeling, I unbutton my jeans to give me some relief.

"Jesus, I want to lick you," I mumble when I've reached the top of the red lace fabric.

When I look at her face, I see that she once again has popped herself onto her elbows and that she is looking at me bewildered.

"Not today. You said you'd fuck me," she responds with a daring raised eyebrow. It's like with everything I say or do, she wants to overpower me. It's a constant battle, and it's sexy as fuck.

"Fine," I groan while I sit up as best as I can to pull down my jeans and boxers enough so I spring free. "Touch me."

She watches my cock with wide eyes as her hand hesitantly moves down to touch me. The moment she wraps her now warmer hand around me, I hiss and push forward, desperate for her touch.

"You're so hard," she mumbles almost in awe while her hand moves up and down slowly.

I nod in agreement because fuck, I can't remember that I've ever been this hard. "Wet your hand a little."

Her blue eyes darken a little bit more as she slowly moves her hand to her mouth and gives it a long lick. After that, she wraps her hand around me again, her grip now firmer and because of the wetness, her movements are smoother.

Her hand alters from moving up and down to rolling her palm over my tip, the precum wetting her hand even more. I thrust into her hand a little faster while I lean forward to capture her mouth again.

As rough as the kiss was before, she is now setting a slow, steady tempo that matches the way she works my cock. After a few moments, she starts to rub me against her lace-covered pussy and the warmth that comes from her is too inviting to let her go on.

I break our kiss without warning, earning an annoyed groan from her. Then I move the red fabric to the side, revealing her to me. A small stripe of brown hair grows over the middle while the rest of her skin is soft and bare. I've never been with someone who wasn't completely bare, but one look at her tells me that this is definitely my preference.

I wet my thumb with my tongue before I trace the brown hair until I reach her nub. It only takes a little flick for her to arch her back and let out a strangled moan, almost as if she hasn't been touch there in years.

I move my thumb in slow circles over her soft skin, my eyes unable to leave her face. "You look so fucking sexy," I growl as I watch her full lips part slightly.

Her hand grabs the wrist of the hand that's working on her to make sure I don't pull away. "Keep touching me," she begs, her voice soft and hoarse.

"You're not coming like this, Ana. I want to feel it when you come," I tell her while I move my thumb a little faster. My other hand moves to my cock to take off the pressure a bit so I don't come the moment I enter her.

She arches her eyebrow and then moves her hand to her breast, where she starts teasing her nipple. I can see and feel what it does to her, and I immediately know that she is now making it her mission to come as soon as possible.

"No," I hiss while I pull back my hand.

"Why?" She whines, moving her hips up and down a little to find the friction again.

I move my own hips forward until my tip makes contact with her skin and the movements of her hips stop immediately. "Because you're coming with me inside you."

She slowly nods her head, her hand moving down to rub my shaft up and down her slit. "I need you to wear a condom."

I figured that we needed to use one, so I came prepared. Thankfully, my pants are still hanging around my upper legs, so without too much struggle and more importantly, without removing her hand from my cock, I manage to grab a package from my pocket.

I hold it in front of her mouth and her teeth find it without direction from me. She rips it open, looking like pure sex while she does. It's insane that I'm the lucky fucker that has her here, in the backseat of my car, legs spread open and ready for me.

I sit back and roll the condom around my length, my hands shaking a little while I do so. Ana notices it too because with a small smile she asks, "are you nervous too, Grey?"

I shake my head because I really am not. I know it will be good for both of us. The build-up towards this moment has been insane. I know that she will come on my dick so hard that she will ruin the whole backseat.

Just as I want to crawl over her again, she sits up and pushes me back with her hands on my chest. Then she climbs on top of me, one leg on each side. "I want to set the pace," she explains.

"Okay," I whisper. For some reason, she is looking at me intently, and if I wasn't this hard and desperate, I would've asked about the reason she wants to be on top.

But I let it go as I already feel her hand on me again, guiding me to her warmth. When she has positioned me, she lets me slide in. She doesn't take me in slowly; it's one smooth, fast movement before I'm buried inside her to the hilt.

I grunt and she moans while her hips slowly start to move in little circles. I'd expected her to move up and down as quickly as I entered her, but she is grinding on me, and it feels even better than what I expected.

She is tight and warm, her walls are gripping me as if she never wants to let me get out. And I need every control to make sure I don't come right now.

I've heard people say that fantasy is always better than the reality because the fantasy takes into account what you want as much as possible. Previous experiences in my life confirmed that every time.

But not right now, while she is grinding on me and moaning my last name with her head thrown back a little.

Right now, the fantasies that I had about her, didn't even come close.

I move one arm around her waist as the other hand holds her hip firmly, my fingers digging her skin. My mouth finds her nipple again, desperate to taste her skin. I want to taste it days after this moment.

"You feel so good," she moans, her head now cast down with her nose and hands buried in my hair. She is so close, everything is her. Her smell, her taste, her sounds. Her.

She starts to move up and down when I use my teeth and to help her, I meet every thrust with my hips. The soft sound of our skin slapping against each other fills my car and combined with the moans that leave her throat it's the single, most erotic thing I've ever heard.

"I want you to bounce on me so hard, you still feel me tomorrow. I want you to teach at school while you still feel me. While you're unable to sit down. I want to look at you, knowing that what we did is still making you wet and ready," I whisper to her, my heart almost beating out of my chest.

She starts to move faster again, and my hands now grip both of her hips tightly so I can slam her down on me. It's hard, raw and rough, and exactly how we both need it.

Her nails find my pec muscles and her mouth slams on mine to give me a sloppy, wet kiss. When she pulls back again, I can tell that she is on the brink of coming.

"I want that too," she hisses in pleasure before I feel her squeeze hard around me.

It starts in her pussy, and then it moves through her body as shock waves. She bucks, shivers and stretches on me, her nipples tight and hard, her mouth open. She doesn't make a sound, she just lets out heavy breaths, almost like sobs. It's the perfect contrast between violence and peace.

While her walls still milk me, I move my hand to her face and force her to look at me. "I'm coming," I tell her, feeling my balls tighten.

She nods while the aftershocks still move through her body, her forehead covered in a light layer of sweat. "Come. Come on, Grey, let me feel it."

It's all I need, her talking to me like that. I come violently, trying to keep my grunts and groans down as much as possible while I pull her forward and squeeze her against me. Her chest is moving just as fast as mine, and she is warm and damp against me.

We both calm down without moving or saying anything. Her nails scratch my head, her nose again in my hair while I kiss the skin of her cleavage, willing my breath to return to normal.

"Jesus Christ, Ana," I mumble against her, unable to say anything else.

She pulls back and looks at me, her cheeks red and a small, almost shy smile playing around her swollen, red lips. "Yeah?" She asks.

I nod my head. "Yeah. Fuck, yeah."

She giggles and moves her hands over my chest. I feel myself getting soft inside of her, and because of it, I feel her arousal dripping out of her onto me. The moment she realizes it, her eyes widen a little bit.

"Sorry, I'm just all sticky and warm," she apologizes as she tries to move off my lap. I don't let her though, I pull her even harder against me, enjoying the feeling of her, all of her, on and against me.

"I like that. All sticky and warm."

A soft expression covers her face and her hand moves to my face, where she traces my eyebrow, nose and then lips. All the while she studies me, and I have no clue what she is thinking. After a good minute, she elaborates.

"This will be torture tomorrow at work, won't it?"

I nod my head as it kicks in again. Work. It's work for her but for me it's school. When I talk to her one on one, and when we are sitting like this, it feels normal and as if we don't have completely different lives. But the reality is that we have.

She is my teacher. She is older. She is married.

"Nobody can know this, Christian," she softly says. She wants to say it as a statement, but I hear the plea behind it.

"Nobody will, I promise. Do you trust me?"

"Can I?" She throws my question right back.

"You can," I nod. "Listen, Ana. This is not just a shit situation for you. I'm already on the edge at school. I can't afford any missteps, let alone something like this. Against what every teacher might think of me, I really do want to graduate. I owe it to people."

She nods and waits for me to elaborate on which 'people' I mean, but when I don't she just nods, sighs and moves from my lap. "How are we going to behave then?"

I move some strings of hair behind her ear before I stroke her cheekbone. "Just like always. You look at me and drive me crazy by just being your stubborn, fierce and sexy self. And I watch you, intently, while I fantasies about the next time I'll have you on top of me."

"But how do we communicate? We can't use our phones."

"I'll leave you notes, you do the same. I sneak upstairs during lunch, or I'll pull shit during your class and you punish me by letting me come to you at the end of the day. We meet here in the evenings, just like this. We'll make it work. I want to make it work."

She smiles and pecks my lips once. "I really can't hate you as much as before right now."

"Good," I smile. "I kind of like the mix between hate and want. It makes you dominant while you ride me."

Her cheeks turn red and her teeth find her lower lip again. I've noticed that she does it when she doesn't know how to react. It's cute, and it makes my dick stir.

"Maybe I want you on top next time," she responds, her voice seductive.

"That can be arranged," I murmur while moving forward and letting my mouth play with hers again.

I have no idea if it will work at school. I told her what I want it to be like, but the reality is that I don't know how we can pull it off without getting caught. My friends know me too well, and she has that Kavanagh right next door.

It's going to be a bitch, but I don't care. Because while her tongue moves through my lips to make contact with mine, I realize that this is the fantasy that I'm not ready to lose.

Our little fantasy is too spectacular to end.


	30. Chapter 29

**A/N: Loving all the reviews you left! Thank you! Enjoy!**

Twenty-nine: Torture.

When I woke up this morning, I was reminded that what happened last night wasn't a dream. My body buzzed and ached, my hair was a tangled mess and on and in between my breasts are faint, red marks that are left there by his mouth.

Every time I move, I feel him. When I lick my lips to fight the dry feeling, I feel how he bit and sucked on my lips during our kisses. When I washed in the shower, I felt where his hands had touched me and when I sit down, I'm reminded of how deep he was.

When I came home last night around one, I had to make sure that Taylor and Gail didn't catch me since I'm sure I looked assaulted. My blouse hung open because he had ripped it, my make-up was all over the place due to all the sweaty activities, and you could smell him and what we did on me from miles away.

I have to admit that the last thing made me question my shower later that night more than once since I liked the fact that he and his smell were all over me.

Eventually, I decided to wash him off, only because I'd figured out that waking up the next morning would be a challenge and I wouldn't have time to shower properly. When I lay in bed later, my body was still humming, and because of that sleeping was not as easy even though I was tired.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that an eighteen-year-old guy, who only knows me for a few days, can read my body like Christian did last night. Colton was my first and he knows me for years, yet he never managed to make me feel like Christian did.

I think it's because there is a huge contrast between the two of them. Colton never really took the time to get to know my body. He didn't try to figure me out. We just did what we thought was best, and I would blame it on the age on which that we started having sex if I didn't have the experience from last night.

Because last night, Christian proved that age has nothing to do with it. He tried to read my body even though we were rough. He watched me react to him and his touch, and I'm pretty sure that he let my reaction lead him to what to do next. He watched me, truly tried to figure out what gets me going, and that's what made it so much better.

That, and the fact that I've felt every emotion possible last night. From hate to want, and from frustration to something that comes close to adoration, I felt it all. The way we communicate, it's just always intense, and even more so in a tiny space like a car while we're both wearing little to no clothing.

Christian without any clothes. Jesus, that's definitely something that contributes as well. Even in the dark, and even when I haven't had the change to look at him properly because I was on top of him most of the time, his broad shoulders, hard chest, and tight abs still make me drool.

As does his very, very impressive package. I couldn't fully wrap my hand around him because he was that thick, but he felt like velvet. And when I let him slide in, he managed to hit spots that Colton didn't even come close to. It's amazing. His dick is just amazing.

It's exactly what I meant when I said it would be torture at work; I know what he looks and feels like now, and I'm sure that I won't be able to look at him without thinking about that.

And to make everything even harder, it's now Tuesday which means that the terrors are the first group of students I have. I'll see him again while I'm still feeling him, but I won't be able to tell him that.

"Thanks for bringing me," I tell Gail when we've reached Port Bellevue. This morning, I could choose if I wanted to ride with Gail or Taylor. Gail left the house first because she has a doctor's appointment before she goes to work, so I decided to go with her. I will be at work a little early because of it, but it's worth it since Gail and I talked about anything but the divorce which was very welcomed for once.

"You're welcome," she smiles. "I can pick you up around five-thirty if you want? Tay has a meeting until late, so we can maybe grab a bite somewhere."

I smile and nod my head while I grab my purse and bag with papers for today's lessons. "That would be nice. Maybe we can get my car on the way back? That way I don't have to drive with you or Tay."

She doesn't answer right away, and I know exactly what she is thinking. She is hesitant to go to our house because Colton might be there.

After a short silence, my thoughts are confirmed when she says, "Is that a good idea, Ana? You know, with everything that happened? I mean, what if he is home and he tries to make a scene."

"Honestly Gail, I don't think he will be home, especially not if we go right after you've picked me up. He'll probably be at work and all I have to do is get the keys of the cabinet in the hall, right next to the front door. If you bring the spare keys to my house, he won't even notice I was there. But if you're not comfortable with it, I understand. Then I'll ask Tay if he joins when he has time."

Gails sighs and moves her hand through her hair, obviously conflicted. "We'll see, okay? I'll talk to Tay about it."

Now it's my turn to sigh. I also roll my eyes. "We're adults, Gail. We don't have to ask Taylor for permission."

I'm trying not to snap but I know I'm failing. It's just that they really act like I'm much younger than them. First, Taylor just makes appointments for me without informing me, and now I need his permission to go to my own house to grab my car. It's frustrating.

"I'm not asking for permission, Ana. Your husband attacked you and you called Luke in hysterics after you wandered around the streets first. And now you want to go back to grab your car. It has nothing to do with permission, it has everything to do with your safety. And mine for that matter," she snaps back. Gail is like a sister to me which means we can snap and curse to each other when we're annoyed.

"He won't do it again, Gail. Come on, Tay and Luke threatened him for Christ Sake."

"Like that will stop him. Jesus, Ana. This is a serious situation and you should start behaving like an adult instead of a child."

"Excuse me?!"

Gail rolls her eyes again. "You've heard me. You need to focus on divorcing him as soon as possible."

"And I'm not doing that? What the hell, Gail?"

"Well, yesterday you found it more important to be out until one in the morning while Taylor arranged a meeting with lawyers. I'm sorry Ana, but I just don't understand that. I feel like your postponing the whole thing and I have no idea why."

For once, Gail is completely wrong. Mostly when she says something, there is always some truth behind it, but now she is so wrong. I want to divorce as soon as possible, and I want to be done with it, I just needed to escape for one night.

By lack of time to tell her all this, and because I'm too angry to do it without snapping at her, I just open the door. "No offense, Gail, but you are completely wrong and I'm going to go now because you piss me the fuck off."

I step out of her car and slam the door shut before I march to the entrance without looking back or waving goodbye. She does call after me, but I ignore her. It might be childish, but I first need to calm down, else I'll make a scene right in front of the school and I really don't need that.

* * *

The first bell rings just as I return to my classroom. I originally only went to the teacher's wing to get some coffee, but I got into a conversation with José about the trip to Amsterdam.

He told me that he'd signed in as one of the supervisors, and he asked if I was going to sign up as well. I explained that I wouldn't because it's my first year and that I want to focus on my lessons first. He seemed disappointed, but he didn't push it.

He then started talking about his weekend which was kind of awkward since I normally don't talk to him, let alone about personal stuff. When he was done he asked about my weekend as well, he even mentioned Colton's name while he did it which made it even weirder.

I managed to brush him off with a simple answer, even though he tried to get more out of me. I basically cut him off and told him I had to go because I had to prepare some things, and then I ran away.

As I take a seat behind my desk and pull out the papers I want to hand out to the students during this lesson, one by one the terrors start to walk in. Leila is one of the first ones, along with Sara, and I mentally roll my eyes at the fact that she isn't sick anymore.

I don't understand why a girl like Sara hangs out with a girl like Leila. Sara seems motivated and genuinely interested, while Leila just seems to be here to be in trouble. I've looked into Sara's file, and I get the impression that she befriended the wrong people, and that she isn't strong enough to break with them out of fear to be alone.

As always, Dave, John, and Christian are the last ones to enter the classroom. I try to keep my expression steady, but I feel my body react the moment his grey eyes make contact with mine. It's brief, but I see his eyes twinkle before I break the contact.

Immediately every memory of yesterday comes back, and they're so real that I can almost feel them as well. My skin instantly feels as if it's on fire, and to fight my dry throat, I'm forced to take a sip of my now cold coffee.

"Good morning everybody," I greet them when they've all found their seats. It always takes a good five minutes which isn't good for my patience, but today it didn't feel as long as it normally does. It has everything to do with the grey eyes that have settled on me, just like always.

I get a few mumbles in response, and it's enough to let me know that the good atmosphere of yesterday is gone. Today, they're all depressive again.

"I have put together a few assignments for today. They involve things that we've haven't dealt with yet, so don't panic. I just want to know what you make of it. I'm planning on explaining the subjects, but I first want to see what you already know," I explain while I ignore the groans and protests that come from them.

"Does this mean that if we understand it, we can go?" John, who is sitting next to Christian, asks. I can tell he already knows my answer by the way that he smirks, so I take it that he is the one that's going to test my patience today.

"What do you think?" I raise my eyebrow and look at him seriously. I see that Christian is fighting his smirk, no doubt because he hears my tone.

"I think I can," John states proudly with his arms crossed over his chest. He obviously is confident that he knows everything already.

"I know you won't," I tell him while I grab the papers from my desk.

"Wanna bet?" He raises his eyebrow while he leans forward a little, challenging me.

The students have all turned to us with interest, Christian included. He is moving his finger over his mouth while he watches me intently. For everyone, it will look as if he is waiting for me to speak, but I know better. His dark eyes and the way they move over my frame, tell me that he is enjoying my attitude.

"I've seen the answers you gave to the last assignments, John. Are you sure you want to play this game with me?"

Everybody laughs while Christian slams John's shoulder. "Best not, mate. You can't even count to one-hundred properly."

I fight the urge to smile at that. He is making fun of John, but by doing that he gets the attention off of me. He is helping me, and it's sweet.

"Go jack off, Grey," John growls, obviously not finding it as funny as the rest of the group. He is cranky today.

"No need. Got plenty last night," Christian smirks, making John and Dave laugh before Dave looks at Leila as if she knows more about this.

My eyes widen slightly but I hide it by looking down at the pile of papers in my hands. I'm not offended by what he says since they're messing around, but it is a bit weird to hear him say it like that.

"It's not me, Dave. Probably some pathetic junior girl that hardly got him off," Leila bitches from the front row, obviously trying to get Grey's attention the good or the bad way.

I should put a stop to this, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious about how he will react to this one. Christian's eyes briefly connect with mine before he turns to Leila. I can see that his whole demeanor has changed, and if I were Leila, I would actually be a little scared.

"Quite the opposite actually, Leila. And she makes you look like the pathetic one," Christian growls, obviously triggered.

Jesus fuck. I completely forgot that they sneaked up to the third floor and had sex there.

"Okay, enough," I say while I shrug off the thought before Leila has time to respond. "You can continue this discussion after class. Right now I'll hand you all a paper on which I want you to work for the next hour. After that, we'll discuss your answers."

All of them respond with disappointment as I cut if the discussion, but I ignore it and start handing out the papers, starting with Leila. I work my way through the classroom, and when I reach Christian, I grab the paper from under the pile instead of from the top like I did with everybody else.

I do it as nonchalant as possible, and I'm sure that nobody has noticed since they aren't paying attention to me. Christian, who is watching me intently with a small smirk on his face, has noticed. I can tell by the way he looks at me.

I want to put the paper on his table, but he reaches for it before I get the change. When he grabs the paper from me, our fingers subtly and briefly touch, but it's enough to send a shock right through me.

I continue with handing out the papers until every student has one, and then I take place behind my desk again. After a few directions, they all seem to get over the fact that they can't change my mind, and they start to work.

I pretend to be working on something as well, but I secretly pay attention to Christian. He has opened his paper, but he hasn't reacted, so I assume he hasn't found the post-it yet. It's on the third page, but I think the assignments aren't that hard for him so he'll be there soon.

I wrote a post-it for him this morning before I went downstairs to have breakfast. It says,_ I still feel you every time I move._

I wanted to let him know that what we did is still on my mind, and because I couldn't text him, I've put it in between his papers. It's risky, and it could easily go wrong, but that didn't hold me back because somewhere deep down, it feels exciting as hell.

After a few minutes, his head slowly lifts from the page, and with the top of his pen in between his teeth, he makes eye contact with me.

_'Really?_' He mouths while his eyes have turned darker. They are about the same shade as they were yesterday, and a shiver runs through me at the memory of his intense stare while I bounced on him.

I slowly nod my head once before I cast my eyes down again, moving my pen over the sentences that I'm pretending to read.

"Mrs. Davies?" I hear him ask just seconds later, and my head snaps up in alarm. What the hell is he doing?

"Yes?"

"I'm at assignment six, but I don't really get the context," he says seriously. "Can you tell me if I've started correctly?"

I nod my head and stand, making sure that the excitement that I feel isn't plastered on my face. It's insane how small things like this suddenly feel loaded and sexy.

When I reach the corner, I stand next to him, on the side of the wall. I lean forward a little to look at his paper, and a sharp, barely audible breath leaves my throat as I read what he has written under my message to him.

_I bet you are just as wet right now as you were yesterday._

"Am I right?" He asks. His voice isn't hard, but he doesn't whisper either. For everybody else, it's indeed just a small conversation about the assignment that he doesn't get.

"Yes," I nod. "You've started okay."

He nods and then writes something else down.

_And that wetness is all for me. All because of what we did. You want my dick that deep again, don't you?_

"So then this is the next logical step?" He asks, again in a serious tone.

My hands start to sweat and my body heats up as I read the sentence. If he continues like this, I'm a hot mess before the hour is over.

"Yes. If you continue like that, you'll eventually get there."

Without waiting for his response I walk back to the front of the class and take my seat behind the desk again. I had to because it was getting too intense. Just being that close to him won't work anymore. Not after what happened between us. If I'm that close, his scent invades everything and all I can think about is jumping on him.

The remaining of the lesson is torture. I try to avoid his gaze because I'm afraid that I can't be discreet if I do look at him. After what feels like the whole day, the bell finally pulls me out of my misery.

I stay seated as I watch the students leave my classroom, all leaving their papers on my desk before they head out. Dave, John, and Christian are the last ones to leave, as always.

Christian makes sure to leave his paper on top of the pile, and when our eyes connect for the last time, he gives me a knowing look.

I can hardly wait for them to be out of sight before I yank his paper towards me. I know he left something in there, and my heart can't handle the suspense.

On the third page, I indeed find a small note. It's tucked away behind the post-it I left for him and as I fold it open with shaking hands, I know that I will need to refresh before the next group walks in.

_Come take what you need from me after you're done with work. Take the bus to Coral Creek. I'll meet you there_.


	31. Chapter 30

**A/N: To the guest reviewer that told me that she is having trouble with this one, thank you for being honest. I understand your reasons not to read it and I completely agree. I truly don't mean any harm by writing this, and I do NOT support relationships between students and teachers. Never. However, this is fiction. A forbidden romance if you will. And for me, it was very important to show that as an eighteen-year-old adult, Christian is the one that pursues Ana. Ana gives in, yes, but she fought it desperately. I hope you can still enjoy my other stories, and the ones I write in the future, even though you don't like this one. X Milou.**

**Number thirty! Woehoee. And it's quite sexy again, so buckle up. Enjoy!**

Thirty: Coral Creek.

"Who did you fuck if it wasn't Leila?" Dave asks the moment we walk out of Ana's classroom.

"What?" I ask. My head is still with Ana and the little game we played just minutes ago, so I don't fully register what he is asking me.

The moment she took the paper from under the pile instead of the top, I knew she'd left something for me in there. I first thought that I would find it on the first page, but when I didn't, I decided to build it up a bit.

When I found and read the post-it, I instantly turned hard. All the memories of last night came back in full-force. Her smell, her soft curves, her tight, wet pussy, and her swollen, red lips. Everything suddenly seemed real again. And what she'd wrote makes me proud as fuck.

I feel it in my chest. It's sort of possessiveness that I've never felt before. I was so deep that she still feels me now. I'm the one that made her sore.

Not her husband. Me.

And knowing that even now, after a night of sleep in which she had time to think everything over, she still wants to do it again, makes it even better.

When she was standing next to me during class, I felt how tensed and on the edge she was. Her breathing was heavy and her hands were shaking a little. She smelled amazing, it literally made my mouth water, and my hands were dying to touch her again.

I almost did; I was about to move my hand up her leg when she walked away. A part of me cursed her for doing so, but the other, the more rational part, understood that I could never take it that far during class.

The teasing we did just now was fine, and it will hopefully lead to what we both desperately want in a few hours, but it is about as juicy as it can get. Within these walls, I'm her student, and that's what we need to focus on during math.

"Who did you do?" John repeats, apparently just as curious as Dave. I'm sure they asked because I've bragged in the past. I've made my sexual history more colorful than it actually was to impress them. I'm sure that's the reason they want to know.

"I fail to see how that's any of your business," I shrug, not planning on answering. And also buying myself some time to come up with a story if they keep asking.

"Just curious. I really thought that you would take Leila again, so I guess I was surprised when she told me she wasn't it," Dave says, not sounding remotely interested which makes me chuckle.

John, on the other hand, is still looking at me while he begs for an answer and because I know he won't let it rest before I give him something, I give him exactly what he wants to hear.

"So yesterday, Tony called me last minute to ask if I could work. Someone called in sick and he had a few orders that needed to be delivered. Since money is always welcome and I didn't have anything to do, I went."

Both Dave and John are looking at me curiously. I can even see a hint of excitement on John's face, who no doubt knows what's coming next. It's really too easy with them. And they definitely do watch way too much porn.

"I had to deliver a medium tuna in the north, in one of those fancy houses. So, I'm standing in front of the door and ring the bell, and just seconds later, a girl with fuck me eyes opens the door. She is wearing a satin robe that barely covers her thighs, and she is giving me that look. Let's just say that I was just able to put the pizza on the table in the hallway before her mouth was wrapped around my cock."

Now that I hear myself talk, I come to the conclusion that I'm also watching way too much porn.

"Get the fuck out," Dave mumbles with wide eyes. "Get me a fucking job there, Grey."

I chuckle and look at John, who is awfully quiet. He looks like I've just told him he's won a million dollars. He is completely flabbergasted and it's hilarious.

"Okay there, mate?" I chuckle while I hit his shoulder, pulling him out of wherever the hell he was.

"Jesus," he mumbles after a few seconds. "You're a lucky bastard. This shit only happens to you."

I chuckle and shake my head. If they only knew what a lucky son of a bitch I really am. If they knew what really happened last night, I think they would call me God and kiss the ground I walk on.

Because fucking hell. I've fucked Anastasia Davies.

I would never brag about what Ana and I did simply because it wouldn't even cover how fucking insane it really was. But I do know that Dave and John would never say it to anyone if they knew. They would envy me, but they would never talk.

"Does she go here?" Dave asks while we reach the gyms for our next class. Unfortunately, it's of that fucking asshole Rodriquez, and even being here makes my blood pump twice as fast out of frustration.

I shake my head. "I think she is a little older, maybe around twenty. We didn't really talk and it was a one-time thing."

They both nod their heads and seem to have found something else to talk about since Dave shows John something on his phone. I'm relieved that they have for obvious reasons.

I wouldn't know what else to tell them anyway since the only thing that's on my mind is her. Her blue eyes and brown hair. Her insane body and sexy attitude. Just everything about her right now.

And in a few hours, I hope to be reminded of that just a little more.

* * *

The closest bus stop to Coral Creek Trail is about a ten-minute walk, and I'm waiting for her while I lean against a tree near the start of the trail. I'm standing at quite a sheltered spot, but it isn't really necessary; there aren't a lot of people that chose to go on a hike today. The weather isn't perfect, and on top of that, it's almost four-thirty.

Because I wasn't sure how late she would show up, I'm waiting for her for forty-five minutes already, and the tension is building. When I wrote to her and told her to meet me here, we didn't have the change to communicate about the time and place, so I'm hoping that she shows up soon.

I'm not sure what we're going to do once she is here. When I thought about meeting her, I obviously had to improvise since we can't just walk around the neighborhood or go to my house. Of course, there was one thing on my mind after I walked out of her classroom.

Fucking her at Coral Creek.

But now that I'm standing here, I feel that the temperature and wind are not ideal. I'm wearing a shirt and jacket, but the wind is trying to get through anyway. I can imagine that getting naked right here isn't in the cards for today.

I look down the path that I expect her to appear, and sure enough, in the far distance, I see her. My body immediately reacts at the sight of her; my palms start to sweat and my breathing turns shallow. My dick also begins to stir, which is insane since she is wearing a long trench coat that is all the way buttoned up.

The wind blows through her hair, causing her to wrap her arms across her chest to keep her warm. Her head is cast down, and she hasn't seen me yet which gives me the opportunity to study her.

She is wearing black skinny jeans that stop just above her ankle with white Adidas shoes, and her trench coat is Bordeaux red. Her hair is blown backward and her cheeks and nose are red due to the cold air.

She looks stunning.

After a few steps, she looks up again, her eyes searching for me. I step from behind the tree, and the moment her eyes land on me, she starts to walk faster while her face lights up a little.

She isn't running, but she is definitely coming closer faster now. I fight the urge to meet her in the middle, staying put just where I'm standing. This way I can enjoy the way her eyes shine more with every step she takes closer.

"Took you long enough," I smirk when she is close enough to hear me.

I can just see her roll her eyes before she throws her arms around my neck. "Shut up," she breathes before her mouth slams on mine.

It takes me by surprise, but my mouth immediately responds just as enthusiastic. Her kiss is rough and demanding, and for a moment I let her take what she needs, just like I offered her on my note.

In the meantime, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her towards the spot behind the trees where I was waiting for her just moments ago. I doubt anyone will come here now, but I'm not taking the risk.

I back her up against the tree, and her hands tangle in my hair to pull me even harder against her mouth. Her lips bite and suck, a soft, strangled moan slipping through as well.

"You're so sexy," I whisper against her mouth, desperate to let her know what I saw when she walked towards me. What I see when she is teaching.

"I'm cold," she giggles in response while she pulls back, and I smile as well. I haven't heard her giggle a lot. Yesterday she only did it once or twice, but I didn't really register what it actually does to me back then.

She sounds happy and carefree when she does it, and it's attractive as hell.

"I wish I could warm you up, but I'm afraid that what I have in mind contains losing clothes. Since you're cold, that might not be wise right now."

She smiles and captures her lower lip with her teeth. Her bright blue eyes look at me with a soft expression, and for a very brief moment, I feel something rush through me that scares me.

"It's okay. Just kissing you warms me up enough," she whispers and right after, her mouth tangles with mine again.

As our tongues move with each other, her hands slowly move down. They go over my chest and abs, and then her arms wrap around my lower waist where she pulls me against her completely.

In response, my hands fly to her face where I stroke her cheeks before one of them tangles itself in her hair. She gasps when I pull her head back slightly, but it turns into a moan when I let my mouth work on the neck it reveals.

"You can't mark me," she breathes while I feel one of her hands move into my jeans and squeeze my ass. Her nails dig into my skin and I can't help but lightly bite the skin just underneath her ear.

"I didn't mark you yesterday," I defend myself.

She pulls back with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. Then her hands move to the buttons of her trenchcoat, unbuttoning them one by one. "You did." She pulls down the collar of her high cut shirt, revealing small red marks all around her cleavage.

I had no idea I put them there. I seem to only remember how her smell, moans, and skin invaded everything while she moved on top of me.

"They suit you," I mumble while I let my finger trace the marks, connecting them with light movements.

She hums when my finger moves lower, in direction of her left nipple. I feel like I haven't spent enough time on them yesterday, even though the evidence that I have is clearly visible.

When I reach the cup of her bra, which today is a simple dark blue one, she holds her breath while she pushes her breasts forward a little. It makes me smirk. She wants it so bad, even though she is shivering against me.

I pull the cup of her bra down before I trace her pink areola with one finger. Her nipple pebbles even more as I do so, and she lets out a soft moan combined with breath.

I work my way to her peak, moving from left to right over her with just the tip of my finger. I know she needs more, but I'm hesitant given we're standing somewhere behind a tree. Now that she is here, it's really not a place where I want to take her.

"Stop teasing," she whispers when I don't change the movement. Her tone is impatient, and it only makes me want to go slower.

I look at her face again, where I find her now dark blue eyes hooded. "What do you want then, Ana?" I ask before I peck her lips twice.

"I want to come," she says without a trace of doubt or shame.

"How?" I mumble while rubbing my nose against hers. Her nose feels like an ice cube and it confirms that she is indeed cold.

"Just touch me," she almost begs.

I pull back and let my eyes roam her body. Her left breast is still hanging out, and her hips are pushed forward so they touch mine.

My left-hand moves to her nipple again, where I now squeeze and roll it between my finger and thumb. My right-hand moves down to her jeans, where I open the button and pull down the zipper before I slide my hand in and cup her.

In contrast to her nose and lips, her pussy radiates heat. The thin fabric that's covering her feels warm and damp against the palm of my hand. Ana's hand finds my wrist, just like yesterday, to make sure I don't pull away.

I let two fingers slide through her lips, with the fabric of her panties still in between my hand and her skin. I find her nub easily, and I immediately give her what she needs.

"Yes," she hisses, her eyes closed and her head thrown against the tree.

I slam my mouth against hers while I pull her nipple and rub her clit, both with force. I want her to come fast, so she doesn't get too cold after her orgasm whines down.

"Take what you need. Move against my hand."

She does as I say without hesitation, almost as if she is relieved that I told her. It's such a turn on to watch her take what she needs. She is so comfortable with being sexual, and it drives me crazy.

As if she knows what it does to me, the hand that was holding my wrist moves to the front of my jeans. She opens my fly and then roughly moves her hand into my boxers where her cold hand wraps around me.

She starts to yerk as good as possible but I notice that she really needs more room. Therefore, I briefly pull back away from her so I can get my dick and balls out of my boxers.

"That's better," she smiles before her hand is on me again.

I nod in agreement and resume my task as well. Our mouths tangle once again, and I can feel myself building in no time.

She's only using one hand, her firm grip stroking from base to tip and back. Sometimes she moves her thumb to collect the precum, but other than that, her movements stay consistent.

I feel that her legs are starting to shake the moment I'm about to come as well. I'm never this fast, but somehow she manages to get me ready in just moments.

"I'm coming," I grunt as a warning. I'm not sure where she wants me to blow but if she doesn't stop, her jeans will suffer.

She nods her head and then pulls me forward. "Move your hand," she breathes while she motions to my hand that's still rubbing her. I'm confused but do what she says, and she surprises the fuck out me when she leads my dick into her panties.

"Rub against me," she whispers when she lets me go. Her arms have found their way around my neck again, and my whole body is pressing against hers.

I start to thrust forward, my dick moving through her warm, damp lips. The friction for me is minimal, but I try to hit her spot completely and judging her moans, I know I'm succeeding.

"I'm there," she breathes almost instantly before she starts to shiver. It's not as violent as it was yesterday, but she looks sensational.

Her eyes are focussed on me, not once looking away while she rubs her pussy over my dick to ride out her orgasm. And her look combined with the simple movement is enough to push me over the edge as well.

"Fucking hell," I hiss while my hands find the tree behind her head, squeezing it for dear life.

We both stay silent as we calm down, our pants and grunts audible. In the process, she leans her forehead against my chest, and I can't help but kiss her head and take in her scent.

When I feel myself soften, I pull back. My dick is glistering with both of our arousals, but I ignore it and tuck myself back in my boxers. I kind of like the idea of being covered in her.

"Are you okay?" I mumble into her hair.

I feel her nod against my chest. "I am," she smiles when she pulls back. "Just very sticky again." She blushes while she says it, but a beautiful smile covers her face as well.

I made her feel like this. Red cheeks, breathing heavy, and a huge smile plastered on her face. Fuck, it does shit to me.

"Let me see?" It's probably a freak move, but I need to see it.

Her eyes widen but her hand moves to her panties and pulls it down a little to show me what I've left. Her stripe of hair is covered, as is the inside of her panties. It's even running back further until I can't see it anymore.

"Jesus, fucking sexy," I groan.

She giggles and shakes her head. "You're a very dirty boy, Christian Grey. I should give you detention."

"To punish me or to please you, Miss Steele?"

''Both," she giggles as she fastens her jeans and trench coat, not even attempting to clean up a little.

"I should go," she says after she's clothed herself again. "I'm meeting with two lawyers tonight and I've asked Gail to pick me up at school around six-thirty. She was supposed to come at five-thirty, but I told her that I had a meeting last minute."

I nod and smile at the extra information she gives me. She lets me know that she rearranged her plans just to meet me, and I'm grateful.

"I can bring you? You can get out a few blocks from the school."

She looks at her phone, I assume to check the time and then shakes her head. "I'll make it. It's only five twenty now, and I don't want to take the risk."

I nod and kiss her once. "I see you tomorrow," I tell her while I let my nose run along with her one more time.

She bumps it forward and giggles. "Tomorrow."

After one last kiss, she walks from behind the tree and onto the path. I lean against a said tree to watch her. She gives me a small wave and a sweet smile before she follows the path that led her here just fifty minutes ago.

She doesn't look back, but I'm okay with that because I know that she, just like yesterday, still feels me with every step she takes.

And today I didn't even have to fuck her for that.


	32. Chapter 31

**A/N: I have to point out that I'm not informed about what a divorce process looks like in the USA. I tried to search online to make it as accurate as possible, but maybe some things aren't correct. My apologies for that. Thank God it's fiction, right?! Did I already tell you how much I enjoy the reviews you all leave? No? Well; VERY, VERY MUCH! THANKS, X Milou.**

Thirty-one: For the love of Steele.

With every step I take, I feel him against my skin. It's sticky and still a little warm, and even though I should wash him off the moment I have the change, I think I won't because I like it too much.

I'd texted Gail when I was waiting for the bus that took me to Coral Creek, asking her if she could pick me up an hour later because I had a last-minute meeting. I didn't elaborate any further, and I didn't need to because all I got was a simple 'fine'. The moment she picks me up, I know we'll talk about what happened this morning.

I'd deliberately took the bus stop fifteen minutes from Port Bellevue, in hopes that I wouldn't run into any students. Thankfully, I didn't. What also was good, was that on my way out, I didn't run into any colleagues. Kate had already left, so I didn't have to explain anything.

When I walked down the path that leads to the start of the trail, he suddenly appeared from behind a tree. He looked happy to see me; his smirk was present and I could even see he was a little relieved.

Without wanting to, I felt my expression change. I started to walk faster just because I couldn't wait to kiss him. He didn't meet me halfway, he watched with interest while I walked to him. When I almost reached him, it hit me that I was excited to be with him again.

It makes me realize that it isn't just about him being my teacher and me liking the thrill that comes with it. I think I already knew it deep down, but when I'm with him, he pulls me out of the life that I want to forget.

When I'm with him, I'm just Ana Steele. The Ana that's not married. The Ana that he enjoys.

I don't even feel older when I'm with him. When he is around me, he is different. Serious, kind and honest. The fact that he is my student is forgotten the moment we connect, and it makes it difficult to realize that it's not allowed.

Because how can something that feels like this, be not allowed?

It's fifteen past six when I arrive at school again, and it gives me time to freshen up a bit before Gail comes to pick me up. I need to check on how I look, and it would be nice to put on some perfume to disguise his smell on me even though I don't think it's as bad as yesterday because we were out in the open.

Jesus, we were out in the open. Everybody could've easily seen us if they went off the path just a little bit. I've never been that adventures. I always have in mind that people might recognize me, and that's why I tend to stay as invisible as possible.

But when I see Christian, even that flies out of the window. It's irresponsible and I'm sure Taylor and Luke would lock me in a room if they knew, but it feels liberating.

When I reach the restrooms on the ground floor, I see that the damage Christian has caused is minimal. My hair is a little messy, but I can fix it by putting it in a messy bun. My make-up just needs a little fixing, but it doesn't scream assaulted like yesterday and my clothes are not ruined. Well, the ones that you can see aren't.

I refuse to clean up the mess he left in my panties. I don't want to unless I can wash him off completely. I'm also having a very disturbing, yet exciting idea for those panties, and I need to think that out further before I just throw them away.

* * *

Five minutes later, I'm all done and waiting in front of the school for Gail. I'm enjoying the wind that blows around me. It's taking me back to Coral Creek. It also makes me wonder what Christian is doing now. Is he at home? Is he driving around and thinking about everything just like me?

I wish I could text him, and ask him all those things. We might need some prepaid phones to contact each other, even though that would make everything even riskier.

"Still working that late?" A voice that I can't place as fast ask from behind me. When I turn around, I see that it's José.

It's clear that the man didn't leave any impression on me since I don't recognize his voice even though I've talked to him this morning. I don't know what it is, but our souls just don't click.

"Well, not anymore. I'm waiting for my ride right now," I say while forcing a smile on my face.

I really don't feel like talking to him. I just want to stand here and replay my encounter with Christian until Gail shows up and brings me to her house.

"It's cold. I can give you one?"

My eyes widen at his sudden offer. Does he really think that I'm just going to get into his car while I've spoken to him a few brief times?

"No thanks. My sister in law is already on her way."

He nods his head but doesn't make an attempt to go now that I've given him my answer. "How was your day?"

I sigh softly. "Good. Nothing excited happened really." When he is looking at me expectantly, I fight the urge to roll my eyes. "Yours?"

His eyes light up at my question. "Same. Although the terrors are really testing me. Especially that Grey. Ever since I made a fool of him last year by overpowering him in self-defense, he hates my guts."

I think he is trying to impress me, but it's working the opposite way. And while I let my eyes move over his frame, I seriously doubt if it wasn't the other way around. Christian is trained and strong, while José is a little chubby and obviously not as fit. It doesn't have to say anything, but I've felt the grip Christian has, and he is strong.

Christian his grip. On my hips. God, he really is strong.

"How are they treating you?" José's question pulls me away from Christian and his grip.

"Fine. I think I cracked them a little bit."

If he only knew.

"I didn't expect any different," he winks. "You look powerful and in control."

Jesus, Gail. Hurry the fuck up.

I smile and nod, not sure what he is expecting me to say to that. You would think that he is able to read my body language and understand that this is making me uncomfortable. Or maybe he knows, but he is just ignoring it.

"I bet they are all intimidated by you," he continues when I don't give him any response. "I mean, we all knew who you were before you started working here. The first three days it was all the students talked about. Especially the terrors."

He watches me intently, but I still don't say anything. If I didn't know any better I would think he is provoking me. "I'm not sure what you to want me to say to that," I tell him honestly.

"Oh, nothing," he holds up his hands while he chuckles. "I guess I just want to warn you. That group, especially Dave, John, and Christian, were talking about you in the changing room. Let's just say it wasn't about the way you teach."

His eyes roam my body, but he is trying to cover it when he notices that I'm looking at him. I'm so confused. Why would he tell me all this?

"I guess I just want to let you know that I'm here," he says as his hand moves to my upper arm. "If you ever feel uncomfortable around them, just let me know and I'll kick their ass. You're safe around me."

Has he really no idea that he is the one who is making me feel uncomfortable?

"That won't be needed. I can handle them myself perfectly," I tell him while shrugging his hand off my arm. Thankfully, I see Gail appear in the distance. "Now if you'll excuse me."

I walk down the stairs as fast as possible, suddenly feeling uneasy in my stomach. Why is he behaving that weird?

When I reach Gail's car, I open the door and get in as fast as possible. When I look out the window, I see that José is gone. I have no idea where he went, but I hope he leaves me alone. He seriously gives me the shivers.

"Hi," Gail says, successfully pulling my attention away from the window.

"Hi," I mumble. Her tone is a little distant, and I can tell she is still upset with me. It's not really bothering me because now that I'm in her car again, I realize that I'm also still pissed at her.

She starts to drive and ten minutes later, we haven't said a single word to each other. I'm just looking out the window while Gail pays attention to the road. It's the longest ride home I've ever experienced.

"Is Taylor home?" I ask her. I hope he is, else the silent torture will continue there as well.

"He is. He canceled the meeting he had planned," she answers.

"Why?"

Her eyes meet mine briefly. "Because I told him how you snapped at me and that I am worried about you. He figured that it might is best that he is there when you meet the lawyers. If you let him, of course."

I nod my head. "I want him there." I need him there. He can guide me on what to do. He and Luke have experience when it comes to building cases, they've done it a few times when it was needed for work. I have no idea what to do.

"Why are you worried about me?"

She sighs and grabs my hand. "Ana, everything that has happened last weekend isn't just something you get over with the snap of your fingers. It's huge, emotional and life-changing. Yet you are so emotionless and cold as if it doesn't bother you at all. It's not the Ana I know."

I squeeze her hand. "Gail, I'm fine. Maybe it's just because I already took distance from Colton long before this weekend. Maybe it's all a little easier because I cut him from my emotions way before I left him."

Maybe it's because a certain student is occupying my mind.

The car stops since we have arrived at home, and after Gail turned off the engine she turns to me again. "Is that all though? Is there really nothing else going on?"

She is looking at me intently, almost as if she can tell that there is something else going on. And for a brief moment, I just want to tell her everything. I've never lied to Gail, and I owe her the truth.

"Ana, I just want to make sure that you get out of the divorce okay. That you can build a life without him. You deserve that," she continues in hopes it will pull me over the edge to start talking.

But what it does is the opposite. The divorce. It's all about the divorce, as it should be.

"I know. And we're going to make sure I will. Tonight. With the two lawyers that come over."

"Okay," Gail mumbles almost defeated before she lets my hand go. "Let's go inside."

* * *

"I have a copy of the prenup here, and it says that both of you keep the fortunes that were brought into the marriage. However, everything that is earned or bought during the marriage, is considered as shared ownership."

I nod my head while I listen to Fordham, who has been talking non-stop for the last ten minutes. He is telling me everything that Colton and I arranged just ten months ago.

Although we've been only married for a little over nine months, it feels like decades ago. At the time, I must've thought that I wouldn't ever divorce him, even though I'm not as sure of that now that I'm having this conversation.

This whole thing seems inevitable now.

Funnily enough, Colton is the one that suggested the part of only sharing what's been bought or earned during the marriage. As if he wanted to show me that he was trustworthy. At the time it did make me trust him a little more. He literally bought that of me.

"That means that the case will go over those things. We need to make a list with what you want to claim, along with the motivation on why you think it's your right to claim it," he says while typing something on his laptop. "The house for example. Was it bought during your marriage or before it?"

"We arranged all the papers and agreed on the price before the wedding but signed the purchase agreement after, so I guess it officially was bought during the marriage."

Fordham nods his head. "Indeed. Which means that you technically both own half. There are a few things possible in this scenario. You either sell it and both get fifty percent, you put it up for rent and also get fifty percent or one of you buys the other one out to get full ownership."

"I really don't want the house," I tell him immediately. That house will always remind me of Colton, and if I want to move on, I need to be completely free of him. Both in life and in thoughts.

"You might want to think about that, Ana," Taylor says. It's the first time he talks, and I'm surprised that it's about this, to be honest.

"I don't. I want to move on. If I have the house, I wouldn't live in it. He can have it if he wants, else we can put it up for sale."

"We don't have to make that decision now. We want you to think about everything carefully," Benson speaks while Fordham nods his head. "It's not just the house. It's also furniture, cars, art."

I roll my eyes and sigh. Why do I feel like nobody is listening to me?

"I will think about it some more, but I'm almost sure I won't change my mind. I don't want to fight him, I just want to divorce him in the quietest and most respectful way as possible. I want to move on from him."

Both of them nod again while Fordham starts typing again. Taylor, who is sitting beside me, grabs my hand to get my attention.

"You really have nothing in that house that you want?"

I shake my head. I really wouldn't know what is there that I'll miss once it's gone.

"I think we have enough for now," Fordham says while he moves his tablet into his bag. "I think it's best if you think everything that's said over. Talk to people about it and make your choices. I suggest we meet again in a week. It gives us time to look over the trial of assault against Mr. Davies as well. It might be wise to take that situation with us during the case as well."

We all stand and I shake both of their hands before Taylor walks them to the door. I'm honestly relieved. Since I don't want the things we both own, I can't think of any reason that Colton can have to make a scene and fight me. That's at least positive and something like that was very welcome.

When Taylor returns, he immediately moves to me to pull me against his chest. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, surprising me.

"What? What for?"

"I had no idea that that place never felt like home. The fact that you don't want anything to do with that place and everything in it, makes me realize that you weren't happy there. I feel like an asshole for not seeing it."

I pull back and grab his cheeks with my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Don't say that. I hid it very well. And honestly, I think I just realized it when we went back Saturday to grab my things."

"That you're just now realizing it, doesn't mean you didn't feel it during those nine months. I just hate that I didn't help you. I promised dad I would always help you."

I think about what he says for a moment. I did feel lonely in that house. It was too big for Colton and me, and since Colton worked and I stayed at home, the place was too quiet. I think I never really felt happy there, but I'm sure that's also because I wasn't happy in my marriage.

"Hey, you're helping me now. More than I could ever thank you for. You let me stay here and you're helping me with the case. You're doing enough Tay, seriously. Enough. Dad knows that as well."

He gives me a small smile and then kisses my forehead. "And I'll help you until you're happy again, whatever it takes. I promise."


	33. Chapter 32

**A/N: I have two sick kids at home. My one-year-old just got her vaccines and feels a bit shitty because of that, and my three-year-old is sneezing and coughing like crazy. As I write this note, I feel that my throat starts to get sore as well. Fingers crossed it will stay with just that! Anyway, a long one! X Milou.**

Thirty-two: The mystery of the name.

Two weeks have passed since the night that everything changed. It's been two weeks since I've set foot in the house were Colton and I lived together. Two weeks since I've told the police about how the man I married assaulted me. And two weeks since I called him to save me from everything around me and calm me down.

A lot has happened during the past two weeks. So much in fact, that I sometimes feel as if I'm not completely register everything. Sometimes it's like everybody around me is living my life.

My two lawyers Benson and Fordham made a game plan, and just three days ago, they informed Colton's lawyers by letter of my terms. I've stuck to what I said before; I don't want the house or anything in it. If it's up to me, we either sell it or he buys me out. I've got my clothes and my car, and that's all I need.

Taylor and Luke went to the house and got my car the day after we had the first talk with Benson and Fordham. They went around two, so Colton wasn't home. They used my spare key to get my car keys and were there for five minutes in total. It went exactly as planned.

I haven't had any contact with Colton. Surprisingly enough, he is holding himself to the terms that Taylor and Luke set for him. His lawyer contacted mine once, to confirm that they received my terms.

I'm relieved that Colton is not contacting me, but I do find it weird that he hasn't. I can't believe that he is settling for divorce this easily when just two weeks ago he almost raped me because he wanted to show me who I belong to. I have a feeling that this is all calm before the storm, and I cross my fingers every day, hoping that I'm wrong.

I'm still staying at Gail and Taylor's place, but since I have my car back, I sometimes go to Hannah and Luke as well. And if Luke, Gail, and Taylor are working, Hannah and I hang out. Kate and I have also become a little closer. We've had dinner twice, and both times were great.

It's nice to go out since I sometimes feel like a burden towards Gail and Taylor, even though I know they don't feel it like that. I'm missing my own space, and it's why I've been looking for a small place for my own for a few days.

There are a few apartments available, and for two apartments I have an appointment to view this weekend. One is in the center of West Bellevue, the other one is in the North. The apartments are small which is what I want. I don't want a huge place that swallows me like the house I lived in with Colton. I just want a place that's mine.

Hannah is coming with me to see the apartments, which is fun. We've become much closer in these two weeks. I've even told her about how I've been seeing someone. It took a lot of asking from her part, but once I finally started talking, I couldn't seem to stop.

The only thing I failed to mention was that it's about a student of mine. I just couldn't tell her that. Not just for my sake, but also for that of Christian. He needs to focus on graduating without any drama. He isn't a part of my whole private situation anyway. He is my fantasy.

Hannah was shocked, and without even knowing that the guy in question is my student, she honestly said that she didn't find it a good idea. She summed up every reason she had for that, from being the faithful wife that wants a divorce to how Colton will react if he finds out.

I told her that I understood all the things she said, but in the end, she felt that everything she said wouldn't stop me. I didn't tell her straight up that I would continue seeing him, but I think she saw it in my eyes. I know she is looking at me differently ever since I've told her, but she swore she wouldn't tell anyone, and I trust her.

Christian and I have seen each other four times since that day we met at Coral Creek. I know it is four times because I'm beginning to count the days until I see him again privately more and more.

All four times I went to the spot at Lake Washington which is now easier since I have my car back. I don't have to ask Taylor if I can borrow his car, and I'm also able to go after work.

The sexual attraction between Christian and me is enormous, and we both crave our little get-togethers more and more. It's torture during class; we tease each other by leaving notes or items and giving looks that speak without using words.

By the time we are finally alone, it seems like foreplay isn't needed.

We just pounce on each other like we haven't seen each other in years. He basically drags me into his car, where the last two times, he didn't even bother to undress me. He just pushed my high waist skirt -that I was wearing for exactly that reason- up and unbuttoned his jeans before he commanded me to get on my hands and knees and pounded into me without mercy.

It's always rough and raw. Carnal even. He marks me even though I ask him not to every time. He does make sure the marks are hidden under my clothes which is why he thinks that they do no harm. The last time we were together, I marked him with my nails just to return the favor. He was ecstatic that I had.

When I'm with him, I feel high on him. Everything seems to fade and he is all that I'm aware of. When I'm with him, I feel free. I feel like someone who finally makes her own choices and does what she wants to without caring what others think because she can finally trust herself. And I'm addicted to that feeling. I'm past the point of caring about how dangerous it is. Like a true addict, I'm willing to take every risk.

I've just arrived at work and like every time the past week, the nerves are taking over the moment I walk into the building. Today it's Friday, which means that Christian's class will be my second of the day, and in anticipation, my body is humming and my hands are shaking.

I'm curious how we will drive each other crazy today. Will he pretend to have a question, or will he just lay it low today and briefly touch my hand when he walks past me? I haven't got any papers to hand to them today, so I'm not able to pass him a note.

Maybe I can make him challenge me today. If he does, I have a reason to let him come to me at the end of the day. I haven't been alone with him since Tuesday, and I really want to see him tonight.

Gail and Taylor have a benefit gala tonight in Seattle, and because it's going to be late, they have made plans to stay at a hotel. I was invited for the gala as well but since I don't want any questions from anyone about Colton, I declined.

It means that I'm alone until tomorrow afternoon, and I know my thoughts shouldn't go there, but since I can't control my addicted mind, I've been thinking about the possibilities.

When I walk into the teacher's wing, it's already busy. Today they will announce the group of teachers that will join the seniors to Amsterdam, and everybody seems excited.

I grab my coffee and then walk to Kate, who has saved me a seat. Thankfully, José and his gym colleagues are sitting at the other end of the big table. I haven't spoken to him one on one since that day in front of the school, but he sometimes sits with Kate and me. I think he feels my distant behavior though because he mostly talks to Kate.

"Excited?" I ask Kate when I've taken my seat next to her.

She nods her head. "Yeah. I really hope that I can join. There was a huge list when I signed in, and I made sure I did it the day Brown told us about it."

"I'm sure you can join. The students like you and you know a lot about the history of World War II. Brown would be crazy not to let you go."

I've gotten to know Kate better when we went to dinner, and one of the things that I discovered is that she is really interested in World War II, especially the persecution of the Jews. She deserves to go because she can actually teach the students something about Amsterdam other than were to get the best smoke or seeing the red light district.

"Good morning everybody," Mr. Browns begins, and Kate is immediately on high alert. "As you all know we have composed a group of people who will join the students to Amsterdam. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of teachers that are willing to go, so in the end, we just picked out the teachers of which we think would fit the group."

Brown is building up the tension by drumming onto the table, and it makes us all laugh. Except for Kate, who lets out an impatient sigh which makes it even funnier.

After the laughing has winded down, Brown starts to mention the names of the teachers. The first five names are of teachers that I hardly know, followed by José's name. After that, there are two other names before Kate's name is mentioned.

Kate's is obviously happy, and I'm about to give her the high five her hand expects from me when my stomach drops.

"...and Anastasia Davies."

What. The. Fuck?

Kate's eyes widen in excitement while mine widen because I don't understand how my name can be mentioned.

"Oh my God. Did you decide to sign in after all?" Kate claps her hands, obviously oblivious to my nescience.

I shake my head. "Uh, no. I didn't."

"All of you will get all the information about the trip at a special meeting on Monday evening," Mr. Brown continues. "The senior students will all get a letter with the destination and accommodation information today."

He gives us some other information as well, but I'm not really listening. I can't go to Amsterdam. Not while Christian is there too. I'm having a hard time with him being that close once a day, let alone a whole week for more hours a day.

And fuck, I have a divorce to worry about, damn it.

While most of the teachers stand and start to make their way to their classrooms, I walk to Mr. Brown to see if I can figure out how the hell he picked me as one of the people that could tag along.

When he sees me walking to him, a smile appears on Mr. Brown's face. "Mrs. Davies. How is working at Port Bellevue working out for you? Are you happy with the way things are going? I apologize for not asking you this sooner, I'm afraid I got a bit caught up in other things."

"That's okay, Mr. Brown. I'm happy with my job. I've been getting the hang of it now, and students seem genuinely interested in my classes. I'm still very happy that you gave me the job," I smile and he nods his head with a smile as well. "I have one question though."

He nods and waits for me to continue, so I do.

"I'm very honored that you choose me as one of the teachers that can go to Amsterdam, Mr. Brown. But the truth is that I didn't sign up. I'm not sure how this misunderstanding happened, but I think you should let someone else go instead of me."

Mr. Brown raises his eyebrow, obviously surprised by what I'm saying. "Why didn't you sign up?"

His question seems a bit weird after what I've just told him. He wants to know why I didn't sign up, while I want to know who did sign up for me on my behalf.

"I just want to focus on my classes this year. It's my first year here at Port Bellevue, and I want to make sure that I'm completely at ease here before I go to Europe with the seniors. I'm also dealing with a few personal matters that need my attention."

"That's a shame," he says. "You know, Anastasia. When I saw that you'd signed up, I was happy. You are one of the teachers here that seems to get along with the students. Even the troublemakers are relatively easy in your class, according to some of your colleagues. I was looking forward to having you on the team. With you there, I think we would have a group with good dynamics. It's an opportunity for you as well. Not many teachers go on a trip to Europe, let alone Amsterdam."

Everything he says is flattering, and I honestly feel guilty as hell for telling him that I don't want to go.

"Can I not convince you to think about it some more before you say you won't go? A lot of your colleagues would be so happy to go, you know that right? It's like a once in a lifetime thing," he says when he sees me struggle with what to tell him next. Mr. Brown is quite sneaky.

I nod my head defeated. "I'll think about it, Mr. Brown. Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

"That's all I ask," he smiles. "You have the trouble makers today, right?"

I nod my head. "I have."

He nods and then moves to grab a pile of neatly folded leaflets from the table in front of him. "Can you hand these to them at the end of the lesson? It's the information about the trip. Now that I have the final group together, they are allowed to know."

I nod my head, not missing how he talks about the final group of teachers while I basically just told him that I don't want to go. What's up with men and their way of thinking?

"I'll make sure they get them."

He nods and smiles before he turns on his heels, seemingly happy with what he just achieved. And I stand there, still wondering who has signed me up for this disaster in the first place while feeling like fucking Harry Potter who's name just got out of the Goblet of Fire.

* * *

"Can someone give me the answer to assignment four?" I ask for the fourth time in just a minute while I try really hard not to lose my patience.

I'm halfway through my lesson for today, and I'm getting zero response. Today, the terrors are showing me with full force why everyone fears or hates them. Right now, I definitely hate them. All of them. Even the student with Grey eyes who has lately been seeing me while I think about anything but hate.

With my head thrown back. While his name comes from my lips in a breathy whisper. Naked.

He has been giving me some looks, but he isn't teasing me like normal. He is annoying; constantly trying to get the attention away from me and what I'm trying to say by making comments about stupid things.

On top of that, he and Dave seem to have pulled off something at their class before me, because they are bragging about it non stop without actually saying what they did.

I really, really hate him right now.

"Dave and Christian," I almost growl while slamming my hand on my desk to get their attention. They both look up in surprise, but they aren't impressed. Christian's face is covered with the smirk that takes me back three weeks ago, and just like then, I just want to punch him.

"Are you two going to stop asking for attention or do I have to throw you out?"

Dave raises his eyebrow while he lets out a chuckle. Christian's eyes darken, and in a split second, I see that his right eyebrow shoots up, almost like he is daring me to throw him out.

"Well?" I ask when both of them don't give me any response.

"I'll shut up," Dave mumbles while he rolls his eyes.

"Lovely," I sarcastically reply. "Mr. Grey?"

"I'll talk whenever I want to, thank you very much."

Anger rises even more while I try not to let it show. This is really not my day.

"Then you can get out and talk to yourself for the remainings of this lesson," I almost hiss, making a few students snort and chuckle.

His eyes darken but he doesn't make any attempt to move. When my eyes meet his briefly, he gives me a small, barely-there nod, and that's when it suddenly hits me.

As if he can see that I get it now, he straightens his back and crosses his arms, ready to spice it up. I know what he wants, and were working towards it together, in front of his classmates and my students.

How the hell can this suddenly feel so exciting?

"I'm kinda good here," he says. "I'm sure everybody has more interest in what I have to say anyway." He high fives John, who is laughing his ass off next to him, and I fight the urge to snap at him too.

While I try with everything in me to keep my expression angry, I walk a few steps in his direction. I feel that all the students are watching me intently, like always when they're enjoying the banter that I have with one of them.

"Pack your shit and get out," I hiss, completely aware of the fact that what I'm saying is highly unprofessional. I did it because the last time I lost control, it was because Dave was hitting my nerve and I hope that this whole charade will look just as real because of my snap.

The students all cheer and yell, obviously enjoying my attitude. Christian is enjoying it as well, I can see it in his eyes. They are dark and they show excitement. I know they do, I've seen it before.

"Fine. Hold your horses, women," he smirks while he stands and puts his stuff in his bag. "Jesus, fucking hormonal," he mumbles while doing so, making everybody laugh again.

It takes forever for him to be done, which the other students find hilarious. When he is finally ready, he walks to the door almost in slow motion, and even though I know he is faking it, it makes me want to kick his ass.

Just as he reaches the door, I remind myself that I need to do one more thing.

"And Grey?" I snap, getting his attention again. "You can return here at the end of this class. You'll spend your lunchbreak making all the assignments that I'm about to explain."

His eyes glimmer with amusement while he curses for the show before he opens the door, walks out and then throws the door shut with so much force, the windows shake.

I take a deep breath to calm myself, willing every emotion I feel right now to disappear. When I feel a little calmer, I walk back to the front of the class.

"I'll ask it one more time, who has the answer to assignment four?"

* * *

"Mr. Grey," I nod from behind my desk when he walks into my classroom while the lasts students leave, almost all of them high fiving Christian on their way out as if he is famous and achieves something amazing.

I mentally roll my eyes as I watch him take it all in as if he owns the damn place. When I look at him while he behaves like this, I'm having trouble believing that he is so mature around me. I'm also wondering which one is the real Christian Grey and which one he is playing.

When the last student has left my classroom, Christian closes the door. "Miss Steele," he smirks. "You look mighty fine."

I give him a small smile before I nod towards a table and chair on the first row. "Sit."

"Bossy little thing," he mumbles while he makes his way towards the chair I pointed to. "Took you a while to figure out what I was doing."

"That's because you're an awful actor," I counter. "I believe we were at assignment four."

His eyes widen. "What? Are you serious?"

God, he can't really think that I'll let him touch me right here, in my classroom where everybody can just walk in. He is crazy.

"Deadly, Mr. Grey," I smirk while crossing my legs. "Assignment four."

He sighs and starts to unzip his bag. "Did I really do all that for this? Can you at least stand and turn around so I have something to look at? Fuck, Ana, those jeans really drive me crazy."

I roll my eyes as a giggle escapes. "Shut up and get to work. I'll give you something to listen to."

He protests some more while he gets everything he needs out of his bag before he at least pretends to work on the assignment. Just as I'm about to speak to him, Kate opens the door.

"I'm having lunch in the teacher's wing, are you joining?"

I suddenly feel nervous, now that she is here while Christian is here too. Even though I haven't told Kate everything about Christian, she does know something. She will find this very inappropriate, even though every other teacher would completely agree with my teaching methods.

"I can't," I say while nodding towards Christian, who hasn't looked up from his work even though I know he is listening intently.

"Oh Jesus," Kate mumbles. "What did he do?"

"The usual. I'm making him work on everything he's missed because I threw him out."

She nods, her eyes squeezed together with a little as if she is trying to figure out if that's really what we're going to do. "Okay. You should know that Lopez is having lunch in his classroom as well. You know, for when he is bigger trouble then you thought."

Her eyes go from Christian to me before she gives me a questioning look. I nod my head to tell her that I hear her. She is warning me that Lopez is in the classroom across from me, and it warms my heart that she does.

"Good luck," she says before she turns and walks out the door, leaving me alone with Christian again.

"Does she know?" Christian asks almost immediately, his eyes still cast down.

"Not really. She just knows that you helped me get to the OMC."

"Can you trust her?"

"I think so," I say while walking back to my desk again. "She hasn't said anything up till now."

He looks up and nods his head. "Good."

"Yeah," I agree. "Keep going."

He rolls his eyes and starts to work again. "I was hoping for something a little more exciting."

"Like what?"

"You, naked on your desk, my face in between your legs while you finally let me have a taste," he mumbles softly, still not looking at me as he does.

He has been asking to go down on me every time we've met at Lake Washington, and every time I didn't let him. I want him to, but on the other hand, I feel like crossing a line if I let him. It's just so intimate.

"We can't. Lopez is having his lunch just across from us," I breathe, affected by what he is saying. My cheeks are red and my whole body heats up, it's insane.

"I doubt he would hear it. What is he, like forty-eight?" He snorts, and I can't help but giggle. "Unless you scream like you always do, of course. Then he will definitely hear you."

"Shut up." I hardly can handle him being this close, let alone while he talks like that.

He chuckles again but does stay silent while he works. It gives me the opportunity to look at him properly. His long eyelashes seem to rest on his cheeks now that he is looking down, and his copper hair looks uncombed. He is writing something down, the veins clearly visible on his hand because of the grip he has on his pen. He looks so good.

After a few minutes of ogling, I break the silence.

"I was wondering what you are doing tonight."

"I'm working," he answers, and I immediately feel the disappointment rise. "Why?"

"My brother and Gail are out of town for the night, so I'm alone. I thought that you could maybe come over," I tell him casually, not letting him hear my disappointment.

His head moves up again, and his grey eyes connect with mine. "I can come over after?"

I feel my cheeks heat up in excitement. "How late will you be done?"

"We deliver until eleven, but sometimes a pizza slips through."

I nod my head. "Well, I'm at home, so if you want."

He smirks and crosses his arms over his chest. "Are you asking me on a date?"

I snort and feel my cheeks heat up even more. "No."

He chuckles and shakes his head before he resumes to his task. "I'll come by after work."

"Okay."

For the next fifteen minutes, we work in silence. Sometimes we steal a few glances, but other than that nothing happens. when it's just five minutes before my next class arrives, I tell him that he can stop.

"I have this for you," I tell him while handing him the information about the trip when he is ready to go.

"What's this?"

"It's about the trip you're going on."

"Where we going?" He imidiatly asks, attempting to open the leaflet.

I stop him just before he does. "Amsterdam. Don't open this, I've put in something with the address. Keep it in your bag," I whisper.

He nods before he puts the papers in his bag. "Amsterdam. Jesus."

"I know."

"Are you going too?"

"Mr. Brown asked me to, but I'm not sure yet. With everything going on, I don't know if it's the right thing to do," I tell him honestly

"I understand," he nods. I could've sworn I heard something like disappointment, but it's gone before I can figure out for sure.

"You should go," I tell him.

He nods and walks to the door. "Tonight," he mumbles quietly before he disappears out of sight.

Tonight. Jesus Christ, what the hell have I just done?


	34. Chapter 33

**A/N: Have to be quick. Here you go! Enjoy x Milou.**

Thirty-three: Alone.

The rest of the day went by in slow motion. After Christian had left my classroom, the clock seemed to tick twice as slow, and the hours seemed to take twice as long. I couldn't focus or concentrate, the only thing I thought about was how I would be alone with him, in a house, without the fear of being caught.

That last thing will be new to both of us. The fear of getting caught is something that makes the thrill even bigger. Sometimes I even think that it makes the pleasure intenser as well. With that out of the way, I'm sure the whole dynamic between us will change.

As will the fact that it's normally a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. We will have time when we're in a house. We have time until the next day. I have no idea if he will stay, but I do know that we have a chance to talk. Really talk, like two people who might want to get to know each other a little bit better.

The thought excites me equally as much as it makes me nervous. The main question that keeps popping up being; what if we have nothing in common when we suddenly have time?

This night will be the ultimate test for me to see if I'm as interested in him because of the idea of it being forbidden, or because of something else. Is it because we officially can't do it? Or is it because we can get caught? Or do I genuinely like spending time with him, even if we have time and privacy?

"Ana?" Gail calls from the living room, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I call back, unable to leave the kitchen since I'm preparing my dinner. I briefly thought of ordering a pizza just to see Christian a little earlier than planned, but I decided against it.

The restaurant is probably tracking him so they can make a planning, and on top of that, he wouldn't be able to stay. It's better to just wait until he's done with work.

Delayed gratification, let's see what the fuss is about.

"Taylor and I are going now," she says while she walks into the kitchen, looking absolutely stunning. Her hair falls in waves onto her shoulders, and she is wearing a black, long dress with light accents at the bottom of the dress. Her make-up is dark, but not too much.

"You look amazing, Gail," I tell her, almost jealous.

I always hated attending events, mostly because it always felt like pretending with Colton, but what I did enjoy was dressing up. At least, if Colton let me do it my way. He usually said that I needed more make-up because that's how he likes seeing me, while I am more the less is more type.

"Thanks," she smiles while she twirls in a circle, her skirt floating around her. "I always did this when I was a little girl."

I giggle and nod my head, also thinking back about how many times I would twirl around the room when I wore my princess dresses. Sometimes I crave being that young and innocent again, just to forget all the things that come with being an adult.

"I used to do that too," I smile.

"What are you making?" She nods to the pan of water that's boiling before me.

"Mac and cheese. I'm craving carbs and I need them fast," I joke.

I love mac and cheese. Colton rather had a three-course meal every day, but I like it simple. It reminds me of how dad cooked for us. He sucked at it, so he just made the basic things.

"You'll be okay, right?" Gail asks worried, and I roll my eyes.

"I was joking Gail. I just want garbs because it's Friday and because I love them. I'm fine, I'll be fine tonight, and I will also be fine tomorrow when you and Tay come back."

Maybe even spectacular.

"Okay, okay," Gail says while holding her hands up. "I know you'll be okay. You're not a child. I just wanted to check."

"There she is," Taylor's voice calls as he walks into the kitchen as well. He is wearing a black tux, and like always, he and Gail are forming the perfect power couple. What makes them look even better, is the look of adoration on Taylor's face as he looks at Gail.

They seem so in love, even though they are together for a very long time. They never seem to get tired of each other. If anything, they seem to grow closer every damn minute. As an outsider who's currently divorcing her husband while screwing her student in the meantime, I think it's annoying as fuck.

But as Tay's sister, I adore both of them. Together and separately.

Taylor wraps his arms around Gail and kisses her cheek before he turns to me. "We'll be back tomorrow. You know the codes of the alarm right? I really want you to set it as soon as you head upstairs."

I nod my head. "Yes, I know them and I'll use them. I have one question, do I have to activate the cameras or are they always on?"

I don't really ask this question for the sake of my safety. I need to know if the cameras at the gate and the front door are working all the time or only when the alarm is on. I don't need Christian's face on the footage for Taylor and Gail to see.

"They activate automatically when you put on the alarm. Just use the app on your phone. You can also see what the cameras film on that app."

"Okay," I smile, relieved that I don't have to sneak Christian in.

"Okay, we'll text you when we are in Seattle," Gail says.

I nod my head. "Have fun and enjoy the hotel. I'll see you two tomorrow."

Taylor moves from behind Gail and walks to me to kiss my forehead. "Thanks. Take care, Rabbit."

They both give me a small wave before they leave the kitchen. After one last yell goodbye, I hear the front door shut.

And just like that, I'm alone for the first time in what feels like months. The house is quiet, and for a moment I just enjoy that. I've missed being alone.

Once my dinner is ready, I head to the living room and put on the tv. I'm not really looking though, because my mind is busy thinking about what I want to do before Christian gets here.

After I've eaten, I want to change the sheets of my bed, take a bath, wash my hair, and put on something a little sexier, and I have about three hours to achieve all that. Without letting the nerves overtake my actions.

Best get started right away.

* * *

It's ten past eleven when the doorbell finally pulls me out of my misery. My lip is almost open because of all the biting and I swear I've used the toilet twenty times in the last twenty minutes, but he is finally here.

And I'm almost not able to open the door because of the nerves.

I'm suddenly very aware of myself. I'm wearing silk, dark blue robe that ends just over my thigh, and underneath is a lace, matching dark blue lingerie set, thong, and bra, that I thought would fit the occasion, but now that he is here I seriously doubt if it isn't too much.

I haven't put on any make-up and I've just blow-dried my hair because I thought that would overdo it, and now, as I walk to the door, I decide to kick off the heels I was wearing as well because seriously, who wears heels around the house while walking around in a robe?

I don't want to show him that I've spent the last two and a half hours getting ready for him. I don't exactly know why I don't want him to know, but I think it has something to do with that I don't want him to know that I care this much about what he thinks of me.

As I stand in front of the door and look through the peephole, I see that he is wearing his black hoody all the way over his head while his face is cast down. It's no doubt because he doesn't want any camera to film him, and I'm happy that he thinks about it as well.

It shows that he, just like me, doesn't want this to get out.

I take a deep breath and move my hands over my robe one more time before I open the door. I hide from the cold by standing right behind the door, my head only peeking around to greet him.

"Hi," I smile.

"Hi," he answers, his head only moving up a little so I can see his smile.

"Come in," I tell him while opening the door a little further. "Where's your car?"

"I've parked it a few blocks away to make sure nobody sees it close to this house," he explains while walking in. When I close the door behind him he takes off his hoody and turns to me.

The moment he looks at me, his eyes widen. I expect them to move over my body, but they stay focused on my face, and for a moment I'm afraid that I have something in between my teeth even though I've bruised them twice.

"What?" I whisper, almost feeling the need to open the door and hide behind it again.

"You look so young," he says, a little smile playing around his lips while his thumb moves to my cheek.

"I'm not wearing any make-up," I tell him in explanation, and he chuckles.

"I can see that. You look beautiful."

My cheeks heat up at his compliment. "Thanks."

His thumb moves to my chin, where he lifts my head so my eyes meet his grey ones. At the same time, he takes a step forward so we are nose to nose.

"Hi," he mumbles, his lips moving against mine as he does.

"Hi," I whisper, my voice already a needy mess. I hate how my body just takes over when I'm around him.

He doesn't seem to mind, because right after my needy greeting he lets out a soft groan before his lips make contact with mine.

The kiss is soft and even a little hesitant, and I just feel that he has been thinking about how things are different now as well. He takes his time and it feels relaxed as if we're both at ease now that nobody can interrupt us.

His tongue lazily strokes my lips, asking for permission which I give him immediately. The moment my tongue tangles with his, my hands fly to the collar of his sweater to make sure he doesn't pull away.

His arms snake around my waist, and he pulls me flush against him. He feels cold, but that could also be because I'm suddenly insanely warm.

His arms are almost crushing me. He is using quite some strength to pull me as close to him as possible. It's the perfect contrast with his gentle, slow kisses, and I can't help but moan in his mouth to let him know how much I like this.

When I'm about to push him in the direction of the living room to have my way with him, he pulls back from the kiss. His lips are red and his breathing is shallow, and along with his dark eyes, I can tell that he is just as affected as me.

"Your lips are the sweetest, and I wish they'd still my hunger, but I really need something to eat before you drive me to the point of insanity."

His voice is hoarse, but the chuckle behind it makes me giggle as well. "Haven't you eaten at work? I would seriously work extra so I could eat pizza."

He laughs and kisses my nose once. "It was busy and I didn't have time. Went from one house to the other. At this point, I'm happy with a cheese sandwich."

I grab his hand and lead him to the kitchen. "I can heat some mac and cheese if you'd like? I made it a few hours ago, so it's fresh."

"Fuck yes. I love mac and cheese," he says excitedly while taking place in the bar stool. "Good for energy as well." He winks.

I snort and roll my eyes, even though I like his teasing. "What do you want to drink? Do you like wine or beer? I also have Coke or Sprite if you want?"

Jesus, I'm rambling. Why the hell is he being in this kitchen making me so nervous?

Christian notices it as well because he chuckles while he watches me struggle with words intently. "A beer is nice."

I nod and walk to the refrigerator. "You don't like wine?"

He shakes his head. "Not really. I mean, I never really drink it. Maybe if I drank it more, I'd appreciate it. Normally I'm drinking mixed drinks. And at parties, it's usually cheap beer. You?"

"I like wine. Red, white or rosé, it depends on what I'm eating or on my mood. I think a dry white is my favorite though, it's soft of taste," I tell him while I hand him a beer.

He watches me with a small smile for a moment before he takes a huge gulp. "You seem passionate about wine."

"Well, when you're surrounded by people that like it and drink it often, you kind of join the gang. Colton is very particular in his tastes for wine."

The moment I mention Colton's name, Christian's eyes turn darker and not in a positive, sexy way. "Right," he mumbles before he moves the bottle to his lips again, obviously annoyed.

It confuses me a bit, so I decide to ignore it for now. He'll probably address it if he feels the need to elaborate. "So, I'm going, to be honest with you. Having you here kind of makes me nervous."

He raises his eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

"Because it's really just us now. We can't get caught here, and we have time now. I just realized that we never really talk about our lives when we meet, and now I feel like we maybe will because we have time," I honestly tell him.

"Yeah, I know," he nods. "I thought about it too. But I kind of like the idea of getting to know you a bit better. And I definitely like the idea of taking my time with you."

To hide my blush, I busy myself with heating the mac and cheese. I'm failing miserably, but at least I'm trying. God, I'm really not sure what to expect. When we just have a small amount of time, he is amazing, so what does that say about him having time?

"Did you wear that for me?" He suddenly asks. When I look at him again, I see that he is leaning forward on the counter, both of his hands clutched to his bottle. His eyes are following my body, lingering when they reach my cleavage.

"Well, it's not something I wear every night, and certainly not at eleven-thirty in the evening," I say, letting him fill in the actual answer to his question.

He hums and nods his head. "Show me some more."

I want to give him a smart remark, but I simply can't. His eyes are forcing me to do what he says. They're intense and demanding, and without even giving a little bit gas back, I pull at the knot that holds the edges of my robe together.

When my robe falls open, I hear him take a deep breath before the bottle finds his lips again. He then stands from his stool and moves to stand behind me, keeping a good distance between us.

"This side too." The goosebumps rise when I hear his tone. His voice is hoarse and it just sounds like sex, while his tone lies somewhere between a question and a plea.

I let the robe fall from my shoulders before I bring my attention back to the mac and cheese. I think it's already warm enough, but now that we're playing this game, I'll just turn the heat low until he is ready to eat.

"Christ, Ana. You look so fucking good," he mumbles after a few moments in which I felt his eyes roam.

Without looking around, I feel him move closer, and within seconds I feel his groin press against my behind. After a few seconds, his hands move up my arms slowly, while he leans forward so his mouth is just against my ear.

"It's warm," I whisper while I nod to his food. I just want him to eat so we can get the show started. I'm a panting, needy mess.

His right-hand moves down my arm and then sneaks to my front, where he immediately cups me over the fabric. "You're warm," he counters as his finger presses at just the right spot.

He starts to move in circles fast, obviously determined to make me come within just minutes and with just his fingers. His other hand moves to my throat, where he wraps his fingers around it and gently squeezes. It shoots a shiver right through me.

"I'm going to have you so many times tonight, Ana. By tomorrow morning, all you feel are the prints of my hands on every inch of your body. You will be hoarse from screaming my name, and your pussy will burn from taking my dick," he grunts in my ear while putting more pressure on my nub. "Over." More pressure. "And over." More pressure. "And over again, until you beg me to stop because it hurts."

By the time the last words are out, I'm a shaking mess. My heart is beating out of my chest while I silently move against his hand to ride out my high. The grip on my throat gets a little stronger for just a moment before he releases me and holds me up by wrapping his arm around my belly.

When I've calmed down a bit, his hands go to my shoulders where he slowly turns me around so I'm facing him. My breathing is still heavy, and I'm sure I look properly fucked already.

He should not be this good at things like this. He is eighteen, Goddamnit.

His fingers trace my lips briefly before they follow my collarbone to my arm until he isn't touching me anymore. He leans forward just a little to bump my nose with his before a small smile appears on his face.

"That's what being here, alone with you, does to me."


	35. Chapter 34

**A/N:This one is intense. Your theories are awesome by the way! I hope I'm still surprising all of you! Enjoy and let me know what you think. X Milou **

Thirty-four: Feelings?

There are a few things in life that you can wake me for, no matter the time. Mac and cheese is one of them. I love mac and cheese, and the one I'm eating right now comes close to being the best one I've ever eaten. I'm not sure if that is because I was hungry, because she made it or because it's genuinely a masterpiece, but I'll just put the blame on the last one.

Another thing you can wake me for is sex which isn't surprising for an eighteen-year-old guy. If the girl has brown hair and pale skin, I'll probably even thank you for waking me.

Right now, as I'm sitting in this luxe ass kitchen while I eat a fucking good mac and cheese, I have the pleasure of looking at and listening to what happens to be a gorgeous brown-haired girl with pale skin.

She technically is a woman, but now that she isn't wearing any make-up, she could easily pull off nineteen. The only thing that might give her away is her flawless, almost glowing skin.

She is telling me about how her dad used to make mac and cheese for her and her brothers, even though he was a shit cook. Her whole face lights up when she talks about him, and for the first time since I've met her, she actually looks happy and completely at ease.

She is wiping the counter and cleaning the pan she just used to heat up my dinner. She's put on her tiny robe again because she was cold, but sometimes when she stands on her toes to reach for something, the thing hikes up and gives me a glimpse of her soft thighs.

I can't wait to set my teeth in them later on.

"He cooked some other things as well, but I'll always remember his mac and cheese. I guess it was the one thing that actually tasted as it should taste," she ends her story with a smile.

"Well, this one tastes great as well," I compliment her. "You took that after your dad."

She giggles and nods her head, her cheeks pink with what I can only describe as excitement. She is enjoying talking to me, just like I do.

"Did you always live in huge houses?" I ask her while I gesture around the room.

One of the first things that I noticed when I walked through the gate, is that this house is fucking big. Like chateau big. The house that she and that asshole lived in was also three times bigger than average. It's intimidating.

"Not at all! We lived in a very cute house with dad. We had three bedrooms, so Taylor and Luke shared one. It's was cozy and small, but it really felt like home. Dad had a good job, he worked at an office, but he didn't spend much. He actually saved a lot of his money. When he died, Taylor, Luke and I all got our share. Taylor and Luke started SEH with it, and I still have it. I don't spend much either, I guess I've got that from him as well," she explains, a small, sweet smile forming her lips.

"How did your dad die?" I ask before I think it over. Talking to her feels natural which is why I'm kind of forgetting to think about how she feels about this question.

Given her expression, she is surprised as well. For a moment she stays silent, and her eyes turn a little sad. I'm about to ask her something else so she doesn't think about what happened, but then she speaks.

"He died of undiagnosed heart failure. We had no idea he had a bad heart, we never noticed anything. It just happened out of nowhere. Taylor was twenty-one, Luke nineteen and I was sixteen. I was alone with Luke and dad, Taylor was out with Gail, who is now his wife. Dad was standing in front of the tv. He was dancing to some stupid song of Wham and he suddenly fell onto the floor. Luke first thought that he'd tripped, and he started laughing, but then dad started breathing heavy while he mumbled things and reached for his chest."

"Luke and I were both panicking, we had no idea what to do. We ended up calling Taylor instead of an ambulance. Of course, Taylor immediately came home while calling for an ambulance on his way. In the meantime, dad had fallen away and Luke and I tried to give him CPR, but we had no idea how so we just did what we always saw on tv. When the paramedics arrived, it was already too late. He died while he danced to make us laugh."

Her sad smile is gone, and even though her eyes are cast down, I can tell that she is fighting against her tears. I've stopped eating, and even though I feel the need to comfort her, I am hesitant. I'm not sure if we have reached that point of intimacy even though I've calmed her before.

What I do realize now that she told me this, is that we have something in common. Something that had a huge impact on our lives, maybe even on who we've become. Only my mom was an addict and I was four.

"Jesus," I mumble, pushing my thought aside. Instead of walking to her to pull her into my arms, I grab her hand that is laying on the counter. "I'm sorry you had to see it happen."

She takes a deep breath before she straightens ber back, swallowing away her tears. "Me too. But it has been ten years."

I think she is trying to convince me that she has dealt with it and that she has given it a place, but I don't believe her. She looks too vulnerable while she talks about it, I could feel the pain even though I've never met the man. I saw it in her eyes. But I don't push it, because I don't think it's my place to do so.

"My dad was your age when he got my mom pregnant," she bluntly says, making me choke on the sip of beer I just took.

"Okay," I stretch, not sure what she wants me to say to that. "That's fucked up."

"It is," she giggles, obviously enjoying the fact that I have no idea what to say to her. "But that mistake turned out to be a mastermind."

"Are you trying to give me a message here?" I frown. Jesus, is she talking in riddles or what?

She shakes her head, even though her eyes tell me the opposite. "Not at all."

I look at her while I try to figure her out. Her eyes are on me as well, the twinkle in her eyes telling me she is enjoying this. I think.

"Are you on birth control?" I suddenly blurt out, making her giggle even harder.

"God, I am," she says while she hiccups, tears in her eyes from laughing. "You're funny."

"And you're weird," I smirk while taking the last bite of my mac and cheese. "But your mac and cheese was delicious."

"Thanks," she smiles as she picks up my plate and put it in the dishwasher as well. "Do you want another beer?"

"Sure," I nod.

As I watch her grab me another beer, a flash suddenly invades my mind. Very briefly, I saw this exact image, just a couple years down the road. Me wearing a suit, while she wears a pencil skirt with a blouse. It looked like this was our house. Our kitchen. Our life.

The image is gone as quickly as it came, almost like a short dream that you don't remember once you wake up. I should not be thinking about shit like this, but I can't help but wonder if this is her standard now.

Is this what she wants? A big house? Wealth? All this shit takes a lot of hard work. It takes discipline and the right education.

And fuck, I'm just a terror kid that's on the edge on school. They'll kick me off if I keep going at this rate, and then I have nothing. Only wasted time.

I can never meet up to this.

What the fuck am I thinking?! Why the hell am I thinking about this shit? Her and me, we only fuck.

"Christian?" Ana's voice pulls me out of my very disturbing thoughts. I'm confused and annoyed by them because what the hell? Where does that shit even come from?

"Yeah?"

"Your beer." She nods to the bottle that's standing in front of me.

"Thanks," I smile before I take a huge gulp of the cold liquid, hoping with everything in me that it will erase the thoughts for good.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Her hands lean on the counter while she shifts from her right foot to her left.

"Miss Steele, you asked me to come over, so I assume you have a plan."

"Right," she nods determinedly. "Do you want to see my room?"

I can't help but laugh at her question. "So you don't only look younger, but you're also going to play younger. Is this a thing your into Miss Steele? Roleplay?"

She hits my chest while a giggle escapes her lips even though she tries to conceal it. "Just follow me."

She walks out of the kitchen and I grab my beer before I follow her. When she walks onto the stairs, I'm happy that she asked me to follow; her hips are swaying from left to right gloriously while her robe rides up with every step she takes.

I'm rock hard since I felt how warm and wet she was, but watching her walk up the stairs makes it even worse. I'd planned on taking my time tonight, making her beg before I'd finally give her what she wants, but I doubt if I can hold myself to that promise.

When she reaches the first floor, she opens the door to her right and beckons me to walk in. It's a simple, white room, obviously meant for guests. There are a few personal items on the cabinet and in the corner are clothes draped over a chair, but other than that it looks impersonal.

"So, this is where I'm staying for the time being. I actually have two viewings on houses tomorrow, so I hope that'll work out. I miss having my own place," she says while she walks into the room as well before she closes the door.

I'm surprised by how normal it feels to be here. It isn't awkward or weird, and I can tell that she feels the same about that. She really doesn't feel like my teacher. It's almost like she was something else even before she started working at Port Bellevue, even though I'd only met her once.

"What kind of houses?" I ask. I'm curious about this. This will give me an answer to what her expectations are.

Again, what the hell, Grey?!

"Apartments. Just two bedrooms, but big enough for me. I'll be alone anyway. I just don't want to bother Gail and Taylor any more than I already did, and I'm not used to living with my brother anymore, so it's best if I rent something. After the whole divorce is done, I'll see if I can buy something," she explains while she sits on the bed.

Every time she mentions that fucker or even the divorce, I feel something that I can't place. I think it's anger, but I'm not sure. I've never met the guy, and something tells me that's a good thing.

"I hope one of them is a winner," I tell her.

"Me too," she smiles. "Aren't you going to sit down too?" Her cheeky smile makes me chuckle. She sounds greedy too, and I'm happy that we have that in common. We're not used to talking, and although I enjoyed it, we're both done with it now.

I slowly shake my head before I walk to her, stopping when I'm standing in front of her. "Not yet."

She looks up at me, her blue eyes curious but with a hint of nerves as well. My hands move to my jeans and while I keep looking at her, I unfasten it. When I lower both my jeans and boxers, I hear her breathing hitch. She doesn't look though, her eyes stay focused on mine.

Relieved with the sudden freedom, I move my right hand to her chin while my left hand starts to yerk off some of the tension.

"You asked me what I want to do," I mumble while letting my thumb follow her lower lip before I push it through, forcing her to wrap her lips around it. Once she has done that, I slowly move my thumb in and out a few times, making it wetter. When I pull it out, her tongue immediately runs over her lips once. It's sexy as fuck and perfect for what I have in mind.

Without saying anything, and with my left hand still firmly wrapped around my dick, I lead the tip to her lips. Her eyes widen a bit when she feels it, but they also turn darker, so I think she's okay with this.

I've been thinking about this even before I'd fucked her. Her lips seemed to invite me the moment I first laid eyes on them. They look so soft and warm, and I just know they'll feel just as good as they look when they wrap around me.

"Ask me nicely," she breathes, the warm air hitting my tip as her lips move lightly against my skin. It's making me shiver.

I like how she never does what I want her to do without giving a remark. And what she is saying now, brings me back to the first time I fucked her. Back then, I just took what I wanted, but now I think I will give her what she wants.

"Will you please take me in your mouth and show me if what I've been fantasizing about for weeks is just as good as the reality?"

A small smile plays around her lips. "Mr. Grey," she mumbles, her eyes now cast down and glued to my hard cock which is leaking out of anticipation. "Has nobody ever told you that the fantasy is always better?"

I shake my head. "When it comes to you, that's fucking bullshit. You are the fantasy."

She blushes but doesn't say anything else. The small smile is still there, but it disappears when she takes me into her mouth.

She doesn't suck right away, she just wrapped her lips around me while her tongue moves in circles, wet and warm. Her hands move up my upper legs, her nails scratching the skin. When they reach my hips, she moves to grab what she doesn't have in her mouth, pushing my own hand away in the process.

Her eyes are closed, her eyelashes resting on her cheeks while she finally starts to suck and move up and down. One hand is stroking my shaft, while her other massages my balls. To make sure she doesn't stop, I move my hands into her hair, my nails softly scratching her head without setting the pace.

She can handle me just perfect on her own.

Even though she knows exactly what to do, I can feel she is a little hesitant. I have no idea why; if she keeps it up like this, she will make me pop within minutes. She must know this too since I'm literally grunting and panting every time she moves her mouth but to give her the reassurance I think she needs, I move one hand to her cheek.

"You suck me so good, Ana."

She releases me with a pop. "Yeah?" She asks, her red lips a little swollen from working on my dick.

"Fuck, yeah. Keep going," I tell her.

She smiles before she takes me in her mouth again, and I immediately feel that she really needed my little compliment. Without warning, she takes me in deep, my tip hitting the back of her throat as a sloppy, gagging sound leaves her mouth.

Fucking. Jesus. Christ.

As if she hears my inner swears, she pulls back only to do it again, this time her eyes on my face while she tries to take me all the way. Her eyes start to water, and when she pulls back, one lonely tear falls down her cheek.

"Well, look at you," I mumble amazed while I try to keep my breathing under control. In the meantime, my thumb catches the tear. "Like a true pornstar."

She literally slurps her spit from my dick before she pulls back completely, her hand immediately stroking me instead. "You're big," she says almost as a matter of explanation for her actions.

She has said that before, the first time she saw me, and I then thought that she was trying to flatter me or something. I mean, a woman like her, must have had her fair share and it was hard to believe that a kid like me impressed her. But right now, while she looks at me with teary eyes and puffy lips, I believe her. I believe that the asshole she married is smaller. I even, for just this moment, let myself believe that I'm the biggest she's ever had.

"I suit you," I tell her. The image of her choking on me is something I never want to forget. I really mean it. Me in her mouth, down her throat. It suits her.

Before she has time to respond, I pull her up so I can capture her lips with mine. We bite and suck, suddenly just as raw as we always are.

Without breaking the contact of our lips, I move her robe from her shoulders and pull her against me, my hands going down as soon as I get the chance. Her ass is amazing, full, round and tight.

Her hands move over my sides up, taking my sweater with her. For a brief moment, I disconnect our lips and help her remove it completely.

Her lips slam on mine again desperately, and I kick my pants and boxers completely off my legs before I walk her backward. When the back of her knees hit the bed, I push her back without warning.

She giggles while I do so, making the sight I see in front of me even better. Her hair is spread around the white sheets, her cheeks are pink, her face, clear of make-up, is glowing and she is wearing the sexiest piece of lingerie I've ever seen.

I crawl over her, her long legs immediately wrapping around me to welcome me. Her arms wrap around my neck while her nose bumps with mine, the beautiful smile still on her face.

And as I look into her clear blue eyes, I feel that this is different. What we're about to do, is different. I've never been this close to her while we had sex, it was never this intimate and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

"You're my fantasy too," she whispers softly, her eyes still clear and happy.

I give her a small smile before I kiss her, my hands urging her to arch her back so I can unfasten her bra while I ignore the feeling that it gives me to hear her say something like that.

My dick rubs over the fabric of her thong, her hips moving against mine to create that perfect friction. The moment I've succeeded in getting her bra off, I remove my mouth from hers to suck a nipple into my mouth. There is something about her cute, pink nipples that I just can't resist.

"Oh God," she moans, and I swear it's almost undoing me.

I want to taste all of her. Previous times when I asked her to, she didn't let me. I'd like to believe that she didn't because we didn't have the proper time, even though I think there's another reason.

Right now though, we have the time. And given the way she tugs my hair while I'm just licking and sucking her nipples, I can't believe that she will deny me now.

So, this time without asking her first, I move lower determinedly. I kiss the swell of her breast before I let my tongue trail down over her ribs until I reach her hip. From there I nip and suck my way to the middle, and when I reach her bellybutton, I stick in my tongue.

She sucks in a breath, but other than that she lies deadly silent on the mattress. When I look at her, I see that she is looking at the ceiling, her lips purposely blowing out breaths before sucking them back in.

It's not what I expected, and because of it, I force my lips to move from her skin so I can properly look at her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, my hands slowly rubbing her sides to make her feel more at ease since I think she feels uncomfortable.

She moves her head so she is looking at me, her teeth trapping her lip. "I just want you to fuck me."

I sigh and let my head hang, my nose hitting her pubic bone and giving me a smell of how turned on she is. "Why?" I move my head back up after the word is out, wanting to see her reaction.

"Because I'm addicted to that," she answers. "I just want you inside me. Please."

I want to talk about this further, but my dick isn't having any of that. My dick is all too happy that she just wants to fuck, and as always, he is pulling the longest straw.

I sit upon my knees in between her legs so I can pull her thong down and then move from the bed to grab a condom out of my pocket. I put it on while her gaze is on me, her eyes almost burning with desire.

When I'm ready, pull her legs towards the end of the bed before I lift her and lay her on the bed properly, with her head on the pillows. We don't speak while I do so, the only thing audible is our heavy breathing.

When I'm sure she is comfortable, I tub my tip against her folds a few times before I gently push in, her legs wrapping around my waist and her heels digging in my ass to push me in as far as possible right after.

As always, her tight, warm and wet walls make me lose myself within seconds. When I'm inside her, everything is her. And now that we're on a bed, with her naked body under mine like I'm shielding her, it's us.

The tempo is slow but my strokes are hard and deep. Her nails dig in my shoulder blades while her moans fill the guestroom. I let my mouth work on her neck before I capture her lips with mine. I need to taste her.

I can feel her squeeze me, indicating that she is close. In the short time that I've been fucking her, I have learned to read her body. I know when she is close or when she just needs a little bit more to get there. Her moans and actions tell me that as well. The rougher she gets, the closer she is.

"I'm coming," she confirms my thoughts, and all I can do is a grunt in approval.

The moment she squeezes her walls around me, I'm gone. It takes everything in me to make sure I keep moving until she is over her high, setting my teeth in her collarbone to prevent me from coming just a little longer.

When I feel her legs relax around me and I hear her whisper my name softly, I let go as well. I shut my eyes closed and bury my face in her neck, taking in the scent that has become connected to the feeling of pleasure. It's her, mixed with me and also sweat and sex.

Although today, it's mostly me and her.


	36. Chapter 35

**A/N: Here we go! It's still intense, but I guess you guys are kind of used to it now. I have to say that the details during sex between these two are sometimes driving me crazy. I kind of like it though, so I hope you do too. X Milou.**

Thirty-five: Something more.

While my heartbeat is slowly returning to normal, I feel Christian's body crash into mine. His face is buried in my neck, his mouth still on my collarbone where he bit me hard just when my orgasm rushed through me. His whole body is covering mine, and I feel his heart beating against his chest, just as rapidly as mine.

My legs are wrapped around his hips, and my hands are softly stroking his back with my nails. Sometimes a soft grunt comes out of the crook of my neck, and it's making me smile. It tells me that he is enjoying it just as much as me.

I feel him getting soft inside me, but unlike previous times, he doesn't make any attempt to move out completely to take care of business. I don't mind, I like feeling him still inside me, even though I'll probably make a mess because of it.

After a few minutes in which we just lay without talking or even looking at each other, I feel a shiver running through me. It's my body letting me know that we have to move because I'm a little cold, even though my head is perfectly happy just like this.

"You're cold," Christian mumbles against my neck, obviously feeling me shiver.

"A little," I whisper, my nails still going over his back. I hope I'll mark him like this, just like he did to me more than once.

I feel him kiss the skin behind my ear before he moves his body off mine after he gently pulled out of me. He then lays on his back next to me, removing the condom, putting in a knot and throwing it on the floor next to him before his strong arms stretching above him while he moves one arm under his head.

He looks comfortable and relaxed in my bed, and I hope he'll stay a little longer.

I turn to my side, supporting my head on my hand while I let my other one move over his chest. I remember when I ogled his picture on Instagram; I was so curious about how he would feel. It's crazy that right now, I can explore every little inch of him. His veins, his muscles, the trail of hair that moves from his belly button to his trimmed pubic hair, and even his birthmarks.

"You're blushing again," he mumbles while his thumb moves over my cheekbone.

"I was thinking about your picture. The one I saw on Instagram," I tell him with a small smile.

"You mean the one you liked on Instagram," he laughs, making me giggle as well. "I was ecstatic when I saw that you'd liked it."

"I was mortified," I tell him honestly, remembering how I felt when I saw that red heart.

"Why did you like that one?"

I roll my eyes and look at his face, the small smirk that I find there tells me that he already knows my answer.

"I didn't even mean to like it," I tell him.

"Why did you then?"

"Because I'd zoomed in," I mumble, kicking myself for even confessing it.

He lets out a chuckle. "And, am I living up to your expectations?"

"Mmhmm, maybe. I haven't seen you lift anything yet," I joke.

Before I know what's happening, Christian jumps off the bed and yanks me off as well. He then grabs my hips and lifts me up above his head, making me giggle.

"Very impressive," I smile.

He grins and then lowers me slowly so he can kiss my lips before he moves me up again. He repeats it, literally training with my weight, and earning a kiss every time he succeeded.

After a few times, he lets me stand on the ground before he wraps his arms around me, pulling me flush against his naked form. "Your turn," he says before he kisses my nose.

"I suck at lifting," I laugh.

"Good thing you're a pro at sucking then," he counters immediately, making me blush yet again.

"Why don't you let me lick you?" His arms are still around me, his eyes holding mine hostage, demanding an answer this time. He isn't remotely shy about this matter, and I can tell that he is disappointed about it.

"It's just so personal," I shrug.

He frowns, his eyes searching for more answers than just that one. "And..?"

"And intimate, I guess. I mean, I've only ever had sex with Colton and it took a while before I trusted him to do that. I guess I feel very aware of myself when I let someone do that. I don't know."

I don't tell him that it always felt as if Colton wasn't into it. It was always brief, and I never got the change to truly lose myself because every time I came remotely close to getting into it, he already pulled back.

It made me question if it was that bad for him to do it as well, and that's just not good for your ego.

He roughly grabs my chin before I even have time to register it. "Don't say his name when you're with me. It pisses me off."

His bark actually surprises me, but I don't have time to ask about it any further because he continues before I have to change.

"You only had sex with one guy before me?" The annoyance of me saying Colton's name is gone, and instead of it, he sounds surprised.

"Yeah. I met Co- him when I was fifteen," I tell him. "I'm actually surprised that you don't know this. Our story is all over the internet as if it's a fairytale."

"I'm not interested in Anastasia Davies. I'm interested in you," he counters, and right after that, he frowns as if he is thinking over what he is saying.

"Okay," I mumble, not sure what his shift in emotions means.

"Did he treat you right? I mean, did he ever did something that you didn't like, and is that the real reason why I can't go down on you?" He isn't letting this subject go.

"He treated me right," I mumble, fighting the urge to tell him that it never felt as good as when I'm with him.

"Right," he mumbles. "So it's because you don't trust me?"

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Why do you want it so bad anyway? Isn't fucking the thing you eighteen-year-olds are after?"

God, this is heading down quickly. Why do I have to be such a bitch?

His eyes darken and the grip around my waist gets stronger. "Don't," he growls. "Don't be a bitch every time I try to get through to you. It's childish."

"Excuse me?" I shriek while pushing him against his chest to create distance. He doesn't let me though, his arms only wrap around me tighter.

"You've heard me. Stop behaving like a bitch every time I say something that you don't want to hear. You know that I'm not just here to fuck you, else I would've just told you to meet me at the lake so I could fuck you and then leave."

A shiver shoots through me because of his last sentence, but Christian thinks it's because I'm cold because he sighs and says, "let's take a shower."

I defeatedly nod my head. I don't want to fight him now because all these feelings, both mine and his, confuse me. I want him to keep his promise and fuck me so many times that it hurts.

Because that way I don't have to think about why he is really here.

* * *

"Faster," he growls against me while his fingers dig in my hips, urging me to move harder on him.

He is sitting in the chair that's standing in the corner of my room, and I'm riding him. Since I have all the space I need now that we're not in a car, I'm able to move just so that I feel him as deep as possible. My arms are wrapped around his neck while my nose is buried in his hair and his mouth is currently busy biting and sucking my nipples.

"I can't," I pant, completely out of breath.

I've been bouncing on him for a good twenty minutes non-stop, at the fastest tempo that I'm capable of. My legs are starting to cramp and I have to conclude that it actually starts to hurt every time his dick bumps against my cervix.

He fucked me from behind in the shower, cursing me first because I demanded that he'd used a condom, and then made me come with his fingers while I was drying off. When I came down from my high, I felt his member poke against my lower back, and I couldn't fight the urge to get on my knees and taste him again. He mumbled something about how it was unfair that I could use my mouth, but he thankfully shut up when he felt the back of my throat.

And right after we walked into the bedroom again, he grabbed another condom and took a seat at the chair while he, without a word, beckoned me to get onto him. Since the blowjob I gave him turned me on again, I had absolutely no problem with that.

I'm insatiable.

"You can," he says before he bites my nipple. Right after he soothes his bite with his tongue, his hand spanks my left asscheek.

It surprises me, and although the burn hurts, a rush of adrenaline also runs through my body. It's giving me the energy to keep the tempo going for a little bit.

"I fucking love how your tits bounce in my face," he groans while his eyes are cast on my breasts.

I start to move in circles slowly so I can give my legs a little bit of rest and to catch my breath. His arms go from my ass to my waist, and he pulls his face from my breasts to look at me. When our eyes connect, a small smile appears on his lips.

"You really do look beautiful, Ana. All flustered and sweaty. It's making me proud as fuck that you're bouncing on my dick."

His eyes are so dark and intense, they give me goosebumps. Something in his gaze has changed. I can't place it, but he seems to look at me differently. But it could also be because this is the first time I've been so close to him for longer than a quick fuck. Maybe all the things I'm seeing now, were there the other times as well and maybe I just didn't notice them.

"Thank you," I smile before I give him a simple kiss.

"Are you tired?" He asks, his nose rubbing against mine as he does.

"A little," I nod. "My legs mostly."

He nods and then stands, taking me with him and holding me just under my but. He walks to the bed and without pulling out of me, he gently lays us on the bed.

He then starts to move extremely slow. Both of his elbows are resting on either side of my head, and his face is just inches from mine. His hands massage my scalp just as slowly as his placed thrusts. Even without the raw, hard strokes and even though I'm sore, he still manages to help me to my orgasm rapidly.

"When you come, your eyes roll back just a little. It's so sexy," he moans. He is close too, I can feel it. "And your hips always move with mine during the last few thrusts, as if you're afraid that I will change the pace."

I let out some mumbles without meaning while I feel the familiar tingle in my lower belly. I'm so close.

"And your whole body shakes and shivers violently while you come, but your sounds are soft and peaceful. It's sexy as fuck."

I don't completely register the last part of his sentence, because that's when my orgasm rips through me. My muscles feel tense from my previous highs, and it makes this one a little uncomfortable near the end.

"Your pussy feels so good when you come. Fuck. You're so tight and warm," Christian grunts before he also comes. I feel him pulse inside me while his hands tangle in my hair. This time, his face isn't hidden in my neck, and I have the perfect view because of it.

His eyes are closed and his lips are parted. His teeth are clenched together and the veins in his neck are throbbing just under his skin. Through gritted teeth, he calls my name, his hips slowly circling to ride out the shock waves.

"So. Fucking. Good," he says, pushing his hips forward three more times with every word before stops moving.

"It really is," I mumble with a lazy smile on my face.

He nods his head before he pecks my lips, his nose moving over them after that. It's a sweet gesture, and it shows that having time really changes the whole dynamic.

"I'm going to clean up," he mumbles before he pulls out and rolls off the bed.

I nod my head and move up as well. "Are you staying?"

For a moment he stills, obviously thinking about my question. "How late will your brother be back?"

"I think around twelve. If you leave around nine they'll never know you were here."

He slowly nods his head. "Okay."

I suddenly feel a little nervous, knowing that he'll stay here. It's a line that we'll cross, again. He is rapidly coming closer, even though he really isn't allowed to. When I hear him chuckle, I look at him questioningly.

"Stop overthinking it. We'll sleep a few hours, we'll probably fuck a couple of times more before you'll kick me out. Nobody will know, and it all stays the same. Relax." And with that, he walks into the enjoined bathroom.

"I'm going to set the alarm," I call after him, earning a ''cool'' in response.

I grab his sweater from the floor and pull it on before I run down the stairs to grab my phone. When I have it, I see that I have two texts. One from Taylor, and one from Gail.

I first open Taylor's.

_Are you okay? It's late and you haven't set the alarm. Please don't forget to set the alarm. Are you sleeping? I don't like this shit, Rabbit._

I roll my eyes as I read the text. You would think he is texting his sixteen-year-old daughter instead of his grown, twenty-seven-year-old sister.

I scroll to Gail's text.

_Tay is freaking out, but I've told him to calm the fuck down. Don't worry, I know you're okay. Maybe your even having fun ;) be careful. x_

Her text makes me frown. I have been having this feeling that Gail suspects something since she asked me about it in the car when she drove me to work, and this text just makes that feeling stronger, even though I have no idea how she can know something.

When I look at the time, I see that both texts were sent around two, which is almost forty minutes ago. I decide to text Taylor back, so he can enjoy the rest of the night alone with his wife.

_Don't worry. I fell asleep on the couch. Heading up now, and I will put on the alarm. Stop stressing, start enjoying your night away. Laters bro. X Rabbit._

I hit send and then turn off all the lights before I sprint upstairs again and set the alarm via the app on my phone. When I walk into the bedroom again, Christian is already laying under the sheets. He is popped up against the pillows, looking relaxed while he is scrolling through something on his phone, and it actually looks like he belongs there.

I quickly get into the bathroom to brush my teeth before I walk to the bed again.

"You do understand that you need to take that sweater off, right? No way in hell you're lying next to me with clothes on. I need excess," Christian states as I'm about to get into bed next to him.

I giggle and pull the sweater over my head quickly before I move under the sheets. Christian has already turned onto his side so he is facing me, and I decide to do the same, pulling up the sheets for a second to see if he is allowing me excess as well.

I'm happy to conclude that he is.

"This is weird," I giggle after a moment of intense staring. He is here with me, in my bed. Insanity.

"I know," he chuckles. "But it kinda feels good as well."

I smile and nod my head. "It does."

"Come here," he beckons, and without hesitation, I move forward and cuddle myself into his arms. I feel one of Christian's arms leave my body for a second before complete darkness consumes the room and his arm moves back around me.

"I'm really not here just to fuck you, Ana," he mumbles into my hair before he kisses my head.

"I know," I mumble.

But because I still don't want to think about that any further, I snuggle against him a little more before I close my eyes. I need to process everything I've felt this night, and I need to do that while I'm being unconscious.

Thankfully, sleep overtakes my body almost instantly.


	37. Chapter 36

**A/N: Well. We all know that this was inventible. Just go and read. I'll wait to hear what you think. X Milou**.

Thirty-six: Exposed.

I wake up from my restless sleep for about the third time this night. I never have trouble sleeping, but now that I'm here, in a bed with her, my head doesn't seem to accept the fact that my body needs its rest desperately.

I know why I'm waking up every time. It has everything to do with the woman that's sound asleep next to me. I'm not used to falling asleep next to someone, and the fact that I'm now lying next to her seems unreal.

It's an unfamiliar feeling, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. She is my teacher, but on the other hand, I feel like this night has shown me what she is besides that. First, I was just fucking her, and it was forbidden because she is teaching me math at my school.

Now, she is a lot more than that. She is a young woman, with whom I have more in common than I first realized. She showed me a part of herself that brings out feelings in me that I can't place. The only thing I know is that we"ll talk from now on, which means that we're not just fucking anymore.

There is another reason I'm waking up every time, and of that reason, I'm reminded right now as she moves her warm, naked body into another position.

Her naked ass is now pushing against my hip, her face turned away from me, but when I woke up the other times, her leg was thrown over mine while her head rested on my chest and her hand lay dangerously low under my navel.

It's distracting as fuck, my cock is hard for what feels like hours because of it, and I'm warm.

Curious about the time, I reach for my phone that's laying on the nightstand. It's almost five-thirty, which means that I did sleep a little bit in between. It also means that I still have three and a half hours to spend with her.

I want to make those three and a half hours count, and while she turns around again next to me, I put my phone back onto the nightstand before I turn around as well so I'm facing her.

Her mouth is slightly open, her cheek laying on her hand while her dark eyelashes are resting on her cheeks. Her lips are still red from spending most of the night glued to mine or to my dick, and her face is glowing.

I move the sheet down just a little bit, unable to keep her beautiful body hidden. Her chest is steadily moving with every breath she takes, and I've once again marked the skin of her cleavage by sucking, biting and kissing her while she rode me.

I move my hand to her face so I can move her hair out of it, and she stirs because of it. She mumbles something meaningless and moves closer to me until her nose comes into contact with my chest. She nuzzles against my skin a few moments before she lays still again, resuming her sleep.

Her warm, steady breath against my skin wakes my body completely and it runs a shiver down my spine which awakens my dick some more. If it wasn't uncomfortable before, it certainly is now.

Because I can't think about anything else right now, and because my self-control has reached its limits, I move my hands to her sides and pull her against my chest, her belly pressed against my dick.

With one hand under her chin, I softly move her head out of my chest and then lower my own face, pampering kisses all over hers slowly, hoping that it will wake her up.

I kiss her eyelids, cheeks, forehead, and nose before I begin kissing her mouth. First, the outsides before I slowly make my way to the middle. After that, I kiss her chin and jaw and I then move to her forehead to start the whole process again.

Her eyes flutter open after she's let out a few protests in the form of moans and groans. She looks sleepy and warm, and when she starts to whisper, her voice is hoarse.

"What is it?"

Her question makes me chuckle and I suddenly feel privileged to know that she apparently doesn't like waking up at all. She sounds tired and offended that I'm waking her, and I swear she is fighting my hand, that's still holding her chin, to hide her face back into my chest.

"You look so sexy," I mumble while I move my mouth over her nose, down to her lips. "I can't sleep because of it."

"So you decided to be an asshole and wake me as well?" She mumbles, her eyes still closed. "What time is it?"

Her soft, sleepy voice turns me on even more. It sounds inviting and warm, and in the far distance, I swear I hear a little amusement as well.

"Almost five-thirty," I answer her while I move my hand down her throat and to her cleavage, cupping her left breast when I reach it. I don't squeeze or move otherwise; I just hold her, feeling her nipple harden under my palm.

She lets out an annoyed groan as if the time makes everything ten times worse. "It's Saturday, give me a break."

"I can't. I need to fuck you at least twice before I leave, and we only have a little over three hours left," I tell her while I squeeze my hand a few times, making her arch her back slightly, even though she is trying to fight it.

"Show off. You're always done within ten minutes," she snorts, her eyes still tightly shut closed, but a smile now properly forming her lips.

I can't help but chuckle at her remark while I push her onto her back, now even more determined to remind her that what she's saying isn't true. When she is laying on her back, I climb onto her torso, my dick resting perfectly in between her tits. Her hair is tousled around her head and her eyes are now open just a little bit, making them glister in the moonlight that's coming from the little croak at the window.

"Close your eyes and sleep then. I'll work like this," I tell her before I grab both of her breasts into my hands and push them against each other so they trap my dick.

I move my hips forward to create friction, the tip of my dick bumping against the underside of her chin every time I push. She has closed her eyes again, but every time she feels me bump against her, her smile gets bigger. By the fourth time, she lets out a giggle as well, making me even harder than I already was.

Her skin feels warm and soft against me, and because I'm holding her tits in a strong grip, I can see my prints forming underneath my hands. She doesn't have huge tits but for some reason, the friction they provide is perfect, even though her breasts aren't wrapped around me completely.

"How much porn do you watch on a daily bases, Mr. Grey?" She asks, her giggle still audible. Her hands are laying next to her head and she's letting me do my thing. I think she is even enjoying it.

"Why?" I mumble without taking my eyes off my dick and her tits. Her nipples peek through my fingers, pink and swollen, and I wish I could take them into my mouth while I move just like this.

"This is a real porn scene move," she states, making me frown and slow my movements.

"What? That's bullshit. Your tits should be fucked like this every day. No discussion. Didn't that fucker do this every moment he got the chance?"

The question is out before I know what I'm saying, and even though I hate hearing her talk about him, I find myself curious about the answer. Somewhere deep down, I want to know if he made her feel like I can. If he can read her body just like I have been doing, and if he had her all crazy and desperate like she was just a few hours ago.

Her cheeks turn beet red and her smile disappears, her teeth finding her lower lip instead. "Not really," she mumbles, almost ashamed.

What the hell is going on with her? First, she doesn't want me to go down on her, and now she suddenly turns all shy and ashamed when I talk about something sexual related. And fuck me for going there, but I can't help conclude that both times that fucker of a husband seems to be involved.

"Ana," I say while stopping my movements and grabbing her chin so she is looking at me. My dick is still throbbing, but the desperate need to move is forgotten. I need to know why she is this shy and unsure about certain stuff. "What's wrong? Why are you shutting down on things?"

She shrugs as if it's no big deal, but I can tell that it is. So, I keep looking at her, forcing her with my eyes to tell me why she behaves like this while she is very comfortable with having sex and sucking my dick.

When she sees that I don't take no for an answer, she rolls her eyes. "When Colton and I had sex, it was usually more about him. Foreplay was just a small part of it, only to get me ready and most of the time, it felt like a must. We didn't really communicate, and he didn't try to figure me out. We just did it."

I feel the tension go through my body while I hear her talk. It's both because she is talking about him and her together, but also because of how she experienced being intimate with him. How the hell can he neglect a woman like Ana like that? Fucking idiot.

"And you never told him how you felt about that? Not once in those years, you thought about telling him what you wanted to change?"

"We didn't have that kind of relationship," she mumbles. "He was the one that called the shots. And I know he did that because I never pushed back and just nodded my head, but at the time I guess I never felt the need to because I was okay with it. Maybe I didn't even felt the need because I had no idea what it could be like. Now that I'm doing all these things with you, and now that I feel what it does to me to talk back and challenge you, I suddenly realize how different it is."

I take note of the fact that she is telling me how different it is with me, and it pleases me. I know she means it in a positive way. It shocks me that the Ana I've been seeing isn't the Ana that she always was. That it's a part of her that she is only exploring now, even though she probably already was like that outside of her marriage. That asshole just got her trapped into the perfect little housewife role she needed to fulfill.

It makes me hate him even more. How dare he hold her back like that?

"What are your fantasies?" Because I suddenly feel the huge need to make sure she knows that she can ask me for anything. Unlike the other three girls I've been with, Ana is allowed to take control and demand things from me. It turns me the fuck on when she does.

"I don't know," she whispers, her eyes wide. "I'm enjoying this right now." She nods to my now softer dick that's still laying in between her tits.

I nod my head and start to move slowly again. In the meantime, my eyes stay focused on her face. "So that's the reason I can't lick your pussy? Because you think I only want it to get you ready? Because he never took the time to lick you until you couldn't think anymore? Because you seriously think that I wouldn't do it just because I fucking want to be drowned in you?"

"I guess," she whispers, her cheeks still red.

Abruptly I move back so I'm sitting in between her legs. "What are you-?" She starts, but I cut her off by grabbing her thighs. "Touch yourself," I tell her

Her eyes widen yet again, and a confused expression washed over her face. She is about to say something, but when I squeeze her skin harder, the words die in her throat.

"Touch yourself," I repeat, the tension and desire audible in my voice.

Hesitantly she moves her right hand over her belly until she reaches the stripe of hair. Her middle finger moves over her slit a couple of times before he pushes it through, making contact with her clit.

I watch fascinated while she slowly, almost detected searches for her spot. "I usually don't push inside," she explains while her middle finger starts to rub in slow circles.

I nod, not really caring about that right now. I'm not planning on watching her make herself come anyway. This has a whole other purpose. "Can you do it once though? For me?"

She seems to think about my motives for a second, but then she mumbles an ''okay,'' before she lets her middle finger slide down and pushes in. The moment she retreats, I grab her wrist, stopping her from doing anything else.

"Taste it," I tell her. My dick is painfully hard again. Just thinking about taking her finger into my mouth is driving me crazy.

"Christian, why would I-?"

"Ana, please. Trust me. Taste yourself."

She sighs annoyed and then yanks her hand out of my grip before she moves her finger into her mouth. She wraps her lips around it before she pulls her finger back fast, sucking her wetness off.

Before she has time to do anything else, I crawl over her and grab her wrists to put them over her head. My face is inches from hers while our noses bump in the process. My dick is making contact with her pussy, making both of our hips yerk forward on their own accord.

"You really think I want to taste THAT, only to get you ready for me?"

"I don't know," she answers, her whole demeanor taken aback. She has no idea what to say.

Without any further explanation, I push my tongue roughly into her mouth, swirling it around to taste her from her tongue. Even though the taste is faint, I can tell that she tastes just as good as she smells. My dick is literally bumping in approval while a low growl escapes my throat.

After asking her for two weeks, I now finally know what she tastes like, and even though I didn't taste it from the source itself, it feels like a fucking victory.

"I would spend the fucking three and a half hours I've left in between your legs if you'd let me, Ana. Don't punish me for something that the fucking asshole you married couldn't do properly."

Her eyes darken the moment the last words leave my lips, and her hands fly to my shoulders. "Fine," she hisses, looking seriously pissed. There is also a hint of fear in her eyes, but it doesn't stop her from pushing me off her and onto my back.

She climbs onto my belly the moment after my back hit the mattress, her cheeks red and her teeth trapping her lip. I can feel her pussy on my belly, and I'm happy to feel that she is warm and wet, it takes away the concern I have about her sudden shift somewhat.

"Just so you know," she says while her hips move up my chest, letting me know what her intentions are. "The fact that you talk about my marriage as if you blame me for it, pisses ME the fuck off."

She doesn't give me time to answer, because right after she's finished her sentence, she moves forward just enough for her pussy to be right above my face.

I see her wet folds, I smell her and I can practically taste her. And I'm fucking going to lose it.

I tear my eyes from her pink pussy one more time to look at her face. She is looking down at me, her expression unsure and I can tell she is seconds away from moving back again. Desperate for her taste and to make her feel just as good as she did me, I do the only thing I can think of.

I roughly grab her hips and lower her onto me fast, attaching my mouth to her pussy the moment she is close enough. She yelps, then gasp before it turns into a moan, and all I can do is moan in response.

Because fuck. She tastes even better like this.

It's not just her taste that makes this so good. It's also because I've waited for this and because she's told me that she needs trust for this to happen. It's because she gives me the opportunity to let her feel how good it can be. But mostly, it's because I feel things for her. Things I didn't feel when I went down on the others.

I push the thought aside as I focus on the circles and figures my tongue makes over her nub. My hands are still holding her hips, where I lightly stroke her skin with my thumb. Along with my moans and hums, I hope it relaxed her enough to just enjoy.

She is quiet except for her heavy breathing, and when I open my eyes, I'm just able to see that she is bracing herself against the headboard. Her eyes are closed and her head hangs forward a little, her teeth still digging in her lip.

I close my mouth around her nub and start sucking, altering with my tongue as well. I flick and suck, trying to find that perfect movement that will make her fall apart.

When I let my teeth graze her nub, she finally yelps, and after that, it's like she doesn't care anymore. That little nib was what she needed to let go, and the moans that fill her room in combination with the wetness that's starting to drip out of her is almost too much.

"Oh God. Christian, yes," she moans, her voice still hoarse although this time it's because it's filled with pleasure instead of sleep. "Keep going, please. Don't stop."

Her pleas work as fuel, and when her hips finally start to move against my mouth to take what she needs, I let go of her and just enjoy.

I lay with my mouth open and my tongue against her, and I let her decide what she needs. My eyes are closed, and I try to memorize everything. Her taste, her soft skin, her wetness that's dripping of my chin and her sounds.

When one of her hands move into my hair, I open my eyes to see her, and I'm pleasantly surprised when I find her dark, blue eyes staring right back at me. They are filled with pleasure and pleading for me to make her come at the same time.

I start to move my tongue against her rapidly while I nod my head as best as I can to let her know that I hear her. I let my tongue move to her opening, pushing inside once to get an even better taste before her yelp and strangled 'no' tells me that she needs me on her nub.

"So close," she mumbles softly, sounding completely out of breath. "Just a little."

I move my tongue as fast as I can, ignoring the cramp in my jaw. I feel her getting wetter by the second, and when her hand grips my hair even harder, I know she is there.

Just like always, her body reacts enormously while her sounds stay quiet and controlled. Her nub throbs against my tongue, and I take it as a sign to slow my movements.

Her hips buck against my mouth a few more times as the aftershocks run through her body, and then she literally rolls off of me with a soft sigh, her legs tightly shut together the moment I'm not between them anymore.

Instantly the cold air hits my mouth, cheeks, and chin, telling me that I'm covered in her wetness. To not let it go to waste, I move my tongue over my lips while I just look at the ceiling, willing my breathing back to normal. I'm out of breath, and I didn't even do the work.

"I hate you," she mumbles, her eyes closed. The smile on her lips betrays that she is full of shit. Right now, she doesn't hate me at all.

"I don't care," I reply. I really couldn't care if she did. I know that what I just gave her was worth it, for both of us.

We lay in silence for a few minutes, both trying to calm down. I have to admit that it is a challenge with a still hard dick, but I'll wait patiently if she is planning on helping me out.

She is, because I feel her crawl to me. When she reaches me, she lays her head on my chest, her face towards my dick as her hand starts stroking me purposely.

"Thank you," she mumbles against my chest before placing a kiss there.

I grunt in response, too busy with soaking up every movement of her hand. But I know she knows that it was my pleasure, so I just let everything fade once again until it's only her.

* * *

I feel her fingers trace my eyebrow, and for a moment I pretend that I'm still fast asleep just to see what else she's going to do.

"I know you're awake," she giggles.

"Damn it," I mumble, opening my eyes to find her glowing face hovering over me.

"It's almost ten. We've slept through the alarm clock. You need to go," she mumbles without any trace of a rush. Her fingers are still tracing my eyebrow, ignoring the fact that I've opened my eyes.

"Okay," I reply. "When am I seeing you again?"

A small, cheeky smile plays around her lips. "Monday in class, Mr. Grey."

I roll my eyes. "There was a time I was dreading school. I'm turning into a nerd. Fuck, if I keep it up they'll kick me out of the terror class."

"I guess that's the good thing that comes out of this. I motivate you to go to school," she laughs. Her fingers have stopped their wandering, and her hand is resting on my chest.

She is saying it as if it's the only good thing that'll come out of this, and before this night, I would've agreed with her. I would've said that we were just fucking and that we'd eventually stop it because it was getting too dangerous.

But everything isn't as simple as it was before this night. I honestly think that we both know that we aren't just fucking anymore, even though I have the idea that she is trying really hard to fight it.

The fact is that I'm starting to have feelings for her. It are feelings that I can't place, and I'm not sure if it's because of the insane sexual chemistry that I've experienced this night or if it goes beyond that, but what I do know is that stopping it is not as easy anymore.

"True," I mumble, too distracted to say anything else.

I move my hand through her hair and lift up a little so I can kiss her. My plan was to kiss her once before I'd get out of bed, but the moment our lips connect, I know it'll take a little longer. She's just as into it though, so for a moment, I'll let her decide when it's enough.

"You really need to go," she giggles into my mouth when she feels my hands wander. "I don't know how late Tay-"

"Ana?!"

Her eyes widen while she pulls back, all the color leaving her face until she is as white as a sheet. It's no doubt exactly how I look as well, but where she has the ability to pull away from me, I'm frozen.

"Ana?! We're back," I hear the voice from downstairs call again. It's no doubt her brother who has returned with his wife. "Hannah is already here too. Are you awake?"

And Hannah apparently. Fucking fantastic.

"Fuck," she mumbles, panic rising in her throat. I wish I could take away her panic, but I'm honestly just as fucked.

"Ana?" A female voice calls, a lot closer than the man's voice just seconds ago. I can tell that she is on the stairs, maybe even in front of the bedroom door now.

"Ana," I whisper-hiss. "Fucking answer, Goddamnit."

Ana's eyes are still as wide as headlights, and I can tell that she has no idea what to do, let alone say. She isn't going to say anything. And we will get caught.

Jesus Christ. I need to get the fuck out of here.

A knock on the door followed by another call of Ana's name confirms that we're seconds away from being disturbed, and since I have nowhere to go, I turn around and lay on my stomach, my head in the pillows in hopes that Ana will find her voice again and does the rest.

Just a second after I've taken my position with my heart literally beating out of my chest, the door opens.

"STOP!" Ana yells, but it's too late because I can hear the woman gasp.

"What the-" she starts, but she is cut off by Ana.

"Out Gail. Now."

"Oh God. Sorry," she woman apologizes before I hear the door close again.

The sound of the door that closes isn't enough reassurance for me to start moving again, but I do let out the breath that I was holding.

"Oh God," Ana mumbles mortified. "I'm going to be sick."

I raise my head slowly so I can turn to her, and I see that she has tears in her eyes while she looks completely lost. The panic still shows in her eyes, but she is also shaking like a leaf.

Without thinking I sit up and pull her against my chest. "Ana, listen. We need to focus right now. I need to get out of here, and I need your help. They can't see me."

I feel her nod against my chest, and when I push her back slightly, I see that she is taking deep breaths in order to calm down. I grab her cheeks and force her to look at me. I notice that my hands are shaking as well, but I try to hide it so Ana doesn't notice.

"In and out. Come on," I encourage her, taking steady breaths myself so my heartbeat returns to normal.

"Okay," she says after a deep breath. I can tell she's finally snapped out of it; she straightens her back, wipes her eyes and then grabs my wrists and moves my hands from her face. "Get dressed."

She gets out of bed before I have time to respond. Just like that, she is distant and her whole demeanor reminds me of the first time I had her class. I know I shouldn't take it personally because she is trying to save this whole thing, but I can't help but feel weird about this. The pure bliss of moments ago is gone, and now she is acting as if nothing has happened.

"Christian," she hisses, getting my attention. "Get dressed."

She is already standing next to the bed in her thong while she is putting on her bra. Her hair is hanging around her face and I remind myself to tell her that she needs to do something about that as well, even though my naked ass got caught in her bed moments ago, so they'll know what we did anyway.

I search for my boxers which I find under the bed and then grab my jeans and shoes from the floor as well. I find my shirt at the other end of the room, thrown near the chair where she rode me like a pro for fucking twenty minutes straight. It all seems fucking months ago now.

When I've put on my jeans, I turn back to look at Ana, and I find her wearing the fluffy robe that I'd recognize from anywhere. Right now, she looks exactly the same as the first time I saw her, up until the sad expression and pale face.

She is fumbling with my sweater but when she notices that I've turned around, she hands me my final piece of clothing. "If you wear your hoody, I think I can get you out without your face for them to see."

I nod my head and pull the sweater over my head, leaving the hoody for a second longer. "What will you tell them?"

She shrugs. "I don't really know yet. They haven't seen your face, and since you are tall and muscled, I think you can go for twenty plus. I'll probably first let them talk, and then make something up from there."

I nod and ignore the feeling of disappointment once again, because what the hell do I expect? That she will bring me down and introduce me to her family? Jesus Christ. I need to get a fucking grip.

I'll head straight to the gym after this. I deserve a fucking hard ass training for thinking something this ridiculous. Fucking shit.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles after a short silence.

I shake my head. "It's not your fault."

She sighs and then straightens her back once more. "Ready?"

I move my hoody over my head, making sure to let the edge hang over my eyes a little bit just like I did when I came here yesterday. "Let's go."

She opens the door and slowly starts to walk down the stairs while trying to make as little noise as possible. I do the same, just one step behind her. The closer we come to the main floor, the harder the talking from the living room gets.

"But you know for sure that it's not Colton, right?" I hear her brother say, and I fight the urge to barge in and let him know that it's definitely not that asshole.

A woman sighs loudly. "It isn't, no. Jesus Tay. Relax. Give her a break once she comes in, she looked white as a sheet."

"She should know damn better, Gail. She is about to divorce one of the most respected businessmen in Washington. If this comes out, that asshole will have her ass," he groans.

I'm happy that we're on the same page about said asshole's name, but I don't like the way he is talking about Ana as if she is a child.

"She's been with Colton since she was fifteen. She didn't live at all. Let her live, Goddamnit," the woman, Gail, answers. I can tell by her tone that she is not agreeing with Ana's brother at all.

When we reach the final step, I hear another woman, probably Hannah, say, "how about we just stop naming reasons and let Ana tell us ourselves. She isn't a kid and I'm sure she knows what she is doing."

Right after Hannah stops talking, Ana turns around to face me, tears silently running down her cheeks while she shakes her head. "I have no idea what I'm doing," she whispers, and I wish I could just take her with me and go somewhere where we can be alone for a little longer.

I once again grab her cheeks and move my forehead against hers, my hoody shielding both of us. "Stay calm and just explain. You can tell them what you want them to know. Don't focus on me, but tell them why you wanted me here."

It's secretly a question that I want to know the answer to as well, outside of the obvious.

She nods her head but doesn't say anything. She just closes her eyes and leans against me, no doubt wishing that there weren't people waiting for her to ask her everything about our night together.

When I woke up during the night, I thought about how leaving would be harder now than it was before, but I had no idea that leaving would feel like this. I want to help her, but I can't, and it's frustrating as fuck.

"If you need me, I can meet you somewhere tonight."

Her eyes slowly open, her blue orbs ever so enchanting. "I don't know. I'll let you know."

I nod, not thinking about how she will let me know if she can't use her phone. If she really needs me, she'll find a way.

"Go," she whispers before she gives me a short kiss.

"Stay calm," I tell her before I walk to the door with my head down. Ana isn't following me, she is still standing under the stairs, her robe tightly wrapped around herself.

I don't look back, even though I desperately want to. I don't even flinch when I hear the voice of her brother come closer. I just open the door and head out while looking at my shoes that seem to go faster on their own accord.

I've sneaked out of a house once before. It was the house of the girl that I'd lost my virginity to. Her dad suddenly came home while I was still in her room, and she panicked so bad that she told me to jump out the window.

I first thought she was kidding, but the desperate panic on her face made me realize that she wasn't, and that scared the hell out of me, so I jumped.

I broke my foot and practically bruised my whole body, but I can say without a doubt that I'd take the pain I felt that day over what I feel now.

To leave her like this hurts fucking deep.


	38. Chapter 37

**A/N: I'm just giving you a heads up: you're not going to like this one. I don't like this one, but I do know that it's necessary and I do know that you'll thank me later on. How do I know this? Oh, well, it's because I'm already ten chapters ahead of you. Hihi ;). For those who are wondering and for those who will wonder after this one; I'm always, ALWAYS, the HEA type of girl. And Ana and Christian will ALWAYS be together. I'm just not giving it to them easily. Cheers. x Milou.**

Thirty-seven: The Talks.

"He won't introduce himself?" Taylor challenges while he walks into the hallway just as Christian opens the door. For a moment I hold my breath and look at Christian in horror, fearing that he'll turn around and just hold his hand out to Taylor and tell him exactly who he is.

I see him do it. He isn't the type that backs away when people challenge him, I've witnessed that from up close. But thankfully, he walks out the door without giving Taylor or me another glance.

"Just shut up," I mumble when the door has closed. I don't wait for Taylor's response, I just make my way into the living room where Gail and Hannah are both sitting on the couch.

I take my place on one of the chairs to their right, my legs tucked underneath me and my hands hidden in the sleeves. I'm cold, and all I can think of is taking a warm shower.

"Want to tell us what the hell that was?" Taylor growls as he walks into the living room as well.

His tone pisses me off even more than I already am because of his remark in the hallway, and it makes me want to walk away and don't tell him anything.

"Tay," Gail mumbles, obviously agreeing that he is out of line as well.

He sighs and moves his hands through his hair before he takes the chair across from me. He leans his elbows on his knees and his eyes meet mine. "What's going on, Rabbit?"

His tone is much softer, even though I hear the irritation behind it. I wish I had some idea in which direction I want this to go, so I could explain things, but I honestly don't know.

"I've met someone," I start, deciding to just start as simple and shallow as possible. "And he was here on my invitation. He came over yesterday and he stayed the night."

Taylor his expression screams 'are you fucking kidding me', while Gail seems to be amused. Hannah is looking at me curiously. She already knows that I'm seeing someone, so she is just curious to see what else I'll say that she doesn't know yet.

"Since when is this going on?" Taylor asks with a demanding tone, obviously still only thinking about one thing. The divorce.

"About three weeks I think," I tell him. I'm not sure when this whole thing started if I'm honest. It feels like I hated him and suddenly I was kissing him before I found myself banging him in his car. And now he stayed the night. The timeline is a bit of a blur at this point.

"You are playing with fire, Ana. If this comes out, Colton will have something against you. We don't want that. We want this divorce to be as quiet and smooth as possible. If you're out there having an affair, the press and everyone around it will want to know everything about that."

I roll my eyes and stand from my chair, the anger inside me too big to stay calm. "You only talk and think about the divorce. It's always about the fucking divorce. We need to talk to lawyers about it, and when they aren't here, you still remind me of my failed marriage every fucking minute. You haven't asked about my job or my life in weeks, it always involves my divorce or the life I had with Colton. Even now, when I'm telling you that I've met someone, you completely ignore it."

Tears well in my eyes while I throw out all the frustration of the last two weeks. I know he doesn't deserve all of it, but I also know that I deserve more than just conversations about the divorce, and Taylor needs to know that too.

"Ana, I hate to break it to you, but your divorce is the priority right now. Whether you like it or not, that is the thing that needs focus and attention. Not some other man that's taking your mind of things," Taylor answers. He is still sitting on the chair, but I can see the frustration building.

I really need my own space as soon as possible because I've been living with him and Gail for too long. The irritations are building, and because of it, we're both frustrated. He feels too responsible and I think it's because I'm too close. We're not used to it, and it changes the whole brother-sister relationship I have with him.

"And I'm focussing on it. I am. And it has my attention. But I can't live and breathe it twenty-four hours, Tay. I'll lose my mind. I have a job, and I'm trying to get to know people so my social circle expands, but you need to let me because else I'll go insane."

"I'm all for expanding your social circle, but I fail to see how inviting a man over just two weeks after you dropped the bomb of your divorce, seems to be right. It's irresponsible. "

"I'm an adult," I say, trying really hard to keep my temper in check. "I'm might be your little sister, but I'm not a child and you don't have to treat me like one. If I want to invite someone over, it's my business. It's not your concern if he is a friend, a lover or even a gigolo because it's my life and my decision. This might be your house, but it doesn't give you the right to text me in the middle of the night to check why I didn't set the alarm. It doesn't give you the right to barge into my room because I don't answer when you call for me. I'm not your child, Taylor. I'm your sister, and I'm a grown-up who has lived on her own for years just fine."

"Yet you called us while covered in blood because your husband had attacked you and you didn't know what to do," he counters, now standing as well.

"Because I fucking thought that that's what brothers are for. I needed you that one time, Taylor. In every other situation I had before that, I've never called you. You didn't even know about the whole situation between Colton and me. You know why? Because I managed all that on my fucking own. It's sweet that you want to help me, and I need you to, but I'm not just your little sister that's in the middle of a divorce. I'm also an adult with work and a life, and maybe you don't agree with the choices I make in my life right now, but it's not your job to put me in place because of it."

He seems speechless for just a second before he mumbles, "but dad would-"

"You're not dad. I know that you want to look out for me because dad can't do it anymore, but you're not him. You're my brother. And I need you to act like that," I interrupt him.

For a moment silence fills the room. We're both staring at each other, thinking over what's just been said. After a few moments, Taylor breaks the silence.

"It doesn't change the fact that you're technically cheating on your husband, Ana. He can make things so much harder if he finds out."

"What is the worst he can do?" I say while throwing my hands in the air out of frustration. "I don't want anything from him, my terms are simple as hell. I've even given him the choice of what happens with the house. I don't want any of his belongings or fortune. I want nothing. I only want a divorce, plain and simple."

"You seriously think he will let you go that easy? The fact that you don't want anything from him, doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't want anything from you. He still wants you, Ana. He's proven that when he attacked you that night. He doesn't want a divorce at all, and the fact that his lawyers haven't replied to your terms is also a sign of that. He is going to milk this out, and if he doesn't get his way, he will move heaven and earth to make you look like the bad guy. And right now, you're damn close to giving him exactly what he needs to achieve that."

I know he is right. What Taylor says right now, has been going through my mind for a few days now. Colton won't fight this fair. And if he finds out about Christian, I'm even more fucked than Taylor actually thinks.

My life is a fucking disaster.

"He won't find out, Taylor," I tell him, voicing the only thing that I'm counting on right now.

"How the fuck do you know that?" he groans, defeated. "Ana, what do you know about the guy that was just here? Who is he? Why is he here with you while the whole fucking country knows you're married? Why do you think that this little fling won't be all over the tabloids in three weeks?"

"Because he's in trouble too if this comes out," I tell him without thinking. I feel the huge need to defend Christian, even though Taylor doesn't have a clue who he is.

"Jesus Christ," Taylor mumbles. "Is he married too? Goddamnit, Rabbit."

"No!"

This is getting worse by the second.

"Then what the fuck will hold him back?" Taylor snaps, completely lost on what I'm trying to reassure him off.

"Everything," I sob, tears now properly falling down my cheeks. I can't hold it in anymore. It's just too much. "He won't betray me like that. I trust him."

I'm floored by the fact that I'm telling the truth. I trust him. I don't think I trusted him before, but after this night, I somehow know that he isn't playing. Maybe it was a game to him before, but it isn't anymore after last night.

"So that's it," Taylor sighs. "That's what it is now? You're blindly choosing the trust you have in a guy you know for three weeks above the knowledge of me? Above your husband's lawyers who are sharp as fuck, and above your husband, who is dangerously silent?"

"I don't know," I sob. Just seconds ago I thought that I figured out why the thing between me and Christian can't come out; the simple realization that I trust him. But now, after Taylor's summary, I'm lost and confused.

"Start figuring it the fuck out then," Taylor steadily says before he turns around and walks out of the living room, successfully ending the conversation.

It's good that he does because I have no idea what else I can say.

* * *

"Why were you here so early, by the way?" I ask Hannah when we are riding in my car an hour and a half later. We are on our way to the first viewing, which is in twenty minutes, and up until now, we haven't said a thing.

It's probably because she wants to say something in the lines of 'I told you so'. We're both avoiding it, even though everything will lead to it eventually.

"I'd texted you to see if you wanted to have coffee before the viewing. You didn't answer, but I thought that you would be up for it anyway, so when I was ready I just drove to Gail's house."

"Okay," I mumble, wishing that I was able to get that coffee now.

After Taylor walked out, silence filled the room again before Gail broke the silence by snorting. It was the weirdest thing after a discussion like that, and when I looked at her, the amused expression from previously was still there.

She elaborated, telling me and Hannah that she would've given me a high five and a cupcake if her husband wasn't as pissed.

Gail's reaction was one that I could've seen coming from miles away; she hates Colton for what he did to me, and seeing me with another man while I'm still married to him, serves as the ultimate revenge for her.

She seems to even encourage it, even though she didn't say it with that many words.

I didn't really react to her reaction since I was still thinking about what Taylor had said just before he walked out. And right now, while I'm driving to a potential apartment, I'm beginning to think more and more that he is right.

I'm playing with fire, and it needs to stop. Things are getting out of hand anyway. I'm starting to see things in his behavior and he confessed that he wasn't just at the house to fuck me, whatever the hell that means.

It's getting too big, and it needs to stop before the shit really hits the fan.

"You know, Ana, Taylor doesn't have to be right," Hannah suddenly starts, almost as if she can read my thoughts. "It's all shitty timing, and it's true that if this comes out, Colton will use it against you and that will have major consequences, but if you really trust him, you should follow your feelings. If he takes your mind off things and if that's what you need right now, then that's your thing. It's your choice. And I know I said that I don't-"

"He is my student, Hannah."

I don't have to move my eyes from the road to know that hers are as wide as headlights, gaping at me. I don't have to turn the radio down to know that her breathing just hitched, and I don't have to come up with an explanation, because I know that in just seconds, she will go insane anyway.

"Your student?" She asks, just to be sure she heard me correctly. Or maybe in hopes that I'll tell her I'm kidding just for the sake of her sanity.

"Yes. He goes to Port Bellevue. I'm his teacher."

"What the fuck, Ana. A minor?!" Her voice is full of shock, and I have to say I'm relieved that I don't hear any disgust, yet.

"No!" I quickly tell her, "God no. He is eighteen. He wasn't allowed to graduate last year because he'd caused a lot of trouble."

"And you think that's making everything better?!" She shrieks, her expression completely mortified.

"No," I sigh. "It's making everything worse. He is the guy that every teacher hates. He is the one I told you about after my first day. The arrogant guy I hate."

"Jesus Christ, Ana. How did this even happen?"

"It's a long story," I sigh while I arrive at the first apartment. It looks nice, even though I am not concentrated on the mission at hand at all. "I will tell you everything, but it's too much to do it now."

"Did you seduce him?" She asks, completely ignoring what I just said about not having time.

"No," I tell her honestly. "He chased me. I fought it. I even hit him once when he came too close. I kept him at distance as much as possible, even though I saw him almost every day, but he didn't listen. He kept coming back with stupid comments and notes. And then he delivered the pizza that you ordered for us, and he saw that I'd been crying."

I'm rambling through my story, tears welling in my eyes again as I tell her as much as I can. I tell her about how he genuinely seems to be interested in how I feel. I tell her about how the pull between us is too big. I tell her everything, even though I know it will make her thoughts about me even worse.

By the time I'm done, Hannah has her hands folded in front of her face as if she can't believe everything I've told her. As if she wished I didn't tell her. Both are probably exactly what she thinks right now.

"Is he in love with you?" She suddenly asks, her hands dropping to her lap while she turns her face to me.

"What?!" I almost snort at the idea. "Jesus, no. We just fuck."

She doesn't blink or blush at my hard words. She just looks at me intently. "Are you in love with him?"

"For fuck sake, Hannah. No. We fuck and then we say goodbye. I don't know anything about him except the size of his-"

"Jesus fuck, Ana. Stop right there," Hannah hisses, her hand in the air as if she is defending herself. "Are you sure?"

An image from when I was riding him flashes through me, making it impossible for me to answer her question_. You really do look beautiful, Ana_, he'd said. And the look he gave me right then, makes me question everything.

"Oh, God. This keeps getting worse," Hannah mumbles when I don't answer her question. "Ana, you can't be in love with him."

I roll my eyes. "No shit. Jesus, Hannah. As if I don't know that. We never really talked. I don't know anything about him except for his reputation at the school, and that information comes from his file and colleagues. You can't be in love with someone you just fuck."

"That's not what I meant, idiot. You can't be in love with him because he is your fucking student, Ana. Stu-dent."

"I know," I bite back.

"Good," she snaps at full force.

We sit in silence after that. Both too stubborn to look at each other, but both also desperately wanting to. I'm fumbling with my jacket while Hannah is picking on something that doesn't exist on the dashboard.

"What are you going to do now?" She asks after what feels like hours. Her voice isn't as angry as before, and she is also looking at me.

"Can I use your phone once?"

"Why?" She asks.

"Because I need to send him one text."

Her eyes widen. "That's what you're going to do? Text him? What are you going to say? Are you going to tell him that you want to see him?"

I nod my head determinedly, my eyes burning from the sudden flow of tears that I'm desperately trying to swallow back. "I need to see him, Hannah."

"And why, pray tell?

"So I can end it."

* * *

"I hate you for dragging me along," Hannah mumbles while I ride down the small, dark path that leads to the spot at Lake Washington that has become a place of peace for me.

My perfect, little fantasy world. The world that I'm about to destroy because deep in my heart, I know we will destroy each other if I don't. It's already breaking my heart, and I haven't even told him anything yet.

My eyes seem to have this constant burn, and I haven't eaten the whole day. It's ironic that a decision like this affects me this much while deciding to divorce Colton was as easy as it could be once I realized how enough is enough.

"Seriously, Ana. What the hell will the guy think when he sees me?" Hannah says, again trying to get a reaction out of me.

I've ordered Hannah to come with me to meet Christian because I don't know how I will be after this talk. Honestly, it's also to prevent me from letting him drag me into his car and fuck me senseless one more time. It needs to end, and even though I don't want it to, I know it's best.

Taylor was right. And even though I really trust Christian not to tell, I can't trust anyone around us. If we get caught, the consequences will be enormous. Not just for me and the process of my divorce, but also for Christian.

His face will be on every tabloid around. His friends will look at him differently. He will get kicked off from Port Bellevue. He will always be that guy that got it on with married the Anastasia Davies even though he and I both know that he got just me. Ana.

He deserves so much more than that.

"Is that him?" Hannah asks when we arrive at our spot. His car is already standing there, and he is leaning against the door, his face turned to my car.

I nod my head and turn off the engine and lights, which immediately causes Christian's face to pale and his eyes to widen, no doubt because he sees that I've brought someone along.

Without saying anything to Hannah, I get out of the car. I feel so desperate to let him know why I brought Hannah here with me because I hate seeing him as shocked and unsure as he does now, but on the other hand, I wish I could postpone this talk as long as possible.

These feelings confuse the hell out of me.

"Hi," I mumble softly when I'm close enough for him to hear me.

"Hi," he nods. "Who is that?"

He has put his hoody over his head when I walked to him, almost as if he is hiding even though Hannah has seen him already.

"Hannah," I answer, and in response, he nods his head once. "She knows everything."

"Why?"

It is a question, but something in the tone he uses tells me that he already feels that its about to change drastically.

"I couldn't keep it hidden. I had to talk to someone," I tell him honestly. "I couldn't lie to her anymore."

"Not that," he replies. "Why is she here?"

He doesn't even seem to care that she knows about us, and it surprises me. By the way, he reacted when Gail caught us, I expected him to freak out the moment he saw Hannah, let alone when he knew that Hannah knows who he is. But he seems more interested in the reason why I brought her with me.

"I need to talk to you," I tell him. I'm not sure how to begin and it's affecting me more than I ever thought was possible.

"Talk," he says, his tone demanding. His arms are crossed over his chest and he seems so closed, it's making it even harder for me.

"We can't continue like this, Christian. Today we got caught, and thank God Taylor and Gail don't know who you are, but it will be a matter of time before someone who does know both of us finds out. It's too dangerous. For both of us."

The more I say, the more his demeanor changes. I can see that he's clenching his fists, and his jaw is clenching as well. On top of that, his eyes are unreadable. There is a sort of fire there that I haven't seen before, and I think it's coming closest to hurt which makes my heart clench.

"If Colton finds out, he will do everything in his power to ruin me," I continue when he doesn't say anything. "And probably you as well. You will get kicked off school, I lose my job and the tabloids will do everything they can to have you on the front page every week until God knows when. It will do so much damage for both of us, Christian. We can't take that risk. The consequences are too big."

I can't hold the tears back while I try to let him know that I wish it was different. He doesn't seem to get the message through, because he seems to get more pissed off with the second.

"This is fucking bullshit," he growls when he sees that I have nothing left to say. I have no idea if he is talking about what I say, or about the consequences. "We knew all this before this whole thing started. What the hell suddenly changed?"

"Everything. How can you not see that? We got caught, Christian. It's only a matter of time before it happens again. Do you know how people will look at me when they find out? They'll see me as a predator. They'll never trust their kids around me again."

"But you knew that when you started fucking me, Ana," he growls again, his voice louder than before. "If you want to end it, at least be honest about the fucking reason."

"What the hell are you talking about? That is the fucking reason!"

He chuckles humourlessly while he shakes his head. "You're lying to yourself."

"I'm not. Christian, this is the reason. I don't want to drag you into my shit. I don't want to involve you in my divorce."

"I already am!" He shouts back, the aggression clearly visible.

I'm taken aback by his sudden aggression. What the fuck is going on with him?

"You're not. Colton doesn't know you, and nobody knows what happened between us. You're not involved at all," I tell him when I've found my voice again.

"And that suits you just fine doesn't it? You're just going to pretend it never happened until you start believing it yourself. And then you're going to return to you fake life and act like you're really that precious billionaire sister, smiling on every cover and every event. Only they'll love you even more than before because you finally had the guts to leave your cheating, aggressive husband. You'll be a role model for young girls. If they only knew."

"What is wrong with you?" I hiss, my nose inches from his. The tears are forgotten, even though they still sting in my eyes. "You think you suddenly know everything about me just because you fucked me a couple of times?"

The moment the words are out, I wish I could swallow them back in. I know this will hurt him, and I also know that it isn't the truth.

"You know I do," he bites back.

"You don't. You're just a fucked-up eighteen-year-old troublemaker with no goals and no future because he is about to get kicked off school."

"Yet you opened your legs for me as wide as possible and begged me to fuck you because your fucking husband couldn't give you what you needed."

Before I know what I'm doing, my hand connects with his cheek. Right after I've hit him, he grabs my wrist hard, yanking me forward. His eyes are dark, and he looks angry and sad, but above all lost.

"I'm starting to understand why that asshole fucked other chicks," he chuckles, his demeanor changing yet again, now to being the arrogant asshole that I've met when I started at Port Bellevue. "I can act like the eighteen-year-old. You haven't seen anything yet, Ana. No problem."

"I hate you," I hiss while I yank my wrist out of his grip.

"I don't fucking care," he growls before he opens the door of his car and gets in without another word.

I take a few steps back when he starts the engine, and right after he drives backward to turn around. When he drives away, I'm still standing, almost frozen to the ground, while I feel completely lost.

Hundreds of questions are going through my mind, the main one being, as always when he is close to me; what the hell just happened?


	39. Chapter 38

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! I hope you're surrounded by a lot of love, family and happiness.**

**I wanted to put a lot of information into this one, so I hope it's still as clear as it is in my mind. Love all the reviews about Ana's and Christians' behavior and their situation by the way! You all know them better than I thought! Enjoy this one. X Milou**

Thirty-eight: A small trace.

"Had a good weekend, man?" Dave hits my shoulder to get my attention as he moves from behind me, and I fight the urge to tell him to back the fuck off.

It's Monday morning, and as if that fact alone isn't depressive enough, Dave wants to know about how my weekend was.

We always talk about how our weekends were if we haven't been hanging out. Dave's stories are always entertaining since his friend group is just insane. And normally, my weekends are pretty damn good as well, but this particular weekend is just one that I want to forget and never talk of again.

And all that, while it started so good on Friday night. I'd never in a million years thought that this weekend, that began with her making me mac and cheese before I had my way with her more than once, would end as disastrous as it eventually did.

The moment I saw that she'd brought along someone when she met me at Lake Washington, Hannah as I later discovered, I knew that she was going to tell me something I didn't like. I might even felt that she wanted to end it deep down, even though I only realized that when I was on my way back home.

What I didn't expect, was the bullshit she gave me as a reason, and just thinking about it makes me livid all over again.

She lied. I don't know if she realizes it herself by now, or that she is still completely sure of her motives as to why she ended it, but I could tell she was full of shit.

Every reason she mentioned, were things she knew before she'd let me fuck her. She knew what people would think of her if this comes out, and she knew that it would have huge consequences, whether she is married or not. She even knew that there would come a time that she wasn't going to be able to keep it all to herself.

It was all inevitable, yet she acted as if she was oblivious to it all up until her sister in law caught us.

She lied because she is scared. She is scared of what happened between us this weekend and because of it, she's pushing me away. And if she would've just told me that, I would've understood it. I would've understood that this shit s just as new for her as it is for me, and I would've understood that she has no idea what to do with it. I don't have a fucking clue either.

But she lied to me as if I'm a fucking idiot, a child, and that only got confirmed when she started bitching about my age. A-fucking-gain.

Every time I put her into place or tell her something she doesn't like, she bitches about how I'm 'just eighteen'. It's almost ironic since she doesn't seem to have any problem with me being eighteen while my dick is buried to the hilt. Or when she's on her knees in front of me, mumbling about how big I am before she sucks the life out of me.

The fire in her is something that attracts me to her. I love it when she is bitchy and demanding, how she can make people back the fuck off with just one look. But I hate it when she properly uses it against me and my age, just because she doesn't know what to feel or how to respond.

But I don't give a shit anymore. If she thinks that she's seen the real eighteen-year-old terror kid everyone is talking about, she is wrong. So fucking wrong.

I've been going easy on her from the moment I stepped into her classroom. You could say that her beauty and pure sexual desire made me hold back. But I'm done holding back now, and I'm going to make sure she'll discover just how bad I can go.

Of course, part of my need to make her life even more hell than it already is is because I can't handle the idea of not fucking her again. Not kissing or touching her again, never hearing my name coming from her lips in moans, the thought is just depressing.

If I can't make her moan my name, I'll sure as hell going to make her curse it. Either way, she will think of me.

After this weekend, I'm even more addicted to her than before. I crave her like my mom craved crack, and I'm beginning to think that it's just as dangerous.

Because when I'm high on her, thoughts about getting caught and getting kicked off of school aren't as bad, even though they obviously are. I don't want to get caught, I'd seriously almost shit myself when her sister in law marched in. I don't want to get kicked off just because of her. I owe Carrick and Grace so much more. I can do so much more.

I want to be so much more. That image of her and me in a kitchen, it hasn't left my mind. If I want even a slight change in ending in a house like that, I'll need to stop fucking around.

She is dangerously fucking with my head, almost as if she knows what kind of power she holds over me.

"Fine," I mumble to Dave, who is still waiting for an answer to his simple as fuck question. If he'd only knew what kind of complicated shit is going through my mind. "Yours?"

"Relaxed. Didn't really do much," he replies. "Hey, have you seen the news this morning?"

I frown and shake my head. "No. What kind of fucking question is that?"

He chuckles before he grabs his phone from his pocket. "There was an interesting item." He wiggles his eyebrows before he shows me an article on his phone.

**'TROUBLE IN PARADISE?'**

The huge black title of the article is the first one you see as you open your newsfeed and the picture underneath it probably earns millions of clicks in just seconds.

I click on the article to open the text, and the image immediately fills Dave's screen. It's Ana, and I can tell that the photo is taken on the day that we got caught. I scroll down and start reading the text fast, trying not to look too interested in case Dave pays too much attention to my reaction.

_Anastasia and Colton Davies are one of the it-couples of this moment; the newlyweds seem to have it all. But while we were patiently waiting for the announcement of a pregnancy or the first glance of a baby bump, the couple seems to have stumbled upon some trouble._

_Anastasia Davies was spotted while viewing two apartments in Bellevue on Saturday afternoon. According to sources, she's looking for a small apartment in which she can move in immediately. She was joined by Hannah Hagen, who works for a publishing company of SEH and is rumored to be the woman who has finally hooked billionaire and brother of Anastasia, Luke Steele._

_The fact that Anastasia is looking for apartments without her husband, makes it clear that this isn't some investment for the two of them. Add the fact that she wants something in which she can move in right away with just two bedrooms, makes us fear that Washington's most loveable couple is taking a time-out, or worse, calling quits for good._

I stop reading even though the article is taking the reader down the path of memory lane, informing you over how the romantic, fairytale relationship of high school sweethearts Anastasia and Colton began.

If I'll read that, I'm seriously going to be sick. Or worse, pull some shit that gets me into trouble.

"Weird huh? I actually forgot that she is a big deal. She seems so normal when she's teaching us."

I nod my head in agreement. His words couldn't be truer. When I'm alone with her, there isn't a trace of the woman that's photographed at events and on red carpets. This weekend, when I saw her without make-up, she looked like a young woman, almost a teenager if I used my imagination. And the photo that's portrayed in the article, shows that's she is anything but happy, although she was happy just hours before it was taken, while she was with me.

"Leila is going to use this against Davies so bad," Dave grins while he puts his phone back into his pocket, his whole face showered with amusement.

"Have you read the information about Amsterdam? That's sick, isn't it?" I change the subject. Of all the subjects, Leila is the worst.

"Yeah, man. Sick indeed. And the group of teachers that are joining is pretty chill as well. Kavanaugh, Johnson, Davies. The only fucked up one is Rodriquez, and maybe Lopez. Bet we can ditch them while we're there though."

I chuckle, ignoring the feeling that shoots through me the moment he mentions her name in combination with the trip to Amsterdam. She told me that she's not sure if she wants to join, and I have to admit that I felt disappointment at the time.

"I'm actually surprised that they're letting us join," Dave continues. "I mean, Amsterdam. It's like a paradise full of legal weed and sex. They're really brave. I wonder if they are just naive, or that they already know we're going to get into trouble there."

"Probably the latter," I chuckle. "They think it'll finally give them a reason to get rid of us."

Dave hits my shoulder again, laughing as well. "Which makes them naive as fuck."

You would think that they've learned their lesson. After everything we've pulled, the only right thing to do is send us to the Amish for a week. But what do they do? Fucking Amsterdam. They're really making it too easy.

And if I got into that plane before this weekend, it would've gone exactly like Dave is suggesting. Weed, booze, and sex, exploring Amsterdam the only proper way there is. But now that I have that image of her in this huge as fuck kitchen, I know I can't.

But for the show, I let out a huge mocking laugh while I slam Dave's shoulder in return. "Fuck yeah."

* * *

"And what about amicable numbers?"

Her voice is soft and introvert, and it's matching the look on her face and her demeanor. Her skin is paler than usual, and the beginning of dark circles under her eyes are betraying her lack of sleep.

For the first time since she's teaching us, she was late. We were already in the classroom, just seconds away from bailing, when she rushed through the door, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. I doubt it was the first.

We are all silent, not really participating. It's nothing new, but today I know for a fact that it's calm before the storm. Leila's been grinning like a cat since Ana started talking. She is waiting for the right time to strike, and the weakness that Ana is showing right now is only making her greedier.

Ana hasn't looked at me once, even though my eyes never left her. I know my gaze is completely different than normal, and I know she feels it too.

Now that I see her, the anger inside rises again, and I know it shows on my face. While I look at her, all I can see is her face when she told me that it was getting too dangerous. How her eyes told me something completely different.

How she lied to my face. How she underestimated me, the eighteen-year-old high schooler, and thought that she would easily get away with lying to my face. Because what the hell does a kid like me know?

My blood us boiling because of it.

"Can we do something a little easier today, Mrs. Davies? Can we calculate the capacity of certain spaces? I'm kind of struggling with that. It's all so confusing. For example, how many square meters is your new apartment?"

Leila's voice fills the classroom, cutting through the silence that was there while Ana waited for an answer to her question.

Laughs and chuckles move through the group, while Ana tried to hide her sigh before she straightens her back. It doesn't look hardly as impressive now that she looks this pale.

"It's funny because I happen to know that those apartments are approximately one hundred-three square meters, which makes me wonder how big the two bedrooms are. I mean, it is a huge difference with the three-hundred eighty-three square meters of the house you live in with your husband," Leila continues, her voice almost singing in delight. "Christian was right, doing research comes in very handy."

I roll my eyes at the mention of my name, but at the same time, an amused expression covers my face. It's not because I'm entertained. It's because I'm determined to show Ana just how annoying an eighteen- year- old man-child can be, and for that, I need to play along.

Ana's eyes flicker from me to Leila for just a nanosecond. It's the first time she's made eye contact with me, but I wasn't able to read her expression.

"I think that's a very good idea, Leila," Ana replies, surprisingly enough. She drops the paper she was reading from and crosses her arms before her chest. "To calculate square meters, you need to know the lengths and widths."

Ana continues taking Leila's question for explanation seriously, and I'm not sure if it's brave or cringeworthy. It is impressive how she keeps her straight face, but I can clearly see how the self-assurance slowly leaves her body.

And I know I'm not the only one.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you," Leila says, stopping Ana midsentence. "But I think you're not really understanding my confusion. I know how to calculate the square meters of a room or house. What I want to know is, why you'd choose a small apartment over a huge ass house. That's what confuses me."

Again the group erupts into laughter, and again I join. It feels weird to do so, but the anger is still bigger than anything else I'm feeling.

"Haven't you learned not to believe everything they write, Miss Williams?" Ana's voice is weak. It's clear that she doesn't know how to respond, which once again shows how she is not herself. The Ana that walked around the classroom a few weeks ago, would've crushed Leila.

A small part of me wonders if what happened between us this weekend is a reason for that, although the rational part of me knows that it's because her face is all over the news today because she was caught looking for apartments.

When she told me that she was looking for apartments on Friday night, I saw possibilities. I saw her and me, on a bed every damn time. I saw us in the kitchen, in the shower, and on the floor in the living room. I saw us all around that small apartment, but what I got was fucking Lake Washington, without any fucking action.

"Write, yes. But there were pictures too, so that's the proof I'm choosing to believe," Leila shrugs.

"If you've made up your mind already, I'm not sure what you want me to tell you," Ana says, and for a moment I close my eyes.

Out of all the things she could've said, she says this. She is practically handing Leila the nail to her coffin. Right now, Leila is clearly the aggressor, and you just don't want to give her that advantage.

"Tell us if there is trouble in paradise, Mrs. Davies. Your fans would like to know what's going on with their idol. Right, Christian?" She turns to me, her eyes twinkling with delight. "You want to know what's going on right? For the Fanclub?"

I narrow my eyes, really not having a clue what she's trying to say. Her eyes don't give anything away, while Ana's seem to fill with the desperation of not knowing what to do more by the minute.

"I don't give a flying fuck," I growl.

"I beg to differ," she mumbles before turning to Ana again. "You see, Mrs. Davies, we just want to know what's going on. The fact that our teacher is plastered all over the front pages, is a shock for us as well. We all thought your marriage was nothing but sunshine and rainbows."

"It's not your concern, Miss Williams. Your concern is paying attention to the classes that you're given here at Port Bellevue because if you don't, your whole plan of owning a beauty salon will be just a sad dream."

Thankfully, Ana pulls herself together somewhat and manages to make it sound somewhere in between a hiss and a demand.

"At least I have a dream. It's still better than being the pathetic, naive little housewive with no self-respect that forgives her husband for having affairs every damn time," Leila hisses while she practically throws her stuff into her purse.

Everybody is cheering and clapping for Leila, who looks smug and satisfied. Ana is looking at me, her wide eyes full of shock and hurt. I know what she is thinking. And even though she will never believe me, I truly have no idea how Leila knows that the asshole cheated on her.

But what I do know, is that everything just got more complicated than it already was.

* * *

"The fuck was that, Lei?" John asks the moment Leila walks out of school and is within reach. I can tell that he is impressed by what she's pulled off in Ana's class, and the big smile on Leila's face tells me that she is proud of what she's achieved as well.

"What was what?" She strides past us, obviously planning on not elaborating anything whatsoever.

"You know what," Sarah answers, just as curious as John, only not as impressed. She seems more critical about the whole thing.

The moment we left Ana's classroom, Dave and John insisted on waiting for Leila to ask her about what she'd said in Ana's class. Of course, the whole group was in hysterics because Leila apparently knows something that even the press doesn't know, and they all seem to understand that what happened between Leila and Ana has consequences.

I didn't want to wait. Frankly, I want to stay away from Leila as much as possible because I fear I will hurt her if I come to close. But in order to find out how Leila knows about Ana's husband, I didn't have a choice but to wait as well.

The only time I van remember that Ana and I have talked about her husband and his affairs, was when we spoke in her classroom when she let me and Leila come to her at the end of the day. Ana briefly mentioned it, but I didn't really ask further.

If Leila has her information about this because she didn't leave and actually listened to us, Ana and I have bigger things to worry about than Leila knowing about her husband. If Leila was there, she knows about the kiss Ana and I shared, both in her classroom and the night before when I delivered the pizza.

I need to find out how much Leila exactly knows.

While Leila marches to her car, she shrugs and fumbles in her purse to take out her car keys, looking unaffected and even a little bored. "Guys, seriously. I just said something out of the blue. I'm not even sure if it's the truth, but I figured that it happens about eight out of ten times with all those glamour couples in Hollywood, so why not with Anastasia and Colton Davies."

I don't believe a shit of what she's saying, but I choose to stay quiet for now. I can't take the risk of showing too much interest. Not before I know how Leila got her information.

"Besides, Christian told me to do research, and I did. That Colton is sex on legs, and at his company work a lot of gorgeous, young women. You can't tell me he hired all of them because they are smart." With that, Leila opens the door of her car and gets in, obviously enjoying the looks of confusion on our faces.

"Hi, Leila," I speak up before she has a chance to close the door. "Wanna go for a drive?"

As expected, Leila's eyes light up in surprise before she nods her head without thinking it over. She doesn't seem nervous about me asking this, so that could be a sign that she didn't hear this information when we both were at Ana's classroom.

"Sure, hotshot," she smiles, clearly hoping something completely different than my actual intentions for this drive. I'm not sure why she would think I'd even go there again with her, but right now I let her believe whatever she wants.

I get into her car as well, earning a laugh and a high five from Dave and John. The only one who isn't amused is Sarah. She still seems pissed at Leila for what she pulled during Ana's class, and I wish I could tell her that I am too.

"Where to?" She mumbles when we've both closed the doors.

"Just drive around a bit. I want to talk to you," I answer, trying really hard to keep my voice in check.

She nods and starts the engine before she waves to our friends and drives off. Her hand moves to my leg when she is done with shifting gears and almost as a reflex, I grab her hand hard, forcing it away from my leg.

"So you're not here for that," she mumbles, her eyes not leaving the road. She doesn't look surprised, so I assume she already knew that.

"I'm not," I confirm. "Tell me how you know about Davies's husband."

I try to sound curious and even a little bit in awe, even though I'm fuming inside. Until she confirms if she's seen Ana and me, I can't let her know what this does to me. She can't see how angry I am at her for treating Ana like this.

"Why?"

"Because I think it's insane that you know. I mean, when I said research, I meant just the stuff that everybody already knows. Not this."

She smirks and moves her face in my defection for a second before she turns to the road again. "Are you impressed, Grey?"

"A little," I mumble. "Come on, tell me how you know."

"Alright," she sighs, "but you have to promise that it stays between us."

I nod my head and let out a breath. If she says it like this, I can hardly believe that it has something to do with her seeing me and Ana. Leila is always straight to the point. If she'd seen or heard us, she would've told me by now.

"My half-sister was one of the women that Colton Davies had a relationship with. She was his assistant, and they were together for about four months. Anastasia found out about it almost eleven months ago because she'd read texts that my sister had sent to him, and that's when he stopped it. He fired my sister, made her sign an NDA, and gave her a good amount of money so she wouldn't fight her resignation. Just a few weeks after that, he married Anastasia."

Leila laughs and shakes her head. "It's honestly pathetic. How can you stay with someone that cheats like that? Seriously. My sister and I always laugh our asses off when we see them together in tabloids or on tv. She smiles like everything is perfect, but it's all fake."

"Jesus Christ," I mumble. I really didn't expect Leila to tell me all this, and right now, I'm actually more intrigued.

"I know right. And you know what's the best thing?" She asks excitedly. When I look at her expectantly, she speaks again. "Anastasia is a huge prude. That's the reason he was with my sister. She couldn't fulfill his needs at all. He is the dirty type and while she might look sexy and mysterious and all, that's all fake."

I fight the urge to tell her that I can confirm that what she tells me is bullshit. Anastasia Davies might be a prude, but Ana Steele isn't. My Ana is definitely not a prude, and she is ten times better than her.

My Ana?! Jesus Christ, I'm fucking whipped.

"Isn't your sister going to get into trouble? She's signed an NDA and took money from him to keep quiet, and now your out there telling her secret."

"I've only told you and I know you won't do anything with it. I know you don't give a fuck anyway, all you care about is yourself. Besides, Davies demanded answers when I stayed behind just now, and I told her that it was all a guess. She can't prove anything."

"She can if she knows that your sister had an affair with her husband," I remind her.

She snorts and waves it off. "How will she ever find out? We don't share the same last name, and my sister lives on her own. She's twenty-nine, you know."

"So she's your mother's daughter?" I ask her, now curious about this whole situation as well. I'm trying to get as much information as possible without looking suspicious. Maybe Ana can do something with it.

I have no idea why I'm suddenly thinking like that since Ana dumped my ass, but fuck it.

Leila, who has parked the car at her house, nods her head. "Yeah, I'm kind of a late baby. My mom was forty-one when she had me. She met my dad three months before she got pregnant. My sister's dad and my mom were never together."

"So you two were both accidents," I deadpan.

"Yeah," she nods, completely unaware of how I meant that last commend. "Are you coming in? I'm alone until ten tonight."

She moves her hand up my leg again, and it's making the hairs in my neck stand. "Fuck Leila, no. I've told you before, were done."

"Then why the hell did you come with me? Jesus."

"Look, let's be friends okay? After what you've pulled at Davies, you've shown me that you're not as dumb and shallow as I thought. I'm impressed but don't ruin it by throwing yourself at my feet. It's too easy and I like to work for it until I deserve it."

I want to be on speaking terms with her because I know that she knows more about that asshole that can be interesting for me and Ana as well. If it means I need to tolerate her and maybe give her the idea things eventually could work between us, I will.

She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Last time you weren't so eager to work for it. You were all too happy with me just offering."

"I've changed. Got bored. So you know what to do. Make work of it and you might convince me you're worth it for me to earn you."

I'm not lying; I have changed. I'm also not lying about wanting to earn it. She just doesn't have anything to do with it. At all.


	40. Chapter 39

**A/N: So sorry I haven't posted for a while. Something really nice happened actually. My husband took me on a surprise trip to London for our anniversary without the kids, and it was amazing. It's officially one of my favorite cities now, and I'm pleased to say that it gave me a lot of inspiration for a Christmas story. I'm going to start writing that now, and it maybe means that updates on this one will be a little less regular than normal. It's only for December though, and I hope you'll like the other story so much that it won't bother you too much. Much love x Milou.**

Thirty-nine: Information.

It has been a long time since I've felt as defeated as I'm feeling right now. I feel as if I've survived a fall off a cliff even though all the bones in my body are broken. My head hurts since Sunday morning, the sting that's there just doesn't go away no matter how many painkillers I take. I've been crying more hours of the day than not and to add to the drama, I woke up this morning to my face plastered over every local tabloid and paper.

I knew that the students and colleagues would react to it, it's the fucking reason I seriously thought about calling in sick, but since I, for some fucked up reason, couldn't handle not seeing Christian, I went anyway.

My colleagues had the decency to not ask about anything they've read. They looked, of course, and Kate asked if I was okay, but other than that, the stares were the worst they did. I can handle that.

Mr. Brown came to me after his morning talk, and asked if I was okay as well. He also advised me to try and teach as normal as possible. He figured that if I didn't show anything, the students wouldn't dare to ask.

He was so wrong.

I knew that the terrors would be the worst since things like this seem to be what they live for. Add Christian, who has basically threatened to make my life a living hell now that I've told him that I can't see him anymore into the mix, and you have a complete drama class.

To make everything worse, I was late because I needed another shot of caffeine. I looked like a lost, broken girl by the time I ran into the classroom where the students were already waiting for me.

Leila was obviously on a mission to make my day even more horrible than it already was, and she succeeded. She surprised the hell out of me when she mentioned Colton's affairs, but without knowing it, she also made me realize that I'd made the right decision to end things with Christian.

I suspect that Christian told Leila about how Colton cheats on me. It hurts like hell to even think about it, and a part of me can't believe it because I really trusted him, but there simply isn't another way she could know.

Christian is the only one outside of my family and Kate that knows about Colton's affairs, and I know they haven't told her.

The only other way that she could've found out, is by hearing Christian and me on the day I threw them both out of my classroom. Though if that was the case, she would've had a lot more against me than just the affairs of my husband, which is why I know she didn't overhear us.

Leila's own explanation when I asked her about it was another thing that confirmes my thoughts about Christian a little more. She shrugged it off by telling me that she was just guessing. The more I asked, the shorter her answers got, but her story didn't change. It's frustrating as hell but in the end, I let her go with the pathetic punishment of another early duty at Barney.

They're probably all laughing at me.

"Hey," Kate calls from the door. "Wanna grab a quick bite at Rosita's before the meeting about Amsterdam starts?"

Jesus, I completely forgot about that.

"Sure," I sigh. Being out if this building for an hour will do me good.

"I'll grab my stuff," Kate smiles before she disappears again.

I grab my purse and put on my coat before I head to the classroom next to me. Rosita's is just five minutes from school which means we can walk. It's not raining and the fresh air might help with clearing my thoughts.

"Were they horrible to you?" Kate asks when we walk down the hall to the exit.

"Not all of them," I mumble.

"The terrors?" Kate asks knowingly while we walk through the doors.

I nod my head and wait until we're off the school property before I speak again, so I know for sure that nobody can hear us.

"Leila mostly. She really hates me."

Kate rolls her eyes. "Ana, she hates everybody. And everybody hates her. Even her classmates. Have you seen how they react to her? The other day, John nearly flew over his desk to attack her because she was pushing his buttons. It took everything in me to stop him."

I snort and see that Kate is smirking as well. I'm so happy that we can talk like this to each other.

"She made a comment about Colton's affairs, in front of the whole class. It caught me off guard," I tell her.

"How did she know? Is it in the papers?"

I shake my head. "No. I have no idea how she knows."

Since I haven't told Kate about what has been going on between Grey and me, outside of the fact that he picked me up that night, I don't mention how I suspect that Leila might have heard it from him. Kate, however, asks about it herself.

"Have you told Grey anything about that?"

When I don't answer right away, I hear her sigh. When I look at her, I can tell she already knows the answer, and she is looking at me as if I'm crazy.

"Please tell me you told him the night when he dropped you at the OMC?"

"Not really," I mumble, and as a reaction, Kate curses under her breath.

"Do I even want to know more or shall we just ignore this whole subject?"

"I've been seeing him, "I whisper. For some reason talking about it seems necessary now that I've talked to Hannah. It felt good to tell her, also because I knew she would set me straight.

Although I don't know Kate for that long, I have become closer to her in the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure if it's because I've never experienced a real friendship before up until her, but I feel like I can trust her. She hasn't said anything about what happened the night that Christian picked me up to anyone which makes me think that she's trustworthy.

Kate abruptly stops walking, her eyes wide as they plead me to tell her that I'm joking. "In class, I hope?" She asks, her voice high.

"And outside of it," I mumble while looking at my feet. I don't dare to look at her, because I know judgment is written all over her face.

"You are insane."

It's a statement. And Kate sounds determined. There is a no-bullshit tone hidden in her voice, and it makes me believe that she is right.

"I know. I ended it this weekend."

When I lift my head, I'm just in time to see Kate's eye-roll. "No offense, Ana, but you've already promised me something like that before. And apparently, it didn't stop you from doing things with him."

She waves her hand around to cover said 'things'. Unlike Hannah, Kate does look disgusted and I have to admit that it hurts. It hurts in more ways than one, but it also makes me realize that this is the look that people will give me when they find out.

Disgust will cover their faces. Disgust is what they will think of me. And even though I know deep down that if I'll explain everything, it might not be as disgusted as they think, they will not give me the chance. They won't listen, because I'm his teacher and therefore the one that should have known better.

"Why did you end it?" Kate demands after a short silence.

"It's such a mess, Kate. My sister in law caught us at her house. She was supposed to be away until twelve, but she and my brother came back early. Christian hid in the sheets and she didn't saw his face, but they know that I've been seeing someone. My brother is furious because of it. And it all made me realize that we couldn't continue, so I told Christian that. He didn't take it well at all. He basically threatened to make my life a living hell at work."

I'm rambling through the story so she can't stop me mid-sentence. I want her to know everything before she reacts.

"Jesus Christ, Ana. He was with you? In your personal space?!"

I nod my head. "It was the first time. We first met at a spot near Lake Washington."

"How was he today? Did he give you a hard time?"

I shrug and move my hands over my face, trying to hide a few tears that have left my eyes. "He looked as if he wanted to murder me but he didn't really say anything. Leila did all the talking, and even though I can't believe he did it, the only way that Leila can know about Colton is because Christian told her."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that he told her?" Kate asks, disbelieve dripping from her tone.

"I just can't. I trust him. He was with me this weekend, and he just showed me a whole different side of him. I know it sounds stupid, Kate, and I know you can't believe it because you know what he is like at school, but he is different when we are alone."

"You are in love with him," she states, and my eyes widen at her determined tone.

"What?"

"You are in love with him," she repeats while she nods her head. "Jesus Ana, how can you let that happen?"

I'm at a loss of words. Since Hannah asked me if I was in love with him, I've been thinking about it. I've been asking myself that question the whole weekend, and I tried to be as honest as possible to myself.

Christian's reaction made me think as well. Am I ending it because I'm in love with him? Is that what scares me? Or am I really ending it because it's getting too dangerous?

The only honest answer is that I don't know. I feel things, but I don't recognize it. I've been in love before, with Colton, and it didn't feel like this. And the fact that I'm scared shitless about what's happening outside of the little bubble Christian and I created, doesn't help at all.

"I'm so confused, Kate. I didn't mean for this to happen at all. I needed this job so bad. I didn't take this job to get it on with a student," I tell her honestly, and to my surprise, I feel her arms around me just a second after the words have left my mouth.

"Of course you didn't," she mumbles against my head. "You would be crazy to do that in your position. Being famous and all."

I roll my eyes at her comment, but otherwise, stay silent. I'm not sure what to say anyway.

"What are you going to do now?" Kate asks when she pulls back from our hug. She doesn't look as angry as moments ago, and I'm relieved because of it.

"Focus on my divorce and stay away from Grey," I tell her determinedly.

She rolls her eyes and almost snorts mockingly. "Right. Good luck with that. In a few weeks, you're sitting on a plane to Amsterdam with him."

"Which is why I told Brown that I don't want to go. He just really wants me to go, and that is making all this even more fucked up because I'm afraid he will hold it against me if I still decline."

"Do you know who signed you in already?" Kate changes the subject while she starts to walk again.

"No. I didn't really think about it that much, to be honest. It doesn't really going to change anything anyway."

"What if Grey did it?" Kate opts.

I roll my eyes. "Right. How would that even be possible?"

"He did some impressive shit before. It wouldn't surprise me."

"Okay, but why would he do it?" I counter.

Kate looks at me knowingly and I hold up my hands in defense. "He wouldn't."

"He is eighteen, has raging hormones that probably burst his pants and he's been screwing his teacher at some hidden spot at Lake Washington. He would, Ana. Trust me. He would."

"What about José?" I counter, desperately trying to get the attention away from Christian. "He tried to flirt with me a few weeks ago. It freaked me out a bit."

"That's José for you. He did that with me too before I told him I am gay. He is awkward but harmless. Besides, what would be his motive? Grey has a motive, Ana."

I sigh and roll my eyes yet again. "It doesn't matter, the fact remains that I'm on that list and Brown wants me to join no matter what."

"But don't you want-" kate starts, but she's cut off by my phone that goes off.

"Just a sec," I tell her as I grab my phone out of the pocket of my coat, seeing Taylor's name on the caller ID.

Kate nods and then walks the few steps to the door of Rosita's. "I'll get us a table."

I nod and watch her walk inside before I pick up my phone. "Hi, Tay."

"Ana," Taylor answers, his voice rushed. "We have a situation. Where are you?"

"I'm about to have a quick bite with Kate, we have a meeting at school after that. Why?"

"We've got word back from Colton's lawyers. They are not pleased with the pictures that were published of you looking for houses. Colton's going to make this divorce a lot harder, Rabbit."

I feel the blood drain from my face even though I'm not surprised by what Taylor tells me. I knew that Colton wasn't going to just agree without a fight, but hearing Taylor say it as a fact, makes everything more real. It's frightening.

"How?" It's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. It's the only thing I can think of right now. I haven't asked Colton for anything in my terms, so I genuinely don't know what he can refuse me.

"He claims that he is getting calls of a lot of papers with questions about your marriage and why you are looking at apartments. He states that they all think that he is the bad guy, and they threaten to publish it exactly that way. Someone has tipped the paps off when we were at the hospital that night, and even though they don't have pictures of us leaving, they still can make a story around it. If that happens, Colton fears that it will have drastic consequences for his image and therefore his business. He will find a way to blame you for that. Or worse, turn it around so they'll think you are the bad guy instead."

"Tay, how will he be able to do that? I didn't talk to the paps. I'm not the one who tipped the papers off. I didn't have anything to do with it, and if it comes to this, I can tell everybody what he did to me. I pressed charges for God's sake."

"But do you want that, Ana? Do you want that kind of attention? All you wanted was to keep things small and quiet, and right now, it looks like that's off the table. You need to understand the consequences of that. For your job, your family, other things," Taylor explains, mumbling the last part. I know he means the guy they caught me with, but I choose to ignore his tone for now.

"Then what do you think I should do?"

"I'm not sure, Rabbit. I just got all this information and I haven't had the change to look into it properly. I'm calling you now because I wanted you to know. I think it's best to meet up with Fordham and Benson as soon as possible and see what they think."

I sigh and rub my eyes. Every time he mentions Fordham and Benson, I feel anxious. It's all so real when they are around, and it scares me. I just wish this could all be simple.

"Okay," I answer. "Can you arrange an appointment? I'm free every night this week."

"I will," Taylor replies. "How late will you be home?"

"Not sure. We have a meeting at seven. I'll text you when I leave work."

"Be careful, Rabbit. I don't trust Colton, and now that he has broken the silence and I know his intentions, I'm not sure what lengths he will go through."

"I'll be careful," I mumble, thinking over what he just said. I don't trust Colton either, and although I doubt that he will just randomly come to me, I understand why Taylor worries.

"Good. See you later." The call disconnects before I have time to say goodbye myself which shows that Taylor is indeed busy and rushed.

And because of it, I can't help but feel rushed as well, even though I really don't have a clue what to do right now. The only thing I know is that Taylor would never act like this if it wasn't serious.

* * *

"We have rooms in the hostels until Thursday morning. We have to check out around twelve and be at the airport at one. We'll be going with public transport again, just like on Monday which is why the chip cards will come in handy."

Mr. Brown has been going through the program for the last twenty minutes, and I have to say that it all sounds amazing. They will go to every historical building and museum in Amsterdam, including the Anne Frank House and the Rijksmuseum. The more Brown talks about it, the more I'm dreading to tell him that I can't join them.

Taylor's phonecall is only increasing that feeling too. I keep going over everything that he's said, and the more I do so, the more I seem to find going to Amsterdam a good idea, even though I am well aware that it is the exact opposite.

"Now, as you all know the troublemakers are joining us as well. Tomorrow evening we have an information night for the seniors and their parents, and we will inform them about the strict rules we have for them. We will go through the museums and streets in groups and the troublemakers will have two teachers that'll accompany them per group instead of the normal one that the others have. I have made a list of that grouping," he says as he motions to the digital board behind him, where a list of names appears.

Without searching I see my name. It's written above the first group of students, along with José's. Underneath our names, the names of six students are written, and my heart drops when I see the last one.

"Oh dear," I hear Kate mumble next to me, and without looking at her I know what she is talking about. "Talking about unfortunate matching."

_Anastasia Davies and José Rodriguez:_  
_John Flynn_  
_Sara Wellington_  
_Max Siegrid_  
_Luna Evans_  
_Shailene van der Bilt_  
_Christian Grey_

Out of all the teachers and students, Brown manages to not only team me up with the one colleague that makes me uncomfortable as fuck, but also with the one student that I'm not supposed to be near to.

And you would think that this is the final push that will help me with telling Brown that I won't go on this trip. You would think that it makes everything crystal clear and that telling Brown would be easy now that I have this information.

But instead, having Christian this close to me while we're in Amsterdam, considering there are six other people around us and even though we aren't on speaking terms at this point, that idea is too tempting. And instead of it being the reason not to go, it seems to turn into the reason that I am going anyway.


	41. Chapter 40

**A/N: The next stop is Amsterdam! I'm so excited about their trip, what about you? It will have a little bit of everything, so be prepared. This one is a little bit of a filler, but it's information you'll need later on.**

**For the guest reviewers that keep commenting on the content of this fanfic and how they don't agree with it, please STOP. I've explained the direction of this story in the first chapter with a clear warning while I asked to respect my choice for writing. The fact that you just ignore that, is just sad.**

**I honestly don't understand why you comment if it isn't your cup of tea. As another guest reviewer pointed out; I don't need the police to tell me what's wrong or right. I KNOW what's wrong and right. This is FICTION. Which means NOT REAL. And I kindly ask you to stop bringing my children into your defenses, because that just pisses me the fuck off. Cheers.**

**For those who enjoy this: THANK YOU. Also for defending me! Xx Milou.**

Forty: You've been warned.

"So you're sure that there won't be any surprises tonight?" Carrick looks at me intently, just like Grace, who is also looking a little scared for my answer.

I understand why they ask it. Normally when they get summoned by my school, it's because I pulled some shit. The past few years it has become somewhat of an unpleasant tradition for them.

"Not this time. I really didn't do anything wrong," I reassure them. "It's just about the trip to Amsterdam. They probably give you the whole rundown and stuff."

Carrick nods his head and resumes eating while Grace takes a small sip from her wine, her eyes never leaving mine. "You seem different," she comments.

"Different?" I raise my eyebrow questioningly.

"Different," she nods. "Less angry, more serious. I don't know, at ease."

I shrug and resume eating as well, not sure what to do with that information. She's completely wrong. I'm not feeling at ease at all. I am angry. And at this point, I'm just not sure to whom my anger is aimed.

Ana. The anger I feel when I think about how she ditched me at Lake Washington is still there. The fact that she lied still makes me furious and I still want to keep my promise to her and show her how an eighteen-year-old can truly act, just to make her realize that I was anything but that kid when I was with her.

I do have to admit that I understand where her fear comes from. Getting caught scared the shit out of me, and it's probably ten times worse for her because of the position she's in and because it was her family. But she didn't have to tell a Goddamn lie.

Leila. That anger is even bigger. The way she talks to and about Ana with no respect makes me want to hurt her badly. The way she and her half-sister talk about Ana mockingly, how they make fun of her as if she is the one to blame for her husband's missteps, makes me sick.

But at the same time, I want to stay as close to Leila as possible, just so I can find out everything in hopes it will help Ana in any way. Which is confusing as fuck because I should just let it be.

But most of all, I seem to get more pissed at myself every fucking minute. I hate how something that started as pure lust, has turned out in so much more. I wanted her to prove a point. I wanted her to once again show that I get everything I set my arrows on. I loved teasing her and pushing her buttons. But now that I've had her, I can't seem to get the image of her in this fucking kitchen out of my head. Of her on top of me. Of her taste on my tongue.

It's disastrous, especially because a kid like me can never give a woman like her all that.

"Are you excited about Amsterdam?" Grace, who apparently hasn't stopped studying me, asks. I'm not sure why, but I feel like she is searching for something, and it's an uncomfortable thought.

"Yeah, it's cool."

"Cool?" She chuckles. "I would say it's more than just cool. I mean, we never went to Europe. Another state is as far as we got during high school."

Her gaze is still focussed on me and she seems to have forgotten about the meal in front of her completely.

"You do realize that this trip is a huge thing, right Christian?" She continues when I don't react. "I mean, the fact that they take your class on a trip like this shows that they are willing to support and help you. It shows they have trust that you will behave. You can't violate their trust, Christian. You won't cause any trouble, right?"

Carrick has once again looked up from his plate, and while he is looking at me, his eyebrow raises. Their gazes are pleading, and I feel horrible for giving them a reason to say all this shit to me.

After everything they've done for me, all I do is cause trouble. After all the shit they had with my mom, they now have to deal with her out of control son.

And as I look at them, regret for the first time washes over me and realization hits me once again; this needs to stop. If I ever want to end up like Carrick and Grace, like Ana, I need to pull my shit together and graduate.

I reach over and grab Graces' hand, to both our surprise. "I won't, I promise."

She gives me a small smile before she finally looks away from me, her hand giving mine a small squeeze before she lets go and reaches for her knife.

I hate dinners like these. The ones where Mia isn't home too. Normally, she always finds a way to help me change the subject and get to something lighter, and right now I miss it horribly.

When I'm alone with Carrick and Grace, the subjects always seem heavy. It's either about school and how I fuck up there, or about my mom and how she fucked up. Occasionally, it's about my job which isn't remotely better because just like every average eighteen-year-old, I hate my job.

And so the rest of the dinner is eaten in silence. An awkward silence in which we all eat as fast as possible so we can get off the table. When we're done, Grace brings the plates to the kitchen while I make us a quick coffee.

"Will we meet some of the teachers that join the trip as well tonight? It would be nice to see who is joining you to Amsterdam," Carrick says when I walk in with three black coffees.

"I'm not sure," I reply while taking my place on one of the chairs. "We'll see."

And just like that, I suddenly feel nervous. I hadn't thought about the possibility of teachers being there, but now that Carrick mentions it, it seems likely that the teachers are there to introduce themselves.

If that's the case, it means that Ana is there too.

The thought of Carrick, Grace, Ana and me in the same room brings feelings to the surface that I can't and don't want to place. What's crystal clear though, is that this night will continue to be as awkward as dinner.

Fucking. Fantastic.

* * *

In the far distance, I hear Brown's explanation about what I'm seeing on the digital board, but my focus is solely on the name above the names of my classmates.

Anastasia Davies. Thank fuck she isn't here.

I hate that last name. Loathe it. It doesn't suit her and it doesn't sound right. I've been calling her Steele for what feels like months and seeing Davies behind her name now hits me hard. It's frustrating.

The name behind her name is even worse. José Rodriguez. The 'and' that's connecting their names is triggering something inside of me that I can only describe as aggression. That fucker doesn't have the right to have that place.

And then, at the end of the summary of names, there is mine. Way too far from hers, almost as if I'm the fifth wheel. As if I don't belong there.

I know it's just the grouping for the trip and that it shouldn't mean anything, but it does. It once again confirmes that I don't belong next to her. That I'm just a student. A terror kid that needs not one but two teachers to keep him in check.

The only good thing about the damn list is that John and Sara are on it as well.

It's almost ironic how Brown achieved to put me under the watch of both Ana and Rodriguez. Rodriguez hates my guts, and I know he will make my time in Amsterdam a living hell. He'll be all over me, not giving me any space in hopes he will bust me with something that gives him the right to send me back to the States.

I bet he is hoping for an enormous mistake that will finally give Brown the power to kick me off Port Bellevue.

And all that will happen under the eyes of Ana. I'm not sure how it's going to work out, but I do know that concentrating will be a bitch if she's that close to me for three and a half days.

"Are there any questions?" Brown looks around the classroom, where all the parents and my classmates have gathered.

John's dad, who is sitting right next to me, is raising his hand first, and as a reaction, John shrinks in his chair while he rolls his eyes. "I assume that this grouping isn't the same as the one for the sleeping arrangements?"

I can't help but chuckle at his question as John casts his eyes to the ground, obviously ashamed. That would make this trip fucking epic. Although Luna and Shailene dress kind of dark and punk, I'm sure they'll look just fine without their clothes on. Sara is cute too, and if my mind wasn't occupied with other thoughts, I would definitely raise my hand right now and make a smart remark about how the same grouping for the sleeping arrangements would be perfect.

"You assume right," Brown seriously responds. He is taking his time to show the parents what a good, responsible man he is, and it almost makes me gag. He wants us terror's off his school more than anyone.

"Naturally, the sleeping arrangements will not be mixed. The girls will sleep at one end of the hostel with the supervision of our female teachers, the same goes for the boys. It's completely according to the policy," Brown continues, earning approving mumbles and nods from the parents.

Grace and Carrick join as well, obviously happy with that information. I don't blame them, they've been summoned to school before because Brown had to explain what I did on the third floor with Leila Williams. Grace didn't speak to me for a week, probably because that's information you don't want to know about your nephew.

"Good," John's dad grumbles. "In the program, there is an amount of time planned as 'own contribution', what exactly does that entail?"

At his question, both I and John sit up in order to don't miss a thing about this subject. I fucking well know what it means, and I'll be making a fucking scene if Brown is now gutting that time because mommy and daddy are concerned.

"The program we've put together mostly entails visits to historical monuments, buildings, and museums. During the evening hours, after dinner, we have decided to give the students time to explore the city. Now let me be clear, this doesn't mean that we'll let them wonder on their own. It means that the students can consult with each other and come up with an activity, for example, bowling or karaoke. When they've reached an agreement, teachers will join them to make sure things don't get out of hand. It's for their and our safety."

Again the parents seem to approve Brown's explantion, even though there are some sighs and mumbles against it from my classmates. And they are right because it means that we have zero privacy, only when we go to the fucking bathroom.

"I understand that some of you are disappointed," Brown starts when most of the students are quiet again. "But it's quite frankly your own fault. It's not a secret that I've seen every one of your parents or guardians here on regular bases because I had to explain your behavior at school. My team and I won't take any risk. We are quests in a different country, and I expect respect from all of you during our stay. You honestly should all be thankful that we're taking you along, while the easier solution was to just take the other seniors and let you all follow extra courses here at Port Bellevue."

Brown's little speech sounds forceful and authoritative, and to my surprise, there isn't a single parent that commends on his tone or on what he says. They all agree. Even Carrick, who is sitting on my other side, pokes me on my side to get my attention. When I look at him, I see that he has raised his eyebrow in warning. "You know what's expected of you," he whispers before he turns his attention to Brown again.

I know what's expected of me; the fucking impossible. They expect us to be okay with having no privacy, no fun, and no trouble.

What Brown doesn't know is that he's just signed my death sentence. Because how the hell will I be able to behave when I have Rodriguez around me twenty-four seven? That fucking asshole is my kryptonite.

And how the hell will I be able to behave when Ana, my ultimate temptation and irritation in one, is around me twenty-four seven as well? She'll drive me crazy without even trying.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Carrick and John's dad, who are standing from their chairs just like the rest of the parents.

"There are coffee and tea in the room next to this one," Brown invites us while he stands at the door. "In ten minutes we'll continue about the addresses, flight information and museums we will visit."

While everybody makes their way to the door, both John and I stay seated. Not two minutes later, Dave joins us as well, his pissed expression matching mine and John's perfectly.

"What a disaster. I'm beginning to think that staying here at Port Bellevue will feel less prisonlike," Dave sighs while he rubs his eyes.

"Right?" John agrees. "What the hell are they thinking? Isn't there a rule about privacy that we can throw in their faces? For fuck sakes, this can't be legal."

I just nod my head in agreement, not even bothering to spent energy at bitching about this subject. They won't listen anyway, and since they have the blessing of every adult in this room, we're seriously outnumbered.

"It's going to be a fucking disaster," Dave groans before he stands and makes his way to the door, obviously heading for a shot of caffeine.

"Completely," John mumbles following Dave just a second after.

They're right. A fucking disaster. As if we hadn't had enough of those.


	42. Chapter 41

**A/N: Happy New Year! Thank you for your patience once again! Back to this one and it's going to be something! Amsterdam ;) I can't wait to read your reactions to what I have planned for them. This one is just a start though. I hope you enjoy it. I'll try to update the next one as soon as possible. X Milou.**

Forty-one: Sea-Tac - Schiphol.

Terminal four.

The last time I was at this exact spot, I was with a man who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Our destination was the Bahamas which he'd let me choose as a wedding present. It seemed to be the perfect honeymoon destination at the time.

It was, only the husband I'd chosen was completely wrong, only I didn't want to admit that back then.

Standing at terminal four now is in complete contrast with that day. Right now I'm counting heads with my colleagues, in my hand a paper to see which names we're still missing. Heads of young adults that are excited about their trip to Europe without their parents.

In contrast to the students who all look excited, their parents look nervous. Especially the mothers, who are watching their kids with tears in their eyes. I can't even count the times I've heard phrases like 'be careful', 'stay with the group', and 'text us when you land' in the past ten minutes.

Every time I look at the paper in my hand, my eyes involuntary drift to one name in particular. One name whose head I haven't counted yet. A part of me is happy that I haven't, another part wished I already had.

Just like the other students, I expect him to be accompanied by the persons who are responsible for him, in his case his aunt and uncle. And just like I did with any other parent, I'm expected to introduce myself.

I'm dreading the moment like I haven't dread anything ever before.

"Ten minutes until we're checking in," Lopez, who has taken the role of leader the moment he walked in the terminal, informs.

Of all the colleagues that are joining, he is the oldest, and therefore he thinks it automatically means he is the designated person to lead the trip as well. José, who obviously and unsurprisingly finds himself more suitable for that job, isn't happy with Lopez at all.

Kate, who is standing next to me, pokes me in my side with her elbow while she nods at José. "That's going to cause some trouble, mark my words."

She is voicing my thoughts, and therefore I nod in agreement. "Tell me about it. Let's hope the bomb doesn't explode while we're on the plane."

Kate snorts and opens her mouth to react to me, but is stopped by something that happens behind me. I can't really read her expression, but the amusement from seconds ago is gone. When I turn around, I'm faced with the reason, and while it's highly inappropriate considering who is walking on either side of him, my heart jumps at the sight.

He is wearing a black leather jacket with one of his signature sweaters underneath it. It's a white one this time and as always the hoodie is covering his head. He is also wearing black sweatpants and I can't help but notice how they leave little to the imagination.

I usually hate it when men wear sweatpants outside of their house or the gym since they always show a little too much. Seriously, what do you want to prove? But now that he is wearing them, along with his white Nike Airforce, I'm suddenly not as negative about the piece of clothing.

He is pulling his blue suitcase behind him with his right hand, the other one hidden in the pocket of his sweatpants. He looks completely relaxed as he talks to the woman to his left. They're laughing at something, the man to his right also joining.

Both of them look as if they are in their fifties. The woman has brown hair and her makeup is done neatly. She is wearing a white flared pants with heels and a dark-blue long coat is making the outfit complete. The grey-haired man is wearing a fitted dark-blue suit, a crisp white blouse underneath it. They are matching completely, almost as if they want to show everybody they belong to each other.

When they reach the group his eyes still haven't met mine. I'm not sure if he deliberately avoids looking at me, or if he simply didn't see me yet, but I find my eyes glued to him in hopes he feels it and just gives me one glance.

He animatedly greets John and Dave, who are standing at the end of the group with their parents, with a friendly hug and what seems like a customized handshake. The adults seem to know each other too since they greet each other in a familiar way while they talk with smiles on their faces.

"Do you want to go or should I make up an excuse for you so you don't?" Kate asks, her voice low so nobody else can hear us.

I smile at the sweet gesture but also shake my head. It would be unprofessional. Besides, introducing myself to them is inevitable since I doubt they'll leave before we're properly checked in and ready to go behind customs.

"I'll join you," I tell her determined before we follow Lopez and José, who seem to be in a little contest on who will be the first one to introduce himself.

As I watch Lopez win and introduce himself to the grey-haired man, I feel his eyes finally on me. Without any doubt, I move my gaze to him as well and when my eyes lock with his, everything that happened the last few weeks, including the ones after that night at Lake Washington, flash through my mind.

After I told him that we had to stop it, he has been a complete asshole. He has shown me the true meaning of a terror student and he has proven to be worthy of being a part of the trouble maker group.

He's been pushing my buttons to the extreme; I've had to kick him out multiple times. Sometimes he crashed my classes completely, demanding all the attention of his fellow classmates by being loud and despicable. Other times he kept provoking me like he did when I first started at Port Bellevue.

It was all horrible, but the worst was when he just sat in the back of the class, looking at me with a gaze that sometimes scared me to the bone. The look in his eyes that promised everything would be even worse, but not told me when the bomb would burst.

It's like walking on pins and needles.

"Kate Kavanagh," Kate introduces herself by shaking first the woman and then the man his hand. She then steps to the side a little to give me room.

I take a deep breath and force a small smile on my face as well, my eyes now solemnly on the woman. His gaze was too intense, and even though I'm still very much aware of it now that I'm looking at his aunt, it's still better than looking at him directly.

"Anastasia Davies," I say while I grab the hand his aunt offers me. I can't help but notice the big smile on her face, and for a moment I'm confused.

"Grace Grey, Christian's aunt. Oh, it's wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Davies," she beams, the name Davies rolling off her tongue as if it's a sanctuary, and I can just suppress the urge to roll my eyes.

"Likewise," I smile before I turn to his uncle, avoiding Christian's eyes again. "Anastasia Davies," I introduce myself once more, this time while shaking the hand of the grey-haired man.

"Carrick Grey." Unlike his wife, Carrick nods professionally, a small, polite smile covering his face.

I nod and offer him a smile as well before I, with all the power and strength I have in me, make eye contact with Christian. His eyes immediately hold mine hostage and almost make me forget what I wanted to say.

Almost, but not quite, and so I strengthen my shoulders as I say, "Christian, welcome. Do you have any hand luggage that needs a tag?"

His eyes discretely move up and down my form. The action is so fast, I doubt anyone has seen it, but I felt it like an electric shock. He then nods his head once. "Yeah," he mumbles before he takes the black bag from his back. "This one."

I nod and give him a tag and a pen. "Please fill this in."

After Christian took the items from me, he immediately busies himself with the task which gives me the change to talk to his uncle. "Can you please check if all the information I have here is correct?" I ask while I hand him the paper I was holding.

After I've given the papers to Christian's uncle, Christian offers me my pen again. When I take it from him, our fingers lightly brush against each other. It's the first physical contact I've had with him since that weekend, and although it was just a small, innocent touch, it does much more to me.

It causes me to shiver and it gives me goosebumps all over. It makes me want to throw my arms around his neck without any care in the world. It makes me want to kiss him, just so I can remember his taste.

But most of all it makes me want to tell him that I'm sorry and that he was right.

The past days I've had time to think about what happened between us and what it actually meant to me. I can't say that I've completely figured it out but I do know that he started to mean more then what was planned and that that was, along with the whole getting caught thing, what forced me to stop it.

My life at this time is a whirlwind of emotions that I'm probably only going to process when it's all done. The situation with Colton is working towards a climax pretty fast now. I don't know when, but I know that he will strike soon.

After Taylor called me, he immediately called Benson and Fordham to inform them about the situation. Two days later, they got a letter from Colton's lawyers in which he summoned his terms, or rather term.

His insane term.

He wants to stay married for at least another year before he will accept a divorce at all. I have no idea why, but he claims it's because it will damage his image if we're divorcing now. It's his only term and after I've fulfilled that one, he'll divorce me just how I want it.

Taylor thinks there is a huge catch. A reason why. And I know that too. There is a reason why he wants to stay married to me, and therefore, my lawyers haven't reacted yet. We're first going to try to figure out why he wants to stay married to me that desperately. It sure as hell isn't because out of love.

Taylor and Luke have hired people who are meant to find that out. Discreet people, who can figure things out without being seen. They haven't told me much about that, and I think that's for the best right now.

I've settled with the fact that the divorce won't be smooth and fast, and for the sake of being able to keep it quiet, I just let them do what they think it's best for now. They promised to tell me if when they have new information, and I trust them.

You could say that this trip was coming just in time. It's the break from Colton and all the drama that I desperately needed. It just sucks that it automatically brings me closer to another drama and at this point, I'm not sure which one is more dangerous.

"Everything you have on there is correct." Carrick Grey pulls me out of my thoughts by handing me the papers back.

"Perfect," I nod.

"We can check in at desks seven to twelve. Please, say goodbye now and then follow me." Lopez is holding his papers in the air as if he is leading a tour while he motions the students to line one by one.

Behind me, I hear Grace and Carrick Grey say goodbye to Christian, and although I act as if I'm not paying attention, I listen to everything they say.

"Be careful and have fun. Be thankful that you can join, Christian. Behave." Grace's voice sounds pleading and worried, and I honestly understand. I've finally had the chance to read Christian's file, and it must've been horrible for her to hear some of the things he has done.

"And let us know where you are once in a while, okay?" Carrick adds. He sounds less worried, but the plea is also there. "Have a good time."

"Thanks, I will. Bye." Christian's goodbye is everything you would expect of an eighteen-year-old, but it's not how I have become to know him. He sounds emotionless and cold, and it makes me realize how little I actually know about him and what he has been through.

"Come on, Ana. Let's do this thing," Kate says while she grabs my arm and pulls me in the direction of the desks as well. "I hope we can still get seats next to each other."

God, I hope so too. I not sure if I would survive sitting next to a student for ten hours straight. Now that I think about it properly, I suddenly feel the huge need to push everyone out of my way to check-in first.

Fucking great. It's been fucking ten minutes, and I'm already starting to think like an adolescent.

* * *

"Can you stand for a moment? I want to stretch my legs."

José nods and then unfastens his seatbelt before he stands and moves to the aisle, giving me the space I need to leave my seat. When I'm within reach, I feel his hand on my back, escorting me until I'm on the aisle. It was completely unnecessary.

Kate and I managed to get seats next to each other, and we were ecstatic that we had. But then Lopez once again acted as the leader and came up with the idea to sit according to the groups that Mr. Brown put together. José, who was determined to take over the lead just moments before that, nodded his head in agreement while he almost looked excited.

The students loudly protested and I had to hold myself back from joining them. Spending ten hours with not only José but also Christian that close in such a small space was not something I wanted to deal with.

Kate and I tried to reason with them, just like a few other colleagues but in the end, the yes won it from the no which is why I just had to ask José if he could stand.

José has been trying to talk to me ever since we've departed. He's been asking questions to get to know me, and I keep giving short answers in hopes he gets the messages. So far, no such luck though; he only started talking about himself when I didn't really elaborate on my yes and no answers.

We are sitting on the last row of the plane which happens to be just two chairs instead of three. He insisted on me having the window seat, even though I told him multiple times that I was okay with the aisle seat as well. I would've actually preferred that since that would give me freedom, but José was determined.

The group of the six students that are under our watch is sitting at the three seats to our left and the three seats in front of us. Christian is sitting all the way to the left, with Sara next to him and John next to her. In front of us, are Shailene, Max, and Luna.

As José sits down on his chair again, I steal a quick glance at Christian. He is wearing his headphones and his head is leaning back, eyes closed. Sara is sleeping with her head on his shoulder, her whole body turned to him.

It's a sight that I didn't expect to see and it makes me feel both jealous and hurt. I fucking hate that it makes me feel like that.

I always thought that Sara was one of the students out of the terror class that was okay but now my opinion has changed entirely.

Just as I'm about to look away, Christian's eyes open, almost as if he feels that I'm looking at him. It all happens fast, but in the brief moment before I turn around, our eyes meet and a small smirk appears on his face.

It's the smirk that I've seen a lot during class lately. It's a different one than the one he had when we first met. It's daring, hard and serious. Not at all how I saw him that weekend.

After I've turned away from the sight, I walk straight to the lavatories, where I find Kate also waiting. It's perfect timing.

"How are you holding up?" She asks as she leans against the wall next to the door of the toilet which is occupied.

"Fine," I sigh. "Although I really don't like sitting next to José. He is so weird, Kate." My voice is low, and it feels as if we're gossiping.

"I know but trust me, he is harmless. Just four hours left. I fucking hate Lopez too for deciding this. I'm stuck with those nerds Enzo and Leon so I feel you. They've talked about the universe and how it works for three hours, Ana. And to be polite they tried to involve me. I'm teaching fucking Economics for fuck sake. My head is still buzzing."

I can't help but giggle at Kate's expression. Enzo and Leon are the two smartest seniors on board. They will graduate cum laude, and they wouldn't hurt a fly. I can understand why Kate finds it a challenge. They seem a little socially awkward.

"How's Grey?" She mumbles after a few seconds, immediately reminding me of how he is snuggled up against the blonde bimbo.

"Cuddled up with Sara fucking Wellington," I reply without thinking, making Kate snort.

"This will be the longest four hours of our life," she responds.

Although Kate her opinion about me and Christian hasn't changed, she's stopped telling me it since she knows that I already know everything. I can't change what happened, and Kate knows that as well. She's now just letting me talk to her sometimes, and it helps.

"It will. Thank fuck we share a room."

It's the only thing that seems to save this whole trip right now; the fact that Kate and I share a room.

"Hell yeah. Still can't believe that I'll sleep with Anastasia Davies," she wiggles her eyebrows.

"Shut up, idiot," I giggle just as the door of the toilet opens. After the person has walked out, I nod my head. "Go and be quick. I have to go too."

As Kate moves into the lavatory, I turn around so I'm facing the seats again. From my spot, I can just see the top of Christian's head, along with a mob of blonde hair. It seems like he is resting his head against hers now, and it makes my blood boil.

He is doing this all on purpose. I know he is. The smirk just now told me it. He is once again provoking me, trying to hurt me because I ended things with him. Right now though, he actually succeeds in hurting me a little more than before.

And I can't help but wonder how far he will go to hurt me like this a little more.


	43. Chapter 42

**A/N: I missed Christian's thoughts and I know you did too, so here we go! Enjoy! X**

Forty-two: Jealousy and Anger.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, our captain started the fall. We expect to land at Schiphol Airport in about fifteen minutes, where it is cloudy and about eight degrees. We kindly ask you to go to your seat, as the fasten-seatbelt sign will turn on in a few minutes. We also kindly ask you to raise the backrest of your chair, fold the table in front of you and turn off all electronic devices or put them in airplane mode. The crew will come by once again to tackle your waste."

Around me, all the passengers start to move like crazy as if they only have one minute before the plane hits land. You can clearly see the difference between adults and kids right now; nearly every senior is taking the time without being paranoid. It's honestly no wonder that every person above thirty has a burn-out or depression.

I move my shoulder a little while I put my hand on Sara's arm which lays on my abdomen loosely. About three hours ago she snuggled into me further which made me wonder if she slept at all during the night. She is out like a light.

Normally I would've probably let her sleep curled up against me for a few hours before I would wake her and convince her to go to the lavatory with me. I would've done that just because I know she would've let me, and because I know it would piss Leila the fuck off.

It would've been a win-win situation for me; getting laid and letting Leila know I'm done with her for once and for all.

I didn't plan for Sara to cuddle up against me, and I know she didn't either. The first hour and a half she fell asleep against John but when he needed to take a piss, she moved to the other side. She stayed there during the rest of the flight because John kept nudging her away when she tried to switch again.

And I was completely fine with that, although it had nothing to do with my raging hormones or my need to get laid. It had everything to do with the supervisor that is sitting just a few seats away from me, next to fucking Rodriguez, by the window.

In the last few weeks, I've been a complete asshole towards her. I fuck up her classes and make her time at Port Bellevue a living hell, without pushing it too far so they can't kick me off. Letting Sara sleep against me now is just another way of fucking with her.

And I knew I succeded when I saw her reaction as she looked at me and Sara. She tried to do it discreetly and fast, but since I feel it when she looks at me, our eyes met for a nanosecond before she turned around.

She looked a little hurt, but her expression mostly oozed jealousy, and it pleased me immensely.

During the rest of the flight, she remained seated next to that asshole. I sometimes felt that she looked, just like I did. I sometimes stole a glance, and every fucking time that fucker of a Rodriguez was turned towards her.

I know she didn't plan on sitting next to him. The way she tried to reason when Lopez came up with the idea to sit according to the groups that were settled before the trip told me that. She seemed uncomfortable by the idea, and that was only confirmed every time I looked at her.

She looked uncomfortable, and it made me furious. Not at her, but at that asshole that has been provoking me since the first day I returned to Port Bellevue after the summer break. I fucking hated him before, but now, after these ten hours, I loathe him.

The way he touched her arm a few times, and the way his hand moved to her back when she left her seat right before she looked at me and Sara. He is into her and there is no doubt in my mind that he's planning on showing her that during this trip.

And although I'm still fucking pissed at her, I know I won't be able to hold back if Rodriguez crosses the line. I know she isn't mine, but she'll never be his either. Never.

"Sara," I mumble while I squeeze her arm that's wrapped around me. I also nudge my shoulder softly to wake her, and after a few times, she stirs.

"What?" Her sleepy, hoarse voice answers. She sounds disorientated, and I'm actually impressed. How the hell can you sleep like that on a plane? I honestly envy it.

"We're almost landing. You slept the entire flight."

"Fuck," she mumbles, sitting up a little. "Jesus, sorry. You could've woke me to tell me to back off."

"It's okay," I chuckle. "How the hell did you sleep this long anyway? Jesus, you even snorted."

"I did not," she gasps in her posh accent, her hand flying to her chest in shock, eyes wide. "I took a sleeping pill before we boarded, flying scares the shit out of me, so I took it in hopes it would knock me out."

"It worked," I chuckle.

"Yeah. You woke me a little too early though, we still have to land and that's one of the scariest things."

While Sara starts telling me about everything that could go wrong during the landing, I see first José, and then Ana stand in the corner of my eye. José moves onto the aisle, followed by Ana who then reaches above her head to get something out of the luggage boot.

While she does, her black, knitted sweater rises a little, showing her flawless back and belly. It immediately sends a shock to my cock. It feels like yesterday that I kissed, bit and licked that skin while her hands were pulling my hair, begging me not to stop.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who notices it. Rodriguez is watching her with fascination, his expression almost telling me all the dirty thoughts that run through his mind. Because of it, my aggression builds.

When she is done in the luggage boot, she closes it before she pulls the fabric into place, her cheeks a little red while she tries to avoid Rodriguez's face which now holds a small, disgusting grin. In order to avoid him, her eyes land on me once again for a brief moment.

"Here, hold my hand," I interrupt Sara, who was still rambling about how the plane could easily go off track when it hits the ground, rudely. "I pull you through it."

Sara looks confused as fuck, but she doesn't have time to refuse because I've grabbed her hand before she has answered. I lace our fingers as I give her a small smile before my gaze drifts to Ana once again.

Her eyes are fixated on my hand in Sara's, her eyes dark while she bites her lip. Her gaze shifts my face for a few seconds, her expression as if she wants to murder me.

For some reason, I still love that look on her. Ana furious is just sensational. It reminds me of the first classes I had from her. The hate in her eyes is now combined with jealousy, and it turns me the fuck on.

"Okay," Sara stretches. "I really didn't fall asleep against you on purpose, you know that right?"

I frown. "Yeah. Why?"

"Just to be sure that you don't get any weird ideas. I'm not like Leila. Not even here in Amsterdam," she looks at me knowingly, and I can't help but chuckle.

"Noted. Although I wasn't planning on seducing you. I  
I just wanted to help," I reply, trying to look as genuine as possible.

Sara's gaze briefly drifts to Ana and Rodriguez before she looks at me again. "Right. Thanks," she says, for a moment frowning before she shakes her head.

I'm not sure what she's thinking, but for a moment I'm scared that she'll ask me something that involves the person she just looked at. But then the plane falls a bit, making her gasp in horror while her hand almost murders mine.

"Oh, Jesus. We're going to die." Her other hand flies to Johns', who is still chilling with his headphones on, not caring about a damn thing that happens around him, not even now that Sara has his hand in a vice grip too.

The plane drops even lower, my stomach tingling for a second as if I'm in a rollercoaster, and then the plane hits Dutch ground. The landing is a little rocky, and because of it, Sara starts using her nails as well.

When the speed has become less, I peal my hand out of hers. She first doesn't let me go, but when I yank my hand back she doesn't have a choice.

"Trust me, you're safe now," I tell her while I rub my hands together to soothe the sting.

"I'm only believing it when I'm out of this damn thing without any scratches," she grits through her teeth, her free hand going to John's as well.

"Believe it or not," John's suddenly says while yanking his hand out of both of Sara's. "But I'd like to leave this plane without a single scratch too, Goddamnit."

I can't help but chuckle, and Sara giggles as well now that she feels that the speed is completely gone. I feel her relax beside me, and I'm suddenly very happy that she took the pill, else my flight would've been hell too.

As the plane comes to a stop and the seatbelt sign is turned off, we all stand to grab our things and leave the plane. It was a full one and because we were sitting in the back, we have to wait a few minutes.

In those few minutes, my eyes drift to Ana once again. She is standing as well, behind Rodriguez. The moment I walked to the group at Sea-Tac with Grace and Carrick, I saw her. She was laughing about something with Kavanagh, and for the first time since that weekend, I saw a genuine smile.

Her hair is in a high ponytail, showing off her face perfectly. She is wearing a little make-up, but less than she normally does during work. Her black knitted sweater has a turtle neck, and when I saw her at Sea-Tac she wore the Bordeaux red trench coat that I first saw when she walked up to me at Coral Creek. Her jeans are dark blue with some faded spots on the front, and she is wearing black boots.

She looks modern and younger than she really is, and I swear that people who don't know her could think she is close to our age. Of course, I'm prejudiced and I am aware that I may just want her to blend in with us so what we did feel less wrong for her.

So it will feel as right for her as it did for me.

As if she feels my eyes on her, her eyes meet mine like they are magnets. Her cheeks are a little red, and her eyes are a bit swollen just as her pink lips, telling me that she has slept. I recognize the look from when I woke her up because I had to have her, again.

The intensity of our staring contest is like I've never felt it before. It's raw and hateful, yet the edges are soft. It's challenging, and it shows that we both know that this trip is dangerous territory.

When I found out that she is my direct supervisor along with Rodriguez, I immediately knew that it would be either heaven or hell. I know she knows this too. It's always the extremes between us.

It's hate or lust.

Rough or soft.

Sweet or a fucking bitch.

Her eyes drift away first, but only because that fucker is claiming her attention by handing her the bag she carried over her shoulder. As he gives the piece to her, his hand lingers on her arm. And the simple act confirmes that this trip will indeed be extreme, for many reasons.

* * *

After a thirty-minute journey through Amsterdam, we arrived at the hostel. It's a simple one, with ten small beds in one room. The showers and toilets are shared, and I can tell that that's going to cause problems. Most of the students at Port Bellevue are from wealthy families, which means they're used to luxury. I can't help but wonder why the hell the school thought that this would be a good accommodation.

There is no privacy, just like Brown informed us. Rodriguez and Lopez are in the room next to mine which makes it impossible to sneak out for whatever reason. John, Dave and I managed to get beds beside each other, and I'm in the corner of the room.

We don't have enough closets, so I'm forced to live out of my suitcase. I don't really mind that since the closets that were there didn't look that appealing. The hostel is a bit rusty and in need of a renovation. I'm not sure what the budget was when they booked this but now that I've seen it, I'm having huge expectations of all the activities since I assume that they've cost a fortune.

As if sleeping in a room like this wouldn't be challenging enough, they've made a schedule for us students. The schedule informs us about who is making dinner, who is cleaning the tables after dinner and who is doing the dishes. It's hilarious and fucking idiotic at the same time.

Tomorrow is the only night that we are allowed to eat out, and that's because it's the night that we can choose an activity ourselves. There is a list of which we can choose though, so basically it's not something we've come up with ourselves.

I didn't participate in discussing the plan for tomorrow night. I honestly couldn't give a fuck what we're doing, as long as it will show us a little more of Amsterdam and what it's famous for.

The red-light district and the coffee shops. Not that I'm doing something with either of them, but still.

We are now standing in the main hall of the hostel, and we are listening to Lopez who is informing us of the planning of today. A few groups go to the Rijksmuseum, others go to the Anne Frank House or the Royal Palace on Dam square.

Our group will go to the Rijksmuseum today, and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to it even though I act like I'm bored. Carrick has a book of the works of Johannes Vermeer and it has fascinated me since I was just moving in with them. The guy could seriously paint, and his work is impressive and intriguing, and I'm curious to see the real deal.

"You can now follow the teacher you are grouped with, and then you'll take the tram or subway to the destination," Lopez ends his talk, looking smug as fuck. Rodriguez, who is standing next to him, is looking a little sour but his expression changes when Ana walks up to him and stands next to him.

I hate the way he looks at her and I'm sure it's not just because I hate him. I know everybody else would hate the way he looked at her too if they paid attention. I feel that Ana hates it too.

I follow Sara and John, who are walking towards Ana and Rodriguez just like Lopez ordered us to do. We are teamed up with another group of students that I've never seen before and one supervisor, Mrs. Zarkis who teaches English. I've never really had a problem with her, mostly because I ignore her classes completely.

"Alright, are we complete?" Rodriguez asks, his tone authoritative. His look matches his tone, and John and I chuckle and shake our head in disbelieve at the same time.

After Rodriguez has had a few hums in answer, he nods his head and turns around, walking out of the hostel. He looks like one of those horrible tourists that you don't want to walk next to; brown pants with a white blouse, a green jacket, and a blue hideous bag back worn on his back perfectly centered. He is also wearing a brown baseball cap that makes his hair curl over it in a very bad way.

Next to him is walking the complete opposite; Ana. Even after a ten-hour flight, she still looks as flawless as it can be. Casual and fresh, and I just know that she will make heads turn.

The stop for the tram is just around the corner of the hostel and within three minutes a tram appears at the stop. We all get in by using the chipcards that were handed to us, and since it's a bit busy, we are forced to stand.

I'm standing against the window, next to the doors. John is standing next to me, and Sara is standing in front of us. From my spot, I have the perfect view of Ana, who is standing right across from me. Rodriguez is standing behind her, and because she is closed in by a few other students, she doesn't really have room to move.

When the tram starts to drive, Sara stumbles against my front due to the force. I'm just in time to grab her by her waist while my other hand grips the bar above my head go keep us up. In a flash, I see the same happen to Ana, only she bumps into Rodriguez.

He immediately takes the opportunity to hold her by her waist as well, only because his back was against a glass wall that separates the seating area from the standing area, he is able to hold her with both hands.

I can see Ana mumble an apology before she moves forward again, creating distance between her and Rodriguez. Rodriguez on his turn takes a small step forward. I doubt that Ana notices it, but I do, and the only thing that's stopping me from walking up to him is Sara, who is still leaning against me because I'm still holding her.

And just now Ana decides to move her face towards me again. Her eyes immediately land on my hand on Sara's waist, and she rolls her eyes in response, not making any effort to hide it. She then lightly shakes her head before she looks out the window again, not looking me in the eye once.

After just ten minutes, we arrive at Museum Square. It's crowded and the Rijksmuseum is the first thing I see when I exit the tram. It looks huge, and because I know Carrick and Grace would find this interesting as well, I snap a few pictures like the true tourist so I can send them to them.

Ana too snaps some pictures. When she is done, Rodriguez offers to take a picture of her with the museum in the background. She first declines, but he insists which results in a very awkward situation. It surprises me that Ana doesn't tell him to back the fuck off.

She looks so timid and shy around him, almost scared while she has no problem rolling her eyes at me and murdering me with her eyes.

After the whole photo fiasco between Rodriguez and Ana is done, we walk to the entrance of the museum. I make sure I take a few steps, and when we reach the line, I'm right next to Ana, who's let Rodriguez take the lead while she stayed behind a bit.

We are the last ones in line with our group, and because of it, I take the opportunity and move as close to her as possible, making her feel me without actually touching her.

She doesn't react. The only thing that tells me she is affected, is the light blush that appears on her cheeks. Her tongue also moves over her lower lip once, but her eyes stay focused on something in front of her.

Being this close to her is affecting me as well. My breathing turns a little shallow, and although I doubt that she notices it, it's a huge thing for me. I never reacted to anyone the way I react to her. She's almost becoming an obsession, and not touching her is getting harder by the second.

I have to remind myself over and over again of the reason why and how she ended it. It's the only thing that's able to stop me from dragging her out of this line and behind a tree.

Being this close to her makes the anger I feel towards her fade quickly, and I know that if she'd give me a small glue that she'd want me, I would cave in without any question or doubt. I would forget everything and give her what she wants without thinking twice.

She has nestled herself that deep, and it is fucking frustrating.

"Here's your ticket," she suddenly says while holding a small paper in front of me. "Show it at the entrance."

When I grab the ticket from her, I make sure our hand's touch, and when they do a breath leaves her throat. It is small and soft, almost unnoticeable, but I heard it.

And despite all the bullshit and fucked up things she told me at Lake Washington that weekend, I find myself promising that I'll hear that sound again, within the next twenty-four hours.

It has been too fucking long.


	44. Chapter 43,

**A/N: Your reviews all blow my mind! Thank you all so much. This one still might be a little teasing, but after this, it's ON. What do I mean with that? Oh well, you know ;). Enjoy! X**

Forty-three: A piece of Art.

Walking around the Rijksmuseum seems to ease my mind in ways that nothing else could. The paintings and architecture of the building consume me entirely, and it's something that I'm intensely enjoying.

I'm currently standing in front of the Night Watch. Rembrandt van Rijn painted it in the seventieth century when he was in his thirties. It's a dark painting; at first sight, all your attention drifts automatically to the two figures that are painted at the front.

I'm standing in front of the canvas for about fifteen minutes now, and the longer I look, the more I see. Hiden faces, the way the clothing is painted in a way that makes me believe I could feel the fabric beneath my fingers if I'd reached forward, the way the painting seems to go on for miles, and the way it seems to live when I look at it long enough without blinking.

The idea that this piece of art was even bigger before they cut off the sides so it would fit into a different space, is mind-blowing. And I can't help but wonder how Rembrandt even started it.

It's glorious, touching and almost out of this world.

Around me, children are gathered on the floor where they are told about the painting by a host that works at the museum. They are listening to him with wide eyes and mouths open as he takes objects out of a small suitcase. The objects are things as pieces of fabric, colors on paper, and even a tube of oily paint. The children can explore the items by touching them, so they understand the painting even better.

The look on their faces is priceless, and I find myself promising right here and now, that I will take my children here someday.

Children. I've never thought about my own children as specific as I find myself doing at this moment. I think I knew deep down that Colton and I would never have children together. He didn't seem to want them, and therefore I never brought it up.

Now that Colton and I are no longer together, the thought of having children doesn't seem taboo anymore. I can see myself as a mother someday when I have my things all figured out.

Thinking about my life after Colton is hard because I'm still living Colton every day now that divorcing him isn't as easy as I hoped it would be, but more and more I find myself thinking about what I want after him.

I want my own place. The two apartments that I visited that weekend didn't work out in the end because there were other things that required my attention, but I'm still determined to find a place soon. I want that for myself, but also for Taylor and Gail. We need that normality back.

I want a job were I feel at ease and as if I really contribute something to the society. I saw working at Port Bellevue as my only chance, and I was ecstatic that I got hired, but I'm not sure if it's where I should be.

I'm aware of the fact that that could be because of the whole situation with Christian. It all happened so fast with him, that I don't have any experience at Port Bellevue that doesn't involve him. Everything I did there, and probably everything I'll ever do there will remind me of him, even when he is long gone.

I know I have a lot to teach people. I want to teach people. I just need to figure out who I really want to teach because, at this point, teaching adolescents seems to only mess me up.

I want to be surrounded by positive people that I can trust. Friends. It's something that I never had during my relationship with Colton. I only had a family. Gail, and later on Hannah are the only two people in my life that I confide in that aren't blood-related.

Now that I've met Kate as well and am starting to develop a friendship with her, I suddenly see how important that is. I want that. A social life, people that I can have fun with and to whom I can talk to. People who I can ask for advice.

And in the end, when I have everything sorted out for myself and more importantly when I'm able to take care of myself without any help, I also want to love.

My history with men can be called a downright disaster. Colton for obvious reasons, Christian as well. I'm sure of what I had with Colton, and completely in the dark about what I had with Christian.

The feelings I have for Christian are by no means the same as the ones I had for Colton. I don't recognize the feelings as love. There are so many mixed emotions, so many different feelings, that the only thing I know is that it's intense. Too intense, and bound to be doomed for all the obvious reasons.

But when I think about a potential man in my life in the future, I can't see how anyone will hold my interest and my hate, consume my thoughts and touch me as deep as Christian manages to do. And therefore, the only thing I see when I think about my future love life, is him.

Christian and his annoying, charming as hell smirk.

And that's where the whole thing comes crashing down since that's not possible. It is meant to stay my fantasy. He is meant to stay my fantasy, not my reality.

"It's impressive, isn't it?" I hear from next to me, and when I turn my head, I see José standing there. He isn't standing as close as he normally does, but I know that will change the moment I'll answer him.

"It is," I mumble, again not saying any more than is necessary.

"Did you know this is one of the most famous paintings in the world?" he continues, taking a step closer. "I bet it's because it's so big."

"I doubt it," I counter, rolling my eyes at his commentary. He obviously doesn't have any clue what he is looking at.

I feel him take another step closer, and I take a step to my right to create more distance between us. I just seem to be unable to tell him to back off. I don't know why, but the way he acts almost paralyzes me. I think it has something to do with his dominant demeanor. I have a feeling that just telling him to stop won't work.

"He, Rodriguez," a raised voice I know too well calls from behind us. José and I both turn around since Christian's louder voice doesn't go unnoticed in a room where people are usually whispering. "If you look at this one, it's almost as if you're looking in a mirror."

John starts to laugh uncontrollably, while Christian seriously points to a painting on the wall next to him. My eyes drift to the painting in question on which a man is holding a woman against her will. It's obvious since her expression seems scared while her arms and hands suggest that she is fighting him.

With wide eyes, I look at Christian again. John thinks he is just fucking around, but I know better. His dark eyes and his expression tell me he is deadly serious. He is trying to send a message, and I can only be frustrated for not doing it myself.

"Out of all the terrors, I hate him the most," José growls beside me, obviously holding himself back for sake of all the other people in the museum. His hands have turned into fists, and he is indeed oozing pure hate.

I roll my eyes and start to walk towards the wing where the paintings of Vermeer are shown, desperately feeling the need to escape the intense stare-down José and Christian are holding.

In just minutes, I find myself consumed by yet another piece of great art; the Milkmaid, painted by Johannes Vermeer. It's a small canvas, but that doesn't take away the perfection.

"It's as if the milk really runs down, isn't it?"

I nod my head, not even bothering to look at him. I felt that he'd followed me, and I expected him to stand next to me as well.

"My uncle has a book with all the paintings of Vermeer. I think I've memorized every single one," Christian continues, his voice somehow reassuring. It's been so long since he talked to me in a normal, peaceful tone.

"What's your favorite?" I ask, my voice just as soft. I'm actually nervous. It feels as if he can explode at any minute.

"The Girl with the Pearl Earring. I've never seen it for real, but when I was younger the expression of the girl always made me think she felt the same as me."

I'm taken aback by his confession and when I look at him for a moment, I find him still looking at the Milkmaid. "I didn't know you're this interested in art."

"I'm not," he says immediately. "Just in Vermeer, I guess."

I nod and look at the painting again as well, not sure what to say to that. I'm not even completely sure why he tells me it, and I'm also still waiting for one of his tricks that make my life hell.

"Why don't you tell him to back off?" Christian asks after a few minutes of silence. I hear the disbelieve in his voice and I can't bring myself to look at him.

"I don't know," I mutter.

"Do you want that kind of attention from him?"

"No. I don't want any attention from him," I tell him while I roll my eyes. I don't understand his question since I know he sees that it makes me feel uncomfortable. "Do you want that kind of attention from Sara?"

He sighs and I don't have to look at him to know that he moves his hand over his face in irritation. I'm still looking at the Milkmaid, although my thoughts are nowhere near the canvas.

"Sara just fell asleep against me. If you have a problem with that, you should ask yourself about the reason you have. As for Rodriguez, tell him to back the fuck off. If you don't, I guarantee I will because I can't handle looking at shit like that."

Without waiting for my response, he walks away, pulling his hoodie over his head while doing so. He isn't allowed to wear his hoodie over his head inside this museum, and he knows that. I've told him and John that at least three times since we've set foot in here.

But I can't seem to find my voice to tell him again right now. I keep thinking about what he said, and how I heard that he meant it. If I won't tell José to stop, he will.

And something tells me that if he does, it'll not end well. At all.

* * *

"It's just so impressive, Ana. I can't believe that they really lived there for all those years, without making any sounds during the day. It must've been horrible. It gave me such a weird feeling to stand there," Kate says in between bites.

She visited the Anne Frank House today, and it's obvious that it did a number on her. She is talking about it non-stop, almost as if it's the only way she is able to process it.

"I swear, even the seniors we're quiet and full of interest while the host told us about the last few days before they got arrested. And can you believe that they still don't know who told the Germans? That must've been hell for her father too. He survived the war but never figured out who went behind their backs. Who knows it was someone he knew."

Before this trip, Kate urged me to read the diary of Anne Frank, and in hopes it would take my mind off life, I did. It was emotional to read since it's clearly written by a girl that had no idea about her fate. I'm happy I read it though because I know it will make my visit to the Anne Frank House much more memorable.

"It's horrible," I agree, taking a bite of my lame spaghetti bolognese as well. A few students made it under the supervision of Lopez. It didn't work out well.

Kate nods her head and then asks, "how was the Rijksmuseum?"

"Great. You can wander there for hours and not get tired of it. It's sad that most of the students don't find it interesting now. I bet their parents would die to be in their place."

"I'm sure too, but I honestly don't blame them. When I was their age, I didn't see the point of museums either. It comes with age," she chuckles. "I mean, they are in Amsterdam. The only thing they want is to get stoned and walk around the red light district."

I giggle and nod my head. "No doubt about that. Are we actually going to go there? I mean, it's a part of Amsterdam that's unique."

"Doubt it," Kate answers. "But if they're smart, they'll choose to do it tomorrow night."

I shake my head, smiling as well. "As if captain one and captain two will allow that." I nod my head to José and Lopez, who are talking about something while Lopez points to the map of Amsterdam that's laying on the table.

"They could use a visit like that," Kate mumbles, making me choke on a bite of spaghetti because I can't hold my laughter.

"This tastes like fucking garbage," someone at the end of the table suddenly says loudly, making all the heads turn. I look as well, and I see that the almost offended voice belongs to Dave. "Our parents paid a fucking fortune, yet we stay in this rusty place and eat shit like this."

To give his words more force, he grabs his plate and throws it in front of him on the table, making the spaghetti splash on Leila's clothes and face.

Internally, I'm laughing on the floor because of it.

"The fuck, Dave?!" Leila shrieks before she grabs a handful of spaghetti and throws it in his direction, making all the other students laugh.

"This is not good," Kate mumbles before she stands and backs away from the table, obviously attempting to stay far away from the huge food fight that is about to start.

José tries to reason by walking up to the group of troublemakers, but he is too late. Before he reaches them, Dave has thrown John's full plate across the table, hitting both Christian and Sara who as a response join the huge spaghetti-fight as well.

My eyes widen as I watch the situation unfold to complete chaos. The students are laughing and throwing around the food as if it's snow, José's face is covered in the red sauce because Christian took the opportunity to involve him into the fight as well, and both Leila and Sara are yelling that their clothes are ruined.

I back away from the table as well, standing against the wall next to Kate. I'm not going to interfere right now, not until most of the food is on the floor. It's insanity.

"Oh, here we go," Kate mumbles while she shakes her head and nods to Lopez, who is currently climbing on the table. The man is a little older, and therefore I hold my breath.

Once he stands on the table stable, he yells with heated cheeks, "STOP RIGHT NOW!" His arms are shaking and his hands are turned to fists. His glasses shifted to the tip of his nose, and he is even spitting.

He takes everybody by surprise with his yell, and the food fight is stopped immediately while everybody turns to him with wide eyes. I've never seen Lopez this mad, and I've never heard him scream like this either. He is arrogant and stuff, but he is never this violent.

The whole dining room is silent, and Lopez takes the opportunity to speak once again. "This is behavior my five-year-old grandchild doesn't even show. What the hell is wrong with all of you?! I want this place cleaned, and after I think it's clean enough, we'll tell you exactly what the consequences of this insanity is." The students don't move. They look at Lopez, some curiously, others surprised. When it's taking too long for them to get to the action, Lopez yells, "NOW!"

To every teachers' surprise, most of them start to clean up immediately. Only the terrors, who were seated at the end of the table with their group, look at him with arrogance for a moment. Then, Christian is the one who first decides to clean up as well, and like sheep, his gang follows.

Kate and I are speechless as well while we watch the students grab the food from the floor. I'm holding back my laughter, both because it was hilarious and because the silence is making me nervous. I just know Kate feels the same because her breathing changes while she pokes her elbow in my side. "Jesus Christ. And then to realize that this is just day one. The poor man will have a heart attack if they keep this up."

I muffle my giggle with my hand and Kate does the same, but not before she made me laugh a little harder. "He might be in need of a joint. And I'm telling you, I'd join him in a heartbeat."

I've personally never been stoned but right now, that sounds like heaven.


	45. Chapter 44

**A/N: Look at the title! It's so great to finally be able to write something in Dutch! What do you think it means? Don't cheat! Haha. X**

Forty-four: Ik hou van je.

"I'm starting to feel sorry for them, and that says a lot," Kate mumbles as she leans against me a little to make sure nobody hears her.

"They got themselves in this mess in the first place," I whisper back.

"But the food really tasted like shit," Kate counters, and I can't hold in my giggle. "Look at their pouts."

We're sitting in the dining hall of the hostel since we took away their chance of choosing an activity as punishment for what happened yesterday evening.

The terrors started the chaos, but because everyone joined, we can't really send them home, even though I swear José wanted that. Instead, we've decided to take away their choice and choose the activity for them.

We had to improvise since there isn't really much to do in the hostel, but we were able to borrow a PlayStation Two from the owner of the place. He happened to have that at home, and he was nice to go and get that, along with the game Singstar. I guess he understood that we were desperate with all the hormonal teenagers.

So now we've set the PlayStation up, pushed away the tables and made four teams to do an old fashioned battle. I think the students hate it just as much as we do, but most of them realize that I don't have anything better to do so they just tag along and make the best of it.

Everyone except for Christian, John, Dave, Leila, Sara, Shailene and Luna. They are sitting on the chairs that stand against the wall, separate from the group. They all look as if they want to kill us, and I bet they are counting the minutes until we tell them they can go to bed.

Unfortunately for them and for us, José and Lopez are planning to torture them and make this party last.

"What do you suggest we'd do?" I ask Kate after I've studied the group for a few seconds. Christian hasn't really looked at me even though I have to admit I've been focussed on him ever since our short talk in front of the Milkmaid.

Today we went to the Anne Frank House and the Royal Palace at Dam Square. My thoughts and attention should've been completely absorbed by my surroundings, but instead, I could only steal glances at him.

He again seemed interested in what he saw in the Anne Frank House. Just like when we were at the Rijksmuseum, he studied everything he saw intently; he read the information and didn't walk with John and Sara. He was on his own, absorbing everything he saw curiously.

Except me. He didn't look at me once. Or at least not that I'm aware of. Not even when José once again tried to talk to me. This time I subtly told him to keep a proper distance, and to my surprise, he reacted well to that. He even apologized. I'm not sure if he completely meant it but he hasn't come that close again.

"I'm not sure," Kate answers. "But this song isn't making anything better."

I chuckle and nod my head in agreement. A few students of team B are now singing Like a Virgin of Madonna, and it's not a success. The fact that Diana Zarkis is dancing around to make it more party like is making it cringeworthy.

"This is really bad. We should stop her for her own good," I tell Kate.

Fortunately for us, the music ends, successfully stopping Zarkis' show. After that, team B steps aside to make space for team C. And then the whole bickering about which song they want to sing starts again. It's exhausting.

"Dear God, I need alcohol," Kate mutters as she rubs her face.

I'm about to respond when I'm stopped in my tracks as a memory I've stuffed away very deep flows to the service. All the hairs on my body stand, and suddenly I feel like I'm suffocating. The blood drains from my face, and all I want to do is run away, but my feet seem glued to the ground.

The song team C has chosen is one that I know from start to finish. I can sing along every word, but not because it's one of my favorites. It's because the song is connected to the single, most horrible experience in my life, and hearing it now after so many years, makes my stomach turn.

Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

My ears begin to whiz, but it's not hard enough to block out the tones of the happy song. It overtakes me completely, up until the point where I see him dancing in front of the tv, while Luke and I are looking at him with smiles on our faces.

His eyes shine as he twirls around the room, mimicking the moves of George Micheal, who is dancing behind him on the tv, wearing the pink with yellow gym outfit. Dad looks so happy, and because of it, Luke and I are too.

And then he crashes to the ground, right when the chorus starts.

Wake me up before you go-go,  
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.  
Wake me up before you go-go,  
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high.  
Wake me up before you go-go,  
Cause I'm not planning on going solo.  
Wake me up before you go-go,  
Take me dancing tonight.

The moment the shrill, false last note of one of the students fills the room, my feet finally seem to be able to move. I hear Kate calling my name vaguely, but it doesn't stop me from running to the door. I'm just able to mutter a 'be right back, just a moment' in hopes she doesn't follow me.

I run through the hall, heading for the exit of the hostel. When I reach it, I throw the door open and rush outside, hoping that the fresh air makes the sight of dad's smile fade away.

I run around the corner, where I saw a bench this morning when we were walking towards the tram stop. It seemed like a quiet place back then, and right now, I think that's exactly what I need.

As I sit down, I force my breathing back to normal, and when my hands find my cheeks, I realize that tears have left my eyes. It's all because of the impact of that song. A song I hadn't heard in years, but takes me back to that moment as if it were yesterday.

Every time I hear it, I feel the same as that night. I feel the confusion that I felt when he crashed to the floor, the horror when we turned him over and saw that it wasn't good. I feel just as powerless as I did back then when Luke and I had no clue what to do.

And after that rollercoaster of emotions, I feel the grief when the doctors told us it was too late. When they told us he didn't make it.

I pull my feet on the bench and lay my face on my knees, arms around my legs. I close my eyes and try to work the song out of my brain, where it seems to hit repeat over and over again.

I don't know how long I sit like that. Hours, minutes, or just a few seconds, I have no idea. My head only lifts from my knees when I feel the presence of someone that takes place next to me on the bench.

"Are you okay?"

For some reason, I'm not surprised it's him. I felt it. What I am surprised about, is his question. Everyone else would've asked me what's wrong, but he asks if I'm okay.

"Yeah, it's just..." I wave my hand to cover everything that gets stuck in my throat. Tears tickle my eyes again, and I'm forced to take a deep breath in order to hold them back.

"The song," Christian softly says, nodding his head understandingly.

My eyes meet his as I look at him questioningly. In answer, he grabs one of my hands in his before he says, "you told me that your dad danced to a song of Wham! when he suddenly crashed to the ground. When I saw you run away, I knew it had to be this one."

I can't believe he remembered that. That night was so full of new experiences and heavy emotions, that I'm surprised that this information stuck to his mind.

"Right,'' I mumble. "It's just that I hadn't heard that song in a very long time, and it kind of took me back to that moment."

He squeezes my hand and nods his head. "I understand. I have the same, only with scent. It's your brain connecting dots. It fucking sucks."

"What do you mean, you have it with scent?"

He is looking at something nonexciting in front of him, his thumb lightly rubbing over the hand he still holds. For a moment I see him close off, but just when I think he won't answer my question, he speaks, soft but strong.

"My mom was an addict and when I was four years old, I found her in the bathroom. She had overdosed; a needle was sticking out of her arm while she lay on the tiles, her head against the bathtub. She was pale, but her lips were blue and her eyes were bloodstained. She was cold when I touched her to wake her up. When I found her, the bathroom smelled like her shower gel, cinnamon. Every time I smell it now, my stomach rolls as it takes me back to that exact moment."

I'm completely taken aback by his sudden confession. I always felt that he didn't like to talk about the things that happened to him and the relationship with his aunt and uncle. I sensed it which is why this is shocking me to the bone.

"What was she addicted to?" I'm desperate to know more now, and the question that first comes to mind is out before I've thought it over.

"Alcohol and heroine. She was eighteen when she had me and just lost. The only one that looked after her was my uncle Carrick. But my mom didn't take the help they offered. Carrick tried to get me out if there but it takes a while before they take a child away from their mother. In the end, he was too late."

He speaks without any emotion, his voice monotone and almost as if he doesn't care about the fate of his mother. Almost, because in the far, far distance, I hear that he does. I hear anger, but I also hear sadness, even if it's just a drop of it.

"You must miss her," I weakly say, sensing that he won't ever admit that.

"I don't," he says, determined and without thinking it over. "I guess I believe that she loved me in her own, fucked up way, but she loved the crack and drinks more. I'll never forgive her for that. I don't care how lost she was, I should've been the reason she wanted to stop all that shit." His hand squeezes mine harder, obviously angered by what he tells me. "Besides, once Carrick and Grace took me in, I had everything a child needs. They gave me love, attention, safety, and food. They helped me with the grief and offered me all the help I needed as a traumatized four-year-old. I never had the change to miss her because they replaced her properly from the moment she died."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, not knowing what else to say. What can I say? I know that hearing the famous 'I'm sorry' doesn't help at all. I've heard it many times too, and it always pisses me off. But right now, I'm at a loss of any other thing to say.

"It's been a long time," he shrugs. He then lifts his hand and wipes a lost tear from my cheek with his thumb. "But we were talking about you."

His simple gesture makes me want to jump him. He is so close, and for the first time, we're actually talking about our lives. About our personal things, things that formed us into who we are now.

"I'm fine. It was just the stupid song," I tell him, still feeling the tears behind my eyes. It's not just because of the song though, it's also because Christian is this close. It feels intense.

He lifts my hand, his eyes still on my face. When his lips touch my fingers and leave a featherlight kiss there, his eyes darken. "You shouldn't be fine, Ana. You should be spectacular. You deserve that."

I take in a sharp breath, his comment making me weak. It takes me back to when he said that, and how I felt then. When everything between us was innocent and small. When he teased and I hated.

"You can't say things like that, Christian. We can't."

He moves a little closer to me, his hands moving to my cheeks as he forces me to look at him. "I know you miss me. I feel it. I know you only ended it because you felt that we changed that weekend. I feel it too, Ana."

"I don't even know what I feel, so how could you be sure I feel the same as you?" I ask him, leaning my forehead against him. I need to be closer.

He softly chuckles, his nose bumping to mine once. "Trust me, I just know."

I see his eyes twinkle, and before I know it, the question that's consuming my mind from the moment he left Lake Washington is out. "What do you feel?"

He takes a deep breath, seemingly thinking about my question for a few seconds. After that, he pulls back a little so I have a clear vision of his face.

"Everything. I feel hate when I look at you, I feel desire. My thoughts are completely consumed by you and every step you take. Memories of you and me and everything we did never leave my mind." He pauses for a moment, and I hold my breath, fearing that his next words will make everything way more complicated.

"And I know I'm not allowed to," he takes a deep breath, "but I love you."

"You are such an idiot," I mumble, now properly crying. The way he says it, makes me weak. And I so wish I could tell him the same, but right now, I can't.

He smirks and kisses my nose, not even remotely offended by what I'm saying. "You've called me worse."

"I can't tell you the same Christian. I really don't know what I feel. I've been in love before, and it felt nothing like what I feel for you. With you, I feel so many things at once, and it does consume me, but not always in a positive way."

When he just nods, I continue. "And I wish I could tell you that we'll figure it out, but I can't. I can't because I'm still married. And Colton isn't going to give me a divorce easily. He will drag it out and fight me, and I need all my focus on that. I can't-"

"I can help you," he interrupts, his grip on my cheek a little stronger before he moves his hands from my face. "I know something that can maybe help you."

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"Colton cheated on you with his assistant, right?"

My eyes widen slightly in surprise. How the hell does he know that? "How do you-"

"That woman is Leila's half-sister. That's how Leila knows about how Colton cheated on you. He was with her for four months before you found out and he called it quits."

"Valerie and Leila are sisters?" I can't believe this. Out of everyone, it had to be Leila.

Christian nods his head. "Yeah."

"What else do you know?" I demand. I've never bothered to go after information about his assistant Valerie. Now that I think about it, I know that was stupid. I should've asked more about her but as always, Colton's influence was too big.

"Not much," he shrugs. "Just something about how he is into kinky shit. I don't really know."

He looks uncomfortable talking about this, and I would ask about that if alarm bells didn't go off in my head.

Kinky shit.

Colton knowing about Luke.

Does that connect in some way?

"Can you find out more?" I ask Christian. The tears are forgotten, and I suddenly feel the need to dig into Colton's life like I never have before.

"I'm trying to," he answers. "But Leila is like a cat in heat and that makes things complicated."

I roll my eyes. "Just like Sara." It's out before I know it, and I hate how jealousy drips from the sentence.

He roughly grabs my chin and once again forces me to look at him. "For fuck sakes, Ana. There is nothing going on between me and Sara. She took a sleeping pill, and that's why she was out. She just fell asleep against me and because I knew that you looked, I let her sleep like that. Didn't I just tell you that I love you?"

I shrug as an answer, not knowing what to say. Before I register what happens, Christian slams his mouth to mine unexpectedly, and starts kissing me roughly.

Although the first thing that comes to mind is to push him away, I don't. I let him take control of my mouth, the way I've been desperately thinking about for weeks. It feels even better than I remembered.

"I don't want anyone else. Not Leila. Not Sara. I want you. I want you even though I can't have you and even though you're a fucking bitch," he growls against my mouth, his breath cold on my wet lips.

My hands move to his hair, gripping the strands and pulling him even closer to me. It's desperate and raw, like always and it makes me wonder how I got on without it. Without him this close.

"Oh my God."

A voice to our right breaks us apart as if we're on fire, and when I look at the direction of the voice, I see Sara standing just a few feet from the bench. Her mouth hangs open, her eyes wide.

I immediately panic and jump from the bench, creating as much distance between Christian and myself as possible. Christian stands from the bench as well, but he walks towards Sara to grab her arms, no doubt preventing her from going anywhere even though she looks stupified.

"What the hell?!" She hisses, her nails in Christian's forearms,

"Just listen," Christian tells her, his tone forcefull but I can hear the panic as well. "Please, don't tell anyone what you saw."

I nod my head fast, but Sara doesn't look at me so I'm not sure why I even bother. For once, I have no idea how to behave or what to say, so I'll just let Christian do the talking for now.

"But she is... And you are... And we are here...And she is married," Sara stutters, failing to speak in normal sentences.

And as if this isn't horrible enough, I hear José and Kate in the distance, calling my name. It feels like they are miles away, but they aren't since just a moment later they turn around the corner as well.

José looks from Christian and Sara to me. I can see the wheels in his head turning while he tries to figure out what he is actually looking at. Kate's looking at me, her expression between panic and something else I can't place.

Christian looks at José while he straightens his back, his hands still on Sara's arms. Sara still has the look of total disbelieve on her face, complete with the wide eyes. And I'm shaking like a leaf, although I manage to straighten my shoulders to prepare myself for the questions they'll ask.

"What's happening here?" José demands while looking at Christian and Sara.

The three of us all stay silent. I couldn't even speak if I wanted to. I'm too busy praying that Sara won't say anything, although I'm almost one hundred percent sure she will once she's over the shock.

"It's none of your fucking business," Christian growls, never letting go of Sara.

"Wrong, Grey. It is my business and I want answers. Now," José hisses, taking a step forward. "Anastasia?" He demands yet again, now looking at me.

"I... He..," I stutter, not even sure what I want to say. I wave my hand back and forth, but I don't have a plan. At all. This is even worse than when Gail caught us.

"Christian and I were here," Sara suddenly says, surprising me and Christian. "Mrs. Davies walked by and caught us."

"Caught you doing what?" José asks, his arms crossing in front of him and his eyebrow raised.

"What do you think?" Christian spits when he sees that Sara looks a little unsure.

"Did you want to come here with him?" José asks while looking at Sara, and I can't help but roll my eyes. He really desperately wants something against Christian, and this is just insulting.

Christian is about to flip the fuck off but Sara holds him back by placing her hand on his chest. I'm thankful she does.

"Yes. Yes, I wanted to be here," she answers, her voice now surer.

"Is this true, Ana?" Kate asks, breaking the heated gazes between Christian and José. Her eyes are begging me to say yes even though she knows it's complete bullshit.

I take a deep breath and try to steady myself. "It is," I eventually nod. "I needed some fresh air and when I walked back I found them on this bench."

I feel horrible for saying it. Not because I'm lying, but because the idea of Christian and Sara on this bench, kissing and doing whatever else, makes me sick.

José nods at Sara and Christian after he's been quiet for a minute. He then motions with his hand in the direction of the entrance of the hostel. "Inside, both of you."

Sara immediately starts walking, head bowed, but Christian stays put for a few seconds longer. Only when Kate tells him to go inside once more, he starts walking, his gaze solemnly on José until he disappears out of view.

"Is there anything else that we need to know?" José asks. I know he wants to know what I saw exactly.

"No. They were just kissing. Don't worry, there's no problem. Not now and not in nine months."

José nods his head. "We need to keep a closer eye on them."

"Right," Kate pipes up. "Which is exactly why we need to go back inside, right now."

I nod my head in agreement and walk in the direction of the entrance, Kate right next to me. José follows us as well.

"Are you really okay?" Kate mumbles softly while we walk, making sure she's not overheard.

"I am," I nod.

And it's all because of Sara. I have no idea why she did it but I promise myself right here and now that I will thank her for it the moment I have the change.

When we enter the hostel once again, I think back at what Christian told me. He loves me and he wants me.  
Previous times when he said he wanted me, I doubted if he exactly knew what that would entail.

But as he said it moments ago, I saw that he fully understands now. I believe that he loves me, and that's exactly the reason why I find myself thinking about how we can overcome all the obstacles and make it work.


	46. Chapter 45

**A/N: I wanted to post this yesterday, but once again didn't allow me to. Therefore, I spend yesterday expanding this chapter a little, so I am able to give you a longer one now as an apology! I think this is the one we all desperately need. It's intense and sweet and just wow, I think. Hope it's even better than the ones before. X Milou.**

Forty-five: My Warmth.

"Thanks for that," I tell Sara as soon as I'm sure they can't hear us anymore.

I'm still full of adrenaline which is why I've not processed what just happened completely, but I do know that Sara just saved both me and Ana. Definitely Ana.

"What the hell was that exactly?" She asks, her expression still full of disbelieve.

Of course, I owe her an explanation. She just took the blame for something she didn't do, knowing that Ana and I were in heavy liplock just moments before.

"Christian? What was that?" Sara asks again, obviously not patient.

"We kissed," I tell her the obvious, not sure where to begin.

"No shit," she mumbles. "Please tell me that this was the first time."

I shake my head. "It wasn't. Me and her, it's been going on for a few weeks."

"Holy shit," Sara breathes while she stops walking. We are standing in the hallway, just a few feet from the door that leads to the dining room. "But she is married."

The fact that this is the first thing she says somehow reassures me. She doesn't say; 'but she is your teacher', and I'm pleased about that. Just like Ana. Ana named her marriage as the reason she can't too, where she would normally give the fact that she is my teacher as the reason.

I can't help but see it as progress.

"She's actually going through the process of a divorce."

"Jesus, are you two that serious?"

"She isn't divorcing him for me," I quickly tell her. "She is doing that because she isn't happy. She knew that long before she met me. He an asshole."

I know that's the truth, even though Ana didn't really say it like that literally. She knew that he wasn't right for her, and I know that she wasn't happy at all. I saw it the first time I met her. It was written all over her face, I just didn't know the reason back then.

Sara rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry for not immediately believing he is an asshole, you're a bit prejudiced I would say."

"I'm not. He is an asshole. Trust me." Sara would think the same if I told her what he did to Ana. How he treated her all those years, to the point that I'm beginning to believe he made her a fucked up, insecure, little girl.

She shrugs and stays quiet for a few seconds before she looks at me intently. "Is it serious between you two?"

I'm not sure since when Sara and I have deep conversations like this, but somehow it feels good to talk about this. I've been holding it in for months. I've never felt the need to talk about it because I wanted to protect Ana, but now that Sara knows, talking about it feels liberating.

"It's definitely more than just a small kiss, but it's also fucking complicated for many reasons."

"Obviously," Sara responds. "It's so weird that I'm not even surprised. I mean, I was a little shocked when I saw you two, but now that I think about it, it kind of makes sense."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw how you looked at her when you saw her at the airport. You seemed completely fixated for a moment. And later on, during the flight as well. The way you looked at her kind of scared me. It almost looked as if you were obsessed or something, but now it makes sense," a small smile forms her lips.

"Why did you do this?" It's the million-dollar question. I don't think Sara is the type that's going to want something from me now because she knows, but there must be a reason.

She shrugs and looks away for a moment, thinking it over. "I saw the fear in Mrs. Davies her eyes, and I just froze. She will be in so much trouble for this and for some reason I don't think she deserves that. I like her. She is always nice to me and I enjoy her lessons. And your look when you grabbed me to prevent me from going somewhere just hit me hard. You looked so..."

She waves her hand while she looks at me unsure as if she is scared she'll say something that I don't know myself yet. I think I know what she means, but my eyes dare her to finish her sentence.

"You looked desperate to protect her. In an animalistic way. There is only one reason for a look like that." Her eyes find mine, and when I blink my eyes, she says the word that I've just said to Ana. The one that scares me shitless.

"Love."

I stay quiet. When Sara understands I won't respond, she chuckles, "besides, it didn't really look like either of you didn't want what was happening, so my guess is that she didn't force you." She tries to break the tension, and I'm grateful.

I let out a heavy chuckle. "Right. She didn't. I actually pursued her, until the point that it drove her crazy. She fought it desperately."

I feel the huge need to let Sara know that Ana knew she wasn't allowed from the moment it all started. She needs to know that everything that happened, happened because I initiated it. Of course, Ana wanted it just as much, but I made the first move. It's one of the things that I doubt will ever change.

"I believe you," Sara nods after a short silence. "You don't choose who you fall in love with. If that were the case, many wars wouldn't have been fought."

She mentions the word love as if it's a written fact now. As if she heard that I told Ana I love her. "You're pretty sure it's love."

A small smile covers her face, and her hand finds my arm to give it a firm squeeze. "Honestly, that kiss said enough."

I felt exactly that when Ana kissed me. I felt that even though she told me she couldn't say I love you back, she does. The fact that even outsiders see it too, only confirmes that what we have shouldn't be stuffed away and ignored.

"Listen," Sara softly says, leaning to me a little so that we're not overheard. "I can imagine that you have things to talk about after what just happened. If I can help you two, you just have to tell me, okay?"

"Thanks," I nod, a bit shocked by her offer. "Why though?"

She shrugs and then grabs the handle of the door, obviously planning on getting back the dining room. "I know how being in love with someone who you aren't allowed to be with feels. It's the reason I'm going to Port Bellevue. Nothing as forbidden as what you have going on, I assure you, but my parents send me here because they hated the guy I'm in love with. He's the bad guy."

She doesn't elaborate any further on the guy, she just opens the door and disappears into the horrible sounds of the karaoke before the door saves me from the awful tunes. And just a second later, Ana, Kavanagh, and Rodriguez walk into the hall as well.

Kavanagh and Ana are walking side by side, Rodriguez behind them. Ana has folded her arms in front of her as if she is cold, but her red cheeks suggest something different. Kavanagh is leaned towards Ana, both looking at the ground as they seem to talk.

Rodriguez is looking at me and without too much trouble, I know exactly what he is thinking. He will be my shadow for the remainder of this trip. I fucking hate him.

Just when I want to look away from them, Ana's head moves up and her ocean-blue eyes find mine for just a second. It's that look that makes me weak, and before I can stop it, my mind starts to move in every twist and turn, determined to find a way to take upon Sara's offer.

Because I need to be alone with Ana again. She feels it, I feel it. And it needs to happen tonight.

* * *

It's well over three when I finally know for sure that everyone around me is asleep. For the last two hours, I've been listening carefully to all the people I share a room with, and for the last twenty minutes, it's completely silent.

The longer I had to wait, the stronger the nerves got. It's all because I know how important the next ten minutes are. Everything will depend on the next ten minutes. If I get caught, it's over. The same goes for Ana.

I'd texted her right after we were summoned to go our rooms. I know she told me that we couldn't text because of her husband, but I had to see her, and I didn't have any other way to reach out to her.

My text was short and simple; _stay awake until I text you. Please._

For minutes I didn't get any response. It stayed deadly silent. I'd almost given up the hope that she would reply when after a good twenty minutes she finally texted back.

_Okay._

Her text was short, but the single word made my heart beat uncontrollably. We both know what happened just before Sara caught us was just the beginning and the fact that she agreed on waiting for my text, showed that she isn't done either.

I'm well aware that it's dangerous as fuck. And you would think that after the whole thing on that bench, we would tone it down until it's much safer, but I can't. I can't bear not touching her anymore.

As always when it comes to Ana, the feeling of needing her, the urge to kiss her and the desperation to talk to her wins it from everything, including the fear of getting caught.

Rodriguez and Lopez are sleeping in the room next to ours which means I have to be even more careful. There aren't really a lot of options to meet in this hostel, so I've already figured that the bathrooms will be best.

I'll go there before I'll text Ana, and if Rodriguez will catch me on my way over there, I can always tell him I'm going to take a shower. If that happens though, I can't text Ana to find me, and I'll just have to come up with another plan.

I take a deep breath and slowly move the sheet from my body. It's fucking cold in this shothole; I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweater and I swear I'm still shivering. It's not normal.

The bed cracks as I move to sit up, and for a moment I freeze to see if it causes a reaction from my fellow classmates. Fortunately, everything stays still, and most importantly; silent.

I rise from the bed slowly, holding my breath as I reach for my shoes. I manage to put them on without making a sound, and after I've grabbed a towel to make the story work if Rodriguez sees me, I walk out the door.

The hallway is even colder than the room, and in order to feel somewhat warm, I move my hoodie over my head. I start walking determinedly after that, passing Rodriguez's room without any difficulties. The whole hostel is silent, the only things that can be heard are some lost cracks of the wooden floor and the wind that's dancing around the hostel.

Within minutes, I arrive at the bathrooms. To my left, there's a row of shower cabins, thankfully all with floor to ceiling doors with locks. They give privacy and they're clean, which is about where the luxury ends. The last shower cabin is a little bigger since it's designed for people with a disability.

To the right, a row of sinks covers the wall and the white tiles adjust to the hostel completely. Simple. It's clean but simple. And fucking cold.

After waiting for a few minutes, checking out the hallway to make sure nobody has followed me, I take my phone from my pocket and open the conversation with Ana.

_Can you come to the bathrooms?_

Again, the text is short and simple, just like the first one I'd send her. My fingers lingered on the x, but I decided against it last minute because if someone will ever read them, it'll at least not look suspicious right away.

Once the text is sent, the nerves kick in once more. While the fingers of my right hand tightly wrap around my phone to make sure I feel it vibrate if Ana texts back, my other hand is sweating. My heartbeat picks up again, and I swear I hear it in my ears as well. I'm also still shivering, although that's mostly because I'm fucking freezing.

Hours seem to pass without getting any response from her. My phone stays silent, not even giving an alert or notification of one of the apps I've downloaded. My eyes are glued to the door, waiting impatiently until it opens. If it will open.

When minutes have passed, the door slowly moves, and I find myself blinking a few times to make sure I'm not hallucinating. The blinking stops abruptly when I see her face peeking around it, and a long, relieved breath escapes my throat.

"Hi," she softly whispers while she walks into the bathroom. To make sure she is as silent as possible, she walks on her toes, and it's cute as fuck.

She is wearing slippers and thick pink socks, sweatpants, and the knitted cardigan that she wore the night I kissed her for the first time. Just like back then, her hands are hidden in the sleeves, the fabric clutched into her fists. Her hair is in a loose ponytail, resting on top of her head and her face is clear of make-up.

When she's standing in front of me, I notice that she is just as cold as I am. She is shivering, her lip trembling and I even hear her teeth rattle for a short moment.

"Hi," she breathes again after she's come to a stop just inches from me. I'm happy she doesn't feel the need to keep a distance.

"Hi," I whisper back. "Are you okay?" It seems to be the number one sentence I ask her lately which tells me just how fucked up this whole situation really is.

"Yeah," she replies, her arms hugging around herself to warm up somewhat. "Just really cold. I mean, our room was cold, but this is just freezing. This is madness."

I nod my head in agreement. "I know."

We stay silent after that, and for a moment I'm at a loss of words. I know she is too because she is looking at her feet. We have so much to talk about right now, but somehow I can't seem to find the right words that'll express everything perfectly. The fact that it's fucking cold only makes it more uncomfortable.

I look around for a short moment, and when I put my phone back in my pocket, I'm reminded of my towel that's still hanging over my arm. For a moment I think about how I brought it along as an alibi, but then an idea pops into my mind.

"Do you want to warm up in the shower?" I bluntly ask at the moment the idea is fully registered by my brain. I hadn't thought it over at all, I just said it, and Ana's reaction is obviously somewhat surprising.

Her eyes are a little wide and her hands have stopped moving over her arms. She is looking at me, her faint pink cheeks finally having some color again now that I suggested taking a shower.

"Um, sure?" She looks just as questioningly as she sounds but when I give her an encouraging nod and a small smile, she nods her head more determinedly. "I mean, sure."

Ignoring the nerves that seem to get heavier now that she agreed, I hold out my hand for her to take. When it connects with mine, a full-body shiver seems to run through her, and all the hairs on my body stand, relieved because I'm touching her again.

I lead her to the last shower cabin which is the bigger one, taking the change that there isn't someone with a disability that wants to use it at three-thirty at night. When I open the door, I let her go in first before I follow her and close it again, making sure it's locked.

After I've hung my towel on the single hook on the door, I turn around so I'm facing her again. She looks a little unsure, her lower lip trapped between her teeth which prevents it from trembling due the cold.

Still not entirely sure what to say, I start pulling my sweater over my head and put it on the small wooden bench to my left, the cold air immediately hitting my skin. To make it a little more bearable, I lean towards the shower and put it on, hoping that the steam will make undressing a little easier.

Ana's eyes have moved up when I return to my spot in front of her, and they are slowly moving over my torso while they become clearer. While her eyes are always a gorgeous shade of blue, I like them the most when she's turned on.

When she's turned on, the outside is darker than the inner circle. It goes from dark blue to ocean-blue and than turns into her pupil, and somehow it's enchanting. I'm aware that it's not just because of the color, but also because she is looking at me.

When her eyes reach my face again, she slowly takes off her cardigan, revealing a white tank top that doesn't hide anything at all. Her hard nipples press against the thin fabric and I can easily make out her areolas.

The sight of them almost makes me lose my shit. My mouth begins to water as I think about how they taste, and my sweatpants are tenting completely, my cock straining against the fabric as if it'll rip through if I don't get rid of it fast enough.

I swallow the need to lunge at her and then look up at her face while I pull down my sweatpants and boxers. It's a bit of a struggle since I also need to kick if my shoes, but I manage to do it within a minute.

When I'm completely naked, I focus on her again, and I'm just in time to see her pull off her tanktop. Without making eye contact with me, she places the tank top on top of the cardigan that lies on the bench before she works on her slippers, socks and eventually her sweatpants as well.

My cock bumps at the sight of her naked body for the first time in weeks and a low groan escapes my throat on its own accord. It's been so long since I've seen her like this, that I feel as if I need to rediscover her completely.

I wish I could have her on a bed right now. I would lay her down and explore her properly. My hands following the curves of her body, my mouth moving over her breasts and nipples while her fingers dig in my hair, her back arched.

I shake off the thoughts, for now, deciding that I need to work with the room we have now which is the shower cabin, and I step forward and grab her hand to lead her under the stream.

Her hand is cold and when the warm stream of water hits her front, she sighs in relief.

Eyes closed, she moves her face under the stream for a moment before she pulls back, moving her hands over her face to clear her view from the droplets. When she has done that, she turns her gaze on me.

"Aren't you cold?" She nods at were I'm standing, and although the sight of her makes it all a little more bearable, I feel myself nod my head. "Come here," she beckons with her head, her soft voice sounding a little shy.

Almost greedy, I jump forward, the warm water helping me relax the moment the first droplets hit my skin. Her arm brushes against mine in the process, and the heat that shoots through me at that exact moment is what warms me up completely.

Without saying anything and more importantly, without doubt, I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her flush against me so we're both under the stream. She gasps, but her arms find their way around my neck not a second later which confirms that she's just as happy with this as I am.

For minutes we let the water cascade on our bodies. She lets out little breaths, the feeling of them on my chest soothing and familiar. My cheek leans against her head, and with my eyes closed, I just treasure this moment. Her in my arms, safe and warm, and mostly, content and relaxed.

"And now we talk," I tell her after I've inhaled the scent of her hair enough to smell it until we're back home.

She nods against my chest but otherwise doesn't move. Her belly is pressed firmly against my cock, and although I'm hard as a rock, the content, serene feeling wins it from the sexual haze for now.

"I meant what I said, Ana. I love you. I know that the whole situation doesn't allow us to be together, but I do love you. I know I'm just eighteen but I do recognize love when I feel it. I know what I feel for you is love. I know it because, despite everything, I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to wait for you until you have everything figured out."

She gasps in response, her hands around my neck holding me a little tighter, her nails gripping the skin. Her head turns a little until her forehead is leaning against my sternum, her eyes cast down.

There is so much more I want to tell her, but I can't find the right words that'll cover every single thing. I want to tell her that I'll wait for years if I have to. That I'll leave school if that makes it easier. That I'll follow her where she wants if that makes her happy. That I'll help her if she needs me to.

"I don't want to pin you down and drag you into my mess. You should focus on school, on graduating and on what you're doing after high school. There is a whole life waiting for you that you need to go explore, Christian. I'll just slow you down," her soft voice says, still not looking at me.

"You won't." I shake my head to make it more powerful even though she can't see it. "You have no idea what you did in that short time you had me pinned down. You changed me, Ana. When you invited me to your brother's house that weekend, you changed everything. I suddenly saw my future bright and clear where before, I saw nothing. You inspire me. I want to be good and serious and educated because I want to be with you. Take care of you and have a life with you that you deserve. A huge ass kitchen."

The fact that I'm saying it all out loud now shocks me since I haven't thought about all this a lot myself. The times that I thought about it, felt weird, mostly because I hadn't accepted my feelings. But now, as I feel her warm, wet body against me, my feelings are in tune with my thoughts and everything seems simple

I love her. I want her. She is it.

Her face moves once again, now until her chin is resting on my sternum, her eyes looking up at me. She blinks a lot due to the water, and to make looking at me easier I move my head directly under the stream, blocking it from splashing in her face.

"Do you have any idea what you're saying?" She asks but doesn't wait for my answer. "I've had a whole life before you. For example, we don't have any firsts. I've lived with someone, been married to someone, been on a honeymoon. You deserve those firsts with someone that hasn't done those things so you can explore them together. I'll always compare everything we do with my life before you."

She is trying to talk some sense into me, but the more she tries, the surer I become.

"Ana," I chuckle, not able not to. "We have a lot of fucking firsts. I'm your first student, you're my first teacher. You're the first woman I've been with that's older than me, I'm the first who is younger than you. You're the first that I love, and you've said so yourself that what you feel for me is nothing like you felt for that asshole which means it's a first as well. And in the future, we can have new firsts as well. I don't care that you've been married before but if it's such a big deal, we won't get married at all. That way, I can just take you on a fuckathon somewhere without calling it a honeymoon, which solves that point as well. You can compare all you want because I'm going to make sure I'll do everything better than he ever did."

By the time the last word leaves my mouth, Ana's hangs wide open. She looks at me with disbelieve, but her eyes are oozing love. She might not know what she feels, but if she'd look in the mirror right now, I'm sure everything would make perfect sense.

"I really don't deserve you,' she mumbles, the weakness audible. It's the last thing she can say before she runs out of options.

I shake my head slowly while I pull her back by her hair a little, moving my face down so it's closer to hers. "I don't deserve you. Yet. But in the end, I will."

Without waiting for her response, I capture her mouth with mine, earning a muffled gasp from her before her lips mold with mine perfectly. Her tongue pushes through right after so it can move around mine hungrily, just like always fighting for control.

Her hands move to my cheeks as my arms crush around her waist, pulling her as close to me as possible. Her hands are warmer now, except for one little thing that still feels cold.

Without looking or pulling back, I know what it is, and it suddenly feels completely wrong against me, even though it didn't bother me the previous times. It might even turned me on then, but now I suddenly loathe it.

I pull back unexpectedly and as a response Ana's eyes open while she looks offended. Her mouth still hangs open, her lips already swollen. Her chest is moving up and down rapidly, her nipples tight and her chest flushed.

"Take them off," I growl, surprising both her and myself.

She looks at me confused, her gaze moving down to her naked form for just a moment as if she is checking that she took everything off. When her eyes meet mine again, they ask for an explanation.

I grab her right hand from my cheek and hold it in front of our faces while I nod to her finger. The finger that holds two rings. Rings that that asshole put there.

"Take them off," I repeat.

Her eyes flicker from the rings to my face. When they stay on me after a few times back and forth, a small glimmer in her eyes appears. "You do it."

For some reason, her saying this is a huge turn on. The idea of removing the things that claim her as his do things to me that I've never felt before.

So while my eyes never leave hers, I grab both of the rings with the hand that isn't holding her wrist and almost yank them off her finger. Right after that, I grab the back of her legs and lift her. By the time the rings rattle on the tiles, her legs are securely wrapped around my waist, her back is against the cold tiles and my cock is perfectly centered against her spot while our mouths fight for dominance once again.

Her hand, now free from engagement- and wedding ring, reaches in between us, moving over my chest, abs and lower until she can grab me. I hiss into her mouth when she moves up and down steady and strong, just how I like it.

"I want to fuck you," I grunt, her tongue still moving over my lips, not willing to stop the kiss anytime soon.

"Then fuck me." Her voice is soft, breathy and just fucking sexy.

"Condom," I hiss just as her thumb moves over my tip slowly, her nail present as well.

She doesn't respond to that. She just continues to kiss me again which makes me question if she even heard it. I let it go for now and just enjoy the feeling of her hand on my cock, and while her kiss becomes a little unsteady, I move down to her neck to make sure that gets some attention as well.

Just like the first time when she rode me in the car, her arms pull me closer against her by wrapping around my head, her nails in my hair. She urges me to go lower and when I reach her breasts, she buries her face in my hair.

Just like that first time, everything is her.

When I reach her nipple and suck it in gently, a soft cry leaves her throat and her hips start to move against me, my shaft sliding through her folds perfectly.

"I love how you make me feel," she breathes into my hair, and I close my eyes in relief. It might not be the big I love you, but for now, it's close enough.

She moves my head back by pulling my hair and then pushes her mouth to mine once more, her hand once again sliding in between us to grab me. But instead of working on me with her hand just like before, she now guides me to her.

When my tip comes into contact with her heat, I jerk my head back, my eyes wide. "I don't have a condom," I pant, repeating what I've said minutes ago, now sure that she registers what I'm saying.

Again she doesn't reply, although her eyes tell me she heard me perfectly. Her hand moves me further towards her, and just as I'm about to protest again, she guides me into her.

My eyes roll back as she shields herself onto me completely. I'm consumed by her wetness, by her heat, and for a moment I'm not able to move. I'm frozen, shocked and in awe of what I'm feeling. Of how she feels without anything on.

"Jesus, you're so hot. Are you sure?" I manage to ask through gritted teeth, eyes still closed.

Ana stays silent, but the firm, sweet kiss she leaves on my wet forehead along with her nails that reassuringly scratch my scalp tell me everything I need to know.

She's okay with this, and therefore, I lose myself in her completely, letting her warmth and scent consume me until everything is us once again.


	47. Chapter 46

**A/N: Sometimes I have trouble with getting everything in a chapter right. I guess it's because my native language isn't English and all the plots in my head are in Dutch when I think them through. I want certain sentences and thoughts in the story just like I have them in my head, and writing them down can be a huge challenge sometimes because I want them to be perfect. This chapter was a real son of bitch in that matter. I wrote it earlier, but when I read it again to edit it, it just didn't feel right. So, I ended up changing half of it. I hope it gives all the feelings that I had in my head.**

**And I hope it makes sense that it took days for me to edit it. I'm becoming a perfectionist and sometimes it sucks. Sorry!**

**Let me know what you think! Love Milou.**

Forty-six: limid reached.

His face is hidden in my neck, his hands firmly on the back of my tights. His heavy breaths and moans tickle my skin, sending shivers straight through even though the cold is long forgotten. His mouth is working on my collarbone, his teeth following the path until he reaches my pulse point, only to start again just under my ear.

The assault on my skin is rough, honest and raw. It shows exactly how much he missed me, and it gives the words he told me just minutes ago more dept and power. His hands dig into my flesh as well, I'm sure leaving marks of his handprints.

But in contrast to all those actions, his thrusts are sweet, gentle and controlled. He slides into me fully, hitting spots that make me quiver and sigh, before he retreats and slowly starts the whole process again.

He is savoring me completely as if he wants to feel me on him forever after this.

My face is still partly hidden in his hair. The smell of his hair, fresh, clean, manly and a little worn after a day around Amsterdam, wakens feelings inside me that I've become addicted to. Constant nerves, warm chest and something that comes close to feeling high. It's all for him.

"I can't believe you let me do this," his strangled voice breathes, his face moving out of my neck to look at me. His eyes are the darkest shade I've ever seen, making his stare enormously intense.

I know what he means. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm letting him inside me bare either. But somehow it wasn't an impulse. Even though I hadn't thought about doing it without a condom ever before and I decided to let him in bare last minute, it feels like a well-considered decision. As if we worked towards this moment for months, and we're now doing it because everything feels right and settled while in reality, it's anything but that.

I do believe him when he says that he loves me, and therefore I trust him to be clean as well. I'm on birth control, and I've told him that when he asked me in Taylor's kitchen. I still remember the expression he had when I told him how my dad knocked my mom up when he was just Christian's age and his almost bewildered question about birth control that followed.

"How are you real?" He continues when I just whimper in response. Right after that, he moves his arms around my waist and carries me to the wooden bench, where he sits right next to our clothes, me in his lap.

Steam has filled the cabin completely, and it creates a cloud around us, shielding us. His arms are still around my waist, his front pressed against mine, my arms around his neck, noses touching. My lower legs rest on each side of his thighs and were still connected, deeply.

My hips circle lightly to keep up the friction, Christian's hips meeting me slowly. Our eyes are locked, and I can feel his heart hammering against my chest. It's intense and extremely intimate.

"I missed you. Missed this," I confess before I have thought it through. It's literally my heart that speaks, and in response, he sighs in relief, eyes closed for a moment.

"Me too. You on me, me in you. We need to make this work, Ana. We have to find a way because I can't lose this. I can't lose what I feel for you. I've never felt something like this, something that offers me hope and peace. A goal." His hands move up and down my back, the tips of his fingers pressing in my skin, dragging a trail there.

His words and touch hit me deeply, the desperation in his tone overwhelming. He is telling me that I'm not holding him back. That I'm the reason he feels hope and peace. That we can be a goal together.

And it makes me realize that I have to stop holding back as well. I have to let everyone around me, including their opinions on this, fade to the background for now, and just listen to what I feel.

"I know. I'll try," I whisper before I plant my mouth back on his and increase the movements of my hips, making him groan before he returns my kiss with passion.

Both our bodies are covered in sweat. It's a huge contrast with how we were freezing when we first walked into the room. The shower is still streaming on full force, and I can honestly say that I'm warming up to the bone.

His hands steady themselves on my hips, guiding me into long, slow movements. Not up and down, but in circles and forward and back.

"I'm so deep like this," he breathes after he's pulled his mouth away from mine again. "I feel everything. Every curve. You're so damn soft."

Right after his words are out, he leans down to take my nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting me. It makes my hips work faster on their own accord, and before I fully register it, I'm moving up and down hard, our wet skins slapping against each other, the sounds coming straight from a porn movie.

"I'm there," I manage to tell him in a warning. In response, he growls while he bites the curve of my breast, just under my nipple, causing me to shake violently.

As my orgasm rips through me, his assault on my breast stops. I'm vaguely aware that he is looking at me, but my eyes are mostly closed as I ride out my orgasm, using Christian's body for leverage.

His hands have stopped guiding me, and are now just resting on my hips. His thumbs stroke my skin reassuringly, and he softly whispers encouragements and compliments until my body slumps against his, my head on his shoulder.

"I love how you come," he mumbles in my hair before he kisses my head. "You are so fucking lovely, Ana."

Butterflies in my stomach make me shiver as I hear his sweet words. His arms have completely crushed me against him once more, his hands shaking a little because he is close too. I know he is because I feel him throbbing inside of me.

"I want you to come too. Inside me. Without anything on. Just us."

My cheeks heat up at my comment. It was out before I knew it, but Christian's low grunt tells me it was exactly the thing he wanted to hear. Determinedly he stands from the bench and places my back against the tiles once more, this time immediately thrusting into me roughly to chase his orgasm.

My body still feels a bit limb, and therefore Christian does all the work himself. His moans are low and sexy, and all I can do is look at him while he takes what he needs. The veins on his arms are throbbing under his skin, his muscles clenched in anticipation, and his jaw tightened.

I look at him in awe as he reached his high. The pulsing of his cock against my walls, the shocks that run through his body, and the clench of his muscles is something that I'll never get tired looking at.

"Fuck. So good," he mutters as his body relaxes somewhat, and immediately after I feel myself dripping. Due to the position I'm in, it's not a surprise, and Christian notices it as well.

I look down as he pulls back and the sight of his cock covered in both of us makes me want to attack him again. His hands are finding the wall behind me after he's put me on my own feet, his forehead leaning against mine while he tries to get his breathing under control.

"I don't want to lose this either."

His eyes meet mine right after I said the words. They are a bit wide, but I can also see excitement. His next words confirm that I'm right.

"Yeah? So we can try when you're ready? I'll wait for you. I'll wait until you've got everything figured out."

I nod, a small smile on my face while my hand finds his cheek. "We can try. I'll find you when I'm ready. And if you still want me by that time, I'm yours," I breathe.

"All mine," he grins before he pecks my lips, sealing the deal.

"If you're mine," I tell him. It feels a bit surreal since I have no idea how it's going to go, but at this moment, I'll just focus on this.

"Deal, Miss Steele. That's a fucking deal."

* * *

The last full day in Amsterdam. Tomorrow morning we'll fly back to the States, where divorce, Colton, lawyers, and apartment search are the most discussed topics. Unlike here, everything I do there reminds me of the mess I made. Of the mess that Colton left behind.

The last day of a trip that I was dreading, even though it meant an escape from reality for a few days.

Well, part of my reality, since a piece of it joined.

The piece that, after last night, is not just a piece anymore. That piece that was causing problems, is now the part that I'm seeing when I think about my life after Colton when all the mess is cleared.

Of course, I knew it way before last night. Christian was right; my feelings frightened me. It wasn't the only reason I ended it since I also really ended it to keep him out of everything, but I also push him away because of the feelings he wakes in me.

Feelings I've never experienced before him. The feelings that scare me, frustrate me, and also set me free. They confuse me, immensely. Feelings I'm not allowed to have for many reasons, but ones I always miss when he isn't near me. Ones I always search for even though I shouldn't.

Last night, Christian told me in detail what he feels for me. He had all the right answers to my worries and doubts. He showed me, with words and his body, what I mean to him. I can honestly say that it was the most intimate experience of my life.

I've never felt as close to anyone as I did to Christian last night, literally and figuratively, and it's why I'm starting to be more comfortable with all the feelings I have for him. It's because he makes me feel safe. For the first time in my life, I feel like I've met someone that matches the real me. Not the one that I should be but the one I am.

After I lay back in bed around five this morning, I thought about why I didn't tell him I love him even though I obviously do feel something that comes very close to it. I think it's because I couldn't, not because I don't feel it.

The moment I'll say it to him, I want it to be the only thing I feel, and right now, I feel too many other things. Things that remind me of everything at home. When I say I love you to Christian, it will only be about him. About him and me.

Him and me. Him in me. Me on him. It's consuming everything. I still feel his hands on me. I still smell him on me because we shared a shower. And right now, as I'm biking through Amsterdam to explore the city the proper Dutch way, I definitely still feel him inside me.

He once again left me sore, and the timing to bike around is horrible because I have to hold myself back from wincing every time I hop on after we've stopped for a red streetlight.

The students are all excited to explore Amsterdam on a bike and I understand them completely. The last two days were mainly about the historical aspects of the city, while today we'll look at the modern side. The famous P.C. Hoofdstreet with all the expensive stores, the mall Bijenkorf, the nine streets, and to the great delight of the students, also the coffee shops and the red light district.

To look at, of course.

"Stay right!" Kate yells for the fourth time in ten minutes, and I can't help but chuckle at the soft curse she lets out afterward.

Kate and I are cycling at the end of the row, closing it. The students are cycling two by two as well, and teachers are spread over the row to make sure we don't lose anyone.

Christian and John are cycling right in front of us, and in front of them, it's Dave and Shailene, followed by Sara and Leila.

The fact that Sara is cycling next to Leila doesn't sit well for me. Just yesterday she helped me and Christian enormously and now she is chatting enthusiastically with the student that hates me the most. I can't help but wonder what they are talking about. If Sara talks about what happened yesterday, I know Leila won't be as considered as Sara was yesterday.

Leila had been far too quiet during this trip. She hasn't pushed my buttons, and because she wasn't in my group, I hardly knew she's also here. I have a feeling that it's about to change today.

Today the whole group of students will stay together which means the arranged groups and supervisors are blurred. I'm almost sure Leila will take advantage of that.

"FUCK!" John curses, pulling me out of my thoughts, and not a second later I see him crash into a small pole that sticks out of the ground.

I hit my breaks for dear life, but I don't have enough time and my fore wheel hits John, making me fall onto the ground as well. Pain shoots through my knee for a short moment as my bike lands on top of me.

"STOP!" Kate yells, making the whole group stop after the word got to the front of the row that there has been an incident.

"Are you okay?" John asks while he looks at me. He has a scratch on his head, but other than that he looks okay.

I nod my head as I sit up a little. My jeans are ripped and my knee is open which caused the pain, but I don't think I'm injured any further. Just as I want to tell everybody that, I feel two hands under my arms, pulling me from under my bike to stand.

When I turn my head, I'm surprised to see José. I didn't expect him to help me up since he was in front of the row but it seems like he sprinted over here. He looks worried, and when I stand properly, his hands start to go over my arms and sides.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" He asks, his hands searching for signs that I am, not giving me the change to just tell him that I'm fine.

"I'm good," I mumble while I try to stop his hands from touching me. He isn't touching me in a weird, inappropriate way, but it still feels uncomfortable.

His hands go back to my arms, moving up and down as if he hasn't heard me. His eyes are going over my body while he keeps asking if it hurts. And just as I want to tell him again that I'm fine, with the help of my hand this time, I hear a growl from my right.

"She said she is fine, Rodriguez."

Both my and José's head shoot up. Mine in shock because of the possessive tone in Christian's voice, José's in surprise.

Christian's hands are clenched into fists, his jaw tight. His eyes are a little dark and focussed on José's hands, which have now stopped moving but are still holding my upper arms. His chest is going up and down fast, and I know without a doubt that he is about to lose it.

"Excuse me?" José asks, just as surprised as he looks. He has absolutely no idea what he did wrong, or t least he pretends that he doesn't.

"She's fine. You don't have to fucking assault her. She said she's okay," Christian clarifies, his voice still not harder than a low growl.

For a moment José looks a little lost, but after just seconds I see the anger appear. I feel it too; the grip on my arms gets a little tighter. "Watch it, Grey." He narrows his eyes, completely forgotten that he's still holding my arms.

Christian takes a step forward, looking like the complete alpha male. "Get your fucking hands off her."

Everybody can see that Christian is jealous. There is no doubt. And while it warms my heart to see him like this because of me, this is just not the place or the time. And José is not the person I want him to show it to.

José's hands let go of me but not because Christian just ordered him to do so. He lets me go to move towards Christian, looking just as pissed off as him. If I didn't know any better, I would think I'm watching the staredown that occurs before a big MMA fight.

"You need to shut your fucking mouth, Grey. I'm sick of you provoking me," José hisses, his face inches from Christians.

Next to me, Kate has shuffled towards me and is grabbing my hand. "You need to do something, Ana." Her whisper sounds nervous and a little desperate, and I feel exactly the same.

"And I'm sick of watching you make Mrs. Davies uncomfortable. The whole fucking trip you've been touching her, and she doesn't want you to. Even a fucking blind one can see that."

John, who has come off the ground, and Dave appear behind Christian, their arms crossed in front of their chests, without a doubt picking Christian's side. I doubt that José sees it though, he still has a laser focus on Christian.

Steam is almost coming from josé's ears, and although I know I should pull him away and tell him to let it go, I seem frozen the ground because I want to see what Christian will do. It's sick, but seeing him like this, defending me in front of everyone, does things to me.

It once again makes me feel safe and cherished just like yesterday and it proves that Christian can do just about anything to make me feel like that.

"I fail to see how this is any of your business," José growls back. If only he knew.

"It is my business," Christian bites back too fast, without thinking and I hold my breath.

For a moment, José looks confused. "Why?"

Christian straightens his shoulders. "It's everyone's business when you harass our teacher, Rodriguez. The whole fucking school is seeing it."

Before I have time to register it, and frankly completely out of nowhere, José's patience seems to burst, and his fist hits Christian's cheekbone hard, making everybody that gathered around them gasp.

"Oh my God," Kate gasps before she moves forward, grabbing José by his arms to pull him away from Christian.

I find myself moving towards Christian without realizing it. "Are you okay?" My hand goes to his cheek, where a bruise already forms. When Christian's eyes meet mine, I see rage.

"I'll kill him," he growls before he jumps forward and in the direction of José. In order to stop him, I put my hands on his chest while Dave and John also try to hold him back by holding him.

"Stop it, Christian," I tell him.

José is trying to get out of Kate's grip as well, obviously not done with this whole thing either. He is challenging Christian, telling him to 'bring it on', completely ignoring the fact that he is the teacher here.

Thankfully, Lopez helps Kate to calm him down, not holding back and telling José exactly what he thinks of what he just did.

My hands are still on Christian's chest, where I feel his heart go crazy, no doubt because of the anger. When I look away from José to look at Christian again, he is breathing heavy and his eyes are narrowed while he still looks towards Lopez and Kate who are dealing with José.

"Hi," I say while moving his face so he is looking at me. "Does it hurt?"

For a moment he looks at me in a way that makes me melt. He still looks mad, but his gaze softens as he looks at me. He even, for a very short moment, leans into my hand. But when he realizes that we're surrounded by his classmates, he shrugs my hand off his cheek while he moves backward.

"I'm fine," he growls before he also shrugs off Dave and John, who were still holding him as well.

I nod and then turn around to José, Kate, and Lopez. "What the hell was that?" I demand. I'm not sure if it's my place to ask, but since it started about me and because nobody else asked it, I can't help myself.

"Behavior that we can't tolerate from a teacher," Lopez growls at José, who suddenly seems to realize what he just did. He turns pale while he mutters an apology to nobody in particular.

"I'm calling Brown," Kate says before she lets go of José and grabs her phone from the pocket of her jacket and then turns around.

"I just wanted to help Ana, and then suddenly Grey just snapped," José says, pretending to look confused. I know better though, he is trying to save himself from what's likely going to happen after Brown hears this.

"I didn't suddenly just snap, asshole," Christian growls, thankfully a lot calmer now.

"He didn't," I confirm when I see that Lopez is a little confused. "I told José I was fine, but he kept touching me. I've asked him to keep his distance before since it makes me uncomfortable. I guess that Christian, among other students, saw that and wanted to help me."

When I look at Christian, I see that he is nodding his head. To my surprise, Dave, John, and Sara are also nodding their heads in agreement, giving my explanation more power.

Everybody stays silent for a few minutes as we wait for what Brown tells Kate. In the meantime, we decide that the students can continue their tour on bikes with all the teachers that weren't involved, which means that José, Kate, Christian, John and I are staying behind. Lopez decides to wait as well, probably to keep an eye on José.

After everything is settled and the group is back on track, Kate turns around and walks to José. When she reaches him, she gives him the phone. "Brown wants to talk to you."

José nods and takes the phone before he walks to the spot where Kate stood moments ago. Kate on her turn walks to me. When she stands beside me she mutters, "Brown's livid. He wants to talk to you and Christian as well when he is done with José."

I nod my head and steal a glance at Christian, who is standing against a building a couple of feet away from me while he talks to John. As if he feels me staring, his eyes find mine for a moment.

The bruise on his cheek is noticeably bigger than the last time I looked at him, and I can tell with just one look that he is still ready to punch José back. His eyes did soften when they met mine, which is something that reassures me a bit.

"_Okay_?" He mouths when John looks at his phone. His eyes go to my knee for just a second. I completely forgot about the fall John and I made that led to this chaos.

I nod my head as an answer and give him a small smile. Just when I want to ask him the same thing, José walks to me and passes me the phone without saying anything else.

"Hello?"

"Davies, Brown here. Both Kate and José told me their version of what happened there, and I'd like to know yours as well."

He sounds straight to the point, professional and mad. I can't imagine how difficult this situation is for him. He needs to make a decision from across the world, based on the stories that he hears.

So I try to tell him exactly what happened, from how I crashed into John to how José tried to help me and ignored me when I said I was fine. I tell him how Christian commented on it and jow José eventually hit him. Brown listens to me without interrupting me once, and by the time I'm done, I actually feel a little out of breath.

"Are you feeling alright, Anastasia?" It is the first thing he asks me when I'm done telling him my side of what happened.

"I'm fine,' I tell him. "Just a bruised knee. I feel bad about what happened between José and Christian though."

"Don't. It's Rodriguez who is wrong in this. Very wrong, in touching you and hitting a student. I've informed him that he is non-active until further notice. I've ordered him to pack his bags, and I'll make sure he is on the next flight back. I won't tolerate this behavior from anyone on my team."

I'm not surprised by the actions that Brown takes. It's completely what I expected him to do. Hitting a student is under no circumstances acceptable.

And to my surprise, I don't even feel guilty for doing much worse than that with Christian. For some reason, I think Christian will be pleased with that.

"I'm also going to inform Christian's aunt and uncle. And once you're back here, I'd like to talk again. I need to make a file of this, and then I need to speak with the board and see what they think of the future of Rodriguez at Port Bellevue. Do you have any information I need to know now?" Brown continues, obviously in a hurry to talk to Christian's aunt and uncle.

"I haven't. Thank you for handling this, Mr. Brown."

"It's my job, Mrs. Davies. Now can you pass the phone to Christian? I'd like to talk to him as well."

"Of course," I tell Brown while I make my way towards Christian, who is busy with his own phone. When he sees me walking towards him, his eyes go over my body once. This time, his eyes aren't dark like they normally are. This time, they ooze concern, and I wish I could fall into his arms and tell him once again that I'm really okay. To tell him thank you.

When I reach him, I offer him the phone. "Mr. Brown wants to talk to you."

He nods and then takes the phone from me, our fingers brushing against each other in the process. It's the only contact I can have with him right now, and I somehow try to tell him 'thank you' through that way, even though I don't think he'll understand.

As Christian talks to Brown, I turn to John and ask him if he is okay as well. The cut on his head doesn't seem that deep, and he's already got a paper towel from someone who walked by, so he reassures me he is fine as well.

After my short talk with him, I walk back to Kate. As I reach here, I notice that Lopez and José are gone. "Where are they?" I ask Kate.

"Back to the hostel. José needs to pack his bags," she answers. "This trip is kinda insane."

"I know," I sigh. "I hate that it involves me."

Kate moves her arm around me. "I know. It sucks. I had no idea that he was making you that uncomfortable, Ana. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. It wasn't even that bad today. I didn't fully register his hands on me because of the crash and everything. Only when Christian commented on it I realized it. And Christian was just..," I wave my hand to cover the rest of the sentence while I look in his direction.

"Jealous and protective," Kate nods. "I think he is in love with you too, Ana."

I can't help but chuckle. It's because of the nerves and because of the insanity of the situation. "I know."

"It's just six months until he graduates, Ana. Do you realize that? Six months until he isn't your student anymore." Kate looks at me intently. I know she is trying to tell me something here but for a moment I'm going to play dumb because I want to hear her say it. For some reason, I need to hear it from another adult.

"I know. Why?"

"If it's real between you two, and if you want any future at all with him, you'll wait six months. After that, you don't have to sneak around in the middle of the night to see him." She looks at me knowingly, obviously referring to me sneaking out last night, and my cheeks heat up. "Besides, that'll give you the time to deal with Colton as well."

"What if I leave Port Bellevue?" I mumble, for the first time voicing what I've been thinking about.

Kate's eyes widen. "Is it that serious?"

I nod my head and look Christian once again. His eyes find mine, and his whole face seems to light up, even though he is still in what seems to be a serious conversation with Brown.

Kate notices his look too because a soft chuckle leaves her mouth while her arm tightens around my shoulder. "Well shit. And that for a terror kid."

I laugh and shake my head. For the first time since Christian and I are seeing each other, I can actually laugh about it. "What a mess, huh."

"A little," Kate smirks. "What's a bigger mess though, is the fact that when he hangs up the phone, we are stuck with them. And we are supposed to show them the red light district and the coffeeshops."

My eyes widen a bit as I think about it. I'm not sure if I can handle that without giving anything away to John. "Well, fuck," I mutter.

"My thoughts exactly," Kate agrees and just after that, Christian hangs up the phone before he and John walk towards us. "Fuck indeed."


	48. Chapter 47

**A/N: I love, love, love all your reviews. Some of you are so deep into the exact feelings that I have in my head while I write this, and that makes me so happy! Enjoy this one! X Milou.**

Forty-seven: Red and ocean-blue.

"What the fuck was all that man?" John's confused tone demands an answer while he pulls me away from the group, and by doing so, successfully tearing my eyes away from Ana, who has been talking to Kate while looking from Rodriguez to me.

Rodriguez is on the phone with Brown, hopefully, getting his ass thrown out now that he hit me. It wasn't my intention to rile him up like that, but seeing his hands all over Ana, my Ana, did it without effort. I couldn't look at it.

I had to hold myself back for not going at him first. My old self would've definitely done that immediately, without even saying a word. But I held back, for her. I held back because I knew I would be the one in José's position if I didn't, and that would've been a drastic problem since all I can think about since last night is graduating and getting my shit together.

Because she promised me she'd come to me when she is ready, and when that time comes, I want to be able to offer her my best.

Now, hoping that that moment will be in a matter of weeks, or at the top months, I'm not making any illusions. I know I don't have my own house by that time, or a decent job, but I can damn right make sure I graduated. Or, if she wants me sooner, that I'm not in any kind of trouble.

"Fuck, even Dave is texting me what's going on," John pushes again while his head is down, typing on his phone.

I take the opportunity as fast as I can, and let my eyes go towards Ana again. Our eyes connect, and her worried expression is slightly covered by the small smile she gives me. I let my eyes go over her body once. Her knee is scraped, her jeans torn because of the fall she and John made. I wish I could make sure she was completely okay.

When my eyes meet hers again, I can't help but ask her, without sound, "Okay?"

She nods her head and smiles, trying to reassure me that she is. Her mouth departs, no doubt to mouth something to me as well, but we're interrupted by Rodriguez, who looks pale as a sheet and scared like a puppy. He hands Ana the phone without a word and then walks to Lopez. Ana on her turn answers the phone and turns around so she can talk to Brown.

"Grey? What the fuck was that?" John's arm shoves my side, and when I turn to look at him, his wide eyes move from Ana to me. Without saying anything, I know his question, and I know that he witnessed some of the moment Ana and I just had.

I sigh and rub my eyes, buying myself some time to prepare my next story, but nothing comes to mind but the truth. The truth he just witnessed. The truth I've been keeping in for what feels like years even though I've told Sara about it yesterday.

Once I have the nerve to look at him again, I mumble, "It's complicated."

John raises his eyebrow, arms crossing in front of him. "No shit."

"Mrs. Davies and I, we have things going on. I don't want to get into detail right here," I wave my hand at our surroundings, "but she and I, we are..." I wave my hand once again, not able to say the words.

I should tell him I love her since that's the exact thing I told Ana last night, but somehow it's too private. It was a moment between Ana and me, and I don't want to share it with anyone else just yet.

Thankfully, John understands the direction I'm heading, and in response, his mouth hangs open in awe and disbelieve. "Shut the fuck up."

I watch as everything seems to fall into place in his head. His eyes widen, then a smirk appears which soon is hidden by his hand in front of his mouth. All the reactions show me exactly what he thinks. He is jealous, in awe, shocked, he doesn't believe me even though he just saw it's true, but he mostly wants the dirty details, as always.

"Holy fucking shit. You're lying."

"I'm not," I mumble, shaking my head. I almost can't believe it myself.

"You're fucking our math teacher?" His tone confirms the envy that I saw in his reaction.

I sigh and nod my head a little before I take my phone from my pocket, hoping that he gets the hint that I don't want to talk about it now while standing in the middle of Amsterdam.

"You're my hero, Grey," he chuckles. After that, his attention goes back to his phone as well, honoring my silent request of not wanting to talk about it now.

I roll through my massages and see a text from Sara, Dave, and Leila. It's no surprise since they all saw what happened.

Dave's text-only reads, _what the fuck was that?_

Leila's text is a little longer, has a jealous tone which tells me that she won't let what she saw go unspoken of, and it makes me want to punch her in the fucking face as well. What the hell, _Christian? You're seriously defending that prude whore now? What the fuck is wrong with you? And you're fucking Sara now, too?_

And then there is Sara's text. It's the one that worries me the most. _Christian, I've got Leila on my back. She's constantly asking me what the fuck was happening between you and Anastasia. I didn't know what to do, so I ended up telling her that I sneaked out with you last night to get the attention of what happened. She is pissed as fuck and almost slapped me across the face. I'm okay with keeping you're secret, but I'm not willing to damage my own reputation because of it._

I close my eyes for a second, ignoring all the texts for now. I have to think about what to do with Leila, and I definitely have to make sure Sara doesn't get shit because of this. I owe her. I'm not worried about Dave. I'm not sure I'll tell him what's going on, but I am sure that if I do, he'll react just like John.

When I open my eyes, I see Ana walking towards me, and without thinking, my eyes move down her body once more to check is she walks any different. She doesn't which tells me that her knee is indeed not as bad as it looks.

When she stands in front of me, she hands me the phone, our fingers touching for just a nanosecond which weirdly feels like a relief. "Mr. Brown wants to talk to you."

I'd expected this, so I nod my head and turn away a little. In the corner of my eye, I see that Ana turns to John, no doubt to ask him if he is hurt anywhere because of the fall they made, and I hope and pray that he keeps his mouth shut about what I just told him.

"Hello?" I say into the phone. I honestly don't feel like talking to Brown at all. He hates my guts, and he wants me gone just as much as Rodriguez, so it wouldn't surprise me if all he has to say to me is shit.

"Christian, I heard what happened between you and Rodriguez. First, I'd like to apologize on behalf of both Rodriguez and myself. As head of this team, I'm deeply shocked by what happened, and I want to reassure you that I'm taking the appropriate steps as we speak to make sure Rodriguez won't lose his temper again."

So, he does surprise me. While I let all the words that Brown just said sink in, he continues as if he hears that I don't have a response to that.

"Mrs. Davies told me that you tried to help her, and I find that very noble of you. Can you tell me why you felt the need to help her?"

I look at Ana again for a moment. She is talking to Kavanagh, but I catch her eyes on me just a second later while she waves her hand towards Kavanagh, no doubt talking about what happened as well. When I look in the direction of Lopez and Rodriguez, I see that they are gone.

"During this trip, I've noticed that when Rodriguez comes close to Mrs. Davies, she looks uncomfortable. After she fell, his hands moved over her while she clearly didn't want that. She tried to move his hands away from her but he didn't listen. That's when I said that he needed to stop. He didn't take it well."

"Are you seriously injured?"

I snort. As if. "No. I think I just have a small bruise on my cheek. I'm fine."

"Good," Brown answers. "Once you're back, I'd like to talk with you again. This is a serious matter, and I'm going to report it. Are you okay with that?"

"Fine," I shrug.

"Good. I'll also have to inform you aunt and uncle."

I roll my eyes at that. I'm fucking eighteen years old for Christ's sake. "Whatever. Is that all?"

"For now it is," Brown says. "I hope you still can enjoy this day."

"Okay. Bye."

"Goodbye, Christian," is the last thing I hear before I hang up the phone.

"And?" John asks immediately after. I know he was listening to what I said to Brown, and now he wants to know what the other side said as well.

"Rodriguez is in a lot of trouble," I say, not even trying to hide a small smirk. "Come on, let's go."

Just before I want to walk away, he stops me by grabbing my upper arm. "Does Blondie know?" He nods towards Kavanagh.

"About me and Ana?" I ask, earning another nod in response. "Yeah. I think so."

John chuckles again, this time while shaking his head. "You're seriously one lucky son of a bitch."

I nod my head, knowing what he means. Until now, Kavanagh hasn't said anything to anyone, while she easily could have. I know she doesn't like me very much, and she has information now that could ruin me, but she doesn't use it. I'm pleased about that for obvious reasons, but also because it means that she is a true friend to Ana, and that's exactly what Ana needs.

We both walk to Ana and Kavanagh, in my hand Kavanagh's phone. "Here," I tell her when we've reached them.

"Thanks," she mumbles, putting the phone back in the pocket of her coat. "So, as you two can see, Mr. Lopez and Mr. Rodriguez are no longer with us, and the rest of the group has already continued with the tour, so you two are coming with us."

By the way, she speaks to us, I can tell that she isn't looking forward to it. Ana, who is standing next to her, looks uncomfortable as well, trying really hard not to look at me.

"Right," John speaks when the silence is getting at him. "Let's go then. Kavanagh, fancy to bike alongside me?" The wink he gives her right after makes me chuckle, and I can see that Ana is holding back a giggle as well.

"Fuck sakes," Kavanagh rolls her eyes. She doesn't look as amused as us, but she doesn't look mad either. "Let's just get on with it."

They both walk to their bikes, which are standing against the building. "That means you're stuck with me, Miss Steele," I whisper before we follow them.

She playfully rolls her eyes. "Tell me something new."

* * *

''Let's put the bikes here. It's about a ten-minute walk from here," Kate says while she stalls her bike against a fence of a bridge that's over one of the many canals in Amsterdam.

We're in the middle of the center of busy Amsterdam, and I have to say that cycling through it was a bit of a challenge. Everywhere are people, trams are practically showing up out of nowhere, and every few miles a random pole sticks out of the ground. On top of that, the locals don't seem too happy with tourists on bikes; I had to stop John from breaking a guy's nose because he called him an asshole, twice.

Because my attention was mostly on the road and on making sure I didn't hit people with my bike, I've hardly taken the opportunity of talking to Ana even though she was cycling next to me.

John and Kate were in front of us, bickering about which way to go, which made us laugh. We've looked at each other a few times, and I asked her once again if her knee really was okay, but other than that we've been silent.

I think she doesn't know what to say and how to behave because she is afraid John will notice it. I haven't told her that John knows something is going on yet because I'm not sure how she will react. I can imagine that she wouldn't be too happy with it though considering his reputation as a troublemaker.

When Kavanagh and John have locked their bikes, Ana and I do the same. We then start walking, following Kavanagh, who has opened Google Maps on her phone and now reassured John that it'll lead us in the right direction.

Ana is walking next to me, her hand touching mine lightly with every step she takes. I want to hold her hand and lead her through the mass of people to make sure I don't lose her. I want to hold her hand because for once, I want to feel like we're just a normal couple.

"What do you think of Amsterdam so far?" She asks me after a few minutes of walking in silence. The question is very simple and she obviously asks it because the silence was getting at her.

"It's nice," I tell her, walking a little closer to her so she can hear me properly. "The museums were cool and all, but I'm excited to see more of the city itself."

And yes, like every other teen with only eyes for tits and ass, I'm most excited about the red light district, even though it's just to look. I'm trying very hard to show Ana that I'm serious about her by acting appropriately and telling her what I feel, and I mean all of it, but I'm still a guy.

"To see the girls in front of the windows, you mean," she chuckles while she shakes her head a little. She doesn't look offended or mad though, her face is covered with a small smile.

"Yeah," I grin, not seeing the point in denying. "That too."

"What do you think you're going to see? What's your expectation?" She looks at me with interest, her cheeks a little red due to the cold breeze. Her expression is open, but in the far distance, I think I see a little jealousy. Or maybe I want to see it there.

"I don't know, really," I shrug. "Just girls in nice pieces, I guess."

"Right," Ana answers, her eyes on were she walks again. "I've heard there aren't many girls working anymore. They've closed a lot of windows."

"Oh, okay," I reply, not sure what to say to that. "But it's cool anyway, right? I mean, it's one of the most famous things about Amsterdam."

She nods her head. "Sure. I just can't imagine that people would pay girls like that. I mean, if you order a prostitute, it's not as obvious. But here, everybody sees it. And you know that they do it with others a lot. You can literally see that."

"Um, yeah," I mumble, for a moment taken aback. Why is she saying this?

"Would you?" She asks.

"Would I what?"

"Would you go to a girl like that?" She clarifies, and suddenly I understand where this is going. She looks at me curiously, but somehow I know that she is hoping I'll say no.

Without thinking, I grab her hand and lace our fingers. "Look, I'm going, to be honest. If I was here with John and Dave, just on a city trip while smoking joints and if I didn't just tell a beautiful, brown-haired woman that I love her, I might go to a strip club or something, but I wouldn't have sex with a prostitute. I'm too picky."

"You're picky?" She asks, and I can't help but see the surprise on her face.

"Yeah," I chuckle. "You sound surprised?"

"Well, I am. I mean, the way you talked to me before we, you know... And it seems like you have a reputation. And then Leila." She waves her hand and rolls her eyes at the mention of that name, and I fight my smile as I hear how she almost growls it out.

"Yeah, Leila was a mistake I guess," I agree. "But that reputation isn't really based on facts. I admit that I've said things that fed it, but that doesn't mean it's true. I don't just fuck every girl."

"Really?" Ana arches her eyebrow, obviously not believing me. "How many girls have you had sex with then?"

Even though I am a little annoyed that she thinks I fuck around all day, I am having fun discussing things like this. I'm happy she asks because it gives me a chance to let her get to know me better.

"Before you and including Leila, three."

"Three?" She asks, again surprised.

I nod my head, a smirk playing along my lips. "Three." I lean down and kiss her forehead, making her eyes widen as she looks towards Kavanagh and John to see if they saw it. I couldn't give a fuck if they have. "And before you ask," I mumble against her head, "you beat them all. By far."

A delicious blush creeps from her neck to her cheeks, and her teeth find her lower lip in order to hide her smile. "You know why?" I ask her when she doesn't say anything.

She shakes her head, her blue eyes finding mine. "Why?"

I stop walking and let go of her hand so I can move my arms around her waist, pulling her against me. "Because I love you." I kiss her nose. "And because your body is fucking sexy." I kiss her mouth, which hangs open. "And because your pussy is-"

"Christian," she hisses, her hand slammed against my mouth before I have finished my sentence. She then looks at John and Kavanagh again, who have stopped walking as well. John is looking at us with a shit-eating grin and wide eyes, Kavanagh is looking at anything but us.

I kiss the palm of Ana's hand before I grab her wrist and pull her hand away. "Don't worry. I've told him when you talked to Brown. He saw it."

"Damn it," she mumbles. "You need to stop looking at me like that." Her tone is accusive even though she knows that she's looking at me the same way. "Can you trust him?"

I look at John once again. He is now standing in front of a sex shop, hands almost against the window while he looks in awe, exactly like a kid in front of a candy shop.

"I can. I've known him for ages. He won't say anything."

"Good," she mumbles. "Come on."

We walk towards Kavanagh and John, our hands no longer touching, our bodies not even brushing against each other. My hands are in the pockets of my jacket, Ana's are folded in front of her. Her cheeks are red, and her head is cast down, avoiding the look of Kavanagh and John, who has now returned back to earth.

"Okay," Kavanagh says when we stand in front of them. "So I guess walking boner over here knows it too," she moves her head towards John, who doesn't even look offended, "and I know which is cool and all, but please, don't touch each other like that. The fact that I know doesn't mean that it doesn't freak me out."

I'm surprised by the familiar and very un-teacher like tone she uses, and I think Ana is too.

"Right," Ana nods, grabbing Kavanagh's arm before looping her own through it. "Let's continue the excursion."

She starts walking determinedly, pulling Kavanagh along with her. As good students do, John and I follow. The shit-eating grin that's covering John's face doesn't go unnoticed, and when I look at him, he can't hold himself back.

"Fuck, Grey. This is insane." The excitement is written all over his face. "How long have you been tapping that?"

His choice of words doesn't sit right with me, and because of it, I feel my demanour change. "Don't talk about it like that, John."

His eyes widen at my bark. "Jesus, man. Chill out. Forgive me for wanting to know how long my best friend has been fucking our teacher."

He misunderstands me, but for now, I let it go since I see the red lights appear in the distance. To get his attention from the whole situation of Ana and me, I nudge him with my arm while I nod to the street ahead. As expected, his focus goes to the red glow immediately while his eyes shine with anticipation.

"Here we go, man," he says excitedly, slamming my shoulder in the process.

I chuckle and look as well, but instead of letting my eyes go to the red-lighted windows that slowly come closer, I can't tear my eyes away from the woman that's walking a few feet in front of me.

Her long brown hair is in a ponytail, flipping from left to right as she walks, and she is wearing that Bordeaux trenchcoat again which hugs her waist perfectly. As if she feels my eyes on her, she turns her head for just a moment, showing a beautiful smile before her focus goes to Kavanagh again.

And while the sound of nails that tick against the window without shame try to get my attention on the half-naked girls that are standing and dancing seductively under the red led-light, offering themselves willingly, I only have eyes for her.

Anastasia Davies, soon-to-be Steele.


	49. Chapter 48

**A/N: So, this one is a big one in many, many ways. I'm very curious what you guys think. As a writer, I always want to surprise my readers, and this one will be a huge surprise. I'm not sure if it's a good surprise considering all your reviews, but this is the way I had it pictured in my mind when I started writing this story and it just has to be like this. Let me know what you think, the bad, the good, and the ugly. But hey, please bring it kindly, hihi. X Milou.**

Forty-eight: Job done.

"God, look at the kid," Kate rolls her eyes while she nods towards John. "Even the professionals want to close their curtain."

I chuckle as I watch John, who is having the time of his life while walking around the red light district in Amsterdam. He is taking everything in very intently to make sure he doesn't miss a thing, literally. Christian has pulled him away from a window twice because the girl behind it got pissed that he blocked the view. I've also snatched his phone from his hands because he tried to take pictures while that's obviously not allowed.

How he and Christian are best friends is beyond me, to be honest, and his behavior does concern me. He is the complete teenage hormonal bomb, not taking the privacy or the fact that this is the job of the girls behind the windows seriously.

And Christian has just told him about our thing.

I have no idea why Christian is so sure that John won't open his mouth and tell the whole school about how his friend and his math teacher are having an affair. I get that their friendship goes way back, but it's obvious that Christian is the mature one, and that doesn't really reassure me.

Outside of the fact that John seems reckless and the 'you only live once' type of guy, he also seems to have a good bond with Leila which can be disastrous.

Especially now that I know she has seen the whole thing between José and Christian as well. I'm her red flag, but Christian is obviously her weakness, and now she has seen us in a situation together. A situation that told John enough to find out about what's going on.

There is no doubt in my mind that the moment Leila gets the chance, she will confront us about what happened. I know Christian and I are going to have to have our stories right, but now that Sara and John know as well, we don't have full control anymore, and it freaks me out.

And not to forget that Leila knows things about me that I didn't even know until yesterday. She knows the woman Colton slept with while he was in a relationship with me. Her fucking half-sister for God's sake.

A part of me wants to just walk up to Leila and demand her to tell me what she knows that can help me with my divorce. I want to ask her why she hates me so much. I know the reason for her hate towards me lies somewhere in the whole half-sister affair as well. It has to be.

But the rational part knows that it won't end well if I do that. I have to be careful, especially because at this point, people that I don't trust know about Christian and me.

Christian said that he is trying to figure out more about what Leila knows, and I adore him for it, but at the same time, I curse him because I know what it will entail. If Leila will give him information, she'll want something in return.

It's not hard to guess what that is.

Last night in the shower was so overwhelming and intense, that Christian and I didn't even talk about the whole Leila thing. At the time, nothing seemed to matter but us and our connection, but now I can kick myself that I haven't talked to him about that when we were alone.

I doubt we will have a moment to ourselves once we are joining the whole group again. I know that I'm not taking the same risk as I did last night, especially not now John knows as well which means my only change is now.

But I doubt we can get another moment alone because as I'm still looking at John, who is obviously in heaven right now, I don't think Christian will leave his side until we are at least ten miles from the red light district.

"Do you think it's a good idea that John knows about you and him?" Kate voices my thoughts, and when I look at her I see the same concern as I feel.

"No," I tell her honestly, "but I can't do anything about it anymore now. Christian says that he trusts him, so I guess I have to trust Christian that he knows what he is doing."

"You know that what happened today with Rodriguez will have consequences right? Consequences that will involve teachers and students? The fact that I saw how protective and jealous Grey acted, means that everyone else saw as well. That might be easy to explain to people who don't really have an interest in you or him, but there are people who have."

I sigh and close my eyes for a second to clear my thoughts. "I know. Leila's going to be a problem and I even doubt if we heard the last of José. But what can I do about it now, Kate? I'm completely stuck in this situation."

"Well, for starters you can stop kissing and hugging him." She raises her eyebrow, obviously referring to what she saw just moments ago. "You can stop sneaking out in the middle of the night so the chances that you get caught are less, and-"

"Goddamnit Kate, how do you even know that? I thought you were asleep." I interrupt.

"The fact that I wasn't should tell you enough, Ana. Jesus, be happy it was me and not some other colleague," Kate bites back, obviously not planning on letting me turn the attention onto her.

"You're right," I sigh, defeated.

"I know," she agrees. "Listen, instead of acting like a lovely couple out on a holiday, you might want to take this opportunity to talk to him, one on one. You have to get your stories straight, and you have to tell him that you can't sneak around anymore."

I'm a bit stunned by what Kate says because it is exactly the thought I had just moments ago. At the same time, I'm in awe. This is what it feels like to have a friend. A real friend, that wants what's best for you and is willing to plot up with you because of it. Who is willing to go through the mess you made to make sure it'll be okay. Who puts you into place.

"You're right. Will you give me a moment with him to discuss all that?"

"Only because I seem to have grown quite fond of you," she sighs, pretending to be annoyed. "You owe me a huge dinner once we're back though. I seriously want to strangle the boner." She looks at John again, her eyes full of real annoyance as he strides towards us with Christian chuckling next to him.

Without warning, I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her into a short hug. "Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you help me."

Her arms squeeze around me briefly before she pulls away. It's good that she does because John had witnessed the hug and his eyes are now glimmering, telling me exactly what kind of dirty things are running through his mind.

"Ladies," he grins. "How about you two do-"

Christian stops him from finishing that sentence by punching him hard in his side. "Shut up, Flynn."

"What?" He asks, fake innocence washing over his face.

"Listen,'' I start, suddenly feeling the need to put him in place to make sure he shuts his mouth. "You might know something that not a lot of people know, but Miss Kavanagh and I are still your teachers. The fact that you share a secret with us doesn't mean you can act like we are some girls of your age, so I suggest you start acting like the perfect boy your parents think you are, or else they might hear how you acted just now."

John's eyes widen slightly, obviously not expecting my outburst. When he has recovered from the shock, he holds up his hands. "Jesus, relax. I was just messing around. Probably the fall on my head."

"Right. Let's leave it at that for now," Kate snorts humourlessly. "Come on, let's get back to the bikes." She grabs John's arm and pulls him along while she gives me a knowing glance.

Just like when we walked to the red light district, Kate and John walk in front of Christian and me. Even though the streets are crowded and there isn't any privacy, I know that I have no choice. I have to talk to Christian now because I won't be alone with him like this again.

"We need to talk," I start, and in response, Christian looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay," he responds, his tone surprised but worried.

"We need to have our story right. Once we join the others, Leila will comment on what she saw, and I want to know what you're going to tell her."

"The same thing that I've told Brown. It's no secret that Rodriguez made you feel uncomfortable, Ana. Everybody saw that, even Leila."

"But Leila will never be okay with only that, Christian. She hates me and wants you, and on top of that, it wouldn't surprise me if she saw the way you looked at me before you got hit by José. Kate said you looked possessive and jealous as hell. How will you explain that to Leila?"

Christian stays quiet for a moment while he thinks about what I've just said. "I don't know," he eventually mumbles.

"How did you plan on finding out what more Leila knows about Colton and her half-sister?" I ask, hoping that he had an idea for that.

"I was planning on hanging out with her and shit. But I'm not going to do that anymore now, Ana," he immediately says, sounding determined.

I roll my eyes, knowing exactly what he means with 'hanging out and shit'. Fucking Leila is such a slut for him, it's fucking crazy.

"If Leila makes a scene and starts asking questions, I think she'll ask them to both of us while the whole group is present. She wants something on me from the first moment she met me, and I think she'll use what she saw even though she has no exact idea of what it was. We need to have a story, and we need to be sure that John or Sara won't talk to her."

"Okay," he nods. "So what do you suggest then? What should we say."

I think about it for a moment, and I can only think of one thing. I hate it, but the only thing that Leila wants more than bitching on me is Christian.

"Maybe you should continue with the plan you had and give her the attention that she wants from you."

Christian's eyes widen in alarm as he stops walking immediately. "What?"

"I mean, it's the only thing I can think of how we can get the attention away from what she saw. The only thing she wants more than destroying me is you." Jesus Christ, saying it out loud makes me feel as if I'm in a horribly bad teenage drama film. How the hell did I get into this situation?

"Are you fucking insane? You know that Leila doesn't just want to hold hands right? I'm not fucking her, Ana." He still sounds determined, but he also sounds mad now. Anger that is aimed at me for suggesting it.

"Besides," he continues, not caring if I want to reply. "She'll still want to know why I defended you like that in front of everyone."

"Can't you tell her that you did it because you wanted to mess with José?" I say, remembering that José and Christian have a history that started long before I started working at Port Bellevue. "That you saw it as an opportunity to rile him up just to mess with him. That it wasn't about defending me but provoking him."

"I could. She knows I hate him and that he hates me. But I'm not sure if she'll believe it."

"You have to try, Christian. If Leila finds out, it's over. You know that, right?"

He nods his head. "I know."

"And I really think you should stick to your plan for now. You don't have to do very drastic stuff with her. I don't want you to either, but you can be friendly to her, right? Maybe she'll tell you more about Colton and Valerie as well." I try to give a positive swing to my plea, a small smile and all, but it works the opposite way.

"Don't fucking say his name," he growls. "Is that what you want then? You want to have that information so bad that you are willing to accept that I hang out with Leila, alone, with all the consequences that hang on that?"

"Christian, that information might be my ticket to my divorce," I bark back, losing my patience as well.

"It always comes back to that," he barks, frustrated. People around us even notice it.

"Because that's the fucking reality," I counter, the volume of my voice higher as well. "I'm married, Christian. I hate it, you hate it but it's the reality. And if you want me to be with you, I'll have to get divorced first. And since the guy, I want to divorce from isn't letting me go, I need everything that can help me. I don't understand why you suddenly are so appealed about doing it anyway since it was your plan all along."

"Because I fucking told you I love you. Because we weren't in a good place when I planned it. Because we didn't share a fucking intimate shower that still has me buzzing. Fuck sakes, Ana." His hands grip his hair, frustratingly pulling at the strains.

"Listen," I breathe, grabbing his cheeks so he looks at me. "I understand but you also said that I'm your goal. If you want me all to yourself, Christian, and if you want to help me, then you need to do it like this. You can't help me any other way."

Everything he just said about the shower we shared warms my heart, and it's the confirmation once again that I need every piece of information there is about Colton so I can divorce him. I want to be with Christian too, but I want him to be my only one.

"I want you, Christian. But I want to be only yours. You deserve that and if I don't divorce him, I'll always be his on paper."

Christian lets out a deep breath and closes his eyes before he leans his forehead against mine. "You have to promise me that you won't hate me for it."

"I promise. I won't hate you for it, just like you don't hate me for pretending to be married still." I show him my wedding-and engagement ring.

After we were done in the shower, it was Christian who picked them from the floor and grabbed my hand to slip them back on my finger. Right then and there he showed me how serious, and probably more mature he was at that moment than me. He remembered while I would've walked out of that shower without them.

He places a kiss on my nose. "Fine. Let's do it."

I let our relieved breath. "Thank you for doing this for me."

"I'd do just about anything for you, Ana. That's what fucking concerns me right now."

* * *

The rest of the day Kate and I showed Christian and John Amsterdam according to the schedule. Kate contacted our colleagues a couple of times to ask them where they were, but every time we decided to take our own tour since our colleagues didn't find it a good idea to wait for us with impatient students which we understood.

I kept my word to Kate and let Christian walk and bike with John. We didn't have a moment after our talk, and although it felt weird, we both know it's best for now.

It's around five when we arrive at the hostel again. According to the schedule, today's dinner will be take-out since it's the last evening. We figured that it wouldn't be a good idea to mess up a whole kitchen since we want the students to be in their rooms before nine so they can pack and then go to sleep.

Tomorrow we'll fly home, and we are expected to be checked in at seven, which means we need to leave the hostel around six-fifteen in the morning; a challenge for most students.

When we enter the dining area, all the other students and colleagues are already present. It's loud chaos, and Lopez is trying to get them to shut up so he can speak. On the table are a few papers with menus, so I think the whole discussion is about what we're going to eat.

José is nowhere to be seen, and when we ask Diana Zarkis where he is, she informs us that he took a cab to Schiphol Airport about an hour ago and that he'll fly back to Sea-Tac at eight tonight.

As Christian and John join their classmates and start participating in the discussion on what to eat, Kate and I walk to the kitchen to grab something to drink. I honestly want to stay out of Leila's view for as long as possible, and I hope that Christian will work on his plan right away so she doesn't get to me.

I hate feeling like this. I hate that fear of being confronted with what happened today. I also hate that I had to ask Christian to basically get it on with her so he can find out information that will help me with my divorce. I fucking hate that I'm married.

At this point and after a day like this, I seem to hate everything.

And even though I haven't thought it through properly and it's just based on what happened today, quitting seems to get more and more appealing.

It's six months until Christian graduates. Six months is a long time to not be in any kind of contact with him, especially when I'll see him on a daily bases at work. On top of that, six months is also long to keep Leila in check. Too long, for Christian and for myself.

It is why the idea of me quitting is starting to become the best option for both of us. Thus far, four people know about Christian and me, three of which are at Port Bellevue as much as I am. It's too risky.

If I quit, I can completely focus on my divorce with Colton, Christian can make sure he graduates without being distracted by me or by pretending with Leila, and if all three persons in question will shut their mouths, nobody will ever know that Christian and I started seeing each other while he was my student.

If I quit and if I'm able to divorce Colton sooner than he is aiming for, it's only six months until Christian and I can be together. Only six months until we can get to know each other properly, without sneaking around.

I feel the huge need to talk to Hannah about all this. I miss her. Just like Kate, she is the only adult who can give me her honest opinion about this whole thing, and I need it badly.

If I quit, it also gives me time to find out what I want to do in the future. I'm beginning to think that I took this job because I needed to get out of that house. An escape from being the housewife that smiles pretty and says amen because I needed to show Colton I could do it, rather than because I wanted the position.

"Did you two have a good talk?" Kate asks while she gives me a glass of sprite.

"Yeah, I think so. You were right about the six months, but honestly Kate, I don't know how we are going to pull that off if we see each other every day. Can you imagine how hard that will be? I know you don't understand how and why I fell for him, but think about it. How am I supposed to ignore him for six months while he is about the only good thing in my life right now? He is the one that pulls me out of all the chaos around me and allows me to be me. I feel free when I'm with him. I feel free and myself for the first time in a very long time, maybe even my whole life. Everything around me, my whole life, it's a mess and unsure, except him and what he feels for me and how he treats me."

Kate's eyes widen as she sees my eyes tear up. "God, Ana, come here." She opens her arms and I walk to her without thinking twice. Her arms wrap around me, her hand stroking my back to calm me down. "Was your life before him really that bad?"

"I'm beginning to understand that I didn't have a life at all before him, Kate. I didn't have friends or a social circle except for Colton, my two brothers, and their partners, I didn't have a job. I hardly got out of that house except for lunches, events or red carpets. I thought that working at Port Bellevue would automatically change all that, but I'm seeing now that it never could. Christian did. He somehow, without actually saying anything about it, gave me the courage to end things with Colton, he challenges me in ways I seem to need and puts me in place when I'm behaving like a stupid, spoiled bitch, and I've learned so much about myself because of him. About what I like and what I want, and most importantly; what I don't want. He is not just a terror kid to me," I sob, completely losing control over my breathing. Everything is coming out; the anger, the insecurity, the fear. The whole mess.

"Okay, okay," Kate mumbles. "Breathe. Come on."

I will myself to calm down while Kate keeps rubbing my back. When the heavy sobs are somewhat under control, I pull back a little. "I'm sorry. I've just never had someone to talk to like this."

"That's okay. You can always talk to me," Kate smiles. "If you don't think you can wait six months while you see him every day, and you can't keep sneaking around like this, there is only one other thing you can do."

"Quit," I say before Kate says it herself. "If I quit, Christian can focus on school, and I can focus on my divorce. And if he still wants me after those six months, nothing is in our way."

Kate nods her head, a sad expression covering her face. "but you'll be back to sitting at home all day."

"I know," I agree. "But it won't be the same. I have you, and I'll make sure I have my own place, and I'm not with him anymore."

"You have to think about this carefully, Ana. I'm happy that you see that you and Grey can't continue like this, but quitting is a drastic decision. It's an irreversible decision and you need to be a hundred percent sure," she says seriously.

I nod my head once again while I wipe my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweater. "I know. I'll think about it and I'll talk to Hannah about it as well."

"Good," Kate nods while she squeezes my upper arm once. "We should probably help others out." She nods her head towards the door, which barely keeps the loud noise out. Sounds like they still haven't figured out what's for dinner.

"How do I look?" I ask her while wiping my fingers under my eyes to collect all the mascara that I've cried off. "Am I presentable?"

Kate snorts and moves her hand to my left eyelid before she takes some mascara away with her thumb. "You look fine. I doubt anyone will notice we walk in any way since it's feeding time."

I giggle and take the last few sips of my sprite before putting my class on the counter and following Kate through the door. As soon as I walk in, my eyes scan the group to see where Christian, and maybe more importantly at the moment, Leila is sitting.

I first notice how Lopez is writing orders down on a piece of paper. I hear some students yell different flavors of pizza, which means the choice has fallen on Italian. When my eyes reach the group of terrors at the end of the table, I first notice how Sara is sitting next to John, and how Dave and Leila are nowhere near them. It's a relief because for now, it means they aren't giving them information.

Across from Sara and John, are Christian and Leila, and I'm shocked and equally surprised when I see how Leila is hanging against Christian. His arm is loosely draped over her shoulder while he looks at something she is showing him on her phone.

I'm not sure what has happened in the short time that I was in the kitchen, but I'm flabbergasted by the charms of Christian Grey once again, as well as how easy Leila Williams seems to be. I knew she was a slut for him, but this a whole other level. I almost feel sorry for her.

"Ah, Miss Kavanagh and Mrs. Davies," Lopez smiles when he notices us. "Good to have you back."

Some of the students look at us as Lopez acknowledges our presence. Christian eyes move to us as well for a split second before his attention goes to Leila again, who didn't even look up from her phone.

"Indeed," Kate nods. "So, Italian I hear?" Kate walks over to Lopez determinedly, no doubt with the attention to see if there will be enough food. It's chaos and I doubt Lopez is in control.

Just as I want to walk over to them as well, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. When I take it out and look at the caller-id, I immediately frown.

It's Taylor.

I slide the green button to the right and move the phone to my ear, holding a finger against my other one to block out the noise of the hungry students.

"Hi, Taylor."

"Rabbit," he says, and the tone of his voice immediately tells me something is wrong. "Something terrible has happened."

"What?" I demand automatically. The panic rises in my throat, making it difficult for me to breathe. I've only heard Taylor's voice sound like this once before, and that was when I called him to tell him dad had fallen onto the ground.

"It's about Colton, Ana. He... He died."

For a moment I feel like I'm free falling. I feel that the color drains from my face while all the noise around me seems to fade. The only thing I hear is the beat of my heart, which seems to beat irregular all of a sudden. My vision blurs but I'm not sure why.

"What?" It's the only word I can get out. What as in what the hell? What as in what do you mean? What as in what happened?

"You need to come home as soon as possible, Rabbit. It's bad. Seriously bad."


	50. Chapter 49

**A/N: For those of you are worried: I won't stop writing The Senior until it's finished. I promise! It might take me a little longer to update sometimes, but I'm having too much fun with this one, so don't worry! You're all dying to know what happened to Colton, right? Sorry for the cliffy, but I'm sure it makes this one so much better. I want to point out that there is a flashback in this chapter. You'll know it when you read it! Thank you for all the reviews and as always: Enjoy! X Milou.**

Forty-nine: All out.

**FROM FAIRYTALE TO NIGHTMARE: COLTON DAVIES DIES AT AGE 28.**

_Colton Davies, CEO of Davies & sons Media, died on the night of thirty to thirty-one October. His family confirmed in a statement sent to this newspaper, that he was found dead around one-thirty yesterday morning. More information hasn't been brought out about the tragic death of the young, promising millionaire and the family asks for privacy and time to deal with their loss. Remarkable is that Anastasia Davies, spouse to Colton, wasn't mentioned as one of the consigners in the statement._

_Davies, born November fifteen, 1990, was married to Anastasia Steele, who reportedly wasn't with her husband when he was found. Many questions are still unanswered but trusted sources close to the couple claim that the two were going through the process of divorce._

_The source also claims that Davies was found in Club Calor, an exclusive, adult club known for its explicit themes. The source doesn't want to share what Davies was doing there and how he was found, but he assures us that he wasn't with his wife._

The paper is snatched from under me, making my head shoot up in surprise.

"You shouldn't read this, Rabbit. It'll only fuck with your mind. Besides, you have more important things to do today," Taylor says, folding the paper and throwing it on the kitchen counter behind him.

I know he is right but for some reason, I can't stop looking at all the articles. It's like I need it to know it's real. The fact that my phone is more ringing than not doesn't make it any easier.

After I got the call from Taylor, I immediately went to my room to pack. I didn't cry, I didn't ask why it had been Colton, I think I barely felt anything. Because Taylor didn't want to get into detail over the phone, I just wanted one thing: going home.

While I was packing, Kate called Brown in my name and informed him about the situation. Of course, he agreed that I needed to fly back as soon as possible. Taylor texted me in the meantime that he arranged a seat for me in the plane that would depart at eight. The same one as José.

After I'd packed, I went straight into the cab to Schiphol Airport which is why I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to my other colleagues and the students. When I passed the dining room, the door was open and I did hear some students mention my name when I passed. Kate assured me that she would explain.

The seat Taylor arranged for me was in business class, and because of it, I didn't see José at all. The flight was comfortable, but it still felt like it took days to get to Sea-Tac. When we finally landed, I practically jumped out the moment the doors were open.

Luke and Hannah picked me up and went straight to Taylor's house after that. It was around eleven when we arrived, and Taylor and Gail were waiting for us. Then, I finally got all the details about what happened.

_"I hate that we have to tell you this," Taylor starts, rubbing his eyes in the process. He looks tired with dark circles under his eyes and his hair unstyled._

_We are all sitting around the table, Gail and Hannah on each side of me, Taylor and Luke across from me. Luke's face is pale as well while he looks at something nonexistent on the table. Hannah's hand is moving up and down my back, while Gail holds my hand._

_Everybody looks affected by what happened, and I feel guilty because I can't seem to show any kind of emotion. I feel passive, and I have no doubt that my face shows that as well._

_"Just tell me," I demand when they stay silent. Even now, when my husband just died, I feel like they still want to protect me from things._

_Taylor looks at Luke and gives him a small nod. In answer, Luke nods as well while he takes a deep breath. "Hannah and I were in Club Calor yesterday night. Do you know that club?"_

_I frown at his question. "No, I don't. Why? And what does that have to do with this?"_

_"Club Calor is an exclusive BDSM club in Seattle," Luke continues, obviously hating that he has to tell me this. "Since recently, Hannah and I go there sometimes to..." He waves his hand, no doubt hoping that I can fill in the blanks._

_"Okay, I get it," I tell him as I realize what he wants to tell me. I really don't want him to finish that sentence and by Hannah's expression, she doesn't want him to either._

_Next to him, Taylor can't seem to look at Luke. He looks at the table now, his finger drawing something on the wood. It's suddenly a very awkward atmosphere, and I feel bad for Hannah since I know that she wasn't even into all this shit before she met Luke._

_Luke nods, relief washing over his face for a moment before his expression darkens. "We were about to leave the room we used when there was a commotion in the hallway. A man was screaming for help. It was a scream that oozed panic and fear, so I went to the hall to help him with whatever was going on."_

_"I opened the door and saw that the man was indeed completely panicked. He was crying, his face was pale and he was shaking as well. He didn't say anything about the reason for his screaming, he just cried and kept pointing to the room to his right," Luke says, his expression almost as if he is going to be sick and it makes me fear the worst._

_"So, I went in with another guy that came to check on what was going on. That's when I saw Colton."_

_My eyes widen, but somehow that's the only reaction I'm able to show. What the hell is happening? How can my life turn in this direction?_

_"And?" My voice is soft and fragile, the conflict clearly audible._

_Luke's face turns a little paler, and I can tell his mouth is dry because his tongue is darting over his lips non stop. "His wrists were bound with ropes which were attached to the ceiling. He was naked, and there were a few other items attached to his body that made it clear that they were in the middle of a scene. His body hung there, completely limp with his head down, obviously unconscious, maybe already dead."_

_Luke and Taylor look at me intently, gauging my reaction. I'm just staring at them with a null expression on my face because how am I supposed to react? I have no idea._

_"It was clear that Colton was that man's submissive," Luke clarifies as if I didn't catch that part. "The man that was screaming in the hall was his Dominant."_

_"Clearly," I snap, my arms crossing in front of me. Where there was nothing moments ago, I now feel the anger rise. Anger and confusion. Anger because how can Colton do that to me? Confusion because I just never in a million years thought he would do something with a man._

_"Right," Luke says. "So, I pressed the emergency button which sends an alarm to the security and then went back to his Dominant, who was still standing in the hall in shock. Hannah stood next to him, trying to calm him down. I asked him what happened, and he sobbed that they were in the middle of a scene when Colton suddenly seemed absent. When he asked him if he was okay, he rambled complete nonsense. He tried to form sentences, but his Dom didn't understand him at all. A few seconds later, the complete left side of his body started to spasm and it seemed like he lost all control. That's when his Dom panicked and ran out of the room."_

_"Who was he?" I ask, surprising everybody, including myself. I have so many questions at this point, but somehow I want to know if I know that Dom._

_"Someone from England, his name is Alan. Colton and he just hooked up that night, he didn't know him."_

_"Okay." It's all I say. Again, I'm at a loss of words. I don't know what I expected when Luke started talking about a BDSM club, but I certainly wasn't expecting Colton with a guy._

_"Okay?" Taylor frowns, no doubt surprised by my reaction and lack of showing any type of emotion. "Rabbit, is that all you have to say?"_

_Somehow his question triggers me. The anger that I felt towards Colton, suddenly seems to turn into a rage at the whole world. Rage, impotence, confusion, and somewhere deep, deep down, also grief._

_"What do you want me to say then?" The anger rises in my throat, but the sentence is out in a half bark, half sob. "How sad I am that my husband, who not only cheated on me with women but apparently also with men, died while he was hanging at the ceiling in a fucking BDSM club?"_

_My whole family is looking at me with wide eyes. They're lost on what to say too because they know that nothing will make what happened better._

_"I'm so confused," I sob. Hannah immediately wraps me in her arms once more, and for the first time since I heard the news, I properly cry. Not because he died, but because he left me with this mess._

_"I know that this is hard, Rabbit," Taylor says, his voice a little stern. "But there is more."_

_My head shoots up from Hannah's shoulder. I see Luke and Taylor in a blur because of my tears, but even then it's clear that this might not have been the bad part Taylor told me about over the phone._

_"Hannah and I left the moment security arrived at the room because I knew it would be a matter of time before it would leak to the press and I obviously don't want my name mentioned in combination with this. So, I don't know what the paramedics said about his condition, but those symptoms usually mean that there is something going on in the brain." Luke's expression is worried and underneath the worry is definitely a little guilt as well._

_"You hit him with that bottle that night, and I've punched him as well. I have no idea if the things are connected, but it is fucking weird that a healthy guy like him suddenly dies."_

_Jesus, I didn't even think about that. "And you don't know what the cause of death is?"_

_Both of them shake their heads. "We don't but you're still his wife which means you are allowed to go to him. I'm not even sure why the paramedics or the police didn't call you," Taylor answers._

_"Does his family know? His parents?"_

_"They do. I've contacted them after I called you, but they already knew so I think they heard from the hospital."_

_It doesn't surprise me that I haven't heard anything from them. Colton and I hardly ever saw them. He wasn't close to his family at all. Colton was quite the loner now that I think about it. He didn't really have friends, outside of the woman he screwed around with. What I am surprised about, is that the hospital called them instead of me._

_"Do his parents know about what's going on between you and Colton?" Gail asks, speaking for the first time since we started this conversation. Her hand has grabbed mine again, her thumb slowly moving over my knuckles._

_"They didn't hear it from me. I don't think so though. Colton desperately wanted to keep it quiet. He wanted to stay married to me for some reason, so why would he tell his parents?" I sigh and rub my hands over my face. I suddenly feel exhausted._

_"Do you want to see him?" Taylor asks. I can tell he has postponed the question as long as possible._

_I think about it for a moment. I can't think of any reason why I would. After everything I've heard from Taylor and Luke, I actually doubt if I ever knew him at all. But for some reason, a tiny part of me wants to see him, just to know that this is really happening._

_So, I slowly nod my head, surprising my brothers. "I think I do."_

_Both of them nod their heads. "Do you want me to make the call?" Dear Taylor. Always the big brother._

_"I'll do it," I tell them. "But will you two come with me?"_

_"Of course, Rabbit. We'll be there."_

When I finally went to bed after that long talk, it took hours for me to fall asleep. Everything that Luke and Taylor told me kept running through my mind. I have so many questions, most of them related to who Colton actually was. How is it possible that I never notice that he was into guys as well? Did he want to stay married to me because he is gay? Is he bisexual? Was it just a one-time thing or maybe even an experiment? Did he go to BDSM clubs regularly?

I think I have a part of that last answer already since he knew about Luke and his preferences, but how is it possible that Luke didn't know it about Colton? And how did Colton hide the fact that he is submissive this good? All he did was try to control me and boss me around. I have so many questions and the realization that I likely never get an answer now that he is gone, almost makes me panic.

"Do you need anything?" Hannah pulls me out of my thoughts. I didn't even notice that she and Luke walked into the kitchen.

"Can I have an Advil? My head is killing me." My fingers rub my temples, hoping to soothe the constant hammering.

Hannah nods and walks to the cabinet while Luke takes the stool next to me. "Are you ready?" He asks while wrapping his arm around me.

"I don't know. It all feels unreal," I tell him honestly.

I called the mortuary this morning and they told me I could come over at eleven after the section on Colton's body was done. It's now ten-thirty, and I'm dreading it more and more.

While Hannah hands me a glass of water and an Advil, Taylor says, "We should go."

I nod my head and take the Advil, closing my eyes as I seem to have trouble swallowing the pill. We need to go to our house first so I can grab a suit for Colton. The mortician asked for clothes that he can wear since he isn't wearing anything now.

I nod my head and stand from my stool. I'm feeling a little dizzy, my stomach is rumbling and my eyes burn. I'm literally sick of everything that is happening.

"Let's go."

* * *

"Do you want us to go in with you?" Luke asks. We are sitting in the waiting area and the receptionist is letting the mortician know that we're here.

I shake my head. "No, I'll go alone. If I need you two, I'll let you know."

For some reason, it doesn't feel right to go in with Luke and Taylor. I have no idea what to expect, and Luke has basically seen him dead already, but I still feel like I need to do this alone.

"We'll be right here." Taylor squeezes my hand before he lets go.

"Mrs. Davies?"

I look up and find a short woman looking at us. We are the only ones waiting, so she knows I'm the Mrs. Davies she is looking for. I stand from my chair and grab her outstretched hand.

"I'm Petra Langman. I've taken care of your husband since he was brought in here. The section on your husband has just ended, so you are able to see him now. Please follow me."

I take a deep breath and take the suit I brought along from Luke. I then follow Petra to the elevator. "The mortuary is in the basement," she explains before she gets in and presses the minus one button.

I ignore the shiver that runs through me and just nod my head. "How does he look?" My voice sounds unsure and it's exactly how I feel. I'm scared to see him.

The only dead person I've ever seen is dad, and I remember how that got to me. He was so pale and so cold. The longer I looked at him, the more I hoped that he would move. Back then, Luke and Taylor were with me, and we saw him in a suit since we decided to let the mortician take care of that before we saw him.

Now, I'm alone and I have no idea what to expect. The only thing I know is that he died in the middle of a BDSM scene. I don't know much about BDSM, but I do know that those scenes can be quite rough. What if I see the traces of it on his body?

"He looks okay." Petra gives me an encouraging smile. "We've provided the first care."

"What does that mean?"

"We've made sure his eyes and mouth stay closed and we've washed him. During the section, the pathologist anatomist made incisions on his head and his chest. The ones on his head are neatly covered by his hair but the ones on his chest and abdomen are visible," she explains. "Don't worry, he looks peaceful."

I frown but once again nod my head. I find it hard to believe that he looks peaceful. How can he look peaceful after how he died?

"When do I hear the results of the section?"

"As soon as they've reached the conclusions," she smiles, not saying anything else. I think she isn't allowed to say anything since it's an investigation.

The doors of the elevator open and I'm met with a white hall that seems to go on for miles. Petra walks straight to the second door before she opens it, waving her hand to let me know I can walk in first.

I close my eyes for a second, the penetrating scent filling my nostrils. The scent smells like death and it reminds me of when we saw dad.

When I open my eyes and walk into the room, I immediately notice an aluminum table in the middle of the room. On it clearly lies a body, a white sheet covering it from head to toe.

Petra walks pass me and to the table. "Are you ready?"

I nod my head, not able to say anything. My eyes are focussed on the white sheet. I can make out his legs and chest, just as his nose.

The moment Petra takes away the sheet, the air is knocked out of my lungs and my eyes instantly start to water. Everything suddenly seems real. I'm not sure what's shocking me all of a sudden. He is pale, his lips grey and his nails and fingertips blue, just like his back. The incisions on his chest are very clearly visible. They're big, covering his whole chest and his abdomen until his bellybutton.

He looks very young, his expression neutral. On his wrists are faint blue marks, just like on his nipples and I can't help but shiver at the evidence of how and where he died.

"Here, let me take this from you. You can touch him if you want," Petra says while she grabs the suit out of my hands.

I take three steps until I'm standing next to him. From up close, I see faint reddish-blue stripes across his chest and abs. It's not hard to guess what these marks have caused and it once again reminds me how and where Luke found him.

"Why?" I sob while my hand moves to one of the marks on its own accord. His skin is cold but soft as I trace the mark. Emotions overtake all my senses as I look at him. The anger and the hurt, the confusion, and yes, now that I'm touching his cold body like this, also sadness and grief.

My hand moves to his, his fingers stiff as I move my hand around his. It feels years ago that I held his hand, and therefore it feels awkward. "I hate you for dying like that."

Just like my reaction to how he was found, I find myself at a loss of words now that I'm standing next to him. There isn't anything I want to tell him. Not even that I loved him before he first cheated on me.

"You know," I whisper while I lean over him, my hand squeezing him as hard as possible, "I never really loved you. I thought I did once, but I didn't. I know that now because I love someone else. I love him like I haven't loved anyone in my life. And he loves me, completely and intense. You failed, Colton. And I might be married to you forever now but you never had my heart. It belonged to him since the first time he fucked me."

I make sure Petra doesn't hear me, keeping my voice as low as possible. For her, it will no doubt look like I'm saying my goodbyes to him, to my husband, and in a way I am.

"Bye, Colton. I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart that I won't miss a single thing about you or our life together. I hope you'll burn in hell." I place one kiss on his cold lips to seal the deal. To let him know that I really mean it.

Then I turn around. "Thank you for giving me this moment," I tell Petra.

"You're welcome, Mrs. Davies. Do you want to put his suit on yourself?"

"No, thank you," I smile politely. The idea alone is making me gag. "I trust he is in good hands. Thank you again."

Petra nods and smiles before she opens the door for me. The moment I step out, it somehow feels like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. For the first time since a long time, I feel free. Free, just like how I feel when I'm with Christian.

When I arrive on the main floor again, Taylor and Luke are still waiting for me in the waiting area. The moment I step out of the elevator, they both stand and open their arms. Without a word, I walk in their embraces.

"How was it?" Taylor asks when we pull back, his thumb moving over my cheek.

"Fine," I mumble while taking a deep breath.

"Were you able to find a little closure?" Luke asks before kissing my forehead.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I did."

"What do you want to do now? Do you want to go home?" Taylor squeezes my hand while he and Luke direct me to the exit.

I shrug. "Just home is fine."

I know exactly where I want to go now but I know that I'll have to wait a little longer before I can see him again. A few hours to be exact because then he will be back in the States and right now, all I want to do is be as close to him as possible.

Right now, all I want to do is tell him I love him. Because I finally can. Because I'm free.


	51. Chapter 50

**A/N: Hi Everybody. So, I don't even know where to start. It's been long since I've posted, and that's because there was happening a lot in my private life. I'm not quite ready to talk about it but I can tell you that it had a huge impact on my life, as well as that of my husband and kids. Writing just wasn't my priority because I needed to focus on real life.**

**I'm back at writing for about a week now. I'm not back at my normal rate, but at this point I'm honestly happy to hide in the world of Ana and Christian for even ten minutes if I'm able to. Writing has always been fun for me, and because there was so much going on in the past months, I just couldn't write.**

**Now, let me one thing clear: I love this Christian and Ana. I actually think I love them the most of all the versions I've written. I'm completely smitten with their intense love story and the chaos of it, and as I've said before: I will always come back to them.**

**Right now I just need to put myself and my family first, which means the updates will be slow. A lot of you have sent me PM's and messages, and I thank every single one of you for them. I've just spent the last hour reading them, and I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for waiting.**

**Without further ado, here is chapter fifty. I hope it was worth the wait.**

**Stay safe and well, especially in these insane, crazy times. You guys rock! Love Milou.**

**#StayHomeStaySafe #FlattenTheCurve**

Fifty: All the consequences.

My eyes focus on the trees that flash by at high speed in order not to see his lifeless, pale body laying on the aluminum table. Where just moments ago I thought I was fine and that seeing Colton was easy, I'm now starting to understand that it's the complete opposite.

My brothers are silent. They haven't spoken since we drove away from the morgue. Taylor's eyes are fixated on the road ahead while he drives us to his house, Luke sitting next to him while he is staring at his phone. I know without a doubt that they have no idea what to say to me.

I don't blame them at all. I wouldn't know what to say to myself either.

I'm confused. Confused and scared. While this morning I thought that seeing Colton's body would be the hardest thing to do, I now slowly begin to realize that this is just the beginning. Seeing Colton was just the tip of the iceberg, and the thought alone is almost enough to send me straight into a panic attack.

Because we still don't know the reason he died.

What if he died because I hit him on his head with that bottle? What if he died because Luke didn't keep his hands to himself?

I try not to think about it because the rational part of me understands that the chances are very small. Colton was fine the days after it happened which makes it hard to believe that things are connected. But the more time passes, the stronger the fear gets.

What if I killed him?

What if that blow caused the bleed that eventually killed him? What if the police want to know what went down that night? Before, during, and after my fight with Colton?

"How are you holding up, Rabbit?" Luke pulls me out of my thoughts, successfully stopping me from going back to that night. Stopping me from going back to that call I made because I needed help.

"I don't know. I'm scared and confused," I answer truthfully, unable to hide my feelings.

Luke's eyes scan my face, his head slowly nodding understandingly. "Of course, you are, but Tay and I will help you, Ana. You know that, right? We'll never leave you and we'll always have your back. We'll fix this."

Taylor nods his head, his eyes briefly meeting mine in the rear mirror before they move to the road again. "We will. What you did was self-defense, so if that's the reason he died, you can tell the police exactly that. They've spoken to you that night, so they already know what happened. You didn't lie."

Guilt washes over me as I hear my two brothers stand up for me. Determination is clearly audible in both their voices and expressions, and I know that they will move heaven and earth to make sure I get out of this okay.

But I did lie. And I can't help but wonder if they'll still be this determined if they know the whole story.

Tears form my eyes as I nod my head and focus back on the trees outside. We're just seconds away from Taylor's house and I'm trying my hardest to keep everything in until I'm alone in my room. I can't break in front of them.

I feel Luke's eyes on me, making it even harder to hold back the emotions. I know he sees my struggle, and when the car stops and Taylor also turns around to look at me, I feel the control slip away.

I bury my face in my hands, shielding myself for the gazes of my brothers and cry uncontrollably. I can't hold it in anymore. All the pain, fear, and anger, it leaves my body in heavy sobs until my breathing is uncontrolled and my eyes are burning.

Without looking up from my hands, I feel the bench dip beside me, and a second later I feel a pair of arms around me, pulling me against a warm body. It's Luke. I can tell by the way he smells.

I bury my face in his chest and force myself to focus on his hands that move up and down my back slowly in order to get control over my breathing back.

"There you go, in and out. In and out," Luke mumbles in my hair, encouraging me.

He pulls me a little bit more to him to make room for Taylor, who has slipped onto the backseat on my other side. His hand finds my hair, where his fingers gently start to massage my scalp.

We sit like that for minutes, the three of us, huddled on the backseat of Taylor's car. When I've finally calmed down a little, I move my head from Luke's chest and sit up again, in between my brothers, who both grab my hand.

"You have to be strong, Rabbit. I know it's hard but-"

"I lied." I freeze when the words leave my mouth, my hands squeezing theirs in fear of their reaction.

Silence fills the car for a brief moment, their confusion obvious even though they don't say a word. I close my eyes and wait for one of them to speak, for one of them to challenge me in telling them the truth.

"What do you mean?" Taylor demands after a few seconds. When I open my eyes, I see he is already looking at me. One look at his face tells me that he knows what I'm about to tell him is bad news.

"I lied to you," I repeat, my eyes focussed on the front window, not daring to look at either of them. "That night when Colton and I had a fight."

Luke's hand grasps mine harder when the words have left my mouth. "Fuck, Rabbit, what did you do?"

I can tell that he is fearing for something completely different than I'm about to tell them. He, without a doubt, thinks that I've lied to them about what I did to Colton that night.

"Nothing you're thinking about," I reassure him, just for now. "I'm talking about what happened after I left the house."

"For God's sake, Anastasia, stop talking in fucking riddles and just get on with it," Taylor snaps, obviously done with my postponing behavior.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a brief moment, pulling together all the courage and mostly, preparing for the massive blow that I will receive once they've heard what I've got to say.

"After I got out of that house, I ran until I was sure that Colton didn't follow me. I ended up in an alley, about twenty minutes from home. I was cold, bleeding, panicked and I had no idea what to do. I know I should've called one of you, but I didn't. I called someone else."

I stay silent for a moment. I'm not sure how to continue my story now since it actually starts way before I had my fight with Colton. I literally don't know where to begin to make sure they completely understand.

"Who did you call, Ana?" Taylor is losing his patience. He has yanked his hand out of mine and has turned his body completely towards me, his eyes almost pulling the words out of me.

"Christian. He is the guy that I invited over that weekend." My voice is soft and a little hesitant. It feels weird to say his name to my brothers. I know I have to tell them everything, but it also feels as if I'm getting Christian into trouble.

I hate it that I couldn't talk to him before all this, just to give him a heads up.

"Jesus, Rabbit." Taylor moves his hand over his face. I can see the wheels in his head turning, no doubt thinking about how we can twist this story in a way that will clear my name.

Luke is surprisingly quiet, and when I look at him I see that he doesn't look surprised. His thumb is moving over my hand, almost in a reassuring way as if to say; I've got your back.

"Okay," Taylor suddenly says, his expression determined. "We can just say he is a friend. If there is any reason you need to elaborate on where you where that night, you'll just tell them he is a friend that was close by."

I close my eyes again, wishing it was just that simple. Luke seems to agree with Taylor because he is nodding his head while he squeezes my hand once more. "Taylor's right," he nods. "They don't have to know anything about the nature of your relationship with him. Besides, this whole thing might not even be important. We don't know if Colton died because of that hit."

"It's not that simple," I mumble while pulling my hand out of Luke's as well before I fold my arms in front of me. "If the police want to know where I was, I can't tell them about Christian. They can't know I was with him because I never should have called him."

"Fuck, Ana. Enough with the riddles," Luke barks out of nowhere, making me shiver. "Why can't they know?"

"Because Christian is one of my students." Tears well in my eyes as I confess my biggest secret. I can't turn back now. They know. And I can only close my eyes and pray that they'll still have my back just like they promised moments ago.

Both of them are frozen and quiet. I don't have to look at them to know that. The only thing I hear is their breathing. To my right, Taylor's breathing is shallow, telling me that he is using every will power in him to think before saying something he'll regret.

To my left, Luke's breathing is fast and hard. I can also feel his whole body is tensed. He is holding himself back, but from what I'm not sure. I do know it's nothing good though.

"How old is he?" Taylor demands after what feels like hours. It's the most rational question that he could've asked, and it's completely Taylor.

"Eighteen."

"Was he eighteen when it started?" Taylor asks again, no emotion clear in his voice.

"Yes."

He nods once before he abruptly opens the door and gets out of the car. I don't have time to call after him, because the moment I turn my head towards him properly, the door is slammed shut in my face. He walks towards the front door of his house without looking back once, and I can honestly say that I've never seen him this angry.

"A student, Rabbit? What the fuck were you thinking?"

To my surprise, Luke's voice is dangerously calm. It doesn't fit his demeanor at all. He is ragging with anger as well, but he manages to sound the complete opposite. For now.

"I don't know," I sob, tears falling down my cheeks again. "I honestly don't know how it all happened. I tried to fight it, I really did. But he is just..." I wave my hand, not sure what word would describe Christian the best. He did so much for me in the short amount of time that I've been seeing him, everything that I want to say just doesn't cover it.

"Who else knows?"

I turn my head towards Luke. His eyes are dark and intimidating, and I can tell that he, just like Taylor, is trying to get an insight into potential problems.

"Hannah," I mumble. I hate that I have to name her because I don't want her to get in trouble with Luke. "And a colleague of mine, Kate. She's my friend."

"That's it?"

I shake my head, preparing for yet another scold from my brother. "No. Two other students know as well. They are friends of Christian."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Luke growls. "How can you be so fucking stupid, Ana?"

His expression oozes disbelieve, his hands pulling his hair out of frustration. His question matches his appearance at this moment perfectly, and I know that I will never be able to explain to them how it all happened.

They don't know how I felt when I met Christian. They have no idea what my life with Colton looked like. They will never understand, so right now, I don't even bother answering his question.

"You made this shit a lot more complicated now," he says when he sees that I'm not going to give a response. He then opens the door and gets out of the car as well. He has the decency to throw the door shut softer than Taylor did moments ago, but judging by the way he walks towards the front door I can tell that he is just as mad, if not, even madder.

When he has disappeared behind the front door, I finally let out the breath that I was holding. My head drums on the beat of my heart, my eyes burn and my chest feels heavy, but as fucked up as it is that Taylor and Luke, and probably Gail as well once she knows, are fucking mad, I'm also relieved.

It was inevitable. If Christian and I want any future at all, they had to know. The timing sucks, and I hate that they feel betrayed, but at least now they can help me. If they want to, that is.

As I will myself to calm down and prepare for getting out of the car and facing my family, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I take a few deep breaths to get control over my sobs while I pull out my phone.

It's an anonymous number, and for a split second, I feel hope rise. Maybe it's Christian.

"Hello?" I answer, my voice still trembling, but fortunately without sobbing.

"Yes, hello. Is this Anastasia Davies?" The man on the other end asks. He sounds formal, and it takes a moment for me to switch since I was hoping for someone else.

"Yes," I confirm, straightening my back without realizing it. "This is she."

"Very good. My name is Dr. Lombrasky. I performed the section on your husband this morning."

My breathing hitches as I realize that this is the call that can change everything. The first thing that comes to mind though, is that the outcome isn't as bad as it could be since the pathologist anatomist is calling himself. Surely, if it was bad news, the police would've stood in front of me right now.

"Are you still there, ma'am?" The low voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

I snap out of my thoughts and focus on the conversation. "Yes, I'm still here. Did you find anything?"

"We did," he answers. "But before I tell you more, I'd like to know if you were aware of the medical status of your husband?"

I frown and shake my head, even though I'm aware that the doctor can't see me. "Uhm, no? Is there something that I should know?"

"Well, during the section we've found a tumor the size of a golf ball on the left side of your husband's brain. The tumor exerted pressure the more it grew, and it eventually caused a bleed which caused his death."

I focus on the view in front of me while I try to register everything Lombrasky says to me. A tumor. Colton had a tumor in his head. And I didn't know. "Did he know?"

"That's why I asked you about his medical status. Your husband had numerous scans and examines in the past year regarding the tumor which was malicious. Six months ago it became clear that the tumor, given its location and the growth rate, couldn't be removed. Your husband was terminal, Mrs. Davies, and according to his medical file, he was definitely aware of that."

And just as you think it couldn't get any worse... I hate him so much. More. Fucking. Questions.

"So he died because the tumor was getting too big?" It's the one question that pops into my mind, and I'm aware that it's because I once again want to hear that the blow I gave him on his head had nothing to do with it.

"It did. There simply wasn't any room left. The situation or the place where he was found didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't find anything else during the section, apart from the bruises and marks on his skin. Everything looked completely normal," Dr. Lombrasky kindly says. Of course, he also knows where my husband died, and I can just hear the pity in his voice.

"Well, that's good to know," I answer, not sure what else to say. "Thank you for calling me."

"Of course, Mrs. Davies. Your husband is now cleared, so you can arrange the next steps in laying him to rest. With your permission, I'd like to call your husband's parents to inform them."

"That's fine," I answer. In all honesty, I'm happy he will call them. I'm just not ready to talk to them yet, even though I'm going to have to speak to them soon. I hardly saw them during my relationship with Colton, so I can only imagine how awkward it will be.

"My condolences, Mrs. Davies."

"Thank you," I tell him once again before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone, somehow not feeling relieved at all even though it's now clear that Luke or I didn't have anything to do with it.

This phonecall only confirms what I already knew; I truly had no idea who I was married to.

* * *

After sitting in the car for another twenty minutes to straighten out my thoughts and give Taylor and Luke some time to hopefully cool down, I'd dragged myself to the house where I knew my brothers and my sisters in law were waiting for me.

Just like I expected, I spot them all in the living room, waiting for me to join them and talk about what I just confessed. Luke and Hannah are sitting in the corner of the couch. Hannah is curled up against his side, one leg in between Luke's. It's weird to see my brother this soft with her while I know the anger is raging inside. Hannah's hand is moving up and down his chest which tells me she is trying to keep him calm.

Taylor and Gail have taken their place on the chairs left to the couch. Taylor's elbows lean on his knees while he looks at the ground, his thumbs rubbing his temples in circles. Gail's arms are crossed, her eyes focused on the high heel that's hanging on her foot. She is dangling it in a nervous way, and I already know that the very act will piss me off if she keeps it up during the conversation.

The moment I step inside the living room as well, all the attention goes to me. By the looks that Taylor and Luke give me, I can conclude that the twenty-minute cooldown I gave them didn't help. They are still just as mad. Hannah's expression oozes sympathy, and I know that's because she already knew. She had time to think about it and her anger has winded down even though she still doesn't approve or understand.

And then there is Gail. She is looking at me with tear-filled eyes and for a moment it confuses me immensely. Is she crying because she is that mad? Is she sad that I didn't tell her? Did something else happen in the twenty minutes that I was still in the car?

As if she feels my confusion and wants to take the doubt away, she stands and walks over to me. The moment she is within reach, her arms move around my neck and pull me in a bone-crushing hug. On instinct and because I desperately need the affection right now, my arms wrap around her waist. My face lies on her shoulder and I can't stop the tears from falling once again.

"I'm so sorry, Rabbit," she whispers, taking me by surprise. In all the years I know Gail, she has never called me Rabbit. Not once.

I don't respond to her apology because I have no idea what she is apologizing for this time. Instead, I just close my eyes and enjoy her hug. Her hug that tells me that she's here, for me, like a sister.

After a few silent minutes, Gail pulls back. She grabs my hand and leads me to the chair she was in when I walked into the living room, silently ordering me to take a seat. When I do so, she takes her place on the floor next to me, her hand still in mine.

"The pathologist anatomist just called with the results of Colton's section," I start when all of them just look at me.

"And?" Taylor demands, his voice calm and collected, almost as if he has pushed all the anger and emotion aside in a split second to hear everything I have to say properly.

"Colton had a tumor in his head, on the left side of his brain. The tumor was growing rapidly, and the hospital informed him that they couldn't remove it because of the growing rate and location. The tumor didn't have any room left and caused the bleeding which led to his death. I wasn't aware of the fact that he knew. I don't think he told anyone."

A long, relieved sigh leaves Taylor's throat before he rubs his hands over his face. When his hands leave his face, I can see the anger again. "Fucking asshole."

I nod my head in agreement. "Yeah," is all I say.

"So you're cleared? And Luke is too?" Hannah asks, her hand still on Luke's chest, only now, Luke has moved his over hers.

I nod my head again. "We're both cleared. It wasn't because of what we did."

"Thank fuck," Luke breathes.

Silent fills the living room as we all go over the information again. Everybody is relieved and for a moment I hope that the conversation about what I just confessed will be postponed because of it.

But then Taylor speaks.

"That's one problem down."

For some reason, his comment doesn't sit well with me at all. I don't know if it's because of the way he says it, or because he is literally calling Christian a problem, but the tension rises.

"It's the only problem we had," I counter as my free hand grips the armrest of the chair. "Now that we're cleared, I don't have to tell the police where I was before I went to the hospital."

A humorless chuckle escapes Taylor's throat. "And you expect me to just sit back and give you the go now? Just because the police won't find out doesn't mean it's okay, Ana. It's one thing that you were having an affair but with him? He is your student for Christ's sake. What if he decides to spill this shit."

"He won't," I fire back without thinking.

"How do you know that?" He barks, his upper body turned towards me completely. "He can earn a shitload of money with this story, do you even realize that? What makes you think that he wouldn't go for it? You've known him for what? Two days?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I grit through my teeth, my hands now clasped into fists. Gail's hand is on my leg, stroking her thumb in an attempt to keep me calm.

"Really? Because I think I know enough. You've been fucking an eighteen-year-old kid while you were married. You don't think the papers will pay good money for that story?"

"I'm sure they will. But Christian won't sell it to them. He won't say anything to anyone. I trust him more than anyone else."

The words are out before I realize what they mean to the people in this room, and for a split second, I try to reason if my statement is driven by emotion. But almost immediately I come to the conclusion that it's the truth. The trust I have in Christian is unique, and I've never felt it before.

Around me, everybody has seemed to be zoned out. Taylor is looking at his hands that are folded together in his lap while Gail is picking her nail. Luke and Hannah are looking at their hands. They are still laying on Luke's chest and it seems that Hannah's hand is gripping Luke's skin with her nails.

"He loves me," I quietly say. I once again feel the huge need to defend Christian and show them that he is not the bad guy in this.

My eyes are on Taylor and Gail, who are looking at me in shock but in the corner of my eyes, I see Hannah whispering something to Luke that's causing his eyes to widen slightly. "And you?" He asks after a short moment, causing me to look at him.

"What about me?"

"Are you in love with him?" His expression is surprisingly neutral considering the subject and the anger he feels. "Do you love him?"

I shrug and stare at the ground. I'm not ready to comment on that right now. I haven't even told Christian I love him yet, so it feels wrong to just spill it to my family now. Besides, I feel like they wouldn't care anyway.

"Can we just drop it?" I sigh even though I know my brothers wouldn't agree to that right now.

"No, Rabbit. We won't just drop it," Taylor states with the 'are you kidding me?' expression that I expected. He then lets out a frustrated sigh. "Invite him over."

My eyes widen in both alarm and shock. "What?!"

On the ground, Gail is looking at her husband with wide eyes as well, and even without looking in their direction, I can sense that Luke and Hannah have similar reactions.

"I want to talk to him," Taylor states. He is acting as if its the most normal thing to do but I know better.

His eyes scream confident, heartless CEO, and I know that the talk that he has in mind is by no means a friendly one. He wants to show Christian his power and make sure he stays quiet with drastic measures if needed, even though it's completely unnecessary. For the first time in my life, I actually get a glimpse of Taylor in full, protective, emotionless CEO-mode. The mode that I, until now, only thought Luke possessed. It's completely unlike him and I hate it.

"No, you don't." I shake my head as I stand from the chair. "You want to scare him."

He rolls his eyes and stands from his chair as well. "No, I want to know what his intentions are."

"You're lying," I say immediately.

"Do you really think he loves you?" He counters, his eyes daring.

I nod my head and without hesitation I answer, "Yes."

"Then I'm sure he doesn't have a problem with meeting us," Taylor answers, a smug yet determined expression covering his face. "Call him."

Crossing my arms in front of me, I say, "I won't."

"You will," he barks back. "Believe it or not, Rabbit, I want what's best for you. And I want this whole situation to go by as smoothly as possible."

"I want that too. You act as if I don't want all that."

"I act like that because I'm not sure if you realize what a mess you've made, Anastasia," Taylor growls, his hands in his hair out of frustration, and I can only shut my mouth.

The anger that radiated from him in the car is back in full force, and despite the fact that I hate that he wants to talk to Christian, I know he is right. I made a huge mess and I can't handle it on my own. I need him and Luke.

"Call. Him." Taylor points his finger to me, ending the discussion before he walks out of the room, leaving us all in silence behind.

After a few seconds, Luke stands and while he makes his way out of the living room as well, he advises, "Just do as you're told Rabbit. It's time to grow the fuck up and face the consequences."


End file.
